Random Back Issues #158 - Amazing Spider-Man #328

I think I'm going to post these anytime someone does that bit.

Acts of Vengeance tie-in, whooooooo! This is the issue where Spider-Man breaks his own logo on the cover by punching the Hulk into, though I'm kind of fixated on how they colored Hulk's tongue green, while the rest of him's grey.

Anyway, Joe Fixit's trying to get some peace and quiet in the Nevada desert to mope about current circumstances, Banner being in control during the day. He's interrupted by Sebastian Shaw, while wondering if he's got to go to the Moon for a little privacy. Some mysterious group promised to take revenge on the Hellfire Club Inner Circle (including Magneto) if Shaw destroys Spider-Man. Spidey's suddenly a lot stronger so, get somebody really strong to fight him. The Hulk's game, for a price.

Back in NYC, the Statue of Liberty's been seized by terrorists with hostages. Spidey - who flew out there - is crouched on the torch, dwelling on his new powers and if they're too dangerous to use (he almost killed Erik Josten in the most recent issue of Web of Spider-Man), but figures he might as well deal with this. The terrorists are easily corralled, and he's able to alter his webbing's molecular structure to make it adamantium and encase the bomb.

Day saved, he and Mary Jane are off to a double date with Flash and his latest girl, who is a total Karen. Keeps having her steaks sent back as undercooked or overcooked, complains the waiter will hassle her for smoking - in the "No Smoking" section. Fortunately, MJ has to get to a location shoot for her soap opera before dawn and Peter's tagging along, so early bedtime spares us any more of Amber's charm.

While Peter's hanging around the shoot, he senses trouble. Hulk drops from a helicopter and decides to create a disturbance by chucking a Red Cross truck at a building. Look, I know the Red Cross is irritating with how much they hound people for blood, but that's uncalled for. Spidey catches it with webbing, and Hulk, while admitting that's a nice trick, says he's here to fight Spider-Man for money. 

Sick of being attacked by random dickheads, Spidey tackles the Hulk and knocks him down an alley, to Hulk's surprise. Before the fight can continue, Hulk remembers he crossed a bunch of time zones and is about to change into Banner. He wrecks an ambulance - Hulk smash insufficient American health industry! -  and bails, telling Spider-Man to meet him on Roosevelt Island tomorrow. The medics are OK but their ride's trashed, leaving Spidey to fly the patient to the hospital.

A confused Bruce Banner wakes up in an alley and manages to bum a quarter to call in sick, though he thinks a cop's eyeing him for panhandling. It's probably the fact you're walking around in torn pants, no shirt and no shoes, genius. Weirdly, the Hulk has a shirt (part of one) in both fights with Spider-Man, but Banner doesn't. Forget the incredibly stretchy pants, I need to know where these shirts are coming from!

That night, Round 2. Roosevelt Island's a deserted spot, which is why Spidey showed, figuring it was better than having Hulk come looking for him. The fight's inconclusive early on; Hulk can't hit Spider-Man, but even with the emergence of eye beam powers, Spider-Man's not doing much more than irritating Joe Fixit. But two kids, Stan and Steve, snuck out to the ruins to smoke, and Steve's not going to stand for anyone trashing Spidey! Hulk hefts a girder, just intending to scare them, but telepathy isn't one of Spidey's new powers - or he has no reason to give Hulk benefit of the doubt - so he punches him into orbit.

Literally. It's not the Moon, but plenty of privacy. Until the Sun rises, Hulk reverts to Banner and goes 'ker-pop!' Fortunately, Spider-Man flies up and brings him back to the surface, though Hulk of course insists he had everything under control. Still, as a favor, he won't kill Spider-Man. Spidey doesn't respond, wondering if he can even die. Later, commiserating with MJ, Peter wishes the power would just go away, while Shaw puts a very confused Banner on a helicopter and makes other plans.

