Friday, December 02, 2016

What I Bought 11/30/2016

I've been seeing trailers for this film, Why Him? I appreciate Hollywood has cut the crap and done a film about how you don't want your daughter to marry James Franco because he's awful. At least I hope that's what it will tell people. Though he'll probably somehow convince Bryan Cranston he isn't such a bad guy, considering normal plot mechanics.

Great Lakes Avengers #2, by Zac Gorman (writer), Will Robson (artist), Tamra Bonvillain (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Feels like a million years since the first issue came out.

So the guy who owns the bar across from the GLA's new HQ is purposefully staying open past when he's supposed to, because he's a dick. He's good enough at it that Bertha trashes his club, landing them in jail. There's also a councilman Snerd decrying these superheroes interfering in the actions of villains who destroy economically distressed neighborhoods, which angers the young artist girl to the point she may or may not have thrown a bottle at him. Either way, the cops grabbed her, and were sufficiently brutal she wolfed out in a police station. Fortunately Bertha calms her down, and the angry lawyer from the first issue is back and comes to their aid. The councilman is unhappy, and also is the bar owner guy. Also Doorman senses Mr. Immortal dying of asphyxiation in that coffin and gets him out. Mr. Immortal was in there to try and kick a problem with alcohol, I think.

I want to like Robson's art more than I do. There are certainly parts of it I do like. The three-panel transition in the bar as Bertha begins to grow was done well. He's good with making Doorman expressive despite us not being able to see his face. The way he draws his cape, so that it looks far too big for Demarr seems appropriate. I think it's how loose it is around his neck, as though it was meant for someone much larger. But overall, he doesn't seem to know quite when to dial back on the emotion a bit. Everyone is too expressive, all the time, jutting parts of their faces out to comical degrees. It's fine in small doses, but not constantly.

It feels like Gorman is trying to walk this line between doing the kind of typical stuff with the GLA as third-rate heroes, and using them to deal with some more serious stuff. Snerd seems more than a little of a reference to Trump, especially with that rant about how powerful he is, and how it's only barely contained by his bigness. And Snerd's comments about poorer neighborhoods being breeding grounds for crime, which feels like him coding minorities as criminals. I'm just not sure about the GLA trying to deal with that. The tones seem like they'll conflict, but hell, it's early days. I'll give him a chance.

Patsy Walker, aka Hellcat #12, by Kate Leth (writer), Brittney L. Williams (artist), Rachelle Rosenberg (color artist), Clayton Cowles (letterer) -  The cats seemed so entranced by the chase. It's not like it's a laser pointer.

Zoe was a terrible roommate for Ian, and a terrible girlfriend. Basically, she's just horrible. Could the Punisher show up? I'd like to see Zoe die horribly, but it's not going to happen. Felicia has figured out she can't control Bailey's bag without Bailey, but it's going to prove difficult to control her. So she steals something from a museum that enables her to control Bailey. I would have guessed they were the Controller's control disks, but it seemed like a gem that splits into smaller pieces, so I dunno what that is. And Ian is finally ready to be a superhero and, look, I know I'm not much of a judge of fashion, but that is not a good costume. The buckles across the chest make him look like a damn drum major or something. I know, that's not the point, it's about Ian deciding to try and fight crime, or at least stand up to his crappy ex.

The extremely subdued colors in the flashback sequence were a nice touch. Compared to the vibrant purples, pinks, etc. in the rest of the issue, it really stands out as a period of dull misery for Ian. I still enjoy how Williams and Rosenberg depict Jubilee's mist form: A fluffy pink cloud with sunglasses. It makes me chuckle.

Things are going to get worse for Patsy in this story before they get better, but I'll have to wait until the next issue to see how much worse.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

Company of Heroes - Harry Carey, Jr.

Company of Heroes is Harry Carey Jr. writing about his experiences as an actor in John Ford's various films. Carey includes some of stuff about his life in there, alludes to his problems with alcohol, his time on "Spin and Marty" for "The Mickey Mouse Club".

