I said in December I intended to keep doing these hypothetical 5-character teams every other month. Then I didn't do one in December, when it was scheduled. Now I almost missed January. Almost.
For this team, I went with the idea of assembling a team to put on a play, based on my extremely vague and probably incorrect understanding of what a theater group might consist of, if you pared it down to a core five people. I figured I should explain that up front. Also, the characters are from some different time periods, and I am not going to vaguely handwave how they are all together.
The Director: Albert Eberts (Michael McCafferty, The Invisible Man) - The person behind this theater group, because it is naturally not just a theater group, is Eberts' boss, The Official. But he's not going to waste time directing a play. Not when he can assign it to his loyal subordinate, who will make certain the project does not go over what is certain to be an extremely tight budget.
Eberts is an expert on bureaucracy, which means he should be able to navigate whatever permits are required, and find ways to get by with some wiring and effects that are not exactly up to code (more on that further down). He's practical-minded, conscious of deadlines, and worst comes to worst, he at least sort of knows how to use firearms.
Beyond that, I figure Eberts has a creative side that he mostly suppresses. Maybe he didn't receive encouragement at a young age, maybe he lacked confidence, maybe his knack for organization got him fast-tracked in other directions. The opportunity to actually be creative as part of his job might be quite appealing. The Official is no doubt going to have notes, and Eberts is going to have to struggle through his loyalty to his boss, and sudden desire to spread his artistic wings, no matter how much Fawkes and Hobbes mock him for it (and they will, especially Hobbes, who is probably miffed he was asked to be involved).
The Effects Guy: Joe Garelli (Joe Rogan, Newsradio) - I have no idea what play, exactly, this group is putting on, other than it has to involve singing, based on the people I chose as leads. Again, because I know nothing about theater. Whatever it is, rest assured Joe is going to give it some bang-up effects, emphasis on "bang". In the explosions sense, not the intercourse sense, you perverts.
Joe is always tinkering, always messing with things, but he is extremely skilled when it comes to most things electrical or technical, whether he's trying to recover Dave's crashed hard drive, or repair a radio transmitter. Whether anyone asked him to do those things, and how dangerous his repairs are to himself and everyone around him is another matter. Eberts and the Official will no doubt appreciate Joe's ability to cobble
together workable equipment from whatever he can scrounge or steal,
assuming they can get him to use the parts for what they tell him to
do. He's an avid conspiracy truther, and given some of the weirdos that are going to be hanging around this group, he may get a lot of evidence to corroborate his beliefs in alien autopsy videos or whatever.
I had originally pegged Joe as The Muscle in the old categories, since he fancied himself a physical specimen (and Joe Rogan is an announcer for UFC still, I think). But he'd also be an effective Rogue. At the moment the purpose of all this becomes clear, I'm not sure which way he'll go. I can't imagine he'd be excited to work with the government, but they're going to be doing something not entirely legal, so that might interest him. It's going to involve weird stuff, which will definitely interest him, if for no other reason than to make money telling everyone about the government trying to hide stuff. Still, he should be able to create some really impressive lighting and smoke effects. Until things inevitably catch on fire.
The Lead Actress: Dixie Cousins (Kelly Rutherford, Adventures of Brisco County Jr.) - I'm not sure how Dixie got from the late 1890s to the late 20th-early 21st Century. Because I don't know. The Orb, did it maybe.
Dixie was a traveling singer in the West, of a fair amount of renown. People in towns all through the country knew of her and looked forward to her shows. Some of which may have been down to her costuming, but she seemed like a solid singer to my untrained ear, and she knew how to work an audience. So if there's singing and dancing involved, and there almost certainly will be, she should be more than capable on those fronts.
As for acting, Dixie has assumed disguises and identities at times, has played at being interested in a man to get information from him, which suggests some acting ability. However, the disguises weren't great (when she went into hiding, she just dyed her hair and continued singing in clubs and saloons), and she always seems to drop her act at a bad moment. Admittedly, that's usually because Brisco County Jr. showed up, but if the Orb sent Dixie a century into the future, it's a sure bet Brisco is trying to find some way to reach her. Which means, in typical fashion, he'll appear at the most inconvenient time. Still, until then, I think she can handle it. Singing, dancing, romance, intrigue, she's good at all that stuff.
The Lead Actor: Diego de la Vega (Guy Williams, Zorro) - Will the Orb work as an explanation a second time? It will? You're cool with that? Awesome. Diego's going to want to find a way back home, and he's doing the acting thing as a way to stay in southern California in the meantime.
Diego was quite the skilled musician, with both guitar and piano. He had a good baritone singing voice (or his IMdb bio says it was a baritone, I couldn't tell you). There certainly were no complaints on that score from the ladies he sang to, whether as Diego or Zorro. Not to mention he'll be a natural when it comes to stunts. Since he's been propelled into the future, and nobody would know him here, he doesn't have to worry about maintaining the pretense of Diego being a clumsy scholar, which was proving more of a strain as time went on. If he's playing at being an actor, his skill in tumbling and flashy swordfighting would only be considered an asset. Plus, someone with his reflexes could come in handy if people on stage are endangered by Joe's pyrotechnics.
