Sunday Splash Page #390

"X-Terminate the X-Apes," in NextWave #11, by Warren Ellis (writer), Stuart Immonen (penciler), Wade von Grawbadger (inker), Dave McCaig (colorist), Joe Caramagna (letterer)

As a plot description, NextWave was about 5 heroes who find out the top-secret organization they're working for (Highest Anti-Terrorism Effort), and its corporate sponsors (Beyond Corporation), are creating all sorts of dangerous weapons. So they go rogue, stealing a ship and traveling the country, attacking various installations of freaky crap.

In practice, NextWave seemed to be about Warren Ellis giving Stuart Immonen lots of fights between angrily sarcastic heroes and weird and/or cool shit to draw. As one of the caption boxes says after a sequence of kicking and exploding things, "This is what they want!"

The "they" in this scenario I assume applied to the readers. The readers say they want action, they want fight scenes, they want cool one-liners and all manner of weird shit? Well unhinge your jaw, because Ellis and Immonen are jamming a funnel down your throat and pouring in all you can take.

So, of course, the book sold like crap. There were no crossovers! No guest appearances from more popular characters! No event tie-ins, unless you count the cover for issue 11, which proclaimed it "Not Part of a Marvel Comics Event", and featured Machine Man holding a sign that read, "Mark Millar Licks Goats" (Those poor goats.)

It was just a book about five characters running around blowing up stuff like samurai robots, or Mindless Ones summoned by the Dread Rorkannu on behalf of the Beyond Corporation in exchange for $100 and some of those "Suicide Girls." Clearly, it wasn't making any attempt to take itself seriously, even if the characters were (to the extent they were capable of taking anything seriously.)

The best known character was probably Monica Rambeau, formerly Captain Marvel the 2nd, now a grouchy woman trying to use her limited cred as having led the Avengers to ride herd on 4 lunatics. Or maybe original X-Forcer Boom-Boom, who just goes by Tabby in this book, and gets written as a sort of Valley Girl idiot. Actually kind of weird reading that New Warriors Annual last week and she's shown to know her way around computer databases. Not no more she ain't! Machine Man calls himself "Aaron", and is an arrogant, drunk, robot. Ellis turns Elsa Bloodstone from a Buffy knock-off to Hellboy crossed with the Punisher, combined with an acerbic British attitude. The Captain was a new character, and was just some loser from Jersey who got powers from dumb aliens, who he then kicked the crap out of because he was drunk and thought they were leprechauns. His best moment was probably beating Rorkannu's skull in with a toilet.

They argue all the time. Tabby gives Elsa grief about a European Union shirt (which Ellis later uses to mock the, "Do you think this A on my head stands for France?" line from Ultimates. Which, to be clear, deserved to be mocked.) Aaron keeps calling everyone else "fleshy ones", and at one point gets the shit kicked out of him by the 3 women on the team. The Captain's a dope that everyone barely tolerates and no one worries when he gets smacked over the horizon. It's a workplace comedy, but they all really dislike each other. They just hate Beyond Corp more.

It's a very early-2000s style of humor. They're being chased by Dirk Anger, a parody Nick Fury who yells angrily all the time and keeps trying to kill himself through methods like sitting in a chair staring down the barrel of a revolver the size of a tank, as some kind of gag about masculinity issues or repressed homosexuality or something. Beyond Corp throws a bunch of knock-off Avengers at them, including a guy who got Captain America powers because Rogers took a whiz after the procedure, and the super-soldier serum was still viable in that form. Another guy got Hulk powers because he tried to huff gamma-irradiated nuclear waste. They're led by Forbush Man, who makes a lot of proclamations about how mighty he is, especially with the girls.

I can't remember laughing a lot when I bought the entire run at one of the first Cape-Cons. Either I didn't get the joke, or (more likely) I didn't read it as a joke at all. I was mostly just impressed at all the strange things Immonen and Ellis came up with for them to fight. And Immonen draws the heck out of all of it. Forbush Man uses the power of his "Omni-Mind" to send each member of the team into some ugly alternate reality, and Immonen shifts his art style for each. So he draws Elsa's nightmare world - where she wasn't diligent enough exterminating monsters and they've overtaken the world - in a faux-Mignola style. (Tabby was unaffected by Forbush Man's power, because she's too dumb, you see.) Issue 11 has 6 consecutive double-page splashes, including the one up there, of NextWave just tearing their way through things like brontosaurs with optic blasts, or MODOKs that are Elvis (and shoot cheeseburgers.)

Of course, the last one has the tagline, "nextwave: blatantly wasting your money since 2006." But it's only a waste if I feel ripped off. Relative to a Bendis comic where the artist only gets to draw people sitting around talking about nothing that couldn't be handled in 2 pages or less, this was a steal.

Bits and pieces of this series have leaked into larger use around the Marvel Universe. Elsa Bloodstone most obviously. She seems to be getting used in some book, somewhere, pretty much constantly, and it's always Ellis' version. Although I think most writers leave out an element of enjoyment she gets from her work that we see here, in the shooting and decapitating robots with shovels.

I don't see a lot of Boom-Boom these days, but I think the "Valley Girl" characterization kind of stuck. Brian Reed used this version of Machine Man in Ms. Marvel volume 2, but when Jeff Parker added the character to the cast of Red Hulk a few years later, he went back to the classic look and characterization. But it was a Red Hulk book, so who gives a shit, really? Al Ewing used Beyond Corp in one of his Avengers books (I think Luke Cage and the Mighty Avengers), as did the Amazing Spider-Man writers between Nick Spencer and Zeb Wells' runs.

 Monica was part of the cast in Ewing's book, so when Beyond returned, so did the trench coat and "Auntie Monica" nickname. The trench coat was also part of Monica's look when Kelly Sue DeConnick used her in Captain Marvel volume 7. I think most writers who've use Monica since NextWave give her a bit more of a blunt approach. Take no shit, don't defer or get pushed around. So maybe she's a case of gradual bleed into the character, rather than a wholesale revision like Elsa and Tabitha got.

The Captain, I think may have vanished entirely. I guess there's no place for a super-strong, flying idiot in the Marvel Universe. Or, he's not the type to save the day unless someone's cutting a check.

Saturday Splash Page #192

"Remains," in Scout: War Shaman #5, by Tim Truman (writer/artist), Sam Parsons (painter), Tim Harkins (letterer)

After returning to Earth from the mission on the space station at the end of Scout, Emanuel Santana disappears into the hills for years. A brief encounter with Rosa Winter in the final issue of New America revealed he met a woman and had two sons.

Scout: War Shaman is set a year later, in 2015, after the mother of his children has died, and people are starting to nose around the valley where they'd lived. So Santana and his sons, Victorio and Tahezy, leave the valley in search of a new place to live. 

But the world hasn't stood still in the time Santana's spent hidden away. A steamboat trip brings him into conflict with pirates. The survivors among his old friend Doody's followers are still around, and when they realize Victorio has strange powers, their priests decide he's the prophesied child Doody mentioned before his death, the Life-Giver. Which sets off a long, and frankly annoying, pattern of them trying to abduct Victorio, or betraying Santana to keep the kid, and Truman contriving some reason why Santana doesn't blow their damn heads off and be done with it. I'm not a parent, but I'd figure the first time someone tries stealing your kid would be the last time.

(The series sometimes, like in the pages above, has narration boxes from an interview between physicians and the "marauder" Victorio, in the year 2030. Which suggests whatever notions those priests had, Victorio didn't quite live up to them, if he got captured. Maybe Truman has plans for another series that never got off the ground.) 

The reason is usually a greater threat. Specifically, Rosa Winter, now titular head of what's left of the U.S. She's trying to pull the country, which has fallen into more of a wide mass of city-states, back together, under her rule. Her methods are of the classic style: You can surrender, or you can be killed. Your choice. The "priests" think she's the darkness the Life-Bringer must combat, which is bad enough. And Santana can't seem to avoid crossing paths with her, to the extent that, when she's overthrown by an old acquaintance of theirs, back from the dead, they work together.

(Truman, for reasons I don't know, uses a lot of the same design elements for "Redwire" as he did for GrimJack, minus the beret.)

