A Dark Trail - Chapter 10

By the time Deadpool and Rhodez turned away from the window, the gnome was gone. Neither of them heard anything.

"Do you think he ran off?" Rhodez asked hopefully.

Deadpool continued scanning the area. "He shrugged off three bullets to the chest and knocked us both on our asses. Unless he's the love child of Domino and Puck and his luck powers ran out, probably not."

The two moved carefully down a row of cubicles, searching everywhere. As they reached another intersection, Rhodez glimpsed something at the far end of the lane to her right. She raised her rifle and fired.

The round tore a sizable hole in one cube, but the shadow she'd seen darted to safety, for the moment.

"Office Surfin'!"

Only for the moment because Deadpool was headed that way the moment he noticed Rhodez had seen something. He made a flying leap onto a mail cart and hurtled down the aisle, crouched low, arms out to either side. The Gnome with a Syringe could have easily escaped down another aisle, but didn't see the point. Instead he leapt into the air, ready to kick this jittery idiot's head off.

The mercenary met the jump with one of his own, drawing a sword as he did and shouting, "Special Deadpool Sword Technique!"

The two sailed past each other, whatever Deadpool's attack was, it let him twist out of the path of the kick. They landed facing away from each other, both in a crouch. Still back at the intersection, Rhodez watched intently, waiting for something to happen. Deadpool sheathed his blade with a click that echoed in the empty workspace. The gnome straightened up, and Rhodez raised her rifle again as his eyes locked with hers.

"Deadpool?" she called uncertainly.

"Wait for it," he replied, still in his landing pose.

A single cut in the gnome's tunic appeared. He scratched idly at the unbroken skin under it.

"It itched. That's about it."

He took one step towards Rhodez, and the lower half of his beard fell to the floor. He froze, staring at his shorn facial hair.

"Beard Trimmer!" Wade exclaimed proudly as he finally stood up and turned to face the other two. Before he could say more, a tiny fist connected with his chin. His lower jaw was driven back sharply, nearly severing his windpipe. The rest of him flew back into the wall, only his lower legs and hand sticking out of the hole.

The gnome advanced until a shot hit him in the shoulder and sent him stumbling forward a step. He whirled and glared at Rhodez, who looked on in dismay.

"Oh come on!" she groaned as the gnome marched forward and sent the cart screaming down the aisle towards her with one kick. There was no time to dodge, so she held out the rifle, hoping to blunt the impact at least a little. She felt a sharp pain shiver up both arms at first contact, but that was all.

Rhodez winced as she opened her eyes to find she hadn't been run over. The cart had stopped on contact. Her arms stung and her rifle was dented. She probably couldn't risk firing it again.

Which was a problem, because the gnome was watching her with a dangerous glint in his eyes. She hadn't retrieved her hatchet after he kicked her in the head, and if the .30-30 rounds weren't stopping him, she doubted using the rifle as a club would work.

"Microverse ZZ Top." The gnome turned, fed up with the insults. Of course, compared to the syringe full of acid Deadpool sprayed into his face, the insults weren't so bad. Rhodez approached slowly, not really wanting a closer look at the damage, but Deadpool seemed unperturbed. He was talking to himself about whether a "Melt with You" reference would have been better.

The tiny terror lurched in their direction, and Rhodez backed up quickly, going into a ready crouch, one hand on the ground steadying her to defend or roll away. The gnome crouched as well, preparing to jump. Gaining high ground for an attack, or trying to escape? It was never clear because as he went to spring off the ground, his feet slid from under him and he simply fell on his face.

His mostly melted, extremely injured face.

"I guess your luck powers really did run out," Deadpool observed over the screams. "You aren't hurt enough you can't feel pain, but the acid did make you uglier than me." He tried to walk over to the gnome, but his feet slid uselessly on the carpeted floor.

The gnome glared hatefully through the eye that's lid hadn't melted over it as he scrabbled uselessly at the carpet, trying to drag himself away. "You could run me over for an hour and I'd still look better than you, crapbag."

"As much as I'd love doing donuts on your face in the parking lot, I don't think my trainee would approve." Deadpool found he still couldn't move. "Hey Padawan, throw me your rifle, I'm on a treadmill here, and not just the constant cycle of making friends then pissing them off my creative teams have me on."

"I'm not sure it'll help, Wa - Deadpool. See for yourself." She rose to her feet and tossed it to him. As she did, both Deadpool and the gnome abruptly stumbled forward. Deadpool turned it into a lunge, ignoring the rifle, knife drawn trying to pin his enemy to the ground like a bug on display. The Gnome launched himself up and away, snatching the rifle in midair. Knowing it would be useless against the regenerating merc, he aimed at Rhodez instead, who had fallen backwards and was scrambling away on all fours.

Deadpool found he couldn't get up, limbs sliding uselessly. "Thanks for pointing out the obvious, useless narrator. How about you explain who entered a cheat code to turn this into an ice level from Mario 3?"

Listen here you, this is not a visual narrative. I have to describe what's happening for the audience.

"Blah, blah, while the useless narrator defended his obsolete job, Deadpool threw his knife at the stupid, smelly, ugly gnome!"

Knock that off! Ahem, Deadpool threw his knife at the gnome, but the rifle had already exploded in the Gnome's face, what was left of it. He fell backwards, landing on the mail cart. It spun slightly and rolled more than would be expected from the impact. Taking a chance, Rhodez rushed the cart and shoved it. The cart sailed down the aisle like a runaway train, and almost as devoid of passengers, the disarmed and maimed gnome writhing on top of it. The cart went through a window at the end of the aisle, with a loud crash and fell out of sight.

Rhodez walked over and Wade found he could get up again. "Thank goodness, those little blue pills are expensive." Turning to Rhodez, he said, "I think you need X-Men training more than assassin training Padawan. I guess we could enroll you in the X-Force after-school program and split the difference."

Rhodez sighed. "Wade, I can't afford more education. I already have enough student debt I seriously considered letting you train me to be a contract killer. I can't even replace that rifle," she gestured glumly.

"That's why you take hits on the side, when you aren't going on paramiltary, morally ambiguous missions with a bunch of people in all black and grey outfits! They'll even give you guns, you just have to "lose" them along the way," the mercenary gestured enthusiastically.

"Are you two OK?" They turned to see a damp panda and bedraggled Pollock, who was wringing her cape out furiously.

Deadpool arched one eye. "Not as OK as you two if you had time for pool sex. You're supposed to invite me to that."

Hard to say which of the other three people in the room was more disgusted by that comment. "That's not what we were doing!" snapped Pollock. "We were attacked by an idiot with grenades and intangibility powers!"

"That still doesn't explain looking like you've just run through the city desperately in a thunderstorm to catch the train your lover is leaving town forever on," Deadpool observed, before turning to Clever Adolescent Panda. "So what had you bothered in there, big chum?"

"There were a lot of researchers and lab technicians, and they were all dead. It looks like the Amilgars did it. What happened up here?"

"We got attacked by a creepy gnome," Rhodez explained.

"Is that all?" Pollock asked incredulously. "From all the damage up here, I'd think you fought a team of highly trained super soldiers."

"I've heard gnomes have eight times the strength of an ordinary human," the panda observed, "but I've never met one, so I don't know if it's true."

"Pretty sure it's true," Rhodez said wearily.