Food And Awkward Conversation For Everyone

Narrator: ALL THE CHARACTERS HAVE GATHERED AT CALVIN'S MOTHER'S HOUSE FOR THE BLOG THANKSGIVING!

Calvin: C'mon man. None of that, OK? This is a relaxed, subdued atmosphere.

Pollock: Since when?

Calvin: Quiet you.

Narrator: Sorry. Calvin and the others have gathered around the table to eat, drink, and probably threaten each other.

Clever Adolescent Panda: Thank you. And thanks to Pollock for this wonderful ham.

Pollock: Why thank you, it's grown in a lab from proteins convinced to behave like the flesh of a pig.

CAP: *pushes plate away* That description made it much less appetizing.

Deadpool: [Ham on Thanksgiving is blasphemy.] *takes the ham off the panda's plate*

Calvin: Damn right.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: But those pizza rolls you guys are scarfing down are fine.

Calvin: Of course. Pizza rolls belong to no holiday.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *mock apologetic* Oh, of course. I'm sorry for doubting you.

Calvin: In the spirit of the season, I. . . am too stuffed to take offense. Did you have nay trouble finding a parking space?

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *nervously* No, not really.

CAP: Were you able to park in the space properly?

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Mostly.

Calvin: We know you smashed one of the garage doors.

CAP: *looks up from a bowl of soup* It was hard to miss.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Sorry.

Calvin: *shrugs* My mom's moving in a month, what does she care?

Deadpool: [Also, it made a good place to store my weapons.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: What do you mean? *looks out the window at the driveway* Wade, what the hell? He stabbed his swords into the body of my car!

*Everyone looks at Deadpool*

Deadpool: [In my defense, I thought it was a piece of lawn art at the time.]

Pollock: I'm glad I arranged to be picked up later. I can't afford any more expenses on the travel budget. Also I can drink more. *pours wine into a Big Gulp cup*

Deadpool: [Can I get a ride with you? Ooper doesn't exist this far out in the sticks.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Hey, I'm the one who's going to need a ride here!

Deadpool: [I have more booze! Good stuff, not the cheap vodka mixed with anti-freeze I shared with these guys.]

CAP: You notice none of us were drinking it, right?

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: It's in an old bottle of detergent you painted red and black.

Deadpool: [And drew three X's on it! Gives it that old timey charm we moonshiners know our customers crave!]

Calvin: I figured it was some kind of lewd joke.

CAP: Yeah, me too.

Pollock: I take it as a given anything Deadpool does doubles as a lewd joke.

Deadpool: [I never joke about Sweet Lady Alcohol.]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Gimme that quality booze!

Deadpool: *clutches bottle* [No way! This is what keeps me warm now that I'm all alone and hated!]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: You stabbed my car, gimme the bottle!

Deadpool: [You ran me over back in the spring!]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: That was just a drawing Calvin did! It didn't actually happen!

Calvin: I dunno, continuity on this blog is a tricky thing. There are all kinds of things I'm counting or planning you guys haven't seen.

CAP: Really?

Pollock: Oh, wonderful. More disasters lurking in my future.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: . . . No one made you help HYDRA!

Deadpool: [They had some good ideas until all the killing and fear!]

Calvin: No politics at the Blogsgiving table!

CAP: *exasperated* Wade, just share the damn booze!

Calvin: We'll give you an entire pie, and this bag of corn chips if you give her the alcohol.

Pollock: *sighs* I'll even throw in this pineapple pudding to expedite matters.

Calvin: Pineapple pudding? What the hell?

Deadpool: [OK, fine! Take away the last thing in this world I have!] *hands over booze*

CAP: Aw Wade. It isn't the last thing.

Calvin: Sure, you still have friends here. We understand you didn't mean to help HYDRA.

Deadpool: [Really?]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *finishes big swig* Sure! It was still stupid, though. *passes out*

CAP: She's right. Also, a lightweight.

Pollock: Absolutely, on both counts.

Calvin: But you should still hurry up and kill Cable. Then everyone will love you again.

CAP: Calvin, don't encourage him to commit murders! Not even of Cable!

Deadpool: [No, no, he's right. I'll have to get back to work soon. But first. . .] *grabs the bottle back*

Pollock: Where is the silent, sullen girl?

Calvin: I couldn't get ahold of Cassanee.

CAP: I hope nothing is wrong.

Pollock: *swirls wine, side-eyes Calvin with a raised eyebrow* Is this one of those developments you aren't sharing?

Calvin: Maybe. Or it might be one of those development I don't know anything about.

Pollock: How would that work?

Calvin: I only know some of what Actual Calvin knows, but I don't know what I don't know.

Deadpool: [It's like the disconnect between Mark Millar's hand and his brain.]

Calvin: There you go, spreading that rumor about Mark Millar having a brain. Hey! What are people thankful for?

Pollock: *leaps to feet, shouts triumphantly* I have my company back! And we sustained a record-low number of work days lost to random assaults from pandas or idiots in spandex!

CAP: I'm thankful for food, and my friends. And I'm graduating!

Calvin: I don't have to come up with another name for you now, do I?

CAP: Please don't. You're terrible at names.

Calvin: Heyyyy. . . yeah, you're right.

Deadpool: [BOOZE!]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *snores*

Calvin: Hmm, well nothing particularly bad happened to me this year. That's pretty swell.

CAP: That's pretty lame. Give thanks for something actually good!

Calvin: *shrugs* Work has been OK?

CAP: *shakes head*

Calvin: Oh, like food and friends are so original.

CAP: Hey, I included my graduation from junior high!

Calvin: Junior high graduation? That doesn't count.

Pollock: He's right, that barely qualifies as an event.

Deadpool: [Don't let them get you down. I remember my junior high graduation. It was a wonderful scene.]

CAP: Really?

Deadpool: [Maybe? Or I'm remembering being escorted away from someone else's junior high graduation.]

CAP: *flatly* Thanks, Wade.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *drowsily* So who is giving me a ride home?

Deadpool: [I only stabbed the body of the car. It probably still runs.]

Pollock: I believe she was referring to her intoxication.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *jabs finger at Pollock* Bingo.

Deadpool: [You need a driver for your car, I need a car.]

Calvin: If only there was a solution.

Deadpool: [I've got it! I'll take your car, and you can get a cab when you sleep it off!]

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Booooooo.

CAP: Try again, Wade.