Some time ago, some coworkers and I got into a discussion about our preferences in doughnuts. I agreed with one fellow that I prefer the cake doughnuts, while the others preferred the, I guess, yeast doughnuts. The ones that are typically larger and lighter. Those can be OK, I'm not completely against them, but it's like eating air. Air with frosting on it.
Now if someone could devise frosting that defied gravity, that person would be elevated to the level of a god. You could be sitting in an easy chair, reading a book, you spray some frosting next to you, and just turn your head and take a bite whenever you like.
There'd be mishaps, though. People would overestimate their vertical, and you'd have frosting sprayed too high in the air for anyone to reach. Just floating there, causing problems for birds, attracting insects. The birds might appreciate all the insects, but they'd end up getting some of the frosting along with the bugs and the next thing you know, you have birds suffering from obesity and diabetes. Will Wilford Bremley help them get diabetes supplies delivered right to their nests? I doubt it.
I imagine people would start spraying the frosting too high as part of performance art. You'd see people out on sidewalks, dressed in leotards, pantomiming leaping helplessly towards their costar (who is suspended from a light pole with a sign that says "Frosting" around their neck), but always coming up short. They'd title their performance something ridiculous like "Icarus Flies Too Close To The Sun". On the other side, gravity-defying frosting-based comedy would take off. There'd be so many acts about a guy trying to reach that frosting, so now he's going to try and climb the walls with plungers. Then he'll try stacking up furniture in an unsteady tower. Then he'll try sawing through his roof to get the frosting from above, all with hilarious consequences.
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3 comments:
If you could spray a thick enough patch of frosting, could you use them as makeshift steps to reach high places? Think of the possibilities for delicious elevated perambulation!
Matthew: I'd never considered that, but it's a brilliant thought. In the winter, or if you otherwise froze it solid after it's placement, it'd be workable. Otherwise, I feel your foot would displace the frosting to either side of it and you plummet. Which is another avenue of slapstick comedy, to be certain.
Also, I'd be a little worried about a slickness factor even when frozen. Wouldn't be fun to slip off it when 7 stories up.
That's why we provide a shaker of icing sugar to give traction!
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