What I Bought 6/29/2026 - Part 1

The weather has turned miserable here in the last few days, in the usual manner of being hot, with a humidity that is nearly suffocating. At least it waited until the end of June to start. Really couldn't hope for better than that. Definitely will miss actually wanting to be outside for the next couple of months. Suppose that leaves me more time for comics, so let's get into the last few holdouts from June, starting with a first issue.

Junk Punch #1, by Paul Tobin (writer), Javier Olivares (artist), Francesca Vivaldi (colorist), Taylor Esposito (letterer), Colleen Coover (artist/inker/colorist/letterer) - Something about the color of her outfit, combined with the big smile makes me keep thinking I'm looking at Squirrel Girl. Maybe it's that the guy in the spacesuit near her butt resembles a big, fluffy tail?

Clara Castanelle has, as she explains to one of her victims on page 2, a chemical affliction that makes her compulsively punch people in the junk. When she's not doing that, she's getting drunk, feeding peanut butter to pigeons so bug-eyed I think they were crossbred with pugs, having orgies, and maybe, possibly, helping people with problems. If a fortune cookie tells her to.

The problem of the moment is someone stealing goals. Not life goals, but goals in soccer games. As in, the ball is flying towards the net, then swerves off into the sky for no apparent reason. Information gathered by a couple of her allies - a fortune teller named "Medium Cotton", who walks around in cowboy boots, underwear and a turban, is prominently involved - think a crime lord named Silverhand is behind all this. But, Silverhand's knows Clara's investigating and has upped the apparently preexisting bounty on her head so that she's the #1 target in the city, instead of #7.

My main takeaway from the first issue, is I may not be on the right wavelength for this book. Tobin and Olivares are clearly going for absurd, but it's not hitting with me for some reason. A guy named "Joey Bagoducks", who ends up with one of his ducks trying to assassinate Clara, only to turn out to be a dude in a duck suit after she punches him in the junk, that's absurd. Obviously. And people who try to assassinate her shout "ASSASSIN!" in a very different font (though Esposito uses that for several different words or phrases during the issue.)

But I spent most of the issue metaphorically scratching my head and wondering what I was looking at, instead of laughing. Maybe it's that things are too random, or maybe it's just Clara that's too random. She's goes from agreeing to help find the stolen goals, to forgetting what she was doing a page later, to flipping a coin to decide whether to enter a bar, then entering before the coin hits the ground, to having an orgy two pages later. The junk punching thing feels less like a chemical affliction, and more like something she does just whenever it catches her fancy. Which is true of everything else in her life.

Olivares and Vivaldi making Billowing City a cramped, dingy-looking place. Buildings stretches high above and almost obscure the sky entirely, but they aren't gleaming or impressive feats of architecture. Mostly lots of cheap neon lights and dirty streets, but lots of people. Wide variety of colors and outfits, but nothing garishly bright. Like everybody is so fully flying their freak flag they all kind of cancel each other out. 

What I Bought 8/4/2025 - Part 1

Let's jump into the books from July. Today we've got two mini-series that are wrapping up, each with an ending that makes a certain amount of sense, but neither that I loved.

Red Before Black #6, by Stephanie Phillips (writer), Goran Sudzuka (artist), Ive Svorcina (colorist), Tom Napolitano (letterer) - Awww, they look so peaceful. Maybe too peaceful. . .

Leo brings Val to Cassadaga, the largest community of spiritualists and psychics in the world, where Leo stayed for an unmentioned period of time. She's not exactly welcomed, but these are the ladies that were expecting them at the end of the previous issue, and one of them has a message for Val. She's been hearing from the ghost of the woman Val made false promises to when she was in the Army.

While the seance drives Val into her mind jungle, Sarah doesn't appear, so it's not as though Val has a conversation with the dead woman she's so guilty over. Leo shows up again, with some notion that because she almost killed her sexually abusive father, she can see this weird place. They each carry guilt and a feeling they're alone, OK, that I follow. It seems like Leo should have her own "mind jungle" she would retreat to, rather than being able to enter Val's.

Either way, the key part seems to be each one offers the other some semblance of understanding they can't get from the people they feel guilt over, just in time for the feds to catch up to them. Then Leo's gator ranch-owning stepbrother shows up (having eluded the feds), and Val takes a bullet for Leo.

Like I said in the intro, the ending makes a certain amount of sense. Val's been on a downward spiral for a long time over her failure to save someone, and here's a chance to save a different someone. Save her for a most likely long stretch in prison, unless Leo can give the feds the information they wanted on that drug operation (doubtful.) But it didn't seem like there was going to be a happy ending for both of them, depending on how happy an ending you'd consider them doing a Thelma and Louise into the Gulf of Mexico to be.

Still, it feels like an ending that left a bunch of things unresolved. But, if I look at it from the perspective that Val was the main character - as the story started with her - then having it end with her makes sense. Maybe it just felt too abrupt, coming a scant 2.5 pages after Val and Leo are hugging it out in the mind jungle. A whirlwind of events.

Dark Pyramid #5, by Paul Tobin (writer), PJ Holden (artist), Sara Colella (color artist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - In every stampede, there's someone who trips, slips or twists their ankle, and it looks like it's gonna be Becca.

Hooky's not dead, and he sneaks aboard the truck Becca and Shailene are in during an attack by "wet hawks." I'm not sure what I would have expected based on the name, but Tobin and Holden went weird with it. Starts out looking like a hawk, turns into something like a purple bat made out of purple tissue paper you use to stuff gift bags.

Hooky survived his fall and found the Dark Pyramid. He found the hoats, and he found a naked lady that taught him at least some of the language. Enough to recognize when a stone has a warning about wet hawks, anyway. During all this backstory, Becca's led them to an entrance to the pyramid. Which seems like a terrible place to hide, especially since there are dead soldiers there, and Eve.

Except Eve is the naked lady that taught Hooky, and boy I figured Tobin was going for a twist that Hooky had been mind-warped by Eve, or one of the "mistake" creatures was a shapeshifter. In my defense, 'Yeah, I might have exaggerated or totally misled you or whatever, but she's really nice,' is the sort of statement that typically precedes the brutal death of someone almost too disillusioned to care.

Instead, Becca agrees this was a terrible place to hide, but that was never her intent. She wants to make a deal with General Cho. She, Shailene, and Hooky have done a much better job surviving these creatures than most of Cho's soldiers, so why not hire them to help keep things covered up? As Becca notes, they could never elude Cho forever, even if they got off the mountain and out of Alaska. Best way to survive, makes themselves useful. The whole sales pitch comes over two, 9-panel grid pages, and we rarely see Becca's face and that of anyone she's talking to in the same panel. If the panel's focused on Cho, we're standing behind Becca, looking over the top of her head.

Again, this makes a certain amount of sense for an ending. They probably couldn't stay ahead of a guy with the kind of resources Cho has to keep this hidden. And it's not like Hooky or Becca were some principled explorers, who would insist the world should know the truth. They have a travel Youtube channel or whatever. It's clicks and thrills and personal survival. And Becca seems like the one who kept things rolling, while Hooky was the guy on camera doing stupid crap, so not too surprising she'd take command. Although Hooky doesn't seem that excited even a week later, as Holden draws him not looking at Becca, his face in shadow. We never see or hear Shailene's thoughts.

Actually, while Becca asks both Hooky and Cho to hear her out, she doesn't make the same request of Shailene, who did save her ass more than once. I assume she's glad not to die, but she was disappointed she couldn't stay to watch the wet hawks kill the soldiers - entirely fair, the soldiers used her and Becca as bait, then shot at monsters without making an effort to not hit the bait - and would probably like to see Eve rip Cho's head off and spike it.