Until the inevitable betrayal, of course. Rosa regains the upper hand, but decides Santana's too dangerous to let live, even if he'd agree to work with her. But from her perspective, she let Santana go AWOL originally, and when he reappeared, he flipped the world on its head, killing the President and setting off a wild chain of events that Rosa often found herself caught up in. There were wars, cities were nuked, lots of people died.

And then, at a certain point, Santana just disappeared into the hills again. To start a family, while Rosa was the one left behind, carving off pieces of her soul trying to protect her country. It's all his doing, but she's the one with the scars, the mechanical hands and mechanical eye. She helps him save his sons, but when she wants to save her adopted daughter, Santana knocks her unconscious and takes her hostage, leaving the young woman to be locked up. (Truman never tells us what happened to her, but I assume it's nothing good, given how the book ends.) 

Santana would no doubt argue that he wasn't given a choice in that initial quest. The gods pushed it on him against his will, and everything after was just him trying to deal with the consequences. But Rosa would have no reason to think that was anything more than evidence he's nuts and she should have stopped him from leaving in the first place. Every time they work together, Rosa loses something.

But she made her choices. She could have withdrawn to the shadows after she was presumed dead in the plane crash. Let Bill Loder run the country into the ground, but no. She had to take revenge. And then she just couldn't leave a power vacuum, so she had to assume control. And then she couldn't allow any elements to survive as persistent threats, so she crushed them. Rosa had a sense of responsibility, or perhaps duty is the better word. It brought her first into contact with power, and later power herself, but she didn't use that power responsibly, if that makes sense.

Random Back Issues #159 - Lead City #4

Hey, I may be stupid, and stupid, but, uh what was that third thing you said? 

We looked at the first issue about 10 months ago, when the stage was being set for this free-for-all battle to the death. As the final issue starts, we're down to just 4 of the 8 competitors left. Two of which, Ravinder Singh and soldier-turned-failed-farmer Colman Cooper, are having a knife fight in a bar.

Singh's been shot twice, but has the upper hand, twice catching Cooper with a left hook, all the while rattling on about how Americans are too slow and weak. Cooper responds that U.S. not being under the Union Jack, while India is, has to count for something. Then he smashes a bottle across Singh's face.

Which doesn't do much beyond adding another scar and getting Cooper chucked headfirst through a window. But he bumps into one of the city's hidden weapons, a loaded shotgun, and then there were 3. Back in Duganville, the bettors are not impressed, Cooper's survival dismissed as luck. Which has his son worried, but his wife is confident enough to tell the town doc - a price-gouging shitheel - he can discuss any bills for room and board with Colman when he returns.

The other fighters left are the Huntsville Hammer and a young Mexican woman apparently dubbed "Lady Lullaby." The Hammer's been taking a breather, after he decided to hang two of the other fighters' corpses from the rafters, seemingly to throw anyone who finds them off their game for a minute. Kind of late in the proceedings to bother with haunted house games, but break time's over, 'cause he's in the lady's sights. 

Which suits him fine. Hammer's been making threats and come-ons towards her from the start, but she's got him outclassed on all counts. She sticks to the shadows, taunting him with terms like 'ten cent man,' and shooting him in the arm before moving again. The Hammer chases her out of the building, around the corner - and right into her sights. Determined to go out classy as he came in, he asks her to grant his dying request, and flash him (not the way he phrased it, for the record.)

Meanwhile, Cooper's holed up in the mock-jail tending his wounds and realizing all the other contestants have bounties, the biggest bounty belonging to the lady, who has caught up to him. But wait, she's got an offer. If Cooper kills himself, she promises to make sure his wife and son are looked after. Cooper agrees, but it's a sin to commit suicide, so he asks if she'll do it, promising to give her his back if she gives him a moment to prepare.

He uses that moment to ready the TNT that left in the jail as a potential weapons and sneak out the back door. When she walks in, kaboom. He did have his back turned to her when he pushed the plunger, so he kept his word. Technically. Well, she's dead, so there's no one to know he lied but him. I suspect it won't bother him much, especially as he's now 10 grand richer and going back to Missouri with his family. 

{6th longbox, 112th comic. Lead City #4, by Eric Borden (writer), Kyle Brummond (artist)} 

On the Road of the Winds - Patrick Vinton Kirch

This book was referenced in Nicholas Thomas' Voyagers as a more comprehensive discussion of the history of the settlement of the Pacific Islands, and it is that.

Kirch cites a lot research, including some of his own, working from as far back as they can manage - at least 40,000 years ago for the initial human arrival in the Papua New Guinea/Bismarck Archipelago region - up to the time of European contact. He splits the book into broad geographic regions - Melanesia, Micronesia, and Polynesia - then dives into the existing evidence for habitation, cultural changes, agricultural practices, trade relations. Basically anything and everything they had evidence or research for (as of ~25 years ago, when the book was published.)

One of the fascinating aspects of the book, beyond all the actual information, is how they get that information from different disciplines to flesh out their understanding. Comparing not only changes in the pottery they find or similarities between languages, but also looking at the ancestral forms of different languages to see what terms or concepts they had words for. If they have a word for "outrigger", well, that tells you something about the kinds of boats they had. If a particular island or people have a lot of words for "kinship" or "clan", it might tell you something about how their society was organized.

On a different front, pollen records or animal remains can show when species that weren't native to a particular island, like taro or Pacific rats, first appear on that island. Because there's a decent chance they were brought there (or stowed away) on human vessels. Or, make inferences based on when certain native plants or animals stop showing up in pollen or bone remains, because the new inhabitants probably wiped them out with overhunting, excess burn regimes, or poor soil conservation practices. It's heartening on some level to know it's not just white people who fuck up nature.

Kirch is also open about where the gaps exist. Not only just islands that hadn't really been surveyed very much, but the areas of inquiry that were going to need new information or new techniques to tease out. There's still a lot in here. A brief section about navigation, and how the Polynesians were able to combine knowing latitude with knowing the prevailing wind currents to seek out new islands. Kirch discusses how a lot of islands gradually simplify their pottery designs away from dentate markings of the Lapita pottery, and in some cases ultimately discard pottery altogether. Critically, though it takes him a while to do it, he explains why they would discard pottery (wood bowls last longer and are better for cooking over earth ovens), which I was wondering about after the first time he mentioned it.

He discusses how malaria may have played a role in why communities in Melanesia rarely reached the same densities or total populations as those in Polynesia, where the mosquitos didn't exist. There's comparisons of societies run based on heredity versus those based more on actual deeds, and why an island might go one way or the other. To be sure, some of that's conjecture, but it's still nice to learn about the hypotheses.

I do wonder, as I usually do after reading an older book like this, how much new knowledge has come to light since this was published. Voyagers listed later dates for dispersal to the more distant Polynesian islands than Kirch does. In some cases, Kirch is talking about people having reached New Zealand or Hawaii or Rapa Nui 300-500 years earlier than what Thomas mentioned. So I don't know if there's new data, or the old data was tested again, but it keeps me curious.

'More than anywhere else within island Melanesia, the stylistic differentiation of New Caldonian pottery parallels the differentiation of its ethno-linguistic groups. Indeed, it seems likely that ceramics, as well as other forms of material culture, were actively manipulated by local peoples as symbols of ethnic identity.'

There's One Thing to be Thankful For

There wasn't a lot in the most recent round of solicitations, but Yen Press did list volume 16 of Yotsuba! So really, who needs anything else? Granted, it's not actually out until January, but it got solicited, and that's the important thing.

(Until it becomes available, at which point the important thing becomes my acquiring it.)

What's new? Jesse Lonergan (Hedra) has a new GN out through Bulgilhan Press, called Racer. Which is about, car racing. Not typically my interest, and $20 for 68 pages ain't lighting my world on fire, but I did like Hedra, so, you know, maybe, eventually?

It's DC's turn to do a Batman and Deadpool book. As with Marvel's, maybe I'll buy it a few months later, if I can find a reduced price copy. Gabriel Hardman's writing and drawing a mini-series under the Black Label imprint, Batman/Green Arrow/Question: Arcadia, which is an updated/homage/new take on the crossover between those characters Annuals DC did that one time. It caught my eye, but I've had bad luck with Black Label books. It's probably a "wait for the trade" circumstance.