But mostly it's about his interactions with John Ford, who, as described here, reminds me of some of the stuff I've read about Hemingway. Ford - or "Uncle Jack", as he insisted Carey and most of the other actors call him - could be extremely kind and considerate at times, and other times he was a complete ass, just abusive. Carey relates one story where Ford made them keep reshooting this final shot over and over, and kept insisting it was because Carey was fucking up repeatedly, even though there was no way you could tell he was doing anything wrong, and there was no way for Carey to actually follow the instructions Ford was giving. But Ford would pull that kind of stuff on everyone, including John Wayne, and pissed off most of them at one point or the other. Ward Bond might have been the exception, if only because he simply refused to give any shits what Ford said about him.

Carey doesn't have a smooth writing style. The book is roughly grouped into chapters on each of the films he did with John Ford, but Carey will go into stretches talking about anything tangentially related. Like stories about some of the stuntmen, or parties, or whatever. It's slightly awkward because oftentimes one story will end with the end of a paragraph, and Carey just starts in on another with the next paragraph, and there's no real transition of connecting tissue, except maybe that both involved someone in that movie. So it's clunky, but kind of charming, someone just rambling on about old times. How much it would interest you would probably come down to how much you care about John Ford and his movies.

I would liked to have known what caused the split between Carey's father (and actor himself) and Ford. Not that I imagine it would take much. Ford seems pretty easily pushed into, "you're dead to me" territory. Carey talks in the book about how Ben Johnson seemed to wind up there for 13 years after he and Ford got heated at dinner after shooting one night. But the cause of the trouble between Ford and Carey Sr never really gets explained, maybe because Carey Jr. didn't know. And it wasn't that Ford and Carey Sr. were unfriendly exactly, they just wouldn't work together any more.

'Farther north, near a town called Canoga Park, are huge elephant-sized outcroppings of rock. This was called Iverson's Ranch. Many people tried hard to save, but it's just a memory now, too. All the low-budget Westerns were made at Iverson's. Even my dad worked there. If you rent an old John Wayne tape, you'll see Iverson's for sure. Many times, you'd be in the middle of a dialogue scene and gunshots would ruin the take. They'd be coming from another company just over the hill. Sometimes there would be three shows shooting there on the same day.'

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

What I Bought 11/22/16

So hey, here's that book I decided to start buying last week! I saw some of the first issue on Scans Daily and decided it was worth looking in to.

Cave Carson Has a Cybernetic Eye #1 and 2, by Jonathan Rivera and Gerard way (writers), Michael Avon Oeming (artist), Nick Filardi (color artist), Clem Robins (letterer) - That is still a mouthful of a title. Also, it's never a good thing when you reach the end of a tunnel and find a giant eye.

Eileen, who was the princess of a subterranean kingdom and married to Cave Carson, has died. Cave is struggling to deal with what to do next, when he's visited by a member of that kingdom. Who is badly wounded, and then turns into a fungus monster. And it turns out Cave's boss may have something to do with this, and he's definitely trying to abduct Chloe, Cave and Eileen's college-age daughter. So Cave steals the Mighty Mole again (although there's a new version in development I'm sure will come into play), and with the help of Wild Dog of all people, attempts to save Chloe. Except the people chasing her also turn into fungus monsters.

I was glad to see Chloe and Cave have a reasonably good relationship. I was worried this was going to be one of those things were the father was a distant authoritarian and his kid hates him. Cave seems like he might have been a less-than-spectacular dad - that bit about awarding her meaningless ranks to produce greater effort was stupidly blunt - but he does seem to care about her, and she cares about him. Even if it seems like she's downplayed how much training she really got. Either that, or the training is working on a subconscious level she isn't aware of.

In addition to Wild Dog being a friend/mechanic/sounding board for Cave, Doc Magnus also showed up as the guy Cave goes to for getting that cybernetic eye. The Metal Men were there, not doing anything, just chilling. Magnus seems to be revamped to be sort of hipper, wearing the shirt of a sergeant in the Army unbuttoned and with goggles pushed back up on his forehead. Don't know if the Doc will pop up again or not.

