Major League: Back to the Minors

The third, and as far as I know, final, movie in the Major League series, shifts the focus to minor league baseball, as the title suggests. Scott Bakula steps in as the veteran whose career has run out, a long-time pitcher offered the chance to coach the Minnesota Twins' AAA team. The Twins are owned by Roger Dorn (still played by Corbin Bernson). Kind of interesting since Major League 2 partially revolved around Dorn retiring and buying the Cleveland Indians, then being so low on cash he had to let the previous owner buy back in.

I would say that should preclude a guy from being approved to buy another franchise, but having seen some of the jackasses Major League Baseball has let own teams (the McCourts with the Dodgers, the dipshits that owned the Mets and got Ponzi schemed, literally anyone who has ever owned the Florida Marlins), it's not farfetched.

The movie revolves around a rivalry between Bakula and the Twins' manager, played by Ted McGinley (aka the second Mr. Darcy on Married with Children). I'm not clear on what the rivalry is about other than McGinley's character is an obnoxious, condescending, short-tempered prick, but maybe that's enough. So there end up being two games between the big league squad and the minor league team, one in each team's park, which is, fine. Whereas the first two movies established a team opposing Cleveland as the overwhelming bully that must be overcome, this one takes the approach that the two teams are basically even, because the minor league club plays together and the big money guys do not.

I would think not wanting to lose to a bunch of minor leaguers would be incentive enough for the Twins to run roughshod over the Buzz, just to keep the other major league teams from laughing at them. But maybe they enjoyed watching their manager spaz out about it too much.

They brought back some characters besides Dorn from the first two movies. Bob Ueker's there as the Buzz announcer, apparently off the sauce now. Dennis Haysbert hasn't gotten to play the President in 24 yet (jeez, remember when that show was such a big deal?) so here's Pedro Cerrano. He seems to just show up wanting to play, and they let him join. I guess it's veteran leadership, although they already seemed to have that. They bring back the Rube Baker and Taka Tanaka characters from the second movie as well which is fine, whatever.

Then they try to fill in the gaps with some new characters. A third baseman that's a converted ballet dancer. A pair of twins for the middle infield combo. Another lifetime minor leaguer everyone calls "Pops". Seems odd to have another character like that when that's pretty much what Bakula was, but I guess they figured they needed a player version and a coach version.

The two that get the most focus are a young goofball hardthrowing pitcher everyone calls "Hog", and a highly regarded young slugger, played by Walton Goggins. Yes, the guy who goes on to be on The Shield, Justified, multiple Tarantino films, etc. That guy. Really weird to see him in this role. Not that there's a lot to it. He has to be arrogant and not listen to the voice of wisdom, then get humbled in the majors and return ready to learn from Bakula how to Play the Game the Right Way.

What I Bought 8/27/2021 - Part 1

Last Friday I managed to get all the books I hadn't so far for this month, plus a couple from last month I hadn't managed to pick up. It's a mixed bag, some good, some that we'll have to wait and see, some I shouldn't have picked up. So let's start with the last category first!

Yuki vs. Panda #3, by Graham Misiurak (writer), A.L. Jones (artist/letterer) - The rare and cunning Box Panda, lethal ambush predator.

Yuki and her friends make it to school, where the principal is both excited at the possibility of Yuki winning trophies for the school, and terrified about "Coach Sayjack". OK, Double Dare reference, fair enough. But there's a distraction to Yuki in the form of cute boy new student Zach Slater. OK, Saved by the Bell reference, less encouraging. Meanwhile, the panda returns to its temporary dwelling beneath a bridge to find hoodlums wrecking his shit, including his bamboo plant Lucy. So the panda whoops their butts. Finally, some violence! Then the final page cuts away to some mysterious masked figure with antlers who has seen something concerning.

Here's the thing. I bought this on the promise of the panda fighting or otherwise attempting to take revenge on the girl that hurt it. Instead, we're getting nearly blind (I think) Jewish teachers who talk about how the War of 1812 is correlated to Onyx's debut album Bacdafucup, and angsty teen romance. Also, I'm almost certain "putz" is not spelled "puts." But OK fine, setting the parameters of the fictional universe, and I'm sure the creepy janitor perving on high school girls, and the high school girl with the tarantula in her locker will both be important to the plot at some point, but it's not what I'm here for. 