At Marvel, another month has not made me any more disposed to buy any of those Age of Revelation mini-series. So much for that! However, Marvel does have a new Nova book, Nova: Centurion, written by Jed Mackay, spinning out of the cosmic-themed mini-series Hickman's got coming out/on the way. Alvaro Lopez is listed as artist, and going through my archives, all the listings I could find for him were as an inker (usually for Javier Rodriguez or Marcos Martin.) I don't know how things will go with him being lead artist, but I suppose I'll find out.

What's ending? I still haven't seen a solicit for the 8th and final issue of Dust to Dust. I even double-checked last month's listings on Image's website to make sure I didn't miss it. Which means, nothing. 

And the rest: Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu is still helping the Wrecker, while Black Cat finds Felicia in a trap set by some irate criminals. Fantastic Four is finally out of One World Under Doom hell, as Sue finds herself having to help prove the Black Cat isn't guilty of murder. Except the solicit describes Felicia as Sue's "least favorite person in New York." Really? Last I checked, the Kingpin still lives in New York. There are at least a couple of symbiotes walking around, the Wrecker's apparently in town, Frank Castle's apparently alive and on Earth again. Pretty sure Sue should like all those people less than the thief who sometimes fights crime.

On the other hand, Sue married Reed Richards - another awful person in NYC! - so there's solid evidence for her being a poor judge of character.

Batgirl's possibly going to team up - again! - with the League of Assassins against the Unburied, and I really find it suspicious Nyssa didn't die during the ambush on the train. The Unburied had them on the ropes, why let them live? Hector Plasm: Hunt for Bigfoot is on issue 2, and volume 12 of The Boxer was solicited, but I'm still way behind on the book.

Throw Momma from the Train (1987)

Larry (Billy Crystal) is a writing teacher with notions of being a big-time author. Problem is, he can't get past, "the night was. . .", which suggests he really ought to find a better way to start his novel. He also can't get past the fact his ex-wife (Kate Mulgrew) is a best-selling writer, appearing on Oprah and fucking her gardener in his big house in Hawaii. "Her" as in Mulgrew's gardener, not that Mulgrew's character is fucking Oprah's gardener. Especially since Larry claims the book that made her a hit is actually his.

(The truth of that statement is never verified or debunked. I lean towards him being delusional, but also, "Hot Fire" is an incredibly stupid title for a book.)

Owen (Danny DeVito) is one of Larry's students. He lives with his mother (Anne Ramsey), who belittles Owen in every way possible, whenever she's not barking orders at him (and sometimes while she is.) Owen wants to be a writer, and he's more successful getting something down on paper than Larry, but the results are. . .woof.

Larry doesn't want much to do with Owen, but one night does explain some things he thinks Owen's attempts at murder mysteries are lacking. Like motives and alibis and names. Upon Larry's advice to watch Hitchcock movies for inspiration, and after hearing Larry very publicly deride his ex-wife as a "slut", Owen gets the idea that he and Larry can pull a Strangers on a Train. Owen flies to Hawaii to kill Larry's ex-wife, and expects Larry to reciprocate by killing Owen's mother.

The movie takes a while to get to the killing, since it's trying to establish how bitter Larry is, and how awkward and lonely Owen is. Plus, how much each of them blame a woman for their lot in life. Larry's got a fellow teacher (played by Kim Greist) that's interested in him, but he keeps ignoring her or getting distracted stewing over his ex's success.

It feels like a big chunk of the movie is Larry hiding at Owen's house (because Owen didn't warn him, Larry doesn't have an alibi) though it's probably only the last third or so. Owen's trying to get Larry to fulfill his half of the "criss-cross", and that's probably when the movie comes closest to being funny. Owen panics because Momma's mad and smacks Larry with a frying pan. Larry starts driving really fast in an attempt to scare Owen into agreeing to confess to the police and the car goes out of control.

The movie could probably have used more pitiful attempts on Momma's life, or Larry attempting to keep her from dying and getting hurt. Most of the time, Owen's too pitiable to laugh at, and Larry's anger is too steeped in resentment to be comical. Maybe if it were directed at himself, or if he was humiliated for how he acts when he lets the bitterness get to him, it would work better. Screaming in a public place about how his ex-wife is a slut when she isn't around and no one brought her up in the conversation but Larry is an opportunity to mock him or make him the butt of a joke, but the movie just kind of lets the thing hang there. I assume to set things up for when the cops question his students later, but you could still do that even if you use it to set up a gag initially.

Hitting the Long Shot

Yes he does, Zoro. Do you think theme songs just appear from thin air?

Back to One Piece, volume 43! Chopper's transformed into a monster, unable to distinguish friend from foe. Nami's fighting, and mostly losing, in her attempt to beat Kalifa and get a key that will unlock the handcuffs shackling Zoro and Usopp to one another before they're killed by Kaku and Jabra. Spandam accidentally triggered a Buster Call (because he's an imbecile), so Ennies Lobby will be destroyed in a hail of broadsides within a half-hour. But he'll have Robin through the Gates of Justice and on her way to prison long before that unless Luffy can get past Rob Lucci.

But besides the Power of Friendship, nothing helps the Straw Hats get their shit together like pressure! Chopper busting through the wall like Kool-Aid Man distracts Kalifa enough for Nami to get some sort of a plan going, despite the weird effects of Kalifa's Devil Fruit. Chopper's rampage also sets in motion Sanji's return to battle, though that doesn't become apparent for a while yet.

With Franky rushing to get the two keys they have so far to Robin, and Nami managing to uncuff Zoro and Usopp, things are looking up. Except Zoro's got his hands full with just Kaku, leaving Jabra to tear into the over matched "Sniper King," until Sanji makes the save. Which doesn't do a hell of a lot for Usopp's self-esteem, that he still couldn't win his battle, but Sanji reminds him there are things Usopp can do he can't, and the sniper should concentrate on how those skills can help save the day. 

All the fights are a mixture of gags and the Straw Hats unleashing new abilities. When Chopper busts in Kalifa is briefly convinced he's actually Nami demonstrating some Devil Fruit power. Then she tries to cover it up, insisting she wasn't fooled, while Nami ignores her in favor of trying to reach Chopper. There's also a bit about Nami gradually messing up "Sniper King"'s name more and more, until she's not even getting one of the syllables correct.

At the same time, you've got Sanji fighting with this wolf-man who tries cheap stunts like claiming to be Robin's long-lost brother, or tossing his key on the ground so he can pounce when the character reaches for it. All of which pisses off Sanji enough he spins on one foot until the friction lights his leg on fire. So now his kicks are strong - which wasn't making much headway against CP9's "Iron Body" technique - and hot, which is more effective.

Zoro, meanwhile, is fighting a guy with a giraffe Devil Fruit, who can somehow retract his neck into his body, then extend it like a lance, or fold his body into a cube to protect vulnerable parts. So Zoro, naturally, gets angry enough he grows two more heads and two more sets of arms, complete with swords. As one does. I mean, I don't know about you, but I do this all the time when frustrated with my workload or bosses. It's a great boon in multi-tasking, minus the blinding destructive rage (and the way all the hands fight over preferred writing implements.) Kaku says Zoro's creating 'visions' by force of will, but these aren't illusions, and I don't think he's moving his body so fast as to make it appear he has extra limbs, either. I'm not sure if Oda's explained this, even 700 chapters later.

Amid all that, Luffy finally busts out Second Gear again, evening things enough for Lucci to unleash his Devil Fruit, and given Franky an avenue to slip past. But it looks as though it's not going to be enough. Robin's fighting her hardest to survive, but Spandam's still dragging her towards the gates, running his yap the whole way (which might be the worst part to experience, you know that guy has the most irritating voice), when -

(One thing that bugs me about manga is how often they do these big images that just barely leak over onto the next page. Not enough to make it feel like they needed the space, but enough to make it messy if you try to do a scan that I end up using smaller selections. The big image of Usopp interrupting Spandam right as he's about to drag Robin through the gate was like that, so was the big image of Usopp backlit by the Sun and pointing to the sky. Either do a full-page or double-page splash, or don't. This 1.1-page splash crap is just irritating and pointless.)