Reading through this, I never realized what odd postures McFarlane gives Spidey. I knew about the hips that can seemingly dislocate at will when he's webswinging. But even when standing, Todd Mac gives Spider-Man these odd, hip-cocked stances, or he's webbing up the terrorists while standing on spread legs and bent at the waist. Strange, but maybe in keeping with Ditko's approach? 

{1st longbox, 75th comic, Amazing Spider-Man #328, by David Michelinie (writer), Todd McFarlane (artist), Bob Sharen (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)}

Sunday Splash Page #260

 

"Vegged Out," in Incredible Hulk #367, by Peter David (writer), Dale Keown (penciler), Marie Severin (inker), Glynis Oliver (colorist), Joe Rosen (letterer)

I've never bought Incredible Hulk regularly. When I was kid, I came by them as part of the 5-pack bags I would buy at the grocery store, alongside far too many copies of Brigade, or else in the 20-packs of comics I always requested from the Christmas catalog. Those issues were usually from the, I guess, middle third of Peter David's extensive run on the book, when either Dale Keown or Gary Frank were artist. The point at which Banner and all the Hulks combined into the biggest, greenest, smartest version, the "Professor" Hulk. The Hulk joining the Pantheon and getting involved in larger geo-political events, although those events often still required a healthy dose of smashing.

I've owned a few from Paul Jenkins or John Byrne's stints at different times, and I still have a couple from Bill Mantlo's lengthy run as writer (although one of those is because it was included in the Rocket Raccoon and Groot collection I bought.) The Hulk seems to work better for me as part of an ensemble, or even a guest-star. Maybe because it feels like he always just wins by being stronger than his opponent in his own book. If he isn't stronger at the start of the issue, he will be by the end.

An oversimplification, but it's telling the one multiple-issue story I own is "Countdown", which includes the issue above. Where Hulk's poisoned, growing weaker and more emaciated all the time. Of course, this is also Joe Fixit Hulk, so watching that jerk get smacked around because he's too weak is pretty enjoyable.

Random Back Issues #35 - Amazing Spider-Man #381

It's Spidey's little "ouch" that sells it.

Somehow we're right back into early '90s Spider-Man, with the first half of a two-part storyline that acted as a breather in the middle of the near-constant BIG CHANGES storyarcs.

The Hulk (in his intelligent "Professor" incarnation) has arrived in New York City on his way back from a thing in Scotland in his own title. After declaring to Customs that the delay is annoying him, he's accosted by Doc Samson, who wants him to attend a demonstration of a new device that will help patients deal with repressed emotions by infecting them with a gamma virus. The Hulk, like probably everyone reading this post, recognizes this is a terrible idea on every level and storms off after telling Samson he's crazy if he goes near that demonstration.

Then Hulk scoffs at the cabbie's notion he requires a ride.

Elsewhere, Spidey saves a teenager from playground bullies, and signs the kid's lunchbox. As he swings off, the kid thinks about how he can get 50 bucks for it. Spidey's just glad to be doing something positive and helpful after the clusterfuck that was Maximum Carnage, and returns home to find Mary Jane in the kitchen cooking up something that includes salmon, asparagus, and oregano. Peter's got his own ideas about what's cookin'. I can't remember if it was a fan theory, or something an actual writer on the Spider-Man books mentioned, but there was this idea this is when Mayday Parker was conceived.

Later, Peter attends the demonstration Doc Samson was talking, about as a photographer. The demonstration immediately goes wrong as the virus, rather than enter the patient, starts trying to escape containment. Samson leaps in to try and hold the cage together, but can't pull it off. By the time Peter's changed into his costume, Samson's gone feral and is yelling about wanting to find Banner. He brings a wall down on the webslinger and leaps off, somehow sensing the Hulk. Who is walking through the park, grumbling about how his shoe size is probably bigger than the SAT scores of all the people running from the sight of him. His musing that simply because he's big and has a rep doesn't mean there's always violence around him is naturally interrupted by Samson landing on him, violently.