There's these faint circles in the backgrounds for a lot of the panels. In the green circle  around the panel where Cave details all the things his cybernetic eye told him about Chloe. Or on the next page, in the light shining through the diner windows to the street outside. And sometimes when a character is shown only in outline a shadow form, there are the little circles, but not always. I'm not at all sure what those are about, it seems like some distinct stylistic choice Filardi is making, but hell if I can parse what it means. There are a lot of colors in this - I think meant to represent the eye seeing things in spectrums outside visible light - that make me feel like I need 3-D glasses. There wasn't some sort of promotion involving those was there?

There are also some panels where character's eyes have peculiar shading in them, or they're empty dark voids. Probably significant, but also possibly an error, or just meant to be lighting. It's early days for the book, I can't rule anything out yet.

One of the things that convinced me to give the book a whirl was Oeming's art, though I wasn't paying enough attention to the credits when looking online to notice it was him. I just noticed the art reminded me a little of Darwyn Cooke's and I figured that worked pretty well for me. The two-page splash on pages 2 and 3 of the first issue is a nice peice of work, showing Cave's progression from Eileen's funeral to his empty home. The movement of the action -Cave walking left to right across the top as he exits the cemetery to his car, then driving back to the left across a background of a map towards a highway. Then a panel moving down the page at the far left of Cave on that busy highway, with a couple of panels of him calling into a talk radio show. Then him walking into his house, then down into his basement lab, which takes us to the bottom of the page as he gradually reaches his chair. And the fact the dialogue balloons get fewer and farther between as we move through the page, signifying the loneliness he's descending into it (add in how disconnected he is from any of the stuff being said to him, there's no reaction shown at all.) Also, Oeming uses a much thinner line when Cave starts seeing Eileen through the cybernetic eye from the rest of the art in the issue.

Anyway, there's mysteries afoot, and I do enjoy the potential of a good mystery, so I'm on board for a little while, at least.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Japan 1941 - Eri Hotta

Japan 1941 is about Japan's bizarre, backwards shuffle into war with the United States, largely due to a complete failure of backbone among the political leaders. There are certainly factions who want to fight the U.S., but most of the people at the top, from Hirohito, to Prime Minister Konoe, to General (and Prime Minister after Konoe) Hideki Tojo, to Admiral Yamamoto, etc., recognize this is not a war they should really be fighting, but not one of them will fully commit to avoiding it through diplomacy. Nobody wants to be the guy that gets remembered as, "the one who kept Japan out of the war," because they're too afraid that backing down now will condemn Japan to life as a second-rate power.

So there are repeated cabinet meetings or war councils where the head of the Navy will admit the Navy is not really keen on this war, or the Foreign Secretary will press for an answer on how likely a victory is and receive a, "Well, it's not impossible we could win," and yet they keep pressing forward. They keep placing deadlines for their diplomats, while refusing to even entertain certain concessions, because for whatever reason, they don't recognize that showing a willingness to make those concessions is not the same as absolutely having to make those concessions.

To be fair, Japan has some legit grievances about how the U.S., and the West in general have treated them, even since their rise to the tanks of a modern power. Winning certain territories in past struggles, but then being leaned on to relinquish those by the West. And let's face it, the U.S. or Britain complaining about Japan trying to conquer China or to take over Indochina from the French rings a little hollow coming from two countries that had conquered any number of other peoples. Cordell Hull makes a demand that Japan needs to agree to allow for free trade in China, and when Japan replies they'll go along, just as soon as the U.S. helps bring about free trade everywhere else in the world, Hull replies the U.S. can't be trying to held responsible for things like that outside its sovereign jurisdiction, which makes me wonder what kind of jurisdiction the U.S. has in China. Considering FDR supposedly wants to focus on fighting Germany, it's kind of a bullheaded approach to take.

On the other hand, Japan had built up the strength of their military in the minds of their public so far out of proportion to reality that there was a lot of public pressure to not back down, to keep going, because final victory was almost certainly just moment's away in China, and then they could totally fight the U.S., and even the Soviets (assuming the Germans didn't take care of them). None of which is true, but it was the image the government had promoted, and it trapped them. The military couldn't bring itself to stop fighting, because they said it would make all the men lost up to that point a waste (Hotta notes a similar train of thought came into play with the U.S. in Iraq and Afghanistan). Still, at some point you need someone to step and being willing to be the unpopular guy, to save lives. Hirohito had serious concerns, and kept pressing his military chiefs, and all he needed to do was tell them, "No," and that should have been it. He's the Emperor, his word is sacrosanct. But he's also supposed to be above basic politics (ostensibly to keep him from receiving any backlash for political decisions if they went badly). And he can't bring himself to break with that to stop something he clearly isn't a fan of.