Usopp's accurate fire from a mile away - the thing he can do Sanji can't - gives Franky time to catch up and free Robin. So everything's looking good. Too bad the Marine fleet just arrived. . .

Sunday Splash Page #389

"Rubber Ball Boy," in New Warriors Annual #1, by Dan Slott (writer), John Calimee (penciler), Don Hudson (inker), Kevin Tinsley (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)

Only the first volume of New Warriors got any Annuals, but it's also the only one that really lasted long enough to bother. Four in total, each of the first three acting as a single part of some larger story running across various other Annuals that year.

This one, "Kings of Pain" included X-Force and X-Factor among others, and involved someone gathering all the dispersed energy that used to be Proteus. This was a predictably terrible idea. The second, "Hero Killers", ran through New Warriors and the various Spider-Man books, and involved someone abducting young heroes to use as lab rats, essentially. The third was someone with a deep connection to the Darkforce Dimension - not Cloak - going nuts and using the Darkforce to control lots of heroes. You can tell how invested I was in these story by my repeated use of "someone." It was different someones each time, if you care. Only the fourth and final Annual was its own thing, focusing on recurring Warriors' opponents Psionex, but I'm not that interested in Psionex, so I never bought that one.

The rest of each Annual was taken up by short, 4-6 pages stories focused on one character or another. In this one, most of those are different characters relating their backstory to someone - Nova's talking to his kid brother, Namorita's giving an interview, Firestar's is actually narrated by Emma Frost - and how the Warriors got together. Although the stuff about the formation of the team is usually relegated to the last few panels, which seems like a missed opportunity to delve into what each team member thinks about the team, its purpose, their role in it.

This story is the exception, at least as far as this annual, and is about Speedball drinking some concoction that's supposed to let them take readings through Robbie's kinetic field. Then he spends the next two pages trying to activate his powers in various dangerous ways - jumping off buildings, getting hit with a wrecking ball - only to be saved at the last second by one of New York's 5,000 superheroes. And then there's a twist ending, which I won't spoil. Unless you ask, because what the hell, the story is 35 years old. 

Saturday Splash Page #191

"Dead Owl," in Scout #11, by Tim Truman (writer/artist), Sam Parsons (painter), Tim Harkins (letterer)

When Tim Truman stepped away from being penciler on GrimJack, it was to work on his own series, Scout. Set in, at that time, the future of 1999, where the United States is an isolated, resource-depleted, impoverished nation, Scout followed Emanuel Santana, an Apache taken from his home, trained in the military, who eventually went AWOL, only to reappear on a quest to kill four dangerous monsters, plus their master, that had taken the form of humans and were doing great harm. As the "Master" was the President of the United States, Santana's actions did not go unnoticed or without larger repercussions.

The first six of the twenty-four issues are Santana's quest. Not one he wanted, but one he was chosen for and can't escape. I assume if he tried, the dreams and "temporal manifestations" would just keep getting worse until he was driven entirely mad, so he does the work. And he helps some people, and hurts others. The power he needs requires a sacrifice - of someone else. That doesn't endear him to people, nor does it endear him to himself. Truman draws Santana as lean, with a lined face and armed for bear. A bit of roughness to the lines like Joe Kubert, that suggests someone that has had almost everything soft about them worn away until only the bone and gristle are left. 

But Santana's not unfeeling, and the weight of all this nearly pushes him to commit suicide. But, ultimately, he finishes his quest. Kills the monsters and their Master. And then, heads off into the wilderness, as though he will just be able to live an ordinary, peaceful life after everything. The red bandana he wore like a mask is turned into a headband instead. He's not some masked vigilante hero, he's just a guy.

The remaining three-quarters of the series is Santana being disabused of that notion. His actions have put all sorts of things in motion he couldn't have guessed at. Vice-President Carver was hooked on drugs to keep her out of the way once she got Grail the woman vote, but now she's President. And if she wants to be more than a puppet of Grail's former spiritual advisor, Bill Loper, she's got to get clean and pull herself together. Which draws in an old acquaintance of Santana's, Rosa Winter. Initially ordered to catch Santana, she got shifted to bodyguard detail for Carver in time to avoid getting killed when Santana cut his way to Grail. Carver grows dependent on her, and eventually in love with her.

That never goes anywhere, but Winter's position of trust means she keeps ending up in the middle of things as they escalate. Either because Carver trusts her, or because Loper wants her away from Carver. So when a young man tortured and blinded because of Scout becomes a messianic figure who seizes control of an old nuclear missile facility, Winter's tasked with ousting them. And she hunts Scout down for the purpose. Eventually, Truman escalates things to a full-blown war between the U.S. and Communist Mexico, among others (including Beau Smith stand-in Beau LaDuke.) This after Scout is captured and imprisoned in a psychiatric hospital, where he meets a man named Monday.

Truman (with Flint Henry as artist) had been publishing back-up stories about Monday: the Eliminator for several issues by that point, but it wasn't entirely clear it was in the same, particular crappy future. Especially since Monday had apparently been alive since at least the time of Roman legions, fighting the "Legion of Man", who are your typical shadowy group of lever-pullers. The war is a result of their manipulations, though pushing it to the point one or both sides might use nukes seems kind of stupid. 

In a story where Santana was touched (bullied, really) by gods, and a blind man develops a different kind of sight and the ability to compel others, immortality isn't that weird. But however Santana perceived the people, or monsters, he killed, at the end of the day, it boiled down to them being the type to use and discard others, or even the world, like trash for their own benefit. Santana remarks at one point most of the people in Houston were living in subways because large chunks of the city had no electricity, and the only way to reach apartments was via elevators. Apartments which relied on pressurized, recirculated air to be breathable. He's not fixing those problems, but maybe by killing the people benefiting from them, the problems could be solved.

I guess the Legion of Man was going to do the same on a larger scale, but the resolution is essentially that Monday is watching over the world like God, ready to drop the hammer if anyone steps too far out of line (read: uses nukes.) But otherwise, the world will go on as it was. It feels like the problem was only introduced to be answered in a way that wouldn't actually change anything. But it could also been seen as Santana again being used by powers larger than himself, for things he doesn't necessarily want to be involved with.

What I Bought 8/20/2025

Quiet week at work, which is a nice way to ease back in, even if it did occasionally make me wonder what the heck I was doing there. Then I remind myself of the answer: making money to exchange for goods and services. Like comics! And the cycle continues. . .

Black Cat #1, by G. Willow Wilson (writer), Gleb Melnikov (artist), Brian Reber (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Her hair's not really moving the fringe on her arms and legs suggests it should, is it?

As a result of whatever's going on in Amazing Spider-Man, Spider-Man's not fighting crime, so things are getting out of control. All the added chaos seems to be making it harder for the Black Cat to operate, which, after a rough run-in with the Lizard outside a pet store, leads Felicia to the conclusion she must be the change she wants to see in the world. Meaning, she's got to bring order to the streets by fighting crime, so she can. . . get back to stealing from people? And maybe Tombstone doesn't dig this development.

Jeez, was Spidey holding New York together all by himself? Tell Daredevil or Night Thrasher or somebody like to get off their asses. The book's tone is, I dunno. Wilson has Felicia speaking to us directly, like she's Harley Quinn or Deadpool. Actually, the whole plan seems like something Harley would devise. "I'm gonna clean up the streets, so I can get back to robbing people in peace!" Plus, I haven't been paying close attention, but I was under the impression the Black Cat was already helping Spider-Man fight crime in his book, even before this.

Maybe it's supposed to be a comedy book, something akin to Superior Foes of Spider-Man. Watch the villain make big plans that fall apart to a hilarious degree? The book opening on Night Nurse's waiting room, before seguing into a flashback where Felicia is annoyed to see cops are doing better keeping up with her, and muses they're improving their cardio, would certainly suggest it.

And Melnikov's art seems more tilted towards exaggerated expressions than fight scenes. Even the openings in Felicia's mask are much bigger and rounder than they were under the various artist working with Jed MacKay, which provides more opportunity for Melnikov to make Felicia's actual eyes large with surprise or shock.

Initial impression? I'm not sure the tone of this book will be what I'm looking for in a Black Cat title. But Ms. Marvel earns Wilson a lot of rope, so I guess we'll see.