By the time Spider-Man catches up, the fight is in full swing, leaving Spidey wondering how the heck one of him will stop two of them. When Hulk gets the upper hand, Spidey jumps in, wrapping himself around one forearm. You can see how well that worked in the first image. It does distract the Hulk long enough for Samson to apply a bear hug. There's a surge of energy, a lot of screaming, and hey! Doc Samson is back to normal! The virus burned itself out. Or no, the virus just latched onto a bigger source of gamma radiation. The Hulk, now stronger and angrier than usual.

Spidey spends most of the next issue playing hit-and-run with the "ultra-Hulk" while Samson goes back to the lab to ask if there's a way to cure the virus. Weird note, in one of Peter David's Hulk issues, Hulk and Samson are having a therapy session, and one of them (Samson I think) refers to having had a strange dream about the two of them and Spider-Man that the other wouldn't believe. I assume that's a reference to this story, but not sure why PAD would be trying to call it a dream.

After this, Amazing goes into three or four part story where Venom's foes the Jury decide, having repeatedly gotten their butts handed to them by Venom, they should go after Spider-Man instead. For bringing the symbiote to Earth in the first place. Then the whole bit where Peter's parents turn out to be artificial beings created by the Chameleon comes to a head. (This issue is the one where Aunt May first starts to suspect Richard and Mary aren't who they appear to be, because of something to do with her anniversary). Then you have "grim n' gritty" Spider-Man for a few issues, and then the Clone Saga kicks off.

So yeah, this is a nice, quiet little two-parter in the midst of all that bullshit.

[1st longbox, 77th comic. Amazing Spider-Man #381, by David Michelinie (writer), Mark Bagley (penciler), Randy Emberlin and Al Milgrom (inkers), Bob Sharen (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)]

It Was All Right There, They Just Didn't Use It

So when Age of Ultron came out, there was the whole thing about Bruce and Natasha being a couple, or more specifically, the idea that Natasha felt they were both monsters, and that she was a monster because the Red Room had made her incapable of having children. I doubt Whedon specifically meant a woman is a monster if she cannot conceive, but that's how it came off, and this was understandably not received well by some people. And it's such a dumb way of going about it. Especially because there was a so much better way to make that comparison already waiting.

In the first Avengers movie, they establish this idea the Hulk is sort of a survival mechanism for Banner. Stark raises the point that the amount of radiation banner was hit with should have killed him, but instead he became the Hulk. Banner asks if Stark is suggesting the "other guy" saved him, and seems both skeptical and scornful (mostly of the idea he should be grateful). Later Banner admits he tried killing himself, and the "other guy" spit the bullet back out. Some part of Banner wants to live, and finds expression in this monster.

Now you've got Natasha. We know, again from the first Avengers movie, she feels there are things she's done she has to atone for, or at least balance some scales (the whole "red in her ledger" bit). We know from The Winter Soldier that she had hoped, even though she was doing the same sorts of things she used to, that doing them for SHIELD meant she was doing something better, and she was distressed to see that it really wasn't working out that way. You could even interpret her willingly releasing all those SHIELD files, including the ones about her and her activities, as part of her trying to deal with her past.

Then, in Age of Ultron, we get a glimpse of her training in the Red Room. Of her being caught in that headlock and not being able to get loose, tapping out, and being reproached by her teacher. And yet, she became the best student the Red Room ever produced, right? At some point, Natasha decided that to survive, she'd do what was necessary to that end. It could be argued they had successfully indoctrinated her to the idea she was simply an unimportant tool of theirs, but I still think on some level she would have to want to survive to not merely pass, but become as great as she is. Once she was out on missions, that continued. She had to do awful things to complete her missions, but she has to complete them to survive.

Which leaves her with the realization of all that she did, she feels guilt over, because she also wanted to survive. Whether it's her being too rough on herself or not, her perception would be that, like Banner, her survival instinct took the form of a monster. They've both tried to turn that to something good, while fearing that it's never going to be enough.

