DOA: Dead or Alive

What the hell was I thinking? It's a movie based on a fighting video game, I guess I expected it would the sort of bad that's funny, and in places it is. In other places, it's just bad.

So, DOA. Kasumi's brother, Hayate, has been missing since he left their clan to enter one of these DOA tournaments. Kasumi leaves as well, which makes her an outcast who must be hunted down and killed. Ayane (who is Kasumi and Hayate's half-sister in the games, but not here) takes up that task, though as Kasumi notes, she didn't bother to hunt down and kill Hayate when he did the same thing.

Anyway, a bunch of characters show up for this tournament - after someone throws some weird throwing star at each of them, which makes me want to know who did that, because they're pretty good - and start fighting each other. Some of them want the prize money, some of them plan to steal the prize money, some want respect, Kasumi wants to find her brother, Hayabusa wants to protect Kasumi, on and on. What they don't know is that the physicals they received, included an injection of nano-things that are recording information about them. Which will ultimately be downloaded into a set of sunglasses for Eric Roberts to wear so he too, can know kung fu.

I'm not at all sure how downloading the fighting styles of all these other fighters enables him to predict Hayate's moves like he has precognitive vision, but there you go. I'm also not sure how knowing what's coming can keep a middle-aged man of not terribly impressive physical condition from getting his ass beat by a bunch of much younger and fitter opponents. Like, I could be boxing Floyd Mayweather, and even if I knew what punch was coming, there's no guarantee I could avoid it. I'm further not sure how Roberts (playing Victor Donovan) can claim he's kept Hayate in perfect fighting condition for this match, if he's kept him chained to a steel crucifix type thing for the last year. That seems like it would cause major muscle atrophy. Lastly, I don't know how Roberts can claim Kasumi lacks Hayate's fighting spirit or skill when we saw her whup the guy who allegedly beat Hayate's ass in the last tournament. I guess we're meant to take it that Hayate not only wasn't killed by Leon, he wasn't even beaten by him, but was captured in some other way. I don't know, he didn't look that much better than any of the other fighters. What, a girl can't be the best fighter, couldn't have been inspired after that time her brother rescued her and ended up even better?

There are some parts to the story I like, but I think that's a residual effect of liking those things in the games. The whole thing with Kasumi/Hayate/Ayane/Hayabusa, for example, has always been interesting. Kasumi's willingness to become an outcast to find her brother. Ayane hating Kasumi for having everything she didn't, Hayabusa trying to be Hayate's best friend by keeping Kasumi away from him (so Hayate doesn't have to try and kill her). Ayane's admiration for Hayate (which I think he uses to utilize her like an attack dog, because he's a gutless wonder. If you're in charge of the clan, then tell them to fuck off when they tell you to kill the sister who helped you recover your memories. It's an easy call). They shift things a little in the movie. Ayane is in love with Hayate, which would explain why she hasn't tried to hunt down and kill him. Hayabusa is not quite the super cool ninja from the Ninja Gaiden games. He fights pretty well, but he's kind of a goof around Kasumi (I assume because they wanted to tease a romance angle). I'm not sure how to interpret Ayane's unwillingness to try and kill Kasumi when anyone else is around. If it's that important, get it done, but it could be argued she's keeping up appearances while really hoping Kasumi will find Hayate, since Ayane can't officially come looking for him.

The thing is, I'm not sure how much of that would be evident to someone who hasn't spent too much time thinking about the character's backstories while playing the games. If all you had to go on was the movie, I'm not sure it would carry as well. I don't think the dialogue helps. It's very stilted, formal. People say names in that way that's clearly meant to introduce them to the audience, rather than in the way you might actually, say someone's name.

I thought they did a better job with Tina and Bass, but that one was a little simpler. Tina doesn't just want to be a pro wrestler like her dad, so she's bucking against his expectations. But it does work, because Bass very obviously cares about his daughter and wants her to be happy. He just doesn't quite understand what that means to her. There's a bit where he kicks in her hotel room door because they're supposed to fight, only to find her in bed with Christie. Christie's bed got trashed when Kasumi beat Leon, so Tina agreed to let her crash. Bass takes it a different way, but he does seem happy his daughter found someone, and he leaves quickly. I thought it was funny, anyway.

I thought the direction they went with Christie was kind of interesting. They label her as a 'master assassin and thief', but basically ignore the assassin part. Maybe they thought it would be harder for her to become friends with Tina and Kasumi if she was busy killing all her opponents. I thought it would have simplified things for her on a few occasions, at least.

I felt like they did at least make an attempt to give the different characters different fighting styles. I mean there were a lot of high kicks and people leaping around regardless, but each person seemed to have a few movements or attacks that were unique to them. To the extent I could tell. The camera never really seems content to stay in one place. It's always jumping from one face to another, from one place to another. It isn't Bourne Identity Nausea-Inducing Camera, at least. Still makes it hard to enjoy the flow of the fights, or even to tell if there is a flow. I prefer a more static camera, where I can see what's going on. Move in or back if you really need to, but otherwise, let the fight speak for itself. If it's good, if there's a reason to care, I'll stay engaged. Which might explain why it didn't stay still.

On the whole, just pass the movie by, OK?