The Cuban Intervention in Angola, 1965-1991 - Edward George

Now this is what I was looking for (and didn't get) from The Last Hot Battle of the Cold War. George starts with an introductory chapter about Angola's history since it was created artificially as a combination of different ethnic groups smushed into a Portuguese colony, and goes into the pushes for independence and the various outside factors that get involved (the Soviets, the CIA, Cuba, both Congos.)

Then he delves into how Cuba gets involved, motivated by Castro and Che Guevara's ideas of internationalism. While Guevara's attempts to build revolutionary cells in nations throughout Latin America and Africa repeatedly fail (not helped by the fact he published a book about how he would go about it), Cuba did end up getting involved in Angola's civil war when Portugal just up and decided one day they were done running the place.

George shifts between the specific battles inside Angola, spanning the mid-1970s to the late-1980s (at varying levels of scale and outside involvement), and the political maneuvering outside the country. Fidel Castro trying to pursue his ends without pissing off the Soviets too much, the CIA tripping over its own shoelaces badly enough the Clark Amendment gets passed specifically to bar them from getting involved. South Africa (backing Jonas Savimbi, leader of UNITA in southeast Angola) trying to keep their involvement on the down low, because they're really more concerned about forces that might be trying to infiltrate and disrupt their precious apartheid.

The situation bears a lot of parallels to Vietnam, for Cuba and South Africa both. Neither can seem to get their preferred native faction stable and self-sufficient enough to pull out. Castro doesn't want 30,000+ Cuban soldiers stationed in Angola indefinitely, but their training and Soviet equipment doesn't seem to be enough for the FAPLA forces to actually control the entire country. And while Savimbi's pretty good at a guerilla war, he's not capable of taking control of the country. Which means he can't eliminate the groups South Africa's worried about, so they won't back out. Nobody seems particularly impressed with the fighting skills of the local armies.

George is pretty good about describing the battles - he even includes some maps of troop movements and minefields, which certainly helps - but also at putting them in the larger geopolitical context. The USA exerting pressure on countries whose airstrips Cuba is using as refueling spots to fly troops to Angola. How both sides tend to be more willing to come to the negotiating table when they're winning, which of course makes the other side less inclined to do so until they can strengthen their hand.

Especially in the last chapter or two, George focuses a lot on how things did not stabilize in Angola after Cuba and South Africa pulled out, that the government became exceedingly corrupt. George speaks of how neither Cuba, South Africa, the USSR or the USA really achieved anything lasting in Angola, but I was left thinking that he acts as though the Angolans had little to do with how the resolutions and peace agreements fell apart after they were signed. Maybe that's better left to a book that's more about Angola, and less about a country that inserted itself into the proceedings, then struggled to withdraw.

'One had only to look at the fighting in southern Angola - with SWAPO and MK troops fighting UNITA, whilst SADF troops (in their pursuit of SWAPO) clashed with FAPLA and Cuban units - to see that the two conflicts were entwined. Thus it followed that a regional settlement could only work if both conflicts were resolved simultaneously and - perhaps most difficult of all - interdependently.'

Overdue Movie Reviews #3 - Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)

When the Miami Dolphins' mascot goes missing right before the Super Bowl, there's only one man to call: Ace Ventura, pet detective (Jim Carrey.) Should he be the man one the case when the Dolphins' quarterback, Dan Marino (Dan Marino) is abducted as well? No, but the Dolphins are desperate to avoid decades of ineptitude.

Too bad, they're getting the ineptitude anyway (last playoff victory: December 30, 2000.)

I don't think I realized how much of this movie is Jim Carrey almost addressing the camera. Sometimes he's breaking the 4th wall, like when the owner of the dog he rescues at the beginning asks if he wants her to take his pants off, and he looks at us and says, "Gee, let me think." But a lot of times, it's just him doing Jim Carrey shit while looking into the camera. Almost like he's talking to his reflection, which would at least suggest Ace acts that ways because he's just like that, rather than for anyone around him.

But the movie is basically Jim Carrey doing Jim Carrey stuff for 90 minutes. I'd forgotten that it was during the scene where he's pretending to be committed that he finds the news article about the missing woman hiker, so I spent most of it thinking this was in the movie just to give Carrey an opportunity to act like a football player while wearing a tutu. Like, it wouldn't even end up being relevant to the plot. 

Really, that's a description better used for the fancy dinner party where he survives a shark attack. All it does is eliminate a suspect, not provide any clues as to the actual culprit. But Ace can act weird around high society types, eating fancy foods messily, and embarrass Courteney Cox's character by coming out of the bathroom in torn up clothes.

It's a humor barrage approach, Carrey constantly acting weird or childish and people reacting to it. The exaggerated walk, the goofy voices, pretending his butt has a mind of its own, which I definitely would have found bizarre when this movie came out. I can't remember if I thought it was funny. Probably, butts were funny to me back then. Heck, Alex still uses "Do NOT go in there," when he comes out of the bathroom, and we both crack up.

(Though, seriously, when he says that, I believe him.)

Some of it works, some of it doesn't. The part where he demonstrates the team official's death couldn't have been suicide because the soundproof glass sliding door had to be shut after he fell, by singing while sliding the door open and shut repeatedly cracks me up. The montage of him trying to check the Dolphins' '84 AFC Championship rings for a missing stone, too (encouraging one guy to punch him in the forehead so he can count the stone by the impression they left.)

But the plot hinges on an angry kicker getting a sex change operation to become a cop (using the identity of the missing hiker) as part of this scheme to take revenge on the Dolphins and Marino. The movie has one scene of Ace being horrified he, 'kissed a man.' You could argue (if you care to) the humor is in Ace's overreaction. Using a plunger on his face, burning his clothes in a trashcan and jumping crying into the shower. But given the scene at the end where Ace reveals Lt. Einhorn has a dick tucked back, and dozens of cops all freak out, I don't know. Doesn't seem great.

There's also that strange bit where Ace is sulking that he couldn't find a ring missing a stone, and when Cox's character suggests maybe the stone was from something else after all, he starts insulting her weight. The stuff about her dog not being happy at least felt on point for a character so concerned with animals, who is also feeling defensive. The ugly comments about someone who has been trying to help him, not really funny.

It is such a weird scheme. Finkel disappears, becomes a woman, and somehow rises to the rank of lieutenant in the Miami police, ensuring that when Marino goes missing, Finkel/Einhorn can control the investigation and make sure it never catches her? That seems like a lot of effort with low odds of paying off (there's no throwaway line the Finkel studied criminal justice while setting NCAA kicking records.) But the police station always seems to be full of cops to mock Ventura, so clearly they're not doing anything. Any basic level of competence could probably get a person promoted.

In the movie, the Dolphins lost the '84 Super Bowl because Finkel shanked a short field goal. In reality, the Dolphins lost that Super Bowl because Joe Montana lit their defense's ass up (final score: 38-16.) It's funny to envision Finkel sitting there, staring at the scoreboard and wondering how the hell he's taking the blame. "We were down 2 touchdowns when I missed that field goal!" "Shut up, kicker." (The Dolphins kicker actually made all 3 of his field goals in that Super Bowl.)

Bringing the albino pigeon back for a gag right at the end was a nice touch. Especially since it resulted in Ace beating the crap out of the Eagles' mascot. I don't know why he was embarrassed, the Dolphins' fans probably loved it. It was gonna end up the high point of the game after the Eagles finish crushing them. (Although the Eagles were deeply mediocre at this point in time.)

I like the bit where Einhorn's goon says, "Hey Marino, I'm throwing passes to a Dolphin!" then spikes the ball in the water in front of the Snowflake, the Dolphins' mascot. Not just because the Dolphin splashes the guy, but Marino makes this disappointed shake of the head which is probably supposed to be him not approving of animal mistreatment, but could easily be, "That was a terrible pass, do you play for the Jets?" 

What I Bought 8/15/2025

I found out a few weeks ago the city arranges for a bunch of food trucks to get together in this one spot each Friday. I decided to use it as a way to try some different foods, except the pickings have been slim the last two weeks. I don't know if I got there too early in the afternoon, and some of the trucks don't show until later, if it was because of the miserable heat, or if the whole thing is winding down for the season and people are peeling off to other gigs. The weather's supposed to be much nicer this Friday, so I'm hoping for more options.