'Tanaka consistently promoted a hard-line stance in China. For him, total victory was the only option, and the willingness Japanese leaders had been showing of late to negotiate with the United States was a disgrace. Refraining from war equated to cowardly surrender and was worse than losing everything after having fought a proper war.'

Monday, November 28, 2016

February Could Be An Interesting Month

Lots to discuss in the solicits for February. On the DC side, Deadman: Dark Mansion of Forbidden Love will be wrapping up. I may still be buying Blue Beetle, or maybe not. There's another title I've just recently decided to add - you'll find out which one on Wednesday - I may or may not still be buying then as well. And then there's the new Justice League of America book, which is going to involve the Ray. I'm not sure what to expect from the book. I know several people enjoyed Steve Orlando's Midnighter series, but solo titles and team books aren't the same. Also, while making a cast of second-stringers seems reminiscent of the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League, describing them as the most rough-and-tumble League, and that they're assembled by Batman, just screams "Outsiders", doesn't it? I'd be more likely to try it if they weren't going to start off with a battle with the Extremists.

With Marvel, Monsters Unleashed continues, and Marvel has, in their usual idiocy, to have Greg Land draw one of the issues. The one possible saving grace is that Land presumably can't trace the monsters from porn stars or pro wrestlers, and when he actually has to draw, he's not terrible. Inhumans vs. X-Men continues, and I sure hope they do a better job with it than they did with Death of X. Going by what I've seen and read, that was a complete trash fire. They actually made me find Cyclops sympathetic, the incompetent bastards. Marvel's also going to try giving Elektra another ongoing, 'cause why not, as well as Kingpin and friggin' Black Bolt. I keep waiting for Marvel to give up on the Inhumans, but they will not do it. Just keep throwin' away paper and creative talent on that dead end.

On to things I will actually waste money on, Deadpool is back to double-shipping, and it looks a though Scott Hepburn will be the artist, for at least this next arc. I haven't seen his work since he did an issue of DeConnick's first Captain Marvel volume, but I liked it all right then. Squirrel Girl is getting herself a Flying Squirrel Suit, which I am reasonably excited for. I don't understand why the solicit for Nova only mentions Richard Rider being alive again, like that wasn't already established two issues ago (or several months ago in the previous volume). Gwenpool is going up against Arcade, which is making me consider picking that book up. Well, I was already starting to do that, but it's made me consider it more.

Outside of those two publishers, Boom! is going to publish a Steven Universe ongoing. I've been meaning to post about that, as it's one of the only two things I watch reliably on TV anymore (the other being the NBA), and maybe I will soon. I was going to that Thursday after the election, but well, Trump. Adam Warren is releasing another Empowered one-shot, which I will probably buy. And there's the Wynonna Earp: Sisters mini-series, which I'd swear IDW hasn't been reliably releasing solicits for, and will be concluding in February. I don't know if I'll buy that or not. No sign of Darkwing Duck in the Joe Books solicits, although I don't think issue 5 was listed, either, and it showed up.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Foyle's War 3.4 - War of Nerves

Plot: Jack and Derek are in the pub getting drunk, Jack especially. Jack's in bomb disposal and it's taking its toll, to the point he pulls a gun on Derek, only to have Sam talk him into giving her the gun, which she promptly accidentally shoots a light with. The next morning, Foyle receives an unwelcome visit from Assistant Commissioner Rose. Foyle is busy investigating the disappearance of materials from nearby shipyards, material vital to keeping the shipping going. The police have set up a small construction business as a lure from the thief, who might see them as someone interested in some illicit building materials. But Rose is more concerned with a 5th columnist named Raymond Carter who is coming to the area, and wants Foyle to arrest the man on any charge he can find or concoct. Foyle reluctantly leaves Milner in charge of the sting, and goes to meet Carter and his fiance, noted watercolorist Lucinda Sheridan, as they arrive at their hotel. They're both pleasant enough, and offer to have lunch with Foyle the next day.

