Sunday, September 07, 2025

Sunday Splash Page #391

"X-Babies, Version 1.0," in Nightcrawler (vol. 1) #3, by Dave Cockrum (writer/artist), Paty Cockrum (colorist), Jim Novak (letterer)

Released in 1985, a 4-issue mini-series about Nightcrawler and Lockheed getting lost in other dimensions because Kitty messed around with the Danger Room after Nightcrawler described a past adventure he had after his teleportation powers got tangled with the Vanisher's and they ended up at the Well of Time. 

Nightcrawler initially ends up in a world of sky pirates, which seems like a dream come true until he realizes these aren't nice honorable pirates, but greedy killers. It does present him the opportunity to rescue a scantily-clad princess, but he also runs afoul of a shark-looking wizard, Shagreen, who'd sacrifices young women, and wouldn't mind hacking Nightcrawler up in an attempt to unlock the secrets of teleportation.

Eventually, Dave Cockrum brings in the versions of the X-Men from some fairy tale story Kitty told Illyana, where Kitty's a pirate (sailing seas, not skies), Storm's called "Windrider," and Wolverine's an even shorter-than-usual dwarf-looking thing called "Mean." Shagreen's defeated a second time, and Nightcrawler eventually finds his way back to the X-Mansion.

The series seems to get sillier the further along it goes. Kitty does, in one of her attempts to rescue Kurt, only manage to grab his costume, while he's wooing the princess. At another point, she grabs Shagreen's muscle, "Dark Bamf", who can't explain where he went when he's sent back, only that he just pawn, in game of life. During the climactic battle, Kitty's at least able to open a portal to see what's going on, and be seen. Her attempt to intimidate Shagreen with a "Great and Powerful Oz" routine is entirely ineffective. Before he makes it home, Kurt has a brief run in with Cretaceous Sam, a mammal-hating Tyrannosaur cowboy.

And then there's the Bamfs. Kurt meets two different races of being that bear similarities to him. In the sky pirate world, there's the Boggies. They only reach waist-height on him, wear little but loincloths and ragged boots, and speak in a weird jumble of mashed together words ("turnloose", "nastyface" "fastpoof" for teleporting.) They also have the ability to move into and through mirrors. Boggies don't seem well-regarded, and Kurt's appearance in a town market prompts a panicked frenzy of people wanting to kill the "Boggie."

The Bamfs look more like Kurt, albeit they don't come up to his knees. They speak a bit like they escaped from the Little Rascals or something of a similar era. That's the boy Bamfs anyway; the girls are almost Kurt's size - he describes them as all looking like his kid sister - and are pretty wary of the boys, who are apparently really horny. Though the girls all start drooling over Kurt the moment they see him, so they're just as bad. One actually uses the phrase, "Hubba-hubba." 

Actually, the last we saw of the Boggies was them being happy Kurt got zapped away, because it meant the princess was alone. Which, yikes, but also, apparently the defining characteristic of furry, blue teleporters with spiked tails is a high libido.

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