When things start to go off-script, Diego is naturally going to involve himself. Maybe he'll throw on the costume, maybe not. I'd vote for acting as Zorro, simply because the costume is very cool, but there might not be time. I could see him trying to protect Dixie first, regardless, which she might appreciate. Depends on whether she feels she had things under control at the moment. Either way, I'd expect she and Diego to have some natural chemistry. I'd also expect Diego and Joe to butt heads regularly, since Joe is certain to make remarks, probably about Dixie, that Diego finds out of line. His Old World sense of propriety, or chauvinism, or whatever you want to call it. But if he kicks Joe's butt cleanly, Joe would probably respect him for it, which might make it the best way for things to go.
The Costumer/Designer: Jane Lane (voiced by Wendy Hoopes, Daria) - I wasn't sure how to define Jane's job. Maybe creative consultant? She's an artist, mostly paints, but also pencil work, sculpture, pretty much whatever medium she feels like working in. I figured scenery and backdrops at a minimum, costuming designs maybe. I imagine she'd have some ideas about appropriate or cool lighting, which may or may not agree with what Eberts or Joe have in mind (for that matter, I see Eberts and Joe having a lot of disagreements about stuff like that).
I expect Jane to be the least interested in what's actually going on. She'll be suspicious and curious, but if she's left to create, and Eberts is willing and able to incorporate what she comes up with into the show (and pay her), I'm not sure she's going to worry too much otherwise. Jane, like me, enjoys making smartass remarks and asking uncomfortable questions to mess with people, but I don't see her trying to throw a spanner in the works.
It occurred to me halfway through typing this there needs to be music. I had Jane in mind as The Lady with a Boat, in this case her brother Trent's van. So maybe Trent's band can be the music. Or Diego could play some pieces Joe can record and play back during the performance. Or Bernardo, Sergeant Garcia and Corporal Reyes got pulled through time as well, and Diego gets them to play. If that's the case, Garcia is absolutely going to end up on stage at some point during the show, and wow the crowd with his impressive singing voice. Because the applause will bring a big smile to the sergeant's face, and a happy Sergeant Garcia makes me smile, too.
As for the goal of all this, I figure the Agency is using this play as a smokescreen to get at Arnaud de Ferhn's vaults. He's gotten his hands on some extremely early prototype of the Orb. I mean, really early, since that thing isn't supposed to be created for a few centuries yet. This one probably isn't capable of time travel on its own, yet. But as a potential power source, maybe. It might be the quantum computer introduced in episode 1.8 of The Invisible Man, in a new and improved (evolved?) version.
It seems more likely to be the sort of thing the Chrysalis Group would have stored somewhere, but I can't see the theater troupe scam working on them. Arnaud on the other hand, owns a casino, and is both pretentious enough to want to have a theater putting on plays there, and cheap enough to hire some half-assed, shoestring budget group. He's probably paying them in free, leftover buffet shrimp.
Figure Darien and Hobbes are lurking somewhere among the stagehands, pretending to just be regular workers. But Darien takes such a half-assed approach to playing any sort of a role that he's far too casual and friendly with Eberts for the others on the troupe not to notice. Plus, he and Hobbes are probably trying to wander around surreptitiously and figure out where Arnaud is hiding the MacGuffin, something Diego would almost certainly notice and investigate, and likely Dixie, Joe, and Jane, either separately or as a group.
Arnaud is either eventually going to notice them, or has known all along what was going on, and this was all part of another of his overly complicated plans to get Darien. Expect Diego (or Zorro) to make a key last-minute save, possibly alongside Brisco if he does show up. Jane could be an effective distraction, especially if her brother is there providing the music for the show. I don't know if that would involve some kind of demonstration or crazy public performance, or if they'd just light something on fire. Either one is good. Dixie and Joe are the ones who actually get the MacGuffin, forming an effective, if uneasy duo. They're both naturally curious, they both like to bluff, they'll both hit people if they feel like it, what more do you need?
I expect poor Eberts is going to be crestfallen if all this happens on Opening Night. Maybe they'll get to do a couple of actual shows first, to help sell their cover to Arnaud? Because I think Eberts will get into it, and I actually don't think this crew will give him much trouble. He may have to rein in some of Jane and Joe's excesses, and Diego will tease him a bit, because that's what Diego does, but Eberts is going to be taking this seriously, and try to do his best. And I think everyone else on the team takes enough pride in their work they will, too. Dixie and Diego have too much pride to turn in a poor performance, and Joe and Jane would have too high an opinion of their work to half-ass it.
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