In other threads, Milner is approached by an Ian Kimble with an offer of lumber. Milner goes to the agreed location, but when he tries to make the arrest, get shot in the arm. And the rest of the flatfoots are slow enough that Kimble, no track star, gets away. He was tailed earlier to the Talbot brothers' shipyard, but there's no sign of him among their 400 employees at the shipyard. Meanwhile, the testimony of Sam and Jack's commander, Captain Hammond, have managed to get him off with a warning. Good thing, too, since Jack is supposed to be marrying Gwen, the daughter of the desk sergeant at Foyle's precinct. Gwen even asks Sam to be maid of honor. And speaking of fortuitous happenstance, a bomb lands in an unused building in the Talbot's shipyard, and when Jack's unit arrives, they find a mysterious box. The bomb is safely dealt with and removed, but the Talbots are rather more concerned with house the thousands of pounds that were inside the box are now missing.

The search for Kimble continues, to both the Talbots' and Rose's consternation. Especially because Foyle doesn't seem inclined to lean on Carter, and Derek is pushing for more of the 200 employees at the shipyard to organize. Kimble is hiding at home, and his wife, who works as a welder at the shipyard, gets the bright idea to try and question Gwen about Kimble shooting a cop (since he has no idea if Milner's alive or not). This only succeeds in making Gwen suspicious enough to talk to Sam, who brings her to Foyle, and Kimble (Bill Mason, actually) is soon in custody.

In the midst of all this, one of Jack's bomb disposal group is abducted outside the pub one night. There was a witness, so the police know it happened, but Hammond is oddly sanguine about it. Jack, not so much, as he's decided taking the money was a mistake, and wants to postpone his wedding. Gwen tells Sam, but tries to swear her to secrecy. Not that Foyle needs any help knowing to question Jack, though he might need Gwen's help getting him to talk. And that's if he can finally get Rose off his back long enough to deal with the problem.

Quote of the Episode: Rose - 'They're talking about people's government, people's peace, dangerous fifth column nonsense.'

Does Foyle go fishing? No.

Things Sam can do: Calmly talk down an inebriate with a gun. Give decent enough testimony to help exonerate said inebriate from consequences of his stupidity.

Other: The fact I say 400 employees in one sentence, and 200 in another, is not a typo.

Raymond Carter is played by Peter Capaldi, the current Doctor. I was sure I knew Peter Hugo-Daly, who plays Kimble, from somewhere, but there's nothing in his IMDb resume that rings any bells. No, I haven't seen Gangs of New York. Don't you start on me about that, I catch enough shit from seemingly everyone I know about that.

The end result of Gwen having to convince Jack to talk is, not only is Sam stripped of being maid of honor, she isn't even invited to the wedding. That's gratitude for ya. Well, Sam didn't want to go to your stupid wedding anyway. Your cake wasn't even going to have icing on it, and she was going to have a hell of a time finding a dress.

Hammond explains at one point that he's in bomb disposal because he's a pacifist, but still wanted to do his duty, and this was the option he felt fit best. Which is a contrast to Jack, who thought he'd be safe building bridges and the like, and winds up defusing explosives.

Rose is a dolt, someone who clearly failed upwards, so I enjoy him as someone for Foyle to punch up against. He has enough authority and protection he can be credible threat (or at least nuisance) to where it doesn't feel like Foyle's picking on some brain-damaged idiot manchild. SPOILERS from here on to the bottom, in this situation, Rose is actually trying to lean on Carter because Lucinda is his daughter, who has renounced his name in response to how he reacts to her fiance. As Foyle notes, if Carter is in jail, he can't marry Lucinda. Which is petty and dumb, but that's Rose. He probably could have done this anywhere, called in favors to any district Carter visited, but he chose Hastings, and Foyle. Even though he has to know Foyle will resent it, will question it, will buck Rose's orders at every opportunity. Because Foyle has done it in the past, and I think that's why Rose does it, because he wants to crack the whip on Foyle,and make him waste his time on what is ultimately a personal issue.