What I Bought 6/30/2025 - Part 3

I do enjoying running. It helps me order my thoughts sometimes, or just clear them out. Which is one of the lousy things about summer. Unless I get out and get moving really earlier, it's so muggy as to be a miserable experience. I can't get into my preferred mindset.

The Thing #2, by Tony Fleecs (writer), Justin Mason (artist), Alex Sinclair (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - The things Ben agrees to do for charity.

The Thing and Marty are following the cryptic comments Gladiator made last issue when Bullseye calls the Thing "ugly" and "gravel pit." Seems like someone's looking to die, as the most Bullseye seems able to do is annoy the Thing. He gets him in the eye with one throwing star, gets him with a razor blade in the gums, but that barely slows the guy down. Even the fact Bullseye apparently also got a super-strength boost barely helps.

Fleecs still has the Thing being pretty relaxed and reasonable. He does take a couple of swings at Bullseye with a light pole, but it almost seems like a way to distract him while Ben asks questions. Once he figures out Bullseye doesn't know anything, knocks him out with one punch. And then Ben is smart enough to lay low in an alley and wait for someone to pick up Bullseye, so he can tail them. Which leads to a warehouse on the docks, and Hammerhead, and an explosion. Hammerhead working for the Kingpin is a little strange - I figured those guys as rivals, or at least Hammerhead would see them that way - but maybe they figure it's mutually beneficial to be able to amplify people's strength.

There's something about the way Mason draws the Thing that ties into how Fleecs is writing him. It's hard to explain, but he draws him so you can tell The Thing is a big guy, without having him overwhelm the page or panels. He draws him as contained, under control. He's not gesturing wildly, not snarling threats or promising to clobber anybody. When he actually hits or swings at someone, Mason pulls back the view so Ben's not as large. And so far it's been one hit. Enough to end the fight, but no more.

Dark Pyramid #4, by Paul Tobin (writer), PJ Holden (artist), Sara Colella (color artist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - It's a like a puzzle. When you arrange everything correctly, people start dying.

Well, the last panel reveal was a fakeout. Becca quickly figures out the corpse isn't Hooky. It's a soldier that died earlier the general was going to use as the alleged corpse of Hooky, destined to be lost in a plane crash as the remains are transported to civilization.

At this point, General Cho starts explaining stuff. The military's theory is that whatever being created life on Earth, uses the pyramid to hold all the things it created that just didn't work. But the pyramid's failing, so stuff escapes and the U.S. Gubmnit decided those things should all be killed. In the particular panel where Cho says that, Holden draws a bald eagle perched in front of an American flag. Good old normal animals, representing the greatest country on Earth! 'MURICA!

Shailene would rather he didn't tell them all this, because if they know, he definitely has to kill them. Jokes on her, he's not going to kill them, he's going to use them to distract any other monsters they encounter. Like Sasquatches with half a domino for a head! The soldiers kill the "Pile Drivers" with only minimal casualties, Becca and Shailene not among them. They don't take the opportunity to run, however, so they're lined up to be a distraction again. Shailene does thoroughly cuss out Cho, which is fair, and hell, if they're determined to kill her, she might as well. Maybe she can trick him into getting close enough to take an eye, or tear out his throat with her teeth or something.

In better news, Hooky - not dead after all - ambushes a solider and steals his uniform. So the ladies have one person on their side in all this mess. Oddly, the last panel says "Concluded Next Issue" and I was sure this was 6 issues. Either that's a mistake, or somebody changed their mind on how long this thing is gonna run. Guess I'll find out later this month!

What I Bought 6/2/2025 - Part 2

I love that in this year's NBA playoffs, "get a 15-point lead on the Indiana Pacers," is the worst possible thing you can do. With last night's Game 1 win in the Finals, the Pacers have now won 5 games (out of 13 total wins) where they were losing by 15 in the second half. It's bonkers, and hilarious, and just fantastic, really. 

Bronze Faces #3, by Shobo and Shof (writers), Alexandre Tefenkgi (artist), Lee Loughridge (colorist), Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou (letterer) - I still question how easily anyone can breathe and/or see through those masks, but they do grab attention.

Ogiso's still making waves with their heists of the Benin Bronzes, although it occurs to me, I don't know what they're doing with them. I'm not sure of what happens if a museum receives a donation of something stolen from another museum, so I don't know if they could just give them to a museum in Nigeria.

It may be a moot point, because even if the cop that's hounding them wasn't closing (in the party of a heavily armed private security company), the group itself is starting to fracture. The two brothers, Liam wants to take what they've earned and bail, while Declan's getting swept up in the symbolism of the work. Cisse, their forger and phony i.d. man, is hiding something. I'm guessing he's tipping off the detective.

But the real fault lines are Sango, Timi and Gbonka. Sango knows the other two are sleeping together, and this is making her pissy and volatile, to the point she treats the last member of their crew, who she's sleeping with, badly when her mood sours enough. I'm waiting to see if Shobo and Shof go into the backstory for those three a little more, because there's clearly some stuff going on. Especially with regards to how Sango seems to think everything within her view should belong to her, including Timi, that I'm not getting. So she just comes off as a spoiled child. If she really wanted Timi, maybe she could have tracked him down sooner, before all this. But it didn't interest her or suit her then, so she didn't. Snooze you lose.

Most of the issue is people in the crew talking, and Tefenkgi repeatedly goes with a panel-in-a-panel approach. The main panel shows most of the scene, and then the smaller one is like a zoom in on one person's face. And sometimes the other person in the scene is talking, so the tail of the voice balloon comes from the edge of the panel or somewhere beyond it. Nice way of grounding the smaller panel within the larger scene, but still guiding the focus where the creative team wants it.

Dark Pyramid #3, by Paul Tobin (writer), PJ Holden (artist), Sara Colella (color artist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - Is this what happens when a population of goats gets isolated up on a mountain?

Becca seizes a moment of distraction to clock the general in the face with a rock, then smash some remote thing that was controlling or guiding Eve. So now Eve's killing soldiers and party people, which at least affords Becca and Shailene a chance to resume fleeing. They make it above the treeline and find a landmark because Hooky live-streamed himself peeing on the rock. Whatever works, I suppose.

Then they find a bunch of goats with human faces, who mostly say "Interior?" Then the military catches up, and while Becca and Shailene are able to convince Eve (who somehow got ahead of them without being noticed) to go attack the helicopter instead, that does nothing when General Cho and his boys show up. And then they kill all the goats as "abominations." I'm not inclined to disagree, but why are you just getting around to this now, and shouldn't you save some bullets for when Eve gets back?

I don't get the deal with Eve particularly. I can sort of parse some of what she says, and the bit where she picks up the rock Becca used and calls it "long sleeper", and "old friend" was kind of funny. Maybe it was meant to be disturbing, that Eve's maybe been around 60 million years, but it didn't hit that way. I do like Holden's design for Eve. The glowing eyes and thin slit of a mouth in front, then a huge, almost Venom-like grinning mouth on the back of the skull. And whatever Eve is, she can apparently twist her neck so the toothy mouth can face forward. Either that or she's able to run and jump backwards with great skill. Maybe that's the sort of thing you learn with 60 million years to burn.

Anyway, Becca and Shailene are back in the military's grasp, loaded on a truck, and oh, dang, looks like Hooky's dead. Tough break, can't even livestream a reaction video because General Cho will probably shoot them. 

What I Bought 5/5/2025 - Part 2

I've really been digging the NBA playoffs this year. Even the series that were over quickly had at least a couple of games with cool performances or huge comebacks. Overtime games, last-second shots, the Western Conference just being a Thunderdome of good teams beating the crap out of each other. Fun times.

Dark Pyramid #2, by Paul Tobin (writer), PJ Holden (artist), Sara Colella (color artist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - I doubt she's going to be happy when she turns around.

