My Only Regret Is Not Using Lens Flare

*Black screen cuts to camera rushing over a frozen lake.*

Narrator: In a world beset-

Calvin: No man, now is when I need you to bring the bass.

Narrator: Sorry. IN A WORLD BESET BY TEDIUM -

*cut to shot of a busy sidewalk, people walking calmly*

Narrator: ONE MAN DECIDED TO MAKE THINGS SLIGHTLY MORE INTERESTING.

*INCEPTION NOISE*

Pollock: This is idiotic.

Calvin: Less of the back talk and more of the smack talk.

Pollock: *disgusted sigh* What's he's done could mildly reshape the schedule of this blog for months to come.

*back to the sidewalk, everyone running in terror, cars tearing down the street, guys leaning out shooting at pursuing cops*

Narrator: NOW, THE RACE IS ON TO STOP HIM BEFORE HE MILDLY ANNOYS SOMEBODY.

*cuts to dark room with a lot of TVs and consoles*

Clever Adolescent Panda: *trying for gravely serious, but too energetic and giddy* Get me the, snicker, *tries for deep voice* THE PRESIDENT. Of the Internet.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: *obviously reading the lines off the script* Really? Butweget, so much more *pause* done when he's not *pause, squints at the tiny handwriting* around. Ha, that's so true!

Clever Adolescent Panda: *hammers console with fist, but tears the cheap green screen curtain* Oops, crap, I mean, this is no time for jokes! The fate of humanity is at stake! Random weirdos on the Internet told me so!

Calvin: Hey, no ad-libbing!

Narrator: AND JUST WHEN THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD IT FIGURED OUT, THE GAME CHANGED AGAIN.

*The sky is covered with dark clouds. One guy looks upward as he hears a sound, and we see a meteor storm descending.*

Pollock: *monotone* If we don't act soon, it may be too late.

*Cuts to Calvin in some other control room, talking into the camera*

Calvin: What you don't understand is that you are not in control of this situation. I AM!

*Sounds of a struggle, then the camera is forcibly twisted to focus on Deadpool pulling on pants with bright suspenders. Sorry, those are holsters. Holsters with bright buttons all over them?*

Deadpool: [Really? 'Cause from where I'm standing you aren't in control of jack shit! Yippie-ki-yay.]

Calvin: *hisses* Wade, get out of here! You aren't in this!

Deadpool: [Pfft, my trailers are better anyway.]

Narrator: THIS DECEMBER, WHEN YOU CAN'T COUNT ON TELEVISION, COUNT ON SOME GUY WITH TOO MUCH FREE TIME AND A SCANNER.

*series of rapid cuts to shots of each character running frantically through tunnels, city streets, crowded malls, a fancy dress ball, stuff like that*

Calvin: Get the picture? *grins. INCEPTION NOISE*

Clever Adolescent Panda: Boooooooo.

Makes Brakes Fail Lass: Booooooo.

Pollock: I might hire Deadpool to kill you right now for that line. It doesn't make any sense! You failed to establish what's actually going on!

Calvin: Piffle. Audiences today don't need to know what's going on, only that something is going on.

*Deadpool runs up and punches Calvin. INCEPTION NOISE*

Calvin: What was that for?

Deadpool: [That's not important, only that it happened.]

Calvin: Touche.

*******

Well, we had a lot of fun here tonight with fake movie previews. *looks over at the others, who all shake their heads grimly* OK, I had fun tonight with a fake movie preview. They're stuck in a studio system that prohibits them from working other productions. Hopefully it was moderately amusing. I figured the announcement of what's going to succeed the episode rundowns on Sundays needed a little boost.

I'm actually going with two different series of posts for the immediate future. The first series is the long-promised Alternate Favorite Marvel and DC Characters. Those will go in the same format as the original ones did, although not in any numerical order. Just whichever character I feel like writing about that weekend.

But, as those posts required a lot of effort, and I find myself short on that some weeks, there has to be a fallback. When Siskoid was running the Daily Splash Page blog, he went through (I think) every series DC had published up to then. I'm not going to try and do the same with Marvel, that'd be crazy at the rate they pump out series these days. What I am going to do is go through every series, or mini-series, and possibly one-shots, I own. Depending on the number of issues I have for a series, it may get multiple posts (GrimJack, for example, will probably get three posts).

There you have it.