I could be giving Rose too much credit, now that I think of it. When Rose mentions they could charge Carter on sedition, Foyle points out it wasn't too long ago Rose was getting ready to charge Foyle with sedition. Rose acts as though he can't believe Foyle still remembers that, after all it happened a good 9 months ago! So maybe he's just so stupid he didn't think Foyle might not regard it as a priority, and might snoop around and figure out why he's really been assigned this.

Still, I enjoyed the reveal, because it plays with expectations. The whole time prior to that, it seems like the same old story: Government working hand-in-hand with big Bizness to keep the workers down. Strikes were apparently outlawed sometime earlier (we're up to June '41) by this point, which rather conveniently removes a lever labor has if management starts gouging them on wages, along with being able to charge people who try to organize with sedition. Foyle is busy trying to figure out who is stealing building supplies that are needed to keep ships bringing in vital supplies, and here's Rose, ordering him to harass some guy pushing for such radical ideas as self-determination for the colonies. Gasp! Oh no! When Foyle continues his own work, the Talbots complain to Rose that Foyle's not keeping his eye on the real problem, rise that old specter of Socialism. And then it turns out to all be a smokescreen. Whatever Rose's feelings on the subject, and it's clear he's pretty far right on the political spectrum, this is really just him not liking the guy his daughter is dating. Because he's a smelly hippie, basically.

As it turns out, the Talbots, who are receiving funding from the Admiralty and the Ministry of Shipping, are adding the names of dead kids to their employee rolls to get more money, which they were then embezzling into their secret slush fund. Had Hammond not taken them down with him (and I love that he made sure the specific goon who killed Ernie was also present), I have no doubt they'd have skated with a slap on the wrist. Let's hear it for revenge! Like alcohol, it is the solution to, and cause of, all our problems.

There's this one shot, when Foyle first meets Carter and Lucinda at the hotel, where Carter says something, and the camera does this extreme close-up on Foyle's face for a second or two. Way closer than normal when they want to show his reactions. It was kind of distracting. I don't know if they really wanted to emphasize Foyle feeling uncomfortable with this task, and Carter's comments exacerbating that or what.

The episode ends with the news that Germany has committed the massive blunder of invading the Soviet Union. Carter is ecstatic, claiming they're all in it together now, and Stalin has 7 million men. Yes, and he's going to get every single one of them killed, though that's no change from his everyday routine. How many would he have had available if not for all the purges, denouncing, and sending people to gulags?

Friday, November 25, 2016

Dragging Myself From The Food Coma For This

Pollock: This is ridiculous. You can't have a Thanksgiving get-together in such a small apartment!

Calvin: Nonsense. I've got four chairs, that's plenty with the futon -

Deadpool: [I'll just go ahead and eat lying down here.] *Deadpool leaps onto the futon. It breaks.*

Calvin: Crud.

Deadpool: [It's fine, I can comfortably eat like this. Thanks for pre-warming this by sitting here. Nice and toasty on ma buns.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Wade, what the heck?!

Deadpool: [What? This is shoddy construction!]

Clever Adolescent Panda: Or you're getting fat. maybe you better not have any food.

Deadpool: *outraged* [What?! I'm lean, yet muscular, thank you. Sinewy. Wiry. Like a panther. A sexy panther.]

Calvin: I don't know, you're looking pretty swollen. Maybe you're letting Ed McGuinness draw you too often.

Deadpool: [He is a superstar artist, how dare you! I'll show you I'm still in fighting trim!] *starts to remove clothes*

Everyone: No!

CAP: Forget we said anything Wade. I had completely forgotten you're actually really skinny when Koblish draws you in 2099. Where's Cassanee, didn't she come along?

Pollock: She's already tucking into the food.

*Cass is indeed piling a plate high with mashed potatoes and turkey*

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Did she already eat an entire pie?!

Calvin: Er no, I ate half of that this morning.

Pollock: *shakes head, tsks*

Calvin: Don't you start. I went running this morning!

Deadpool: [Trying to make it to the bathroom in time doesn't count.]

CAP: Let's just grab plates before it's all gone.

Pollock: And the lack of seating?

Calvin: I'll gladly sit on the floor if you'll shut the hell up about it.

*Eating commences*

CAP: Wade, why did you bring taquitos to Thanksgiving?