With Shailene's help, Becca escapes the giant, bizarrely-speaking murder creature (which we'll learn is named Eve.) That gives Shailene time to explain a little more about the situation. Measurements of seismic shockwaves revealed a pyramid beneath Mt. Denali. Now the locals all look at you funny if you bring it up. Probably a violation of the "Never Mind All That, Then," ordinance.

Shailene explains a lot of Hooky's fans that showed up to help are staying in the big house of some rich lady Shailene used to date, and it might be a good place to rest and prepare. Unfortunately, Eve got there first. I laughed at the bit where Becca insists they should go in and help, and promptly gets herself and Shailene trampled by a panicked crowd. It's not funny for them, because now Becca's trying to carry an unconscious Shailene to safety, only to run into the military, who apparently work with or control Eve. But still, seeing the altruistic intentions backfire so spectacularly was kind of funny.

Tobin spends four pages on what was going on in the house before Eve showed up. It's mostly people getting drunk and talking about random crap. Holden doesn't draw anyone making preparations for a search-and-rescue mission, just people standing or sitting around, drinking and talking.  'I found a banjo but it doesn't have strings. I realize this is a problem,' is uttered at one point. One lady is just walking around topless. Very comfortable with her body, I suppose. Or she was, until Eve ripped her apart.

It feels at first glance like it's just establishing that no, these people were not going to be much help to Becca or Shailene. But the scene is focused mostly on this one guy, Hermann, who seems to like meeting people and learning stuff. Tarot, how to play the banjo, whatever. So I assume he's going to evade the military's attempt to round up whoever Eve doesn't slaughter and prove useful.

Past Time #1, by Joe Harris (writer), Russell Olson (artist), Carlos Mangual (letterer) - Who is throwing red paint all over the scoreboard? That's really inconsiderate. 

Harris uses a framing sequence set in Chicago in 1988, as the Cubs are about to finally have nighttime baseball games at Wrigley Field. One old guy who has a bite mark on his neck has tracked down a blind black man named Ronald Harris. Ronald doesn't have a reflection, but "Jack" wants to know about someone else, someone Ronald met in 1923.

Which is where most of this issue takes place, 1923 Nebraska. Horrifying. We see a little of a night game between a local team and a barnstorming group Ronald helped coach. Olson keeps the uniforms baggy and the players kind of crappy. Also, the umpire's wearing a top hat, which I can't recall being the fashion at the time, but what the heck. On the down side, when a player slides into what I think is second base, its drawn wrong. It looks like he slid coming from the outfield instead of second base, which I'm positive is not how baseball was played in the 1920s.

After the game's over, Ronald has a brief conversation with a man the sheriff may be looking for. The mystery man seems more concerned that someone he beat and left unconscious in the cornfield wasn't there, but when Ronald's getting beat up at some later point over money he owes, the mystery man rather violently saves his life.

So there's a few mysteries. Who Jack is, how Ronald ended up a vampire, what's up with Henry and the man he left in the cornfield. How Jack found Ronald in the first place, maybe? I'm curious to see how Harris doles out the answers, if we get them. And I'm curious how he and Olson weave the baseball into the story.

What I Bought 3/14/2025 - Part 2

Sometimes, I really want to just freak out. I read these stories people share online of terrible customers or terrible customer service, and think, "Man I'd love to tell that jerk off." Which, I suppose, is really just me looking for an excuse to behave like an asshole. Life tends not to present me with such opportunities, which is it (for some reason) shielding me from my own worst impulses.

Anyway, here's the other book from last week.

Dark Pyramid #1, by Paul Tobin (writer), PJ Holden (artist), Sara Colella (color artist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - Don't worry man, it's just the title logo. It can't hurt you.

A live-streamer named Hooky Hidalgo (that can't be his real name, please tell me it's not) is climbing around Mt. Denali and tumbles onto a ledge, where he finds a strange temple. As he enters the temple, Tobin and Holden switch to two pages of 9-panel grids, mostly showing the people who are watching or listening as they go about their days. Which means they're as in the dark as we are about what happens to him when the feed goes dead.

That "they" includes his girlfriend, Becca, who promptly sets out - with a financial assist from their subscribers - to Alaska to find her boyfriend. What she finds is a ton of Hooky's fans have arrived to find the guy, and taken up all the available rooms in town. Revealed to Becca and us in another 9-panel grid, so props to Tobin and Holden for using those to convey certain info without wasting a bunch of pages.

Still, no room for Becca. But wait! The local cops, who weren't helpful earlier, show up, offering to let her stay in the cabin of a friend of theirs while said friend is away. How nice!

Or not. A woman named Shailene sneaks in that night, warning Becca she's been set up to be killed, and the cops will write it off as a bear attack. You might wonder what's going to kill her that could be written off like that, and well, for a few pages, all we get is darkness and double-ringed voice balloons saying cryptic shit. On the last page, we finally get a good look at what's speaking, and I think the close-ups that only show bits, like it's an amalgam of mis-matched parts, work better. The unearthly green tint Colella uses to break up the shadows once it arrives doesn't seem to be coming from the creature so much as the ground beneath it. A nice touch which adds to the weirdness.

Sunday Splash Page #330

 

"Bank Fraud" in Marvel Adventures Super Heroes (vol. 1) #14, by Paul Tobin (writer), David Baldeon (artist), Sotocolor (colorists), Dave Sharpe (letterer)

So Marvel eventually canceled Marvel Adventures Avengers and replaced it with this book. Instead of a more or less stable cast, this book took a couple of different approaches.

Sometimes it was more of a Marvel Team-Up. Dr. Strange enlists Spider-Man to help deal with some mystical monster babies that eat the threads that hold reality together, or Hawkeye and the Blonde Phantom investigate bank robbers who claim to have Bruce Banner as a hostage and might dose him with laughing gas to unleash a crazed Hulk. Other times the book would have two different solo adventures, similar to the old Tales to Astonish where Ant-Man and the Hulk each got a story. Either way, all done-in-one adventures, usually with some clever solution by the heroes.

Then near the end of its 21-issue run, Tobin started a series of stories about people, first one, then, entire towns, going crazy. The heroes would team-up, then continue working together in subsequent issues and eventually decide they should maybe just go ahead and form a team.

By the time the book started over with a new first issue, we were back at the Avengers after all. Yeah, I don't know. Kind of an odd roster; lot of traditional Avengers - Thor, Vision, Iron Man - but also Nova as designated rookie, and the Invisible Woman (in a non-FF, incredibly generic, outfit.) Black Widow joins up, apparently at the behest of Reed Richards. Who, on the one hand is vaguely concerned about Sue's well-being, but also doesn't really listen to Natasha's reports (especially when she mentions there's sparks between Sue and Captain America.)

Sunday Splash Page #329

 

"The Tax Man Cometh," in Marvel Adventures Avengers #32, by Paul Tobin (writer), Matteo Lolli (penciler), Christian Vecchia (inker), Sotocolor (colorists), Dave Sharpe (letterer)

Welcome to Many Months of Marvel! We'll be rockin' titles that start with "Marvel" all through summer and into the blessed relief of a hopefully grey autumn!

In the mid-2000s, Marvel made one of their periodic attempts at replenishing the dwindling audience with comics aimed towards a younger audience, via the Marvel Adventures line. There were a handful of titles, some of which only lasted about a year (the Hulk and Iron Man titles), while Marvel Adventures Spider-Man ran 61 issues.