Batgirl #10, by Tate Brombal (writer), Takeshi Miyazawa (artist), Mike Spicer (color artist), Tom Napolitano (letterer) - An actual tiger would be more help to Cass than the boy has been so far.

So, we got Norbu the Untested here to end the line of Shiva. Except there's at least one more kid in that lineage than he expected. Not that it matters. If it was just Cassandra, Norbu is toast, in five moves. But Tenji's here, and he's less tested than Norbu, but not smart enough to stay out of the way. He gets injured, Bronze Tiger puts Norbu through the side of the barn. 

Which doesn't finish the fight, but puts it on pause long enough for Cass and Bronze Tiger to argue some more. Because Tenji knows the moves, but not how to use them. Because Bronze Tiger thought he could keep the kid sealed away from Cass' fate. Which is remarkably naive for a guy with his past, but I guess he's trying to make his son gentler than he is. And since Shiva apparently only came to visit on Tenji's birthday to spar with him, she wasn't much of an influence.

I still don't know when Bronze Tiger got the little stripe marks on his face. He either had the tiger-headdress, or he painted stripes on his face. These are like scars, or extremely faint tattoos. Not loving it as a look.

Which, fair enough, provided Tenji survives the experience. Norbu pulls himself off the canvas, amps up with some of those blue petals, gets ready to unleash his ultimate attack - and get decapitated by the second of the "Swords." Fine, "Blue Blossom Omnistrike's" a dumb name, anyway. It probably would have been a totally lame ultimate attack.

Moon Knight; Fist of Khonshu #11, by Jed MacKay (writer), Domenico Carbone (artist), Rachelle Rosenberg (color artist), Clayton Cowles (letterer) - The cover suggests a much grimmer story than what we actually get, fyi.

It's Marc Spector's birthday, and you're getting a tour of his life from the perspective of his supporting cast. Meaning that we're seeing the entire issue through the eyes of a character that's unnamed for 60% of the comic. So the characters use the same sorts of language murder victims do in mysteries just before they expire. "Oh, it's you." "Sorry! Didn't see you there!" That sort of thing.

Admittedly, I couldn't figure out who was still alive from Marc's previous supporting casts that might bother to show up, so I was toying with the idea Marc had drawn back and let Jake or Steven take the reins. It would have been weird, but I could see some of the cast trying to speak with those guys about Marc. Get perspective from a man on the inside, so to speak.

But it's actually Diatrice, Marc and Marlene's kid, who we haven't seen since the Annual a couple years ago. And I would never have expected Marlene to let her daughter attend Marc's birthday party, especially when he was being hunted by the police for suspicion of being a drug lord two issues ago, but here we are. And then Zodiac tries to take Diatrice hostage, has a lot of blah blah about how being a dad's not what Moon Knight is, and Marlene blows Zodiac's head open with a shot gun.

OK, that's a lie, or maybe a wish. Neither Marlene or Zodiac are present, though I assume Marlene's around somewhere. No way she let her kid come here on her own. Whatever, Marc makes his new sword release the soul of the Midnight Mission, and so the crew have their base back. And Moon Knight actually got someone back that he lost! Only running a deficit of 50-to-1 now. Also, I figure Marc asking the Mission to be friends with Diatrice will factor in at some point in the future.

Sunday Splash Page #388

"Multiculture Pals," in New Warriors (vol. 5) #4, by Christopher Yost (writer), Marcus To (artist), David Curiel (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer)

After the team's ignominious destruction at Mark Millar's hands in Civil War, there was a 4th volume of New Warriors, involving a bunch of depowered mutants using suits loaded with various supervillain weapons to fight crime as unregistered superheroes. I think the team was secretly run by Night Thrasher's brother(?), but other than the idea of following their own consciences, to hell with the opinions of the more established heroes, it didn't seem to have much connection with the "New Warriors" beyond the name.

I'm not sure I ever saw anything positive said about it, but it did last 20 issues, which is the longest of any of volumes 2-5, so take from that what you will.

In 2014, the New Warriors got their next shot, courtesy of Christopher Yost and Marcus To. Justice and Speedball are doing the "Hard-Travelin' Heroes" bit, when they get roped into a mess involving *aggrieved sigh* the High Evolutionary, and some glowy-head weirdos called "Evolutionaries" that had apparently fought the X-Men some time recently. A shadowy figure informs both parties the Celestials are returning to Earth. To save humanity, all these "blasphemies" running around must be eliminated.

The Evolutionaries keep popping up around the world, attacking one person but drawing someone else into the fight. Eventually everyone pictured above ends up inside the High Evolutionary's base, where he's building a machine to kill everyone with powers. So he's actually going to go more lethal than the Wraith Queen's plan at the end of volume 1 (though I assume she was going to kill everyone on Earth once all the superpowers were out of the way, so maybe it's a matter of the time scale you use.) 

Roll call! You've got Justice (mutant), Speedball (extra-dimensional energy), Scarlet Spider/Kaine (clone), Water Snake (Atlantean), Hummingbird/the one shouting (demigod), Haechi/the dude with the horn (Inhuman), Nova/Sam Alexander (extra-terrestrial energy) and Sun Girl (regular human with a jetpack). I was going to say Sam was only there because the High Evolutionary thought the alien supercomputer in his helmet would make the death-machine work better, but when he activates said machine in this issue (minus the helmet) it starts killing Sam, so I guess the Nova Force counts. 

In terms of team dynamics, Justice is the leader. Scarlet Spider's the grumpy asshole who thinks the whole thing is stupid. Water Snake is the warrior-type that's kind of stiff and doesn't get jokes (or what passes for jokes with Speedball, which is mostly being annoying.) Hummingbird's the hyped-up cheerleader type (which I guess was the contrast Yost played up with Kaine in his solo book.) Haechi's the one with no place else to go. His family got targeted in the factional power play crap Marvel did a lot of when they were trying to make the Inhumans a big deal. I don't really know how to describe Sun Girl.

Since most of the cast are pre-existing characters, Marcus To doesn't get to design many new looks. I think Sun Girl's new, as are Water Snake and Haechi. Sun Girl's look isn't bad, bright and an appropriate emblem, with the tech parts to break up the yellow-and-white color scheme. Water Snake's an Atlantean that Speedball insists is amnesiac Namorita, though Nita never had black hair with blue skin. Rather than the flowing white tattoos Namorita had in volume 3, Water Snake's make me think of kanji, and they're restricted to her arms.

(Yost apparently planned that Water Snake was supposed to magically combine with the time-traveling Namorita that Richard Rider Nova rescued from The Fault in his book, but never got to it.)

Haechi has Bishop's power, although if he absorbs enough energy he transforms into a flame-spitting unicorn on steroids thing. It's weird, or maybe I should say, inhuman? 

Audience: NO. 

I don't like how To depicts Justice's powers. Traditionally, artists go with an amoebic blue field around whatever he's gripping with his telekinesis, usually with a smaller bit of blue spiking from his forehead as a sign the power comes from his mind. Marcus To draws it like Vance just shoots waves of blue force from his hands, which is less interesting. I also don't always love how he draws Speedball's bouncing in terms of his posture. It suggests leaping more than bouncing, whereas Bagley and most other New Warriors' artists tend to have Speedball's limbs all over the place and with his body turned in weird angles. You could at least argue by this point he's gotten enough training and, post-Civil War and all the resulting "Penance" horseshit, that he's trying to be more focused in use of his powers and actually control his kinetic motion. Still, he loses a bit of the unique aspect of how he moved.

Since the book ended after 12 issues, Yost never gets much past the initial storyline. It turns out the Eternals are the ones manipulating H.E. and the Evolutionaries, for some likely nefarious reason that's never explained. Yost way oversells the Eternals, saying each one is as powerful as an entire team of Avengers. Maybe if we're talking the Kooky Quartet, but otherwise, that's nonsense. Sersi was on an Avengers' squad, she was not more powerful than the rest of the roster.