Calvin: I told him it was OK. I like taquitos.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Yeah, I'm fine with that.

Deadpool: [I also brought alcohol!]

Pollock: Yes, you've been spilling it on what's left of Calvin's futon for hours.

Calvin: She's right, do I need to buy a sippy cup for when you visit?

Deadpool: [I don't know, do you need a bullet hole in your head?]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Dang man.

CAP: I know, right? I was worried we'd argue about politics.

Calvin: No thanks, Wade, I've already got one in my foot courtesy of you.

Cassanee: What?

Pollock: Oh, she speaks! Here I thought living in the woods had robbed you of human speech. Opossums aren't great conversationalists, are they?

*Cassanee throws an empty pie tin at Pollock, who deflects it with her fork. Wade shoots it out of the air without even looking.*

Calvin: Hey, don't badmouth opossums!

CAP: They aren't great conversationalists, though. They'll make small talk, if you're patient, but that's about it.

Deadpool: [They don't like to share dumpsters, either. Or, so I hear. I certainly didn't sleep in dumpsters.]

CAP: Yeah, Wade, we all know about you being a big, successful Avenger with your own hi-rise.

Cassanee: *incredulous* They let him on the Avengers?

Deadpool: [I was picked by Captain America himself?]

Calvin: He's a HYDRA agent now, you know. But he wasn't when he first picked you, so we'll just chalk that decision up to senility.

Cassanee: The Falcon is a HYDRA agent?

CAP: You know about that?

Cassanee: We do have the ability to communicate with the outside world. Guyamo wrecked destroyed most of the infrastructure, but we've had plenty of time to get it fixed. Three and a half years is enough time for a cable/Internet provider to come out.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Maybe with your provider.

Pollock: Agreed.

CAP: Is Guyamo behaving himself?

Deadpool: [Is no one worried about Captain America being a member of HYDRA?]

Cassanee: No one has seen Guyamo since shortly after you helped overthrow him. He was just gone. We turned his castle into a community center.

CAP: That's nice.

Calvin: Will someone pass me those baked beans?

Pollock: Why don't you have some of my deviled eggs?

Calvin: I can't stand deviled eggs and you know that.

Pollock: Indeed I do. Suffer, wretch.

Deadpool: [I'll eat them.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Me too. Cassanee?

Cassanee: Sure.

Calvin: That makes me give thanks for friends who will eat disgusting foods, while cursing the, whatever the hell Pollock is to me by now, who bring those awful foods.

Pollock: Drat. Well, at least people are enjoying them. Moreso than those biscuits you made, Calvin.

CAP: *looks up from a plate of pasta* There are biscuits?

Calvin: Yeah, they're over on the counter with the other food.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: He brought some of his mom's cornbread, too!

CAP: !!!!!! *leaps from seat onto the counter*

Deadpool: [That's right, fill up on bread. More taquitos and turkey for me!]

Calvin: Wade, quit hogging all the dark meat!

CAP: *now holding three biscuits and a piece of cornbread* Should we say what we're giving thanks for?

Calvin: I guess. I'm probably going to slip into a coma soon, and it is sort of a tradition.

Deadpool: [I'm grateful I know people who live in a reality where booze is cheaper than it is in mine. And that now I know Captain America is a HYDRA agent, so I can save the day and boost my flagging merchandise sales.]

CAP: But you won't remember when you go home. This works like your old recap page in Cable/Deadpool.

Deadpool: [Damn, there goes my plan for a "battlin' bots" game with me and HYDRA-Cap.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: I'm grateful for this cornbread. And that I'm not trying to drive home, so I can drink some of Deadpool's cheap booze.

Calvin: I'm grateful you missed my mailbox when your brakes failed.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: I only smashed a few of that lady's lawn ornaments!

CAP: I'm grateful that I helped Lufonz finish his new body and he's hopefully safe from vengeful robots and wizards. Also that Wade hasn't forgotten us now that he's a big celebrity.

Deadpool: [I didn't really have any other place to go since I'm on the outs with my wife and my daughter's adopted family.]

CAP: Oh.

Deadpool: [But I like you guys, too. Let's help Pollock destroy her company so she can retake it soon!]