The one that got the most mention in the comics blogosphere was Marvel Adventures Avengers. Having a larger cast seemed to offer the writers (mostly Jeff Parker and Paul Tobin, but also Marc Sumerak and Tony Bedard among others) the leeway to go with big threats and concepts that used the entire team, or smaller stories focused on just a few. In one issue, the Avengers might try to stop Galactus from devouring Earth by using the Ultimate Nullifier, resulting in opening up the laws of probability to where they could briefly challenge Big G to a game of baseball for the planet's wellbeing. In another, Hawkeye might show up to join, right as the Avengers keep getting shown up by a second-rate Masters of Evil roster. 

The latter story also involves everyone having a good laugh at Iron Man's expense after the Melter melts his iron pants, as most of the issues take a lighthearted approach. The Hulk gets Bullseye to pay his taxes by walking up behind him and saying, "Pay taxes." The rest of the Avengers try to keep Odin from meddling in Thor and Storm's date, except Odin keeps mistaking Wolverine for a troll and whomping him.

Likewise, the stories are usually done-in-one, and while there can be some good old-fashioned superhero punching action, the resolutions usually involve some measure of out-thinking the threat or otherwise being clever. Spider-Man getting a more first-rate Masters of Evil team to turn on each other once they realize Ultron (less genocidal here, more coldly logical about machine superiority) intends leave them with no real authority after they conquer the world.

What I Bought 1/4/2023

Now that I'm finished looking back at 2022, I have a few weeks' worth of 2023's books saved up. Enough to go through next week, at least. Starting with the stuff from the first week of the month, we're looking at the somewhat delayed conclusion to a mini-series, and the third issue of Fantastic Four.

A Calculated Man #4, by Paul Tobin (writer), Alberto Alburqurque (artist), Mark Englert (colorist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - I would say Jack contains multitudes, but he would probably chastise me for not being more precise.

Jack confesses to Vera, and she's into it. Great. Then he finishes wiping out the Keys, although he manages to improve his odds by bribing a bunch of the goons into leaving, then bribing the die hards with more money if they kill each other.

If they were smart, they wouldn't be henchmen for a crime family, would they? Everyone knows what happens to the rank-and-file. Jack wipes them out, Marshal Omaha retires, and then, while going through some of Jack's old papers, finds a journal from when he was 7 revealing this whole thing has been part of a plan. Getting hired as a mob accountant, going into witness protection, having the "misfortune" to be spotted on the street and even the bit about saying he can't lie. All a big plan.

That sound is my suspension of disbelief breaking into a million pieces like I threw a fragile china cup off the top of the Empire State Building.

I cannot buy that this one person, in a world of otherwise average folks as Tobin has presented them, can psychohistory his entire life out that perfectly. Even when he throws in the supposed variable of a romantic partner, which he admits to himself (or his turtle, who he has no reason to lie to) that he can't predict, it all still works out the way he planned.

Nothing caught him off-balance, or went contrary to his predictions. Nobody got a lucky ricochet. No one happened to run a red light and T-bone his car while he was just going to get ingredients to make lasagna for Vera. He didn't sneeze, or slip in a puddle of dog vomit that wasn't in the alley the last time he walked through there.

Sigh. Something positive to wrap up, then. Alburquerque consistently draws it so that Jack sets his pet turtle at his level when he's doing something. If Jack's cooking, Fibonacci is on the counter watching. When he eats dinner, Fibonacci gets his own little plate of strawberries, at his own table setting. It's cute.

Fantastic Four #3, by Ryan North (writer), Iban Coello (artist), Jesus Arbutov (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Does Syfy still make shitty movies? Firenado, or no, Napalmnado, stretch the truth a little.

Johnny stops a tornado with the power of something he remembered Reed talking about one time, but then he's got to get to work. At a big box store. How is he paying for an apartment in NYC working at a big box store? Anyway, he's sporting terrible facial hair and the alias "Jonathan Fairweather". Ben would die laughing if he heard that. Actually, Sue might, too.

Anyway, the store has lots of problems that don't pass safety regulations, but the workers can't risk making a fuss. Johnny tries to intimidate the guy in charge, but fire's not much of a deterrent when the guy knows you won't burn him. What Johnny needs, is the power of labor activism!

So, North's Johnny Storm is not an idiot exactly. The bad guy leverages the fact Johnny's a good person who doesn't want to actually burn people, and has more than good enough control to not do it. But Johnny's also flashy, impulsive and not particularly subtle. When he does the big reveal to his coworkers, they admit they all knew, in part because Jon Fairweather can't stop talking about how great the Human Torch is.

Coello draws him always making big gestures. Very active with his hands, giving customers a wink and the finger guns when he's working. Laughing way too loud when he says something dumb. Like I said, this Johnny's not so great at subtle, but he knows enough to lean into his strengths and let other people do the sneaky bits. And the terrible facial hair really does make him look older than I would expect Johnny to look, so I guess it's not the worst disguise.

What I Bought 9/3/2022 - Part 2

Moving right along, we have the penultimate issue of one mini-series, and the penultimate quartile of another series. If you count the two Locust series as one big, 8-issue mini, then the fifth issue is. . .you know what? I don't have to justify this to you. Let's just get on with it.

Locust: Ballad of Men #1, by Massimo Rosi (writer), Alex Nieto (artist), Mattia Gentili (letterer) - Like a hideously mutated bug-man to flame.

In the past, Max and Stella explore a shopping mall right after Ford's men kill a bunch of scientists that were trying to broadcast a message about what's happening. That's pretty grim, and the color scheme is still a washed out grey, but Stella is very excited about getting to eat a can of corned beef and ride one of the little rocket ship things outside the arcade. I don't know whether it's sweet she can find joy in the midst of this, or sad these sorts of things qualify as a great day for her.

In the present, Max and the cultist he caught previously are attacked by a bunch of the locusts. They survive, though Max gets chomped on, but made too much noise and are discovered by the guy Max wanted to avoid. Who looks a lot like one of the guys that got killed in the sequence in the past. Not sure if that's just a coincidence on Nieto's part, or if that person actually survived. Because Max seems to know them, and we haven't seen that meeting yet.

Then Ford launches some nukes at NYC from the Army base he's taken over, because he's determined to rebuild this world the way he thinks it should be. Which is an interesting escalation. I'm guessing that will serve as a backdrop to the remainder of the story, as Max continues trying to rescue Stella.

While the color scheme is still oppressively drab, it does feel like Nieto pulled back on it a bit in the interests of clarity. Not as many sequences where I feel like I'm squinting through fog trying to tell what's going on. Also seems like the blacks are more solid, pronounced than they were in the first mini-series. Maybe that owes to the lightening of the colors overall, but it helps. It makes the contrast of the shadows, makes them stand out more. Better effect.

A Calculated Man #3, by Paul Tobin (writer), Alberto Alburquerque (artist), Mark Englert (colorist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - It all adds up to trouble. Don't groan at me!

Most of this issue is Jack's war against the Keys. He meets with the feds long enough to explain what he's doing, and basically assure them they can't stop him. Meanwhile, the mob boss tries to tell his men to act differently than normal to avoid falling into Jack's traps. This apparently fails utterly as Tobin has firmly planted Jack in the same realm as the seemingly omniscient serial killers in horror movies. 

He lets 3 guys spot him leaving a store, they start to chase, but two of them stop, because obviously they are being fooled. They retreat to their car, the third guy keeps going across the rooftops in what is a fairly entertaining chase as Alburquerque makes it more than just two guys running. Lots of leaping across gaps, or having to lunge for a higher ledge. Adds in some interesting bits for what people get up to on rooftops. 

Anyway, Dumbass 1 catches up to Jack, but steps on a pressure plate, triggering a shotgun to blow his head off at the exact same time Jack is using a sniper rifle to kill the two guys in the car because they're taking the route he knew they would take. Jack even went to the trouble of dressing in a casual guy jogging suit to complete the, "oh crap, you have taken my by surprise!" effect.