It's Been A Week, Let's Discuss This

I figure by this point that you've either seen or heard about last week's Civil War II issue, or you don't care. But, just in case, this deals with some of what happened there, so if you are trying to remain unspoiled, come back for tomorrow's post. I mean, it'll be a review of another book about World War II, but it won't spoil this comic for you.

OK, everybody good? Fantastic.

Clint Barton killed Bruce Banner. Ulysses said Banner was going to become the Hulk again and kill a bunch of people, all the heroes rushed over there. Banner, while insisting he can't become the Hulk anymore (and I think the week before, Totally Awesome Hulk did a whole issue just about the fact Banner can't become Hulk any longer, full stop), got progressively freaked out about all this, and it turned out he'd given Clint some special arrow months ago, just in case he did turn back. Clint says he saw Bruce's eyes turning green, he fired, he turned himself in. Here we are.

I will say this for Bendis: A lot of his characters may sound alike. He may have no ability to properly pace a story, meandering along at issues for a time before rushing a conclusion. He may promise one thing, then dawdle along for months or years without ever doing anything. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, despite all that, he is very consistent about wanting Clint Barton to kill people.

He had Clint get murderously angry during Secret Invasion, he somehow decided that Clint was the member of the New Avengers who would try to kill Boss of All Superheroes Norman Osborn. When Clint was on a team with Wolverine, Bucky Barnes, Carol Danvers, and Mockingbird, to name four characters all much more willing to go that route, historically. I vaguely remember him having Clint kill someone in House of M, or try to at least. And now this.

I'm not sure why Bendis is so hellbent on having Clint kill people, when, for much of his history, Clint was a vocal opponent to Avengers killing people, ever. His stubbornness on that point (along with some communication breakdowns and Clint's own belligerence) helped kill his marriage to Mockingbird. He convinced Abner Jenkins to turn himself in and go to prison over a murder Abe had committed. He was on Captain America's side about not killing the Supreme Intelligence in Operation Galactic Storm, whether it was an artificial intelligence or not. Bendis can accept a guy with a remarkable talent for archery can hang with the Avengers, but not that he can do so without killing people, even with a quiver full of trick arrows that can do pretty much anything you need them to do and the ability to hit basically any target he needs to, no matter how ludicrous. Or else he thinks someone having a rule against killing is silly, but he seems to let Spider-Man stick to it (pun not intended, but not objected to either).

After Bendis left the Avengers books, I felt there was a small pushback from a few other writers to reassert Clint's anti-killing stance. Remender had Clint be adamant Avengers don't kill in Secret Avengers, and for all my issues with Fraction and Aja's Hawkeye book, at the end, they did have Clint defeat the sad clown assassin guy without killing him (though I'm not sure Clint avoided a body count up to that point). It seemed to get buried a bit under the portrayal of Clint as kind of a moron (rather than a fairly clever guy who happens to be hotheaded and impulsive too), but it was there. Now this.

On the positive side, Clint turned himself in immediately, so I assume he expects to face consequences and is prepared to do so. Which seems right for Hawkeye. I don't expect Bendis will do anything with it. He's thrown in the shocking moment, it'll fall to someone else to make something useful of it, and that's probably for the best.

As for Banner, it's another pointless death I can't see moving the needle with anyone. I guess it must, though. If it wasn't managing to goose sales temporarily, they wouldn't keep doing it, right? Seems like they could have done something with Banner, even without him being the Hulk. Confidant and helper to Amadeus Cho, consultant for the Avengers, action scientist, something. Or just let him rest for awhile.

And it's the usual Idiot Ball that dominates these things. If you're worried the Hulk will freak out, why send 10,000 superheroes to arrest him, which will probably freak him out? Pick someone calm he likes, preferably one who can get away quickly if need be, and let them talk to him. Like Dr. Strange. He and Banner go way back, Stephen's a calm guy, and he can magic himself away if need be. Just talk with Banner. If we assume Bendis is paying attention to other books, and Strange is still occupied with the war against magic, find someone else. Not Stark, he'd almost certainly foul it up, but there has to be someone. Keep some heavy hitters in the next county over if you really must.

