What I Bought 1/25/06

SEVEN! That's right, seven titles this week. Let me see you tremble in awe, and let me hear the lamentations of your women. Actually, forget lamentations, just send the women hither. Or is it thither? Over this away. Spoiler warnings, because I'm sure there will be some.

Robin #146: Willingham continues Operation: Kill The Clock, and Robin heads to Titans Tower. Meanwhile, Bludhaven goes up in green smoke. However, the Veteran sent units to get Dana Drake and Tim's "Uncle Eddie". My prediction, they're still dead. Call it a hunch, and a lesson to not look through Previews ever again.

So Conner has come down with a mysterious affliciton. It's called "Got Your Ass Whupped By Whiny Superboy-Prime" Syndrome. Anyway, Tim immediately analyzes the problem, and says they need a device Luthor created to counteract it. How does he know Luthor has such a device? Because Lex is interested in Connor, and would have anticipated the problem, and created something to deal with it. Personally I don't buy the idea of what's wrong with him, but whatever.

Robin, Wonder Girl, Speedy, and Beast Boy travel to the location Tim found. There's fighting, tender moments, and lots of ragging on Beast Boy. And, there's a halfway interesting conversation between the Veteran and Batman. What can I say? Anytime someone actually stands up to the pointy-eared psycho I enjoy it. 4 "What are those things on Conner's body?" out of 5.

Ultimate Spider-Man #89: Stuff actually happened, I think. Bendis managed to fit two sort of quickie origins into this issue, Silver Sable's and the head of Roxxon's. We find out why the head of Roxxon would be stupid enough to think Peter had some interest in Roxxon and that's why he kept helping it. Oh yeah, Peter experiences mask malfunction - again. I think he's reached the point where he should take a page from Juggernaut and weld the mask to the rest of the costume. Or he could evolve into a half-man, half-spider, who can change between his normal face and spider face. . . Forget I said anything. I said forget it Bendis! Straczynski, don't you tell him anything! I have a pen! It can be sharpened!

Oh yeah, and Shield is really lame in the Ultimate Universe. If Norman Osborn isn't leading a prison break, then he's hiding his son's abilities from Nick Fury. Or Magneto is suckering them with the aid of Havok, Polaris and Northstar. Or well, just look at The Ultimates. I hope the people of Earth aren't counting on them to stop Gah'Lak'Tus. They better call in Ultimate Supreme Squadron. Or is that Supreme Power? 4 out of 5.

Exiles #76: New title. The last few months, there's always an extra copy (I think Eric may have dropped it since Mimic died). I've been skimming them, and I figured, what the hell. Proteus is inside Hulk 2099. So he has a body that should last for weeks before it burns out. I guess that's good for him, bad for Exiles. Spider-Man 2099 faces a decision, and makes it. This is a possible spoiler, so those concerned with that, go to the next paragraph. They gone? Ok. He joins the Exiles, I'll let you read it to see why, or ask me in the comments.

Hey, thanks for waiting for us to get finished with spoilers. So, Longshot is in the book. I like Longshot. I always thought luck powers were cool. Of course, I like Stacy's phermone powers and HATE telepathy, so take from that what you will. For a new reader, I knew what was going on, I enjoyed it, I'll be buying next issue. 4 "Oh Shocks!" out of 5.

New Avengers #15: This is the "meet your Avengers" issue. Whoop-de-do. Bendis got my hopes up. I was sure Warbird was going to join, and Captain America offered, but no, she had to want to feel like she was "worthy" first. Are you kidding? What the hell has the Sentry done to earn it? Join the team already woman! Would anyone actually mind having another woman for Frank Cho to draw, to distract us from Bendis' "story"? And I was proposed Warbird as someone for my New Avengers, because she's got the history, the powers, and a sash.

There was one moment I found interesting. The Avengers call Jonah Jameson in to make a deal: You get exclusive access, and in return, you stop ragging on Spider-Man. Jonah's actions didn't seem in character, which is odd, because I thought Bendis understood him pretty well in Ultimate Spider-Man. So this book has one arc left. "The Collective" had better blow my socks off, though the holes may make that difficult, or sayonara. I can read bad stories that involve Spider-Man elsewhere. 2 out of 5.

