Random Back Issues #42 - Deadpool: Dracula's Gauntlet #4

Has Dracula never heard of online dating?

We're looking at the midway point of a mini-series today, but it has enough random shit happening it avoids most mid-story lag. As Wade explained, he found Shiklah inside a coffin he was sent after by Dracula, so the shitty JRPG Antagonist version of Dracula can marry her. Shiklah doesn't seem terribly interested, so she and Wade are taking their time returning to NYC. They got captured by a HYDRA sub, but by the time Bob frees them, AIM had captured the sub.

While Wade and Bob go retrieve Deadpool's weapons (and Wade realized he might be catching feelings for Shiklah), She's busy kicking the shit out of the beekepeers, who counter with their L.A.L.F.: Libido-less Artificial Life Form. Created by abducting a transient from Times Square in the Guiliani Administration. That tracks. Succubus wiles won't work, so Shiklah transforms into her giant horned monster form, and tears the poor thing to shreds before draining the life force from a lot of AIM guys.

MODOK shows up to catch her and ruin the fun, eager to dissect her and understand her powers. His attempt to return to his ship is thwarted by Deadpool chucking a grenade into the tractor beam as well, which damages the beam projector and sends everyone plummeting towards the Earth. Except MODOK, who has a flying chair. Or he did, because Wade somehow levered him out of it to commandeer it. Not sure how that worked, but OK.

Wade catches Shiklah and Bob - wouldn't have expected him to decipher the controls that quickly, but OK - but Bob loses his grip and breaks both his legs when he hits the ground. Shiklah offers to ease his suffering and Bob pleads to not let her eat his soul. Look at it this way, if she does, you don't end up with Madcap growing out of your stomach like a Kuato cosplay in a few years.

They get Bob medical help, at a veterinary clinic while the news reports of MODOK as being a 'profoundly disabled man who had his wheelchair stolen.' The vet inquires if Deadpool's a terrorist, and is assured that Wade is in fact the Captain Britain of 2099. They must have changed the flag quite a bit, then. It's unclear if the doc fixed Bob the way 'Pool asked, but since Wade paid cash, he's fine putting one of those dog cone collars around the Bob's neck.

Back on their own, our lovebirds are attacked by an enthralled Werewolf by Night. Wade takes that to mean he's in heat, while Shiklah says he better hope not. Wade finds a suit of armor to fight in, though it doesn't help much. Shiklah just blasts the collar off and Jack's back to his old self. Just in time to be punched in the face. Jack explains Drac isn't happy with how long Wade's taking, and that Shiklah's brothers are alive, and being annoying twits.

Dracula, out of patience entirely due to dealing with Shiklah's idiot brothers, prepares a new team to find Shiklah. Frankstein's Monster, a Living Mummy, a Brood mercenary, and Marcus, the centaur bit by a werewolf and bonded to a symbiote. He has no weaknesses, except that he's diabetic. I would think fire and sound would also still be a problem, but maybe centaurs are immune to those? And can't the symbiote do something about his pancreas?

[4th longbox, 8th comic. Deadpool: Dracula's Gauntlet #4, by Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn (writer), Reilly Brown (penciler), Nelson DiCastro and Terry Pallot (inkers), Jim Charalampidis (colorist), Joe Sabino (letterer)]