A Humanoid Typhoon Would Fit In With The Other Disasters

I originally discussed this in response to Fantastic Fangirls' Q & A #140, but my comment was a tad incoherent, because I got so wrapped up in possibilities I forgot to proofread. Appalling, I know. So I'm going to try it again.

Question: What manga character would you like to see in the Marvel or DC Universe?

Vash the Stampede from Trigun, into the Marvel Universe. He already feels a lot like a Marvel character. He lost someone very important to him, but the lessons she imparted are what drives him to try to save everyone. He likes to help people, but also has an immense power he can't always control, capable of devastating cities. If it weren't for his protecting humanity from his genocidal brother*, there'd be a fair question whether he's done more harm than good. Oh, and he's feared and hated by humans he swears to protect. Partially because of his destructive capability (even if I don't think most people have any idea how he manages it), and partially because I think people know on some instinctive level that he's different from them. Which makes them afraid, and that's dangerous.

A little Spidey, a little Hulk, a little X-Men. He'd fit right in. He has the silly personality most of the time, which could be to put people at ease if they're concerned about his reputation. I think it could also be because he prefers to find the lighter side of things, rather than sink into depression. Kind of similar to how you can see Spider-Man's jokes as a defense mechanism, but they could simply be Peter Parker letting loose a little, showing the sarcasm and humor he didn't often get to when he was a bullied academic. It may be an act, but it also has an element of truth to it.

Vash has a seemingly endless optimism within. Even having lived over a hundred years, having seen and been subject to a variety of cruelties inflicted by his brother and humanity, he still has compassion for both. He still believes humans are worth protecting, that people will revert to their better values given a chance, and that conflicts can be settled without bloodshed. He doesn't always manage to carry it off, but he continues to try (allowing for his occasional fall into a funk after being forced to destroy another city). Maybe that would be a foolish attitude to maintain in the Marvel Universe, where no situation is so bad it can't be made worse by yet another Norman Osborn ascendancy. But it can't hurt to have a consistently upbeat person around to counter some gloom and doom, lend a little hope to the proceedings.

OK that's more thematic, but there are any number of stories I'd enjoy seeing with him. Assuming his $$60 billion bounty carried over, the Marvel U. is full of colorful hitmen. From Taskmaster, to Deadpool, the Sinister Syndicate, or this Bruiser fellow Waid just created, all the way down to guys like Chance or the Trapster. Would I like to see Vash dodging Arcade's death traps? Yes, yes I would. At least some of the Gung-Ho Guns would fit right in. An assassin who uses lethal soundwaves from a saxophone (though it goes beyond that), when he's not fronting a band in his white suit and pink shirt?

He's potentially long-lived enough you could have some adventures set in the past, dealing with Mr. Sinister (who would almost certainly be interested in the power Vash and Knives have), or maybe some prior avatar of Khonshu. Or a Ghost Rider, or Two-Gun Kid. I mean, you'd almost have to do something with Marvel's Western characters at some point, given the style of Trigun. Or there could be adventures in the far future. Vash meets the X-Men of 2099, both sides still struggling for acceptance. There's no telling what might have happened with the plants by then. Probably nothing good, given the stuff Alcehmax and the rest got up to. Maybe the plants are getting a little fed up with how humanity treats them, or Stark-Fujikawa created some knockoff Knives and surprise! lost control of them. Or some iteration of the Guardians of the Galaxy. Look, if freaking Wonder Man can make it to the 30th Century, I refuse to believe Vash can't ration his power to last at least that long.

On a planet that has Damage Control and Night Nurse, the Bernardelli Insurance Company could certainly exist. Though with as many superhumans as it would have to contend with, Vash might not be nearly the priority he was in his series. Would Bernardelli hire superhumans to use to try and prevent trouble? Go and shut down villainous acts before they start?