Still, it's an attempt to make the Warriors look good, that they challenged and ultimately stymied such an enemy. One of the problems with volumes 2 & 3 was they took the approach "street level=incapable." Essentially, if you're a team that's not fighting world-ending threats all the time, you probably aren't very good. The teamwork with this group is nothing to write home about, but they aren't treated as a fractured bunch of goobers incapable of winning a fight.

There are a couple of one-offs. Justice tries to get Kaine to be a team player and they end up fighting a giant local (Kaine's book was set in Houston) sports mascot. Justice telling Iron Man and Captain America where to stick it when they suggest it's a bad idea to call themselves "New Warriors" because of the negative associations is a highlight. If we're using that criteria, Stark should have stopped using "Iron Man" after Armor Wars, if not sooner all the way back in "Demon in a Bottle."

There's not been another New Warriors series since this one. There was a mini-series solicited 5 years ago as part of the mini-event Outlawed, which was going to try and restrict teen superheroes. But Outlawed got kneecapped by all the publishing issues during COVID, so the mini-series never turned up. Considering it was going to put the old-school Warriors on the side of the jackbooted authorities (booo), and the names and designs that were solicited for the new characters got pretty roundly mocked, I don't consider that a loss.

Saturday Splash Page #190

"Toaster Aisle Showdown," in Scud the Disposable Assassin #9, by Dan Harmon (writer) and Rob Schrab (writer/artist)

I picked up "The Whole Shebang" collection of Scud the Disposable Assassin during my (thus far) only trip to Mike Sterling's comic shop during Alex and mine's road trip to Malibu back in 2019. Money well spent.

Scuds are "disposable assassins," mechanical killers you can buy from vending machines. A Scud is purchased to kill a monster (the monster in the image above, in fact) running amok within the Marvin's Manikans factory. Scud's well on his way to completing that mission when he catches a glimpse of the label on his back stating he'll self-destruct once his target is eliminated. Scud knows that he's too young, his life has just begun, so he only severs all the creature's limbs, then has it put on life support. Life support ain't cheap, so Scud's got to take jobs to keep "Jeff" alive and himself unexploded. And what's a killing robot to do but take jobs killing things? He just needs someone to give him a chance, give him a sign, he'll be there anytime.

There's a lot of violence, and Schrab ranges from pages with just a few large panels, to one page, late in the run, that has 34 panels, all of Scud fighting an army of disposable assassins like himself. Though Scud's guns never seem to run out of ammo, Schrab doesn't limit the fights to just shootouts. Scud's nimble and resilient, so he'll do a backflip into a kick, or tackle an enemy and pummel it while said enemy blasts a hole through Scud's torso, or use some handy furniture or excess weaponry to inflict carnage.

The jobs themselves vary. Sneaking into a max security prison to kill a snitch, killing Voo-Doo Ben (Ben Franklin as a necromancer), and wiping out a six-person organization running a small town in Kentucky. In Schrab and Harmon's typical bizarre fashion, the organization includes a man with a bulldog for a head (like, the entire dog), the Head of Jayne Mansfield in a hovering jar, and a giraffe with almost a little flying saucer for a head. That's its head in the upper right, as Jeff is able to add new parts as it goes along, allowing Schrab to change its appearance over the book, though it never stops looking freaky. Scud has to handle that job with a spare arm that belonged to a British werewolf. Retrieving his own arm requires breaching a space station where the werewolf is enacting a plan to reach the Moon and become something far greater than human. But Scud will come running, anywhere.

By that time, he's got enemies besides Jeff, including a girl that is soon on his mind, all the time, Sussudio. She definitely knows his name, and she wants him all the same. Enough to have Voo-Doo Ben (nobody stays dead in this book) make a doll that lets her control Scud. And considering she is, by her own admission, a pervert robophile, it would be fair to say she makes him nervous, she makes him scared. So at this point, things have officially gotten weird.

Scud's already met an odd little guy named Drywall, who speaks in vertical lines, and is a sentient storage system. Drywall's origin is alternately sad and terrifying, involving older and younger siblings, dead children, and Satan's big plan to collect all Earth's cool stuff backfiring on him.

Which is an odd element of the second half of the series, God and Satan get usurped. Satan, because he underestimated his creation, God I guess liked Earth too much to let it end, and his angels overthrew him in their impatience to get all Earth's cool stuff. Look, we really don't have that much cool stuff here any longer, but the Seraphim look like the aliens with big heads and big eyes, except they have wings on either side of their skulls. Maybe ingrown feathers are wrecking their perception.

There's also a crossover between issue 18 of Scud the Disposable Assassin and issue 6 of La Casa Nostroid, each issue focused on Tony Tastey's wedding from the viewpoints of their respective casts. It's meant to show how much Scud and Tony have changed since they last spoke (at least 12 issues ago). Scud could possibly be argued to have improved himself. He's traveled a lot, saved the world once, saved a couple of other worlds, found some friends - although he left Drywall and Oscar in the lurch - and he's gotten Sussudio to give him a chance, just give him a sign, he'll be there anytime (S-s-sussdio, whoa-oh.)

Meanwhile, Tony's become hot-tempered, selfish, cruel. He's marrying a woman whose lover, his friend, Tony killed for considering leaving the business. A woman who nearly died in that assassination, but Tony had her memories re-worked to love him instead. It's not even a matter of what others have done for him lately, it's what can they do for him right this second, and what he thinks they're trying to get out of him for nothing. Everyone is a commodity. As Scud remarks at the end of the issue, Tony's, 'on a speeding rocket to Planet Dickhead.'

The first 20 issues came out over roughly 4 years, but there's a 10-year gap between #20 and #21, which was a hell of a cliffhanger to live with for a decade. Scud, ready to die and willing to take the entire planet with him. Up to that point, Scud never entirely lost his glib manner. He'd ask Ben if he smelled something, then shoot Ben's nose off and add, 'and you never will.' Trash talk, tough talk, catchphrases, that whole bag. He occasionally reflected on how often people die around him, and how often it seems senseless, to the point he's actually surprised when he infiltrates NASA and the Ghost of Gus Grissom explains people here are dedicated to helping preserve life. Scud thought people were just always trying to kill each other. Soon he's back to calling a robot dog that follows Asimov's 3 Laws of Robotics a 'bitch' for doing so.

After the gap, Scud's not cracking jokes. Drywall's changed - 10 years will do that - but all Scud's got are excuses and half-truths. Ben unleashes an army of Scuds, and Scud barely says anything, just psychotically determined to finish everything until he accepts there's really no hope. Because she's all he needs, all his life. It ends happier than that makes it sound, but I don't want to spoil everything.

What I Bought 8/13/2025

Youtube has apparently implemented some new "AI" that, if it decides you're under 18, will automatically put your account under the age-restricted guidelines. And the only way to get that unlocked is by submitting your photo id or something similar. Which gives them your personal data to sell, or just as likely, lose the next time they get hacked. I imagine the "intelligence" is probably the same one that mysteriously decides some post I made on the blog 8 years ago just now has violated community guidelines.

This is a world of the dumbest hucksters inflicting their useless bullshit on the rest of us, non-stop.

Fantastic Four #2, by Ryan North (writer), Humberto Ramos (penciler), Victor Olazaba (inker) Edgar Delgado (colorist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Ben's under dinosaur attack, Sue's in a barren landscape, Johnny's surrounded by lava, Reed's. . .in a pleasant, grassy field. Ryan North is doing nothing to dispel my "Reed Richards is Gladstone Gander" theory.

Sue can't find the "Forever Stone", so she's trapped on an Earth with no water, and a Sun on the verge of cooking her if she can't find cover. Back in the Middle Ages, Reed figures that if Sue hasn't found him yet, it's because she can't find the stone, so he undertakes an elaborate and frankly ridiculous plan to create a worldwide map to guide her, even in the far future.

My main issue is, I don't get how the Stone survived 7 billion years without being pushed back into the mantle via tectonic drift and melted. But it didn't, and inside the Stone is a device that will call the Time Sled (which they named "ROSEBUD-1"), so Sue can rescue her family. Then it's back to 2025 to attack Doom just seconds after he flings them through time. They're doing it, they're going to win! Doom's going down, and Reed's explaining what they did and -

Having apparently taken inspiration from Hickman's retcon to Moira, Doom used magic to set up a way to rewind to an earlier point, where only he remembers how the FF beat him. So they can't beat him that way again. As it kicks in, Sue is able to send the Time Sled to their home in Arizona, at some point before this mess began, which is going to be relevant somehow.