Maybe I should have expected this, but it was easier when Jack was ambushing one or two guys in a drug lab before they could know what was hitting them. This level of planning and foresight is severely straining my suspension of disbelief, even if watching the Keys' boss come up with increasingly ludicrous suggestions of how they could be unpredictable is funny. I actually think the "distribute fliers like he's a missing person" suggestion has merit. Or the "hire a circus to kill him" idea.

Through it all, Jack is really only concerned about his relationship with Vera, and the fact he's gotta tell her the truth eventually. I don't know how Tobin is going to play that. Is Vera actually a plant by the Keys? Will she freak out and leave Jack broken-hearted and ready to be arrested/executed? Will she think him actually killing people is really hot and decide to join him, like that movie with Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick, Mr. Right?

What I Bought 7/20/2022 - Part 2

Lots of things changing at work. Our support staff left, which makes things almost eerily quiet, and while I actually did a fair amount of the stuff she was supposed to be doing myself, the things she did do are things I do not want to mess with and am not sure who is handling them until we get a replacement. Whenever that happens.

A Calculated Man #2, by Paul Tobin (writer), Alberto Alburquerque (artist), Mark Englert (colorist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - All the world resents a happy couple.

Jack meets with Omaha and Elene, Jack's new contact from the Marshals' office. They discuss how Jack got into Witness Protection, and then Tobin addresses the question I had after the first issue. How does Jack avoid discussing all this killing he's doing if he's incapable of lying? The answer is, he refuses the answer the question, framing it as an invasion of privacy, which no one enjoys, including Elene. I'm not sure how long that's a viable strategy.

Jack later meets Vera, the lady he's been chatting with online, and their dates go well. Although Vera still believes Jack is making up the stuff about being a former mob accountant now killing his old bosses. And it's while killing the future heir of the Pinafore family he makes his mistake. Which is catching a glass of wine as it falls off the table, leaving behind fingerprints. During a hit he's performing in a busy restaurant in the middle of the day. The cop runs the prints and finds they're under security clearance. She knows Omaha and calls him to see if he can help, and now Omaha knows Jack's been a busy boy.

I expected it to be less of an obvious mistake. Like, I thought it was when he killed a guy during his bathroom break earlier in the issue and casually pushed the door open with his hand. I guess there would be no way to know those were the fingerprints of the killer.

It'll be interesting to see how Omaha handles this, or Elene if it falls to her. Omaha and Jack act like old pals. They sit beside each other in diner booth, offering to buy drinks for each other and busting one another's chops. Elene sits across from them both and Alburquerque sets up panels so that Elene is in opposition to Jack and Omaha. We're looking over her shoulder and seeing bother guys chatting and joking, or we're looking over their shoulders and Elene is visible between them, like a wall.

To Elene, Jack is a former criminal she is supposed to manage. To Omaha, Jack's a pal. When Jack declines to answer Elene's questions, rather than finding this suspicious or backing her up, Omaha just laughs about how he and Jack have had a lot of these conversations. Since I expect Omaha to confront Jack alone first, I'm curious to see if he starts from the point that this must be a mistake, or if he's pissed Jack's been deceiving him.

What I Bought 6/16/2022

We haven't even officially gotten to summer and I'm already sick and tired of it. Why did climate change have to empower my least favorite of the seasons? Couldn't make fall nicer, or even just wetter, no, had to make summer even more like living inside a jock strap.

Ben Reilly: Spider-Man #5, by J.M. DeMatteis (writer), David Baledon (artist), Israel Silva (colorist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Given how wiggly his his webbing has looked on all of these covers, I have to conclude that either Ben messed up the formula, or Mysterio pranked him by swapping in silly string.

Ben has to go fight all the released patients. Which goes better than it ought to because he gets a little help. First from Mysterio, then from Vermin, who Spidercide somehow brought back out of Edward. Still, Ben's losing until Spidercide concludes that Dr. Kafka was right and he does care about Ben. So he beats all the villains he released, again uses his abilities to bring Ben back from near-death (somehow) and falls into a coma. Except he seems to be out of that by a page later while under Dr. Kafka's supervision.

Woof, that was not a great ending. I guess Spidercide's face turn - one issue after his previous face turn - is supposed to mirror Ben's internal monologue during the fight about not dismissing the people he's fighting as crazy, because it allows him to dehumanize them and ignore their suffering. He tried to understand Spidercide, and it paid off. But considering this whole mess is Spidercide's fault, I might have been more impressed if Ben actually reached the patients, Mysterio helps because he wants a defeat of Spider-Man to be done with style, and Edward manages to resurface inside Vermin, but there isn't much indication Spider-Man's making any attempt to reach any of these other people.

Maybe it's because reaching out to Spidercide and trying to accept him as a brother is a step in Ben accepting himself as an individual again, rather than the cheap copy of Peter Parker he believed himself to be. Self-acceptance, but the self is actually somebody else. But it just feels so damn abrupt. Spidercide is gleefully turning Edward into Vermin and taunting Ben about what he'll do to Kafka while Ben's stopping the riot, and then he's all outraged that Ben's about to die. All within a couple of pages. The pacing wrecks any emotional impact.

Also, Spidercide's attempt at a knock off Spidey costume to "mock" Ben doesn't really carry it off. It just looks like an uninspired Spider-Man costume. Making sure his mouth is still visible through the "mask" is a little unsettling, but it doesn't scream mockery.

A Calculated Man #1, by Paul Tobin (writer), Alberto Albuquerque (artist), Mark Englert (colorist), Taylor Esposito (letterer) - His camouflage suit is only half-working.

Jack Beans is a former accountant for a mob, now in witness protection. Except it seems he's been found, and decides his best option is to just kill everyone in the mob. Tobin moves the story between the present-day, as Jack begins to put his plan in motion, and a series of flashbacks explaining his knack for numbers and total recall, and how he got to this point. That part is related through a discussion between two federal marshals. Omaha Avery is retiring, and Elsie Santos is his replacement, curious about this Jack.

There are two things established during this issue that feel like they'll be crucial to the story. One, Jack has a girlfriend he only knows through the internet. There are a few pages at the end that are meant to be text conversations between Jack and various women he tried meeting, and I'm guessing Vera is the one he's dating. 

Second, Jack apparently can't lie. This was apparently part of why he wanted to stop being a mob money manager, because it wouldn't inevitably cause problems when he dated someone and they wanted to know what he did for a living. Case in point, in one of the unsuccessful text conversations, "Phoebe" asks if he has a criminal past and he admits he does, though he doesn't specify what exactly.

I'm not sure how either of those will end up being relevant, although the issue ends with Jack meeting Omaha and Elsie at a diner. Hopefully neither of them ask if he's been killing people today.

It feels like it's going to be enjoyable. Tobin and Albuquerque keep the tone a bit light most of the time. There are two main crime families, the Keys and the Van Dykes. The keys get tattoos on their backs, the more keys the higher status. The Van Dykes have facial hair, although Albuquerque makes it look drawn on, rather than something they grew. Maybe it's a tattoo as well. 

Thing I noticed that may not mean anything. Omaha's narration boxes are these neat, precise blue rectangles. Crisp edges and corners. Jack's narration boxes are a dingy grey, with bent corners and brown stains. I guess I expected, with Jack being so good with numbers, he'd be more fastidious and so his narration boxes would reflect that, but it isn't really the case. Jack doesn't dress poorly, but he doesn't seem bothered by blood or mess, or anything not being perfectly in place. If it doesn't mess with his plan, I guess it doesn't matter.