Though really, Vash seems perfectly suited for a run in with the childlike version of Hulk. Because trying to befriend the behemoth is exactly the sort of thing Vash would do. Things are going well, beans and donuts are being shared, until some aspiring hitman takes a shot at Vash, and succeeds in enraging the Hulk. Which leads to the Hulk going on one of his town destroying rampages, with Vash trying to calm him down or divert him. Failing that protect all the townspeople by getting the Hulk mad at him, so that now he's trying not to get smashed. And that pesky triggerman just doesn't know when to leave well enough alone.

* I still contend naming Vash's brother Knives was a horrible idea. I mean, Knives, really.

C'mon, Stop Being A Giant, Angry Green Guy Already

At several times in his history, Bruce Banner's transformations into the Hulk were triggered by anger, or more generally stress. Banner would get angry about something, and transform into the Hulk, who would also be angry, though it seemed variable as to whether he was angry about the same thing as Banner, angry about something else, or just mad in general.

But I releazied, rather abruptly, that in various Essential Defenders collections, there were several scenes of the Hulk being calm, or even happy. Gerber had at least a couple, where the Hulk was trying to play with the little girl*, and the one where he was watching the deer frolic**.

The moments of calm don't last long, but thinking about it, I was surprised they were happening at all. I figured if Banner became the Hulk when he was angry, once that anger was expended, he'd revert to Banner.

What would the in-story explanation be? Hulk doesn't change back because Banner is there inside, and he's still angry about whatever it is that set him off originally, so he can't change back? Or is the Hulk on some level, probably unconscious, able to assert himself and block the change? Hulk doesn't like Banner, and when he's aware they're one and the same, he doesn't like being trapped within Banner, so he might naturally try to resist that. Which could be a source of stress for both, which might mean that even when the Hulk appears calm, he really isn't. Not inside, anyway.

Sounds as though they're being split into separate entities again, so at least they won't have to worry about that issue.

* Right before her father sees him and rushes the Hulk, worried his daughter might be harmed. Which angers the Hulk and leads to him wrecking their home.

** Moments later, a hunter killed the doe illegally, which lead to Hulk skipping that man across the lake like a stone, and bringing the orphaned "Bambi" to Dr. Strange's.

It Wasn't Nearly As Terrifying As You'd Expect

Two nights ago, I have this dream. I'm in my grandmother's house, and so is the Hulk. Big, green, not Banner-smart, but a little more articulate than "Hulk Smash!". For some reason, my grandmother's basement was now a sewage treatment plant, and I was fighting it out with the Jade Giant, which is kind of cool. I made some kind of attempt to immobilize the Hulk by jamming sai blades into his deltoids*, then stupidly let off with the pressure so I could try and slash Hulk's elbow ligaments. Yeah, that didn't work.

At some point, Green Hulk becomes Mr. Fixit Hulk, and since he was kind of a mean bastard, I decided it was time to run. I charged out the front door, and who should be fleeing alongside me but Banner himself. We went opposite directions down the road (him east, me west), and then I look back at the house. Fixit wasn't ready to let things drop, so he was giving chase. He jumped over the entire road, the barb wire fence on the other side of the road, landed in the cow pasture**, and began racing after me.

On a mountain bike. This was after his attempts to use roller blades to pursue me where thwarted by the lawn. But grass proved no problem for Fixit's much too small mountain bike. He just made that thing hop right over the lawn, and the road, and landed in that field, and started tearing after me. Really, if he hadn't been chasing me with the intent to smash, that would have been pretty neat, you know?

I'm heading out for the weekend. Going to the 2009 Cape Girardeau Comic Convention with Alex. I'll try and post over the weekend, but no promises. Have a nice weekend!

* I know that came from the Millar/Romita Jr. "Enemy of the State" arc in Wolverine, because Elektra did the same thing to Logan.

** As you might have guessed, my grandmother lives in the country.

Pull Back The Curtain And What Do We Find?