Also, they've now explained the panda can move around in public because it somehow looks like an old man to everyone else. Actually, they didn't explain it so much as there was one panel from the perspective of the hoodlums where the panda is clearly an old man. At least we can say Misiurak and Jones aren't holding the reader's hands.

The brief fight was enjoyable, and there were a couple of panels that were funny. And the story might get somewhere interesting eventually, but I won't be there if it does.

Batman: Urban Legends #5, by (deep breath) Chip Zdarsky (writer), Eddy Barrows, Eber Ferreira, Diogenes Neves and Marcus To (artists), Adriano Lucas (colorist), Becca Carey (letterer) "Cheer"; Marguerite Bennett (writer), Sweeny Boo (artist), Marissa Louise (colorist), Becca Carey (letterer) "Wildcard"; Meghan Fitzpatrick (writer), Belen Ortega (aritst), Alejandro Sanchez (colorist), Pat Brousseau (letterer) "Sum of Our Parts"; Matthew Rosenberg (writer), Ryan Benjamin (artist), Antonio Fabela (colorist), Saida Temofonte (letterer) "The Long Con" - Yes, I know. Terrible idea to buy an oversized comic of four stories based on the presence of one story, even at the somewhat reduced price I got this at, but here we are.

Let's dispense with the everything I don't care about quickly as possible. Rosenberg and Benjamin have a story about Grifter using Leviathan (ugh) to trick Lucius Fox into granting him access to all of Batman's files so the WildCATS (hangs head) can have them. For only the best of reasons, no doubts. Or the stupidest, given Rosenberg's typical level of writing. Zdarsky and the shitton of artist are on the penultimate chapter of a Batman/Red Hood team-up against some guy who used his wife's research to make a drug that makes people hallucinate stuff that makes them happy. Fitzpatrick and Ortega are on the story that, in its next chapter, reveals Tim Drake is bisexual. Good for him. I mostly noticed his old private school roomie Bernard doesn't look a thing like Pete Woods used to draw him. Assuming I'm remembering correctly, and Bernard was the one with a drinking problem who hid liquor in mouthwash bottles. He's a generic blonde kid now.

Which leaves us with the Batgirl & Spoiler story. They're playing video games, which Cassandra is apparently bad at. Barbara asks them to look into a case she'd been working on, about someone who erases evidence of crimes, but leaves a burning red card. Red card means you're out of the game in soccer, right? They travel to a hurricane ravaged convention center, and find the person. Spoiler immediately attacks her, while Batgirl plugs a flash drive she spots into her suit (?) and learns the young woman was investigating the murder of someone who emigrated here that was covered up. Since the Gotham police are useless as always, the "Wildcard" has left it in the hands of the Bat-family.

It's a weird sensation, to lose track of a couple of characters for a few years, and when you come back around, you don't entirely recognize them. Not so much Spoiler, who still seems reasonably upbeat and energetic, but also impulsive. Batgirl, though? Watching Cassandra Cain call someone else brash and bare-knuckled, while at the same time, pausing to check out a random flash drive is a little strange. Not quite, "Captain America kicking a puppy," but it's definitely unexpected.

I mean, I can make an inference. I'm a fan of serial American comics; we're always willing to do the work to try and explain/excuse stuff like that. No-Prizes and all. It's been a while since I've read anything new with Cassandra in it, so she's had time for growth. Bennett writes her as clearly much more comfortable talking and teasing Stephanie and using phrases like "brain worms". She's even trying to stretch the reference, when she remarks that "bee in your bonnet" is close to "brain worms", a "centipedimeter". I think it's a reach, and feels like Bennett trying too hard to be clever more than anything, but taken at face value, represents major progress for the character in her grasp of the language. So, other aspects of her personality could change as well.

Or, Cass was able to read the woman's body language and understood she wasn't a threat. Although in that event, wouldn't she have made more of an effort to stop Spoiler from attacking?

Boo's art is nice. Very expressive, kind of like a looser version of Amanda Conner's work. It works better in the talking parts than the fighting parts. I don't understand, for example, how Spoiler punches a computer monitor, but ends up with glass in her palm, rather than her knuckles or the back of her hand. But the body language when the two of them are just sitting around teasing each other and playing video games is good. Those first couple of pages were easily my favorite part of the story. Just Steph and Cass, hanging out and being pals.