Sunday Splash Page #173

 

"Doom is Getting Out of This Clown Show," in Dr. Doom and the Masters of Evil #2, by Paul Tobin (writer), Patrick Scherberger, Jon Burran and Scott Koblish (pencilers), Terry Pallot and Scott Koblish (inkers), Chris Sotomayor and Guillem Mari (colorists), Dave Sharpe (letterer)

A nifty little Doom-centric mini-series from early 2009. Tobin sends Doom all over the Marvel Universe for 4 issues, teaming up with and fighting various super-villains. In every issue, Doom seems to have acquired some powerful invention, magic, or vital bit of information, but his ultimate goal remains unclear until the final issue. And even once we learn what he's seeking, Tobin has a final twist on it at the very end. Basically, Doom gets himself a magic wish, that can be for anything, and doesn't use it to kill Reed Richards.

I know, I was kind of disappointed, too.

I'm not going to tell you what he does wish for, since you can probably find this cheap enough out there. I could see it as a cop-out, since it goes against the obvious thing we'd expect. But I think Tobin puts in enough work up to that point through the first 3.5 issues that I can understand his choice.

Tobin writes Doom as powerful, but not overwhelmingly so, and self-aware enough to know it. Doom's ultimate weapon is, as always, his mind. Doom isn't stymied when his big attack doesn't stop Blastaar or whoever, because that was never the plan. And each step of his quest builds to the next.

Although I think Tobin plays up Blastaar a little too much. I'm not picking that guy in a fight with the Executioner.

Most of the issues are not such an ensemble cast of credits. The art chores are mostly handled by Scherberger, who had worked with Tobin on Marvel Adventures Spider-Man for a while prior to this. Sticks with classic looks for most of the characters, other than giving Selene something a bit more modest. Gotta protect the kids, ya know. I think his attempts to make Doom's mask expressive sometimes make it look goofy instead, but it mostly works. Everything is easy to follow, the inking and coloring aren't excessively dark or busy, so the art isn't cluttered. The story uses a variety of characters and locales, and Shcerberger makes them all distinct and easy to tell apart. Doom's intimidating when he needs to be, but not all the time, because the story is trying to lure us in to understanding or possibly rooting for Doom.

Next week, the last title in the D's.

Random Back Issues #13 - Marvel Adventures Super-Heroes #18

What exactly does Tony Stark have against the New Warriors? Now he's even traveling to England to attack them.

The issue actually starts with Nova, his brother Robbie and Fran, who is Robbie's girlfriend(?) roaming an English village to investigate reports of weird stuff. Robbie oddly seems to be the older brother here. They get attacked by a weird creature in the woods, then find a home that's been trashed. Thor, the Vision, and Iron Man show up, in a group that is definitely not the Avengers. . . yet. They're here because they just finished dealing with some weird creature that made a town in Iowa go crazy last issue, and when they heard reports of weird stuff, came here to make sure it wasn't the same weird creature. It's not

Captain America and the Invisible Woman are back in town, asking questions and flirt sparring. Well, Steve Rogers would definitely be a step up from Reed or Namor. Also, Sue Richards' weakness is apparently pigeons. Dr. Doom is sitting on a throne somewhere with a big goblet of wine, taking notes.

On their way to the mysterious house, they figure out they're being followed by the Black Widow, who is there because. . . she's bored. Allegedly.

With everyone at the house, they encounter the spriggan, who mostly makes them look like chumps by disrupting their powers and having their luck go against them. But it's love of stealing things leads it to try and swipe Mjolnir, and, yeah. That wasn't a good idea. Especially since spriggan are the ghosts of giants, apparently? Did not know that. I do know how Thor feels about giants, though, and this spirit gets banished/exorcised/destroyed.

After all that, Captain America says he liked something Thor said about "avenging", and well, you know how that goes. The title actually ends in three issues, then Marvel restarted the book almost immediately (because Marvel), and let it run for another couple years.

[7th, 36th comic. Marvel Adventures Super-Heroes (vol. 1) #18, by Paul Tobin (writer), Ig Guara (penciler), Sotocolor (colorist), Dave Sharpe (letterer)]

Sunday Splash Page #91

"Good Crop of Moloids This Year," in Black Widow and the Marvel Girl #4, by Paul Tobin (writer), Takeshi Miyazawa (artist), Veronica Gandini (colorist), Dave Sharpe (letterer)

A 4-issue mini-series that came out in 2009-2010, so roughly the same timeframe as the Marjorie Liu/Daniel Acuna ongoing series. You know how Marvel is about saturating the market with stuff. This was more continuity free, standalone issues of the Black Widow teaming with up various other characters.

We get the Enchantress in issue 1, and Carol Danvers (when she was still Ms. Marvel) in issue 3, both drawn by Salva Espin. The Wasp in issue 2 (drawn by Jacopo Camagni), and Storm in issue 4. Most of the issues showcase the Black Widow being calm and resourceful under fire, always prepared ahead of time, almost always having the leg up on the guest star of the issue. (The Enchantress would be an exception, but she showed up when Natasha was still training in the Red Room, and not actually the Black Widow yet). It's a pretty entertaining series, as Tobin makes good use of a variety of parts of the Marvel Universe, and the art teams are solid at the worst, with bright, easy to follow and expressive styles

The Black Widow comes off as very cool, but I think the series kind of highlights the reason I can't quite warm up to the character, and since it's the last Black Widow series I have, we might as well deal with that here. 

Basically, Black Widow's Late 90s-Early 2000s Batman. She always has plans. She knows all your weaknesses. Any time you think you have the upper hand, you're wrong (Carol thinks she was watching Natasha from above, but actually Natasha was letting her do that while using drones to spy on Carol from above). 

The second issue makes this big deal that the Wasp doesn't trust the Black Widow, but by the end of the issue, she totally does and tells Iron Man this. The last panel is Natasha, seemingly sitting by herself far away from the conversation (but not far enough she can't hear it), smiling when she hears that. But we only see her smile, we don't see her eyes to know if she's actually happy like, "Yay, I have a friend," or "Good, I've gained her trust, that will make whatever complicated plans I have easier."

And that just feels like the Batman of that time running up to Infinite Crisis. He spies on his allies, manipulates them, makes plans to kill them, refuses to apologize when those plans get stolen and used, gets allies killed (let Ted Kord go off to his death alone, when he knew something was wrong), and yet the story somehow always validates the actions. Natasha is, at least, far more competent in how she handles things than the Bat (it's very rare that other heroes or innocent people are hurt by Natasha's information-gathering and manipulation), but that doesn't make it behavior I find any less off-putting.

I get it for her character, it's just not a trait I really like, when you get down to it.

Sunday Splash Page #67

"The Direct Approach, Indirectly," in Bandette: The House of the Green Mask, Chapter 1, by Paul Tobin (writer), Colleen Coover (artist)

You will notice this is not a full-page splash. There are no full-page splashes in Bandette. But like hell I was going to skip it.

Besides, it is perfectly in keeping with the title character for her entry into a series of posts about splash pages, to be a 9-panel grid. It is, by nature of the page's rigid structure, contrary to the the way all the other books will do things.

Yes, I'm talking out of my ass, but I'm not wrong.

Bandette Volume 3 - The House of the Green Mask

This collection came out last fall, and normally I immediately jump on Bandette collections, but I was preoccupied. Job, moving, the complete collapse of all hope in decency, the usual shit. But now I have it, hooray! (Before we start, I want to say the colors in the book look much better than they will here. I took the pictures without using the flash, so as to avoid the glare that so often mars the pictures I use here, but the counter to that is how dark the pictures are)

In Volume 3, a mysterious criminal known only as The Voice is abducting people to interrogate them about a House of the Green Mask. One of the people abducted is Daniel, the delivery boy who is one of Bandette's associates (and completely smitten with her). So Bandette sets out to find and rescue Daniel, by drawing in basically everyone she can. Her friends, the police, various politicians and socialites, dogs. She does find him, they rescue the others, we are given a tantalizing hint towards Bandette's backstory, and the Voice is now a potential threat (and source of creative henchmen) going forward, with Absinthe being taken off the board in Volume 2.