Black Cat and Spider-Man: The Evil that Men Do #6: Speaking of bad stories that involve Spidey. The more I read this book and see that subtitle, the more aggravated I get. For some reason I keep emphasizing "Evil that MEN Do" and it's driving me up the wall. I know the main bad guy is well, a guy, but still, quit disparaging my gender. Here come spoilers, so you may wish to jump to the next review. Or not.

Why was it necessary to add a rape to Felicia Hardy's origin? I was fine with "Felicia loved her father, he was a burglar, so she followed in his footsteps, and besides, it's fun!" Why did need she need a sexual assault to spur her on? What, because Frank Miller turned Selina Kyle into a prostitute, Felicia has to have sexual abuse in her past? Cripes. Frank Miller is insane, and should not be imitated, especially not in the Spider-Man Universe. Spidey is supposed to be relatively cheerful, this was freaking depressing.

I notice I haven't talked much about the book. Well, it did enough talking for the both of us, which is pretty much what I predicted after the last issue. Man, I know there was a big gap between the two halves of this story, but Smith really fouled this up. And apparently we're getting a 'new' villain out of all this. Yippee. 1 "Why did you go There?" out of 5.

Wolverine #38: Recently I was pretty excited about the upcoming Wolverine:Origins book, which will be written by Daniel Way. Unfortunately, Way is also writing this story arc, and he's not bolstering my confidence. Hopefully in that book he'll stay in the time period of the event he's writing about, and not flashback and forth between present and past.

As for this, well, Logan finds the place where the Adamantium was bonded to his skeleton the first time. Funny, I could have sworn he found that place back in the '90s, somewhere around issue #50 in his previous ongoing. I still have no idea what it was the Silver Samurai told him back in Part 1 of this story. Apparently Bucky was involved in Wolverine's life at some point.

My first reaction upon finishing this issue was "Is that it?" Then I flipped back through to see if I had somehow missed pages in there. I hadn't. Lame-ass. I'm telling you now, the story of Logan's past should be written by Paul Jenkins and certainly not Daniel Way. Man, I am such a whore for Paul Jenkins. Well, I guess Grant Morrison and Alan Moore can't have all the syncophantic fanboys. 2 out of 5.

Amazing Spider-Man #528: "The Other" is over! The tidal wave of suckiness is over! Hooray! Prepare for a new, potentially even larger wave of suckiness! Uh, hooray? And this new wave shall begin with a new costume? Boo! Ok, so he doesn't wear the new costume. . . this issue. I know Peter has had some questionable costumes, but man I just can't get over how dumb it looks with those spines sticking out the back. And red and yellow? Damn it Tony, not everyone likes the same colors you do! Yeesh. Or maybe "Guh" is more appropriate.

So, I was surprised Peter did not have a confrontation with the spider-mass thing we saw the last two parts of this story arc. I guess they're saving that to annoy the crap out of me some later day. He did however go to visit that odd little super-hero tailor guy that JMS introduced some time back (before his mind completely slipped the rails, and he decided Gwen Stacy and Norman Osborn should procreate). Then he demonstrates his new powers and saves lives. Personally, I don't think "carrying a person by sticking them to your back" is really a new power. I seem to recall he's been using his back to stick to walls for years, so he could read newspapers.

Oh yeah, and Tony isn't sure Peter is really who he says he is. Now privately, Peter shares these doubts, but I don't think that excuses Tony from spying on Peter and MJ during private moments. I think Stark needs to drop A.A. and join Sexaholics Anonymous. Ok, be honest, you saw that joke coming three lines ahead of time, didn't you? Don't lie to me! Sorry, I have to go to my anger management class, I'll give Logan and Banner your regards. Oh, the score? Well, it's really only a 2, but I'm so happy "The Other" is over, I'll give a 3 "You've Nearly Killed Me Off Spider-Man Books" out of 5.

Sorry, this post was much funnier the first time. But Blogger ate that, so you got a pared-down version.