Pollock: Agreed.

CAP: *indignant* You never called me to tell me we were doing that!

Cassanee: I wanted to do that years ago.

Pollock: It didn't need destroying then!

Cassanee: Sez you.

Deadpool: [Ladies, perhaps you could settle your differences in a really cool extended fight scene in some windswept field or a on top of a skyscraper?]

Calvin: I figured you were going to suggest mud wrestling.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: So did I.

CAP: Yeah, me too.

Pollock: I was getting ready to hit you for it.

Deadpool: [I would never! Well, sometimes. But only when it's funny. And there wouldn't be any hard feelings, just hard places. Because that kind of action can be pretty stimulating-]

Calvin: Yeah, that's enough of that. Cass?

Cassanee: *thinks for a moment* I have a nice home. I have a good pair of boots. We've mostly driven back the bandits.

CAP: Bandits?

Cassanee: They're big, and hairy, and they walk funny. They all have big noses, and wear handkerchiefs over their faces. They steal food and camping equipment mostly.

CAP: Huh.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Weird. Calvin?

Calvin: Ha ha, I sure don't know anything about that!

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: I meant, what are you thankful for?

Calvin: Oh, uh, you know, got a real boy job. That was pretty OK. Can't shake the feeling I'm actually in that Twilight Zone episode where the guy dies and thinks he's in Heaven when he's in Hell. They didn't try very hard to sell me on it being Heaven, but the Cubs won the World Series and the Dallas Cowboys are good again, so yeah, starting to look a lot like Hell.

CAP: That was an awful giving of thanks. Soooo, Pollock?

Pollock: I'm thankful for the chance for revenge against the people who took what's mine that looms in the future. Vicious, brutal revenge.

*Everyone stares at her blankly. Except Deadpool, who gives a big thumbs up.*

Pollock: And I'm pretty great. I'm thankful for that, too.

CAP: I'm a lot less enthusiastic about helping you now, for some reason. And that even worse than Calvin's. Can anyone be thankful for a nice thing?

Deadpool: [Oooh, ooh, me, pick me! I remembered something else!]

Calvin: Don't do it.

Cassanee: He's an idiot, you'll regret it.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Aw, I want to hear what he says.

CAP: *sighs* OK Wade, let's hear it.

Deadpool: [I'm thankful that my incredible popularity hasn't made Marvel put me in books with more Inhumans. I, too, am pretty great, but even I can't make anyone actually care about those guys. Better to just let them sink, like those bodies I hide in tar pits.]

CAP: That is a good thing, but still kind of mean.

Calvin: Well, sometimes being thankful out of spite is all we've got and- *a sound from his pocket causes Calvin to leap to his feet, grab a camera and dash outside. He returns in less than a minute*

Calvin: All right, an osprey! And I even got a decent photo, I think! *It's not actually a very good photo*

CAP: What the heck?

Calvin: *holds up smart phone* It's this app I got, Osprey Alert. It tells you when there are ospreys nearby. They're so cool looking! *gestures at Pollock* I'm thankful your company made this app!

Pollock: You're the one person who bought that app?!

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: You actually bought a smart phone?

CAP: Yeah, I'm not sure I can believe that. Are you also Pollock somehow?

Pollock: Now how would that work? I'm sitting right here!

Deadpool: [Your powers are mutating and you can split into multiple versions of yourself, who can also shapeshift.]

CAP: Or you learned a spell.

Calvin: Or you're a hologram.

Pollock: Why are you helping them?

Calvin: *shrugs* I dunno, I just felt like throwing out ideas.

Pollock: well stop it. You are you, and I am me, and you're an idiot, but did you leave feedback about your purchase?

Calvin: I did one of those online surveys about the seller, because your company wouldn't stop sending me e-mails asking me to. And still hasn't even after I did the survey.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: I hate when they do that.

Deadpool: [Yeah, harassing customers with annoying mail is an awful thing!]

CAP: Why did I just get five e-mails encouraging me to take advantage of the great online deals on your "Deadpool's Sweatin' to the Oldies" workout videos then?

Cassanee: Ech.

Deadpool: [Uh, my site was hacked by the Russians?]