But with Bandette, it's less about the plot, and more about how Bandette moves through it, her reactions, the jokes. So there's an extended sequence where she's trailing The Voice across town through a parade, with the aid of her various Urchins. This is played out over several nine-panel grid pages of Bandette in pursuit of his black car, checking in with her friends via walkie-talkie, while sporting a different disguise in each panel. In one, it's Lincoln's hat and beard. In the next, she's dressed like the Man with No Name. And she's wearing this over her usual outfit, while claiming to be in perfect disguise.

Or Le Monsieur, the only possible challenger to Bandette's title as World's Greatest Thief, thinks he's on the trail of the Green Mask, after watching a film about Madame Presto (which Bandette stole and screened for her friends). And that doesn't go how anyone might expect, either.

Paul Tobin's writing is light, and funny, both in terms of sight gags which Colleen Coover ably draws, and some well-delivered lines (which are also aided by Coover's illustrations). Bandette re-positioning a pigeon while telling it that it is interfering with the drama. Tobin's able to write so that, even when Bandette is being serious - for example, when she's advancing on Dart Petite and mentioning how they're going to discuss how Dart harmed 'her Daniel' - the voice is still recognizably her. It felt silly, but also perfectly in character for Bandette to call up her friend in the police, Heloise, simply to tell her she was stomping, then hang up. That should seem stupid or pointless, but the creative team sells it, so it's cute? Charming?

As mentioned above, Coover uses a lot of nine-panel grids, which allows for a deliberate pacing. Jokes can be drawn out over 3 or 6 panels. We can see a sequence, be it a chase, a fight, or simply a conversation with a flow to it. Things don't seem rushed or crammed together. Coover knows what information needs to be in each panel, and doesn't waste space on stuff that doesn't need to be there. Which is kind of key when working with nine panels, since they isn't going to be much room in each one.

Also, Bandette almost seems to use the pacing of the grids as a chance to disappear at the top of the page, then reappear at the bottom. What I mean is, Bandette likes to surprise people, appearing suddenly behind or above them, seemingly from nowhere. But between where she was and where she ends up, we were following someone else across and down the page at the steady pace of the grid. Like in the page above, where we see her in the upper right corner, then we follow Daniel methodically to the right and down, only to be met by Bandette, who has taken some more direct route. But of course a thief would have no time for for the normal narrative flow of the page, and cut simply to the part she enjoys.

As with the previous two volumes, I highly recommend The House of the Green Mask.

31 Days of Scans - 5 Character Dream Team

I said last December I wanted to do a few of those "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" rosters this year, and thus far, I haven't. Because I decided to wait and kick it off with this one. As usual, these can be difficult, because there are so many options. Which is why I have to restrict myself in some ways, or I'll never make a decision. This time around, I opted for characters created outside Marvel and DC. So, same rules apply as the last time, only there'll be no Mastermind, since it states 5 characters only.

The Leader: Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener's Atomic Robo. For the purposes of this exercise, Robo is in his normal body. However, I'm not sure precisely when I'm taking him from. It might be simpler, in terms of getting the team together, to take him from the 1940s (for reasons that will become clear shortly). But if I take '70s Robo, we get possible Carl Sagan appearances and Robo wears a Gilligan hat sometimes. If I take current day Robo, we get the benefit of considerable experience and greater scientific knowledge in our Robo. With the present day, it's easy enough for Dr. Dinosaur's Time Bomb to throw Robo to the '40s, or perhaps another universe. There were his multiple run-ins with the Shadow from Beyond Time, or Tesla's device that opens a doorway to the vampire dimension (which Majestic-12 later got its hands on). Or something else we haven't seen yet. The options are there, and really, any Robo will be good.

So Robo is going to be the leader, but he's also going to be the brains of the outfit, at least as far as science goes. In more criminal areas, there are at least 2 characters on this team more experienced. However, given the nature of the world some of these characters inhabit, Robo is going to run up against some things he is going to have difficulty squaring with his views on how things work. Magic for one, time travel for another. One of the things I greatly enjoy about Atomic Robo is when he gets exasperated with stupidity or nonsense and resorts to sarcasm. Probably because that is how I respond to stupidity and nonsense. I expect this team to exasperate and confound Robo repeatedly. And everyone is a strong personality in their own way, so keeping them together is going to be a challenge. Especially because, in a crisis, Robo seems inclined to try and do everything himself and keep his Action Scientists at a safe distance. Understandable, since he's bulletproof and they aren't, but I doubt this crew will be as accepting. But he'll bring lightning guns, and lightning guns heal all wounds. With horrible burns, but still.

The Man with a Boat: Doug TenNapel's Earthworm Jim. This one is fudging it a bit since, a) Jim was originally a video game character, and b) the comics he did appear in were published by Marvel. But once again, Blog Commissioner allows it (all those illegal payoffs, er, paid off). Jim may or may not have a boat, but he does have a rocket large enough to carry a couple of passengers, and capable of traveling to other star systems. Close enough. (Note: One could substitute the Tick, and it would largely achieve the same effect, but I prefer Jim and it's my team, so nyeah.)

Jim operates in a sort of Silver Age world (which is why I can't be sure he doesn't have a Worm-Boat. He had a Worm-Cycle in the cartoon). Heroes keep their word, and triumph because they believe in things greater than themselves, like honor, or true love. Things that ought to be bizarre are treated as largely unremarkable. Radiation gives you super-powers, not cancer (though the powers are more likely to be funny than useful, as the need for jokes requires). Problems can be solved with science that makes not the slightest bit of sense. In a lot of ways, putting Jim on this team is a way to torment Robo with a heroic version of Dr. Dinosaur. There are going to be times Jim will suggest a completely idiotic solution to a problem (like dressing up as waiters to fool pursuing henchcats into eating explosives dressed up as seafood), and in the time it takes Robo to start listing all the ways that's nonsense, it'll work.

Of course other times, the nonsense solution won't work at all, because it's nonsense. In that event, Jim can just fall back on blasting things. Robo should at least appreciate having another person on the team who solves many of their problems with combinations of shooting, jumping, and hitting.

The Rogue: Colleen Coover and Paul Tobin's Bandette. This could put Bandette out of her depth, which by itself might make it worthwhile. Robo and Jim have both dealt with threats that could have ended existence. Then again, Bandette quite likes the world, because it has so many things for her to take from people, she'd be quite willing to help. Neither of the first two characters are all that great at stealth. But they are both fairly upright guys, so I wonder how much friction there would be about her stealing. Because it's a certainty if they storm the combined lair of Helsingard and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head and she sees a painting she likes, she'll take it. I'm pretty sure she can talk circles around Jim at will, which won't stop him from pleading she abandon her life of crime, and when that fails, probably trying to haul her off to jail.

Robo's going to be a harder sell. But Robo has worked with governments in the past, even though he doesn't trust their motives, because he fears how much worse they'll make things if he leaves them to clean it up themselves. So working with a thief who is more than happy to assist the police in bringing down other, more serious, criminals might be something he can live with. Until it puts the whole team in the crosshairs of someone better left alone. . .

I expect Bandette to enjoy the experience immensely. She's going to have an opportunity to steal things no one else from her world might ever have a chance to even see. She has the chance to become the greatest thief in the entire multiverse, which is the kind of challenge she'd love.