Question for the day: In fiction, when dealing with someone incredibly powerful and seemingly evil, do you think it's more common that the character is a) someone inherently good who tried to gain greater power with the best of intentions, only to be corrupted by it, or b) an evil person seeking greater power for their own benefit who was overwhelmed by a more powerful, more evil force?

Lex Luthor during Morrison's World War 3 arc in JLA might qualify as an example of the latter, and I think the original Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga (before it was retconned that Jean was in stasis in the bay, and it had simply been the Phoenix assuming her form that went crazy) could be an example of the former.

Which one might the Hulk's story qualify as? In one sense, I feel Banner probably hoped the gamma bombs studies could be turned to something useful to humanity, but he was ultimately changed into perhaps the biggest anti-gamma research symbol you could have*. That seems to be the first scenario. However, the gamma bomb was intended as a weapon, one that was meant to give the U.S. the edge in the Cold War**, which, if used, could lead to significant loss of life. I don't know if the U.S. military ever used any gamma bombs in the Marvel Universe after that test. Probably not, out of fear of creating lots of Hulks. From that view, the attempt to build a devastating weapon to increase their strength unleashed a creature that they were unable to stop or control, at least not for any extended period of time.

I don't know what stirred all this up, but here it is.

* We know that tragic as this has been for Banner, the Hulk has saved the world several times, and so it's probably been a good thing in the long run that it happened. But people in the Marvel Universe are not very bright, so the majority of them probably don't see it that way.

** I'm sticking to the original origin. I have no idea what it may have been changed/updated by Marvel these days.

Big Green Versus, Uh, Bigger Green

We know that Hulk will soon fight Fin Fang Foom in a one-shot being released in December, I think (and if you didn't know that, well, now you do. You're welcome.) But that upcoming bout has lead me to think of a different potential battle.

Hulk versus Godzilla.

Has it happened? If so, what happened?

If it hasn't happened, and it did, what would be the result? Would it take place on the Pacific Rim, or in the American Southwest? Would the Leader be behind it, or some stupid aliens, or would it just be a misunderstanding battle? How much property damage would there be? Would Thunderbolt Ross waste time and taxpayer dollars firing ineffective missiles at Hulk, or Godzilla?

Does Godzilla have a friend who could engage Rick Jones in a musical face-off?

Basically any thoughts you have about such a conflict, drop 'em in the comments.

The Intricacies Of The Gamma-Irradiated Mind

So, I was looking through World War Hulk #3, and a question was raised in my mind. This will include spoilers to the issue, so for those of you planning to get the issue in the near future, who don't want any of it ruined, leave now. The rest of us will wait. But not too long.

OK, so Dr. Stran - well, hurry up and 'git', already! Damn, you give people an opportunity to leave, and they milk it for all it's worth. As I was saying, Dr. Strange is in Hulk's mind. He wants to talk to Banner. Hulk changes to Banner, he and Strange talk, Strange convinces Banner that its time to end this, and to get out of the astral plane before the Army trashes his body. Except, Banner changes back to Hulk and breaks Doc's hands. Ouch. Where's Night Nurse when you need her?

So what I'm wondering is, what does that scene say about Hulk's state of mind? We all know he's filled with loss, and anger, and a desire for revenge, and anger, and a sense of righteousness, and of course, anger, but what does it mean for the Banner/Hulk situation? I've got three possible theories:

1) Hulk pretended to be Banner. As Strange said, they were in Hulk's mind, their surroundings created by the Hulk's mind. Perhaps the Hulk took advantage of this to fool Strange into thinking he was talking to Banner with a little astral projection trickery?

2) Banner and Hulk are working together. I don't know how fond Banner was of the planet he landed on, or how he felt about being a ruler, with a wife and kid on the way. Maybe none of that means anything to him. But I'm pretty sure he could be angry about the "We tricked you and we're shooting you into deep space" thing. In that case, he could have willingly come out to draw Strange in where Hulk could reemerge and get a hold of the sorcerer.