On the one hand, Doom accusing someone else of showing off their intelligence is hilarious. On the other, the fact he keeps winning because Reed can't help explaining everything is hilarious. It's Syndrome's "You caught me monologuing!" line from The Incredibles, except it's the good guy getting caught. That said, North already did an issue where Doom keeps resetting time over and over in an attempt to produce a more favorable outcome (the issue where he tries to remove the need for Reed sending the kids, including Doom's godchild, and their home a year into the future to stop Annihilus.) He's got Sorcerer Supreme magic now, and I guess he thinks that'll make the difference, but obviously it's not. At some point, they're going to keep winning, and he's going to, do something.

Going Back to the Old-School

Dragon Ball Advanced Adventure is a game I'd wanted to play for a while. Just took a while to find a copy for a reasonable price, then find a system to play it (the DS I used for Chrono Trigger was too recent to be able to play Game Boy Advance games.)

Starting from the beginning of Dragon Ball and running through the end of the King Piccolo Saga, you play as Goku as a kid, still with the tail and the Power Pole (or Nyobo.) Most of the game is a combination side-scrolling adventure and beat-em-up.

You run through levels, jumping over chasms, gaps in bridges and pits full of spikes, beating up bandits, dinosaurs, Red Ribbon Army soldiers, and King Piccolo's "children" as you do. There are various power-ups, like those that increase max health, or add another hit onto the end of your combos, along with the old stand-bys like turkey legs and burgers to restore health or make you temporarily invulnerable. Some of the levels have multiple paths you can take, though they all end at the same place. But that means it may be worthwhile to replay levels to unlock power-ups or find more of the "extra" stuff, like little souvenirs meant to represent different characters.

With increasing frequency as you go through the game, those side-scrolling levels are interrupted by flurries of enemies. Basically, you're contained with that part of the screen until you defeat all the generic enemies that come at you. Maybe around 4-6, though it ramps up by the end. Sometimes the side-scrolling is done on the Flying Nimbus, up in the clouds, but it plays basically the same. Except you don't have to worry about falling to your death, since Nimbus will always catch you if you jump off to dodge or do an attack.

Then there's the boss fights, which are split into two types. In one type, such as the fights against Emperor Pilaf and his mechs, Goku and the boss each have health meters, the boss has a couple of specific moves, and there are usually tells or signals the game gives so you can dodge. That's pretty standard for old-school games like this. I mean, Kirby's Adventure has boss fights like that.

Then there are the boss fights that try to replicate the feel of a fight in the Dragon Ball manga (minus some of the sillier elements, like Krillin beating Chiaotzu because Chiaotzu can't do math.) In those, Goku and his opponent have health meters and ki meters, but there's also a green "rush" meter under the health meter. You have to hit your opponent enough to wear that down first, then you can unload on them with several hits that will actually lower their health. Maybe you can kick them into the sky, then follow them up and pummel them back to earth. Or use the time to charge up a more powerful attack.

I think one of the keys to those is countering, which involves pushing back on the d-pad when your opponent attacks. You flash blue, then hit for more damage to the rush meter than you normally do. Basically, it's a stand-in for when a character attacks, misses, and finds themselves wide open to get hammered. The Budokai games had the bit where the two characters exchange dozen of rapid-fire blows and you have to spin the control stick fast enough to make sure you come out ahead, Advanced Adventure has this. I prefer this. All that spinning game me a blister on my hand, and probably wasn't doing the controller any good, either. 

The game has several additional modes. You can replay the story, as Goku or as Krillin. Krillin doesn't have the Power Pole, but he gets a double-jump, which is nice. There's also an "Extra" mode, to replay levels to find some of the additional knick-knacks. Or you can replay the mini-games from the Story mode, like trying to catch Korin, or smashing rocks. There's a versus mode, where you can play as extra characters you unlocked, in fights at the World's Martial Arts Tournament. Although there's no option to knock people out of the ring. It's the rush mode fights, and you've just got to beat them into unconsciousness.

I feel like there's a lot more characters you're supposed to be able to unlock to play as than the 7 or 8 I've got, but I haven't been able to figure out what I'm not doing properly yet to make that happen. Maybe I'm being fooled by internet conjecture.

What I Bought 8/4/2025 - Part 4

I was traveling on the west side of the state last week for work. While I was at a gas station, I saw a quilt shop across the street. On the sign, beneath the name of the shop, was the tagline, "you screamed, he stopped." Read it, paused. Double-take. Spent a few seconds parsing the meaning. At least, I hope I parsed the meaning. There was only one that wasn't deeply concerning.

Batgirl #9, by Tate Brombal (writer), Takeshi Miyazawa (artist), Mike Spicer (colorist), Tom Napolitano (letterer) - "Batgirl Must Die"? Damn it, did DC switch editorial directions again?

Cassandra finds Bronze Tiger, living on a ranch in Montana. Cass makes the decision to arrive in full Batgirl attire, on a black stallion. Did she rent the horse dressed as Batgirl? Buy it? Did she steal the horse? The horse seems pretty OK with her, but maybe she offered it an apple. Part of Batman's teachings: always have snacks to gain the loyalty of local fauna.

Cass is there to find out about the "Jade Tiger", but as Bronze Tiger seems reluctant to talk, she starts jabbing at him. Verbally, for giving up, for hiding away, for not doing anything to help the world. His response is all his attempts to help made the world worse, so she starts jabbing at him, physically.

Which prompts a young man dressed in green to attack her. A brief fight, and the guy's revealed as Tenji Turner, the son of Bronze Tiger and Lady Shiva. So we're doing the "Surprise! Siblings!" plotline. I find it a little weird Bronze Tiger is trying to ignore the questions about the "Jade Tiger", but as soon as Tenji intervenes, he chooses to refer to him as "Jade Tiger" rather than "Tenji." If you don't want to reveal it, why use the codename she knows?

Tenji doesn't know much about either of his parents' past, certainly not the darker stuff, but he knows of Cassandra (but not that she's Batgirl, or what a Batgirl is, considering he asks if she's a 'cave ninja.') That'll have to wait, because another of the Unburied shows up, looking to kill Cassandra. And two more on their way. Which will at least give Cassandra an opportunity to put all this energy and urge to fight to good use.

Great British Bump-Off: Kill or Be Quilt #4, by John Allison (writer), Max Sarin (artist), Sammy Borras (color artist), Jim Campbell (letterer) - Shauna beating that pinata like it ruined her burgeoning romance with a self-absorbed boy. 

The war between quilt stores is settled with an all-night quilting face-off, which ends in disgrace for both teams, as the old lady declares both their efforts pitiful. 'I see both teams have chosen blind panic as their theme.'

Quilts have themes? I learn something every day.

The hatchet is buried, but the car arson and shop flooding remain unsolved. The shop owners have decided they don't care, insurance will cover it, and they'll cover the cost of Shauna's boat repairs. Shauna, on the other hand, must know who's responsible. Well, if she'd read Bryn's pamphlet, she'd have known, because his submission for poetry slam was in there, and it details the whole thing.

Hooray! I correctly deduced the culprit. Admittedly, I did so by judging off tropes and his general personality, but that's half of what Shauna does, and I pulled it off 3 issues earlier. Ha-ha! Point for Calvin, though Shauna, like a photo in one of those apps, is able to re-frame things so her attraction was actually her subconscious recognizing he was a hoodlum. That bit of mental buttressing complete, she's off to get the boat repaired and return to Tackleford. Bryn's left to be drawn into the pub dads' clique, the poor sod.

Either way, another Allison/Sarin adventure in the books. I know less about quilting than I do baking shows (or baking in general), but I might have enjoyed this more than the first Great British Bump-Off. Smaller cast made things easier to keep track of, and Shauna seemed to have more time to devolve into flights of whimsy and crushing despair for Max Sarin to depict marvelously. And since Shauna spent more time trying to be a double-agent for both sides, she wasn't doing as much investigating, which meant I didn't feel as bad for not being able to put together clues (because there weren't any, forensic evidence apparently not being much of a thing in the Allison oeuvre.)