The Muscle: Dave Stevens' Rocketeer. Making Cliff the Muscle is a bit of a joke. If this were the old JLI, Robo would be J'onn, and Bandette would probably be Ted (she's too clever to be Booster). I'm not sure who Jim is, maybe the Big Red Cheese? He has that sort of upright, honest outlook, albeit a little more wacky than Billy. Cliff would be Guy, shooting off his mouth and getting punched in it. I fully expect him to be knocked unconscious within 5 minutes of this group being put together (and I expect Bandette to borrow the rocket pack about 5 seconds later).

Still, Cliff is generally an upright guy despite his temper, and he's more than willing to put his neck on the line. He has a little experience with super-science, so he ought to take a liking to the lightning guns at the very least. I do expect a giant talking worm to shock him (Bandette would probably just respond with some variant of how marvelous it is to meet a giant worm, and set about charming the pants off Jim. Even if she were flustered, she wouldn't show it). Cliff is probably the one who is going to struggle the most to prove his value, so he's going to overreach, make mistakes, try to butt into things that he should have stayed out of.

Also, if you think that Betty will team-up with Bandette at some point, probably to get their hands on some important classified documents, you're absolutely right. Betty's stubborn and enthusiastic nature ought to play well off Bandette's more playful outlook. There will also almost certainly be a team-up between Bandette's dog Pimento, and Butchie, that bulldog that hangs around the diner Cliff eats at most of the time. Hell, we have the possibility of an Atomic Robo/Doc Savage team-up, since the Doc is the one who designed the rocket pack. Hmm, could we tie that into Robo's Flying She-Devils of the Pacific mini-series? Rival jetpack designs, or the She-Devils could have improved on the Doc's design. Basically, my reason for possibly having '40s Robo is to say he and Cliff already inhabit the same universe. Their worlds can at least sort of coexist.

The Woman of Mystery: John Ostrander and Tim Truman's GrimJack. I know you're thinking John Gaunt isn't a woman, and you'd be correct. However, it was established that - spoiler for 25+ year old comic! - having rejected Heaven to save his best friend, Gaunt's fate was tied to the city of Cynosure, and he's doomed to be reborn until the city is destroyed. At least some of the future incarnations we saw in the double-page splash that explained this were female. It could be one of those GrimJacks. A good writer could do something with a character who is a woman currently, and has grown up as a woman, but also remembers past lives as a man just as vividly, and how they choose to identify themselves in light of that. I have no idea, frankly, how GrimJack would approach it, though I expect there'd be an adjustment period when he recalls his past lives and handles it badly. You need someone who isn't me writing this thing for that, but the potential is there.

Setting that aside, GrimJack brings a lot of experience to the table. Even if were aren't using a reincarnation (in which case he has multiple lifetimes), he has decades of conflict in his life. Robo's been alive for awhile, but he's lived comfortably enough he could spend time going to school, running a company, developing entirely new disciplines of science. Gaunt had to spend almost his entire life struggling to survive. Grows up in the shittiest part of Cynosure, the Pit. Gets sent to the Arena to fight for his life for the amusement of the upper class while still a kid. Gets out as a teen, finds a little love and peace in a pocket dimension, then returns home and finds himself in a battle against the literal forces of Hell. Survives that, joins a bounty group called the Lawkillers. Survives that, joins the Transdimensional Police, then the Cadre as an assassin, then becomes a freelance mercenary. He lives and thrives in a city that is constantly changing in size, shape, and population, where the physical laws that govern one street corner may have no bearing around the next block, and that too, is constantly changing. He's pissed off innumerable people, from politicians to bounty hunters to gods. Even if he did catch a bullet eventually, he made past 50 in a profession where a lot of people would be lucky to reach half that. He knows how to survive, is what I'm saying.

It's that knowledge I think the team really needs. Robo can be deceptive, but for him, that means he plays bullet magnet while someone else sets things in motion. Cliff is a generally lousy fighter, and not much good at making plans, and abandons the ones he does make at the drop of a hat. Bandette is sneaky, but tends to let fights drag out because she's having fun. As for Jim, well, despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun, Jim is still an earthworm, which means he is pretty dumb. Gaunt fights dirty, using any edge he can get. Any weapon, any bit of his surroundings, any distraction, any moment of weakness in his opponent, GrimJack takes advantage of it. He wouldn't have lived as long as he did if he hadn't. Plus, he's getting old, and with the aches and pains, it's just better to end fights quicker sometimes, you know?

Also, I'm curious how he'd respond to Robo. Gaunt had a rule about not allowing Tourbots in his bar (those are ways for people to cheaply travel the city while sitting safely in a chair in an office somewhere, by placing their consciousness in a rolling trashcan), and once of his worst foes was Kalibos, an artificial intelligence that merged science with magic, and kills people to wear their skins so he can roam the city doing as he pleases (sowing discord and chaos as the ultimate expression of his freedom). So GrimJack might have some problems with artificial intelligence. Until Robo helps him put Kalibos down once and for all. Gaunt is, again in JLI terms, Batman, which is not something I'm hugely happy about given my frequent antipathy towards the Bat, but I don't see a better comparison. I do think that, once he got to know them, he'd develop moderately warm feelings. Jim might remind him of his friend Judah the Hammer, Cliff's a young hothead GJ would probably try to keep from getting his head blown off (that said, GrimJack is the one I expect to put out Cliff's lights in the first 5 minutes). I think he'd have to respect Bandette's skill (there will NOT be any romantic relationship between those two. however. Bandette is not spinning the wheel of likely death all his girlfriends have).

As for how you get them all together, rough draft, assuming Robo and Cliff occupy the same universe. There's a mishap with the portal, only they're thrown somewhere other than the vampire dimension, probably Cynosure (or the vampire dimension went into phase with Cynosure and they survived it long enough to emerge into the city, probably joining whatever forces from the city are keeping the vampires from overrunning the susceptible dimensions). At the same time, Bandette's world came into phase, and through some circumstances, she's come into possession of the Manx Cat. Maybe someone from Cynosure came to Paris and found her, and offered her the job. When the Cat gets stolen, GrimJack is the one who always gets dragged in to retrieve it. Which sets off a chase through the city, and Cliff, observing the chase, tries to help Bandette. Which doesn't go well, so Robo jumps in (literally), and GrimJack brings out the heavy artillery. Bandette probably hangs around to watch, or recognizes she has no idea where home is at this stage, and at some point, Robo falls into a section of the city where technology doesn't function, which hopefully slows things down enough nobody gets killed. As for Jim, I expect him to abruptly arrive after an incident involving him trying to make root beer in his garage for a box social he invited his rogues gallery to. He shouldn't have accepted a golf club from Psycrow to stir the mixture doing a thunderstorm. They could potentially end up in a section where technology can develop low-level sentience, in which case his suit would go out of control, and the whole group has to try and contain it, destroy it, or get it to a different area where it'll revert to normal.

Robo ponders the choices that have brought him to this place in "Why Atomic Robo Hates Dr. Dinosaur", by Brian Clevinger (writer), Scott Wegener (artist), Ronda Patterson (colorist), and Jeff Powell (letterer). Commandeering a giant hamster to stop a shotgun wedding is just another day in the life in Earthworm Jim #2, by Dan Slott (plot), John Lewandowski (script), Barry Crain (pencils), Sam DeLa Rosa (inker), UL Higgins (pencils), Ed Laz (colorist). Bandette is living the dream in Bandette #3, by Paul Tobin (writer), Colleen Coover (artist), Ryan Jurgensen (digital production), and Irina Beffa (design). Cliff is more confident than he ought to be in Rocketeer, Chapter 4 (I couldn't figure out which comic specifically it would be in), by Dave Stevens (writer and artist), Laura Martin (colorist), and Carrie Spiegle (letterer). GrimJack's stint as a dentist ended swiftly amid complaints about his primitive working conditions in GrimJack #1, by John Ostrander (writer), Tim Truman (artist), Janice Cohen (colorist), and John Workman (letterer).