Sunday Splash Page #181

 

"If Anyone's Earned the Right. . .," in Empowered: Pew Pew Pew, by Adam Warren

As I understand the story, Empowered started from somebody commissioning Adam Warren to make-up a superheroine and basically draw her in a lot of bondage stuff. Said person never coughed up the cash, Warren was left with this character he created who gets their costume strategically torn up and winds up captured a lot, and went from there.

The title character has an extremely powerful, but also extremely fragile, skin-tight supersuit. The more it gets damaged, the less powerful it gets, and flying glass can be enough to damage it. And super-battles are full of flying glass. So even though Emp is actually an intelligent, careful superhero, she tends to get captured a lot and has a reputation as a joke, even when she routinely bails out her more popular, dumbshit teammates on the Super-Homeys. She does end up with a small crew of good friends, mainly an alcoholic lady ninja and a former henchman called "Thugboy", so that keeps it from being too much of a downer.

Warren released, I think, 10 manga-sized volumes, although I think now he's moved to publishing it a page at a time online. Probably will collect that work eventually, too. Besides that, there were a lot of one-shots (like the comic above) and a few mini-series. Those were nice, because you usually didn't have to be reading the main story to follow along. Anything you did need to know, Warren would fill you in on. He understands the need for a little exposition and flashback on occasion. Most of those were drawn by other artists, like Takeshi Miyazawa, Carla Speed McNeil, or Brandon Graham, among others. I don't know why Warren decided to draw this one himself, although it might be the last of the one-shot issues he released.

For me, Empowered is one of those books where you can see the skill and craft put into the book, but it doesn't quite connect somehow. I like Warren's art, it's got manga influence, but it's still it's own thing. Heavier lines and more frenetic energy than most manga I've seen, but also more clarity than some of the mangas that come close. The difference in trying to follow a fight scene in Empowered versus Trigun Maximum is night and day. The writing can be funny or touching as needed. Warren plays up the notion that a lot (but not all) of the heroes are really just dumbass high schoolers that got older but no wiser or mature. Which makes them predictably idiotic in ways that can be entertaining or infuriating.

Yet, it doesn't click. I enjoy the one-shot stories, and the two mini-series were fine, but even having bought the first volume of the series, I never felt compelled to keep going. I imagine if I came across it in a library I might read through it if I had the time, but I don't have to know what happens next.

Just the way it goes sometimes.

Random Back Issues #68 - Amazing Spider-Man #351

Another day, another issue of Amazing Spider-Man in the Random Back Issues series. Today's the first of Mark Bagley's run as series penciler, taking over from Erik Larsen. Bagley'll be regular artist on the book for at least the next 65 issues, minus sporadic fill-ins when the series is shipping twice a month.

Maybe to make Bagley, coming off his New Warriors run, feel at home, Michelinie uses Nova in this two-issue arc. Nova's chasing a laundry truck he got into a fender bender with earlier. The driver was very eager not to exchange insurance information, and he had a gun inside his jacket, which always means trouble. Maybe on the East Coast. Around here it just means they spent the money that should have gone to car insurance on a concealed carry permit.

The truck pulls up behind a building at Empire State University that was wrecked during some mess that took place in that year's Spider-Man Annuals, but even with Spider-Man's help, the thieves escape with the help of a sonic grenade. Spidey manages to get a tracer on the truck, but Nova's not happy with the interference. He thinks to himself it might be because he was without his powers for so long, he's self-conscious about looking helpless into front of another hero. Or, wild idea, you're kind of a dick, Rider.

The truck escapes, but Spider-Man remembers the lab was experimenting on artificial Vibranium. Experiments that made it into Antarctic Vibranium, which melts any and all metal, rather than the stable version you find in Wakanda. Questioning one of the grad students, he learns the guy was trying to figure out what went wrong using a piece of real Antarctic Vibranium, but sold it when he got a good sold it. He then asks Spider-Man, 'you'd have done the same thing, right?'

I guess being married to a soap opera actress, Peter forget what it was like to be a broke-ass grad student. It wasn't fun in a relatively cheap Missouri town, I can't imagine what getting by in New York City would be like. Then again, this guy found enough money to buy Antarctic Vibranium, so maybe he was doing just fine.

But later for such nonsense, Peter and MJ are due at Aunt May's for dinner, then they're going to be meet two friends for dancing! That's what we're all here for, right? Peter's distracted, and when Nova zips by, ditches MJ. Who is not pleased and goes to meet their friends herself. Peter reflects something's been bothering her for weeks, but that the damage is done. Naive of him to assume it can't get worse. Also, I think this leads into the whole subplot with MJ taking up smoking due to stressing over him.

