Our first Random Back Issue was from Nova, and now we're back, with an issue from about 10 months later. By this point, we're out of War of Kings, and into Realm of Kings, which was basically just what Cosmic Marvel was like after War of Kings. Less an event than a vague tagline they could stamp on the top of the cover.
There's a giant tear in the fabric of the universe called the Fault as a result of the most recent Kree/Shi'ar war. Nova went in there after Darkhawk (accused of killing Empress Lilandra), and they got caught up in a war between two versions of The Sphinx, something possible because normal rules of reality don't apply in this place which isn't technically within reality. The old one is riddled with time cancer basically, from his fucking around with his own timeline, and is trying to convince his younger self not to make the same mistakes. That didn't work, so now they're fighting, using proxies.
Old Sphinx has Nova, Darkhawk, and versions of Black Bolt, Reed Richards, and Namorita from earlier time periods. Young Sphinx brings in a bunch of people whose powers are derived from mysterious gems, same as him. Moonstone, Basilisk, Man-Wolf, Ulysses Bloodstone, and Gyre, one of the Fraternity of Raptors Darkhawk's been struggling with. One-on-one combat, best-of-five.
Nova draws Moonstone, fighting in his old high school playground, and seems to be struggling despite the fact he fought her and three other Thunderbolts when he got back to Earth after Annihilation. But he's also trying to talk to her, as well. I assume because he thinks Young Sphinx is controlling his proxies via their power sources, but still. Boooooo! No talking!
Namorita squares off in swordfight with Man-Wolf in 'the Floating Fortress of Arisen Tyrk', in the Other Realm. There's also undead soldiers there, so a mermaid princess and a wolfman are swordfighting while being attacked by zombies. Richards ends up against Bloodstone in Vanaheim. I forget which of the Nine Realms that is. Looks like Arizona with active volcanoes. Reed's playing to subdue, but Ulysses has time-delayed exploding shells and is out for the kill.
Black Bolt ends up against Basilisk in the ruins of Attilan. he finds his own grave marker, and basically stands there dumbfounded until he's turned to stone and shattered, giving Young Sphinx the first win.
The Inhumans, fucking useless as always. This is why nobody likes your people, Boltagon.
Darkhawk (who Old Sphinx somehow didn't even perceive) ends up fighting Gyre at the Fraternity Tree in Null Space, where all the crystals that house Darkhawk armors sit. Or something. Honestly, I lost track of all the retconning they did to Darkhawk long before Chris Sims and Chad Bowers did that shit about how the Darkhawks were meant to be an 'anti-Phoenix' or something. Fuck, that was stupid. Anyway, Chris has figured out how to force the A.I., or disembodied mind in the crystal out of the body it's using, and he does that to Gyre, netting Old Sphinx his first win.
Even so, Young Sphinx is feeling cocky. He says Nita's only seconds away from being beaten by Man-Wolf, and Bloodstone is about to slit Reed's throat. I call bullshit on an Atlantean losing to John Jameson dressed as a furry. Reed's able to fend him off, and mess with the fuses to the shells so they explode on Bloodstone's belt. I feel like Reed could have picked that up from Johnny and Ben's prank wars.
Meanwhile, Moonstone is going for the blunt force approach of crushing Nova under 150 times Earth's gravity and rising. Goku and Vegeta are not impressed. And neither is Rich, who ultimately pulls out the win by hitting her with a 'compressed grav pulse'. Pencil-thin bit of gravity energy, I guess. Precise application rather than broad-based.
So, it's a 3-1 win for Old Sphinx. No one is quite sure what that means, until Darkhawk marches up and rips the Ka Stone right of Young Sphinx' head. Well, OK then. Unfortunately, because Darkhawk's crystal is apparently also one of those old stone power sources, Old Sphinx can control him and gets two Ka Stones. Well, shit.
The book ends two issues from now as Thanos Imperative kicks off. So we aren't quite at the end of the Abnett/Lanning Cosmic Marvel, but it's close. Probably only a year or so from Bendis taking over Guardians of the Galaxy. Yeesh. Also included in this issue a preview of Jeph Loeb and Frank Cho's New Ultimates series, spinning out of the trash fire that was Ultimatum!
Written by the same guy who is responsible for said trash fire! Plus with 9000% more butt shots in the art, courtesy of the guy who gave us Naked Lady Ultron!
It's a miracle any of us still read comics at all.
[8th long box, 38th comic. Nova (vol. 4) #34. Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning (writers), Mahmud A. Asrar (penciler), Scott Hanna (inker), Bruno Hang (colorist), Cory Petit (letterer)]
5 comments:
It's a miracle any of us still read comics at all.
You lasted longer than I did. I think I checked out of Marvel with "One More Day" (shudder) although I kept up with Rocket Raccoon for a while after that, but even my love for that character wouldn't get me to read a Bendis comic again.
The key is to stay on the fringes as much as possible. The further I stay from the tentpole books that are always tied up in some event bulsshit, the easier it is to ignore all that.
Yeah, I got back into (Marvel) comics at a time when big events and crossovers had fallen out of fashion so I had a good few years of enjoyment before it all went to heck with... I think House of M was the first one?
Yeah. I guess you could count Avengers Disassembled, but that's what spawned House of M (and Bendis writing Avengers) so it's probably all part of the same thing.
Oh yes, I'd forgotten that "Disassembled" had tie-ins in other titles, so was technically an "event". Yikes.
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