3) Doc Sampson was right when he suggested to She-Hulk that Banner might never had been the real person at all, that he was always just a form the Hulk hid behind. In that case, the Hulk could bring Banner out at will (or honestly, any other form of the Hulk that we've ever seen), as the situation demands. But he'd still be in control, and could revert to his current form.

The first option would indicate the Hulk's been learning some new tricks, probably from that annoying bastard that keeps saying 'If one must die, let them die well.' Man, that got old after five seconds. The second option indicates Hulk and Banner actually working together, unified in purpose at the very least, like they supposedly were back when Peter David did that "Unify the Hulks" story around #375, and we got the biggest, smartest, strongest Hulk ever, which turned out to just be another type of Hulk. The third option plays off an idea I associate with Paul Jenkins (though it probably is much older than that). The idea that all the Hulks are just different personality types manifested, but they're all Banner in some regard. Except now, it would be that they're all aspects of this Hulk in some regard, but he's the "true" form.

Those are my thoughts. If you have any you'd like to contribute, feel free.

Victory of Will Over Power

So I was thinking about Hulk versus Thing fights, and wondering if Ben Grimm has ever been able to achieve victory without some extenuating circumstances.

It seems as though anytime the two fight, if the Hulk doesn't win, there's an outside factor involved. Either Grimm has some help (like the Fantastic Four), or his strength has been enhanced beyond its normal levels somehow, or the Hulk is weaker than normal. Like the time during the Simonson FF run when they fought, the Thing could become even more rock-monster like, and he fought Mr. Fixit Hulk at twilight, so the Hulk wasn't at full strength at time either, a double whammy. The Thing stomped him, only to get the favor returned later that night (in the pages of Incredible Hulk, natch).

See, I was thinking that even though Thing's strength normally doesn't match Hulk's, Grimm's usually the one more in control of himself, he's craftier, and he ought to be a better fighter. After all, the Hulk shouldn't know anything about fighting Banner didn't know (or that the Hulk hasn't somehow learned over the years), whereas Grimm grew up in an area with street gangs, so I'd imagine he's no stranger to brawling. I'm not saying he's a kung-fu master, but that the mental areas where he typically has an edge on Green Skin should be enough, combined with his strength, to net him a few clean wins here and there. Anybody know of any comics that fit that bill?

Of course, now he's gonna have to fight a Hulk who seems in control of his emotions, and has learned a few things about the art of combat, so those advantages just went flying out the window. Poor Ben, he's gonna get a whupping because of his big-brained stretchy idiot of a best friend. Isn't that the way it always goes?

Oh, We Are Completely Off The Rails Here

So I was reading Graeme McMillan's non-Civil War reviews and he'd gotten to New Avengers: Illuminati #2. Graeme wonders why, if they have the Infinity Gems, they didn't use them to stop Stamford from happening, or solve the Hulk issue in some way other than tricking their friend and launching him into space.

I leapt at this thought. "Sure!" thinks I "They could use the gems to make it so Banner never turns into the Hulk again! But wait, the Hulk has helped save the world, and they might need him. So they should change reality so Banner can change to the Hulk at will, like Captain Marvel! All he needs is a magic word!" (As an aside, I think it would be funny for "man of science" Bruce Banner to transform through the use of a "magic" word). But what word to use? I couldn't come up with a six letter word (you know, like SHAZAM!) that I liked, so I settled on something that's classically Hulk: SMASH! Now fully insane, I resolved to decide what the letters stood for. Here's what I've got so far:

Strength of the Sentry!
Musculature of the Abomination!
Anger of Sunfire! (He used to be angry, right? Or was he just a jerk?)
Smarts of Hank McCoy!
Healing (as in regeneration) of the Merc With A Mouth!

You'll notice that whether by the gifts he gains from these characters, or the characters the gifts are from, the proper letters are in place to spell SMASH!, so really, you can work it either way.

So, my endlessly creative readers, what magic word would you imbue Banner with, and what would it stand for?