Catching up to Nova, Spider-Man explains the truck had Jersey plates, and by flying, they could search the state quickly. Nova states he's already got a team (one he hasn't called for assistance, though) until Spidey admits he needs Nova's help. Things still aren't smooth sailing, as Spidey complains about Nova's flying, and Nova says Spidey needs to lose 30 pounds. His Marvel Universe Series 2 trading card (which came out in 1991 like this comic) says Spider-Man weighs 165 pounds. I'm pretty sure he can't spare 18% of his body weight.

The spider-tracer leads them to a mountain, and they locate an armored rear entrance. Nova, proving even when he's trying to be a team player he's a jerk, asks if Spider-Man needs some help. Spidey calmly wrenches the metal grate off, then keeps Nova from triggering a tripwire without explaining how he knew it was there. Nova's left to reflect flying and being strong are reasonable powers, but 'this Spider-Guy's downright spooky!' Usually the younger heroes just look up to Spider-Man, but depending on their powers, his could seem weird. Although Nova's on a team with a lady who can melt into shadows.

Splitting up, Nova finds two scientists conveniently waving around a demonstration disk, right before they leave to go get some coffee. Nova immediately trips a silent alarm getting in, and is eventually brought down by an electrified net. Spider-Man's got much bigger problems. The Life Foundation, which builds 'secret survival condos for the rich and famous', somehow reconstructed the Tri-Sentinel Spider-Man destroyed at the end of Acts of Vengeance. Whoo, Acts of Vengeance callback! They think a 100-foot tall, triple-faced killer robot is the perfect protection for their clients when the world economy collapses. The Antarctic Vibranium is their failsafe, placed inside the brain and designed to be remote released to melt the machine if necessary.

I find this entirely believable, except I'm sure the techbro billionaires would build their own. Which would at least just be a danger to them, unlike the Tri-Sentinel. Despite an attempt at reprogramming, Loki's directive reasserts control the second it's activated. Meaning, head for the nuclear plant it tried to send into meltdown last time. The remote activation of the failsafe, er, fails, meaning it's up to Spider-Man, with no Enigma Force backing him up. Just Nova.

He might be better off with Power Pack, honestly.

[1st longbox, 72nd comic. Amazing Spider-Man #351, by David Michelinie (writer), Mark Bagley (penciler), Randy Emberlin (inker), Bob Sharen (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)]

Project Almanac

David's a brilliant high schooler, but he needs to find some way to pay for college without his mother selling the house. Then he finds out his dad was involved in an attempt to build a time machine at some point before he died. So he and his younger sister and his two friends manage to make a working time machine. Of course they all agree to follow strict rules about not going back alone, and recording everything. And, of course, those rules eventually get broken.

I definitely did not watch closely enough to catch how their actions caused the ripple effects they did. I just kind of assume all of them (especially Quinn) making themselves more popular threw off the social climate in the school and things spiraled from there. I don't see how that explains the fires in Brazil, but the basketball star getting hit by a car at a party, or the mean girl's father dying in a plane crash, maybe.

Actually, I think it'd be funny if the fires in Brazil happened originally, it was just none of them noticed because they were caught up in their own lives. Then they're already panicking about other butterfly effects, so they just assume their going to Lollapalooza caused forest fires thousands of miles away. Something about adolescent arrogance, I guess.

Two things I like about the effects of time travel. The way they jump back to the present and don't know why things are different. They've created changes, but skipped past all of them, so David gets congratulated on a party he threw last week that he has no memory of it. Like they've stolen the lives of another version of themselves.

The other bit was just a visual effect. How they would almost lag, or glitch out, if they met another version of themselves. The way each version would start to repeat words in an echo. It just looked cool, while I know it would be terrifying to actually see that happen to your friend. I especially like that the movie establishes this by Quinn pulling a dumb prank on himself. Even though they said they were going to be careful with this, and they do try, with David warning them not to hold their breath, and keep their eyes shut against the UV, they're still wielding an incredible amount of power they don't fully understand. 

They went along with the prank because they didn't see the harm. Because until they've actually seen what happens when your past and present self see each other, they don't know there's a danger. Sure, practically every time travel movie ever suggests it's a dangerous thing to do, and unlike a lot of zombies movies that pretend zombie movies don't exist, this movie does acknowledge that time travel is a concept people are familiar with, but those are just movies. What do they know, right?

I'm a little surprised we never got a moment where they time traveled, and one of them ended up partially merged with a wall. After showing it happen with the toy car, and the fact that when they use the machine themselves, they end up thrown apart, I felt sure we'd see that. Especially as David grew more desperate to fix things.

What I Bought 8/18/2021 - Part 2

So, a book from two weeks ago I did not expect to find at any of the local stores around here. But sometimes life hands me little surprises. Pleasant surprises, I mean. Unpleasant surprises are a much more frequent occurrence.

Count Draco Knuckleduster #1, by Peter Goral (writer/colorist), Joseph Schmalke (writer/artist), DC Hopkins (letterer) - I bet his subordinates all want to play a game of Simon on that chestpiece of his.

The title character is a scientist who basically embraced a mixture of science and sorcery until he could find some fabled child with a 'heart of stone' that would grant him immortality. The Phantom Starkiller one-shot from last year involved a friend of his, now a resurrected corpse, seeking out the child and finding her. But, he caught feelings in his lukewarm, reanimated heart and doesn't want to hand her over. That does not end well for him, as you will see in the selected panel below. He doesn't stay dead, thanks to the kid gifting him a bit of a magic crystal. He can pay her back by rescuing her from Count Draco, in the next one-shot whenever it comes out next year. 

The way this seems to work is each one-shot focuses on a specific character and their backstory, while also advancing the overarching plot, which revolves around the Cyptocrystalline Stone. I think Goral and Schmalke do a solid job of balancing the two goals.

The whole thing is like Star Wars, but reconfigured to look cooler spray painted on the side of somebody's van. More emphasis on sorcery and magic that requires a sacrifice of lives or souls to use Half-living hunters. There's definitely a sense of a lawless frontier, full of hives of scum and villainy. Count Draco turned to some powerful sorcerer overlord for the help he needed to stay alive long enough to find the kid, and you can see how he ends up looking after that process is done.

What's weird, it's simultaneously brighter and more vivid than Star Wars, but also more dreary and depressing. Draco's life-support system is purple and yellow, rather than shades of black. Phantom Starkiller is a neon-green skeleton wearing a bright orange cloak. But the surroundings are variations of dull greens, greys, and blues. The one town we see looks like a Wild West mining town that's falling apart, the only real color the blood Starkiller and the kid spilled. The big fight takes place in a spaceship graveyard that's mostly vague grey outlines and haze. It does help the characters that matter seize your attention, since they're the only things that really pop.

Knives Out

Thought I would try watching something good on a streaming service for a change. And this is pretty good. The family of the deceased are all a bunch of total grasping scumbags. Not just how readily they throw each other under the bus, and in such a way I'm not sure they even know they're doing. It's funny at times, watching them snipe and bicker, curry for favor, but unsettling, too. It probably depends on how much you enjoy watching family drama play out before you. But also how quickly they turn on Marta (Ana de Armas). That they can pretend to be compassionate and that she's part of the family when they have the upper hand, but once that's lost, well, the knives do come out.

Even Meg, who seems like the most decent member of the family and probably the closest to a real friend to Marta, other than the deceased, Harlan Thrombey, can't keep from telling Marta she ought to give the inheritance back to them. At the end of the day, she wants that money, too.

Speaking for myself, I'd give them the publishing company in an instant, because who wants the hassle of running that? Really, the whole issue of the inheritance was such a mess, I began to suspect Harlan had arranged his own death as part of some elaborate scheme I couldn't see, and Marta was just his patsy. Because it sure seemed like his act of kindness towards someone who cared for him, was only making her life hell.

Which, of course, made me suspect Marta. She seems so kind, so genuine, so motivated by fear of her mother being deported, the whole thing felt ripe for the twist that she's actually a manipulative schemer. Even the thing about her throwing up if she lies, I half-expected to learn was a false tic she concocted as part of her long-range plan to get that fortune. You can't tell me you haven't seen more bizarre last-second reveals in mysteries. Either way, it's a good performance by Armas. She's stressed and panicked, doing everything she can to try and not go to prison for an accident and hating herself.

Chris Evans seems to be having fun playing a shit-stirring prick, while he still makes Ransom capable of turning on the charm when necessary. I mean, we want to believe Captain America isn't that big a jerk. Jamie Lee Curtis' character kind of grated against something in me. She's meant to, so that's good I guess, but she reminded me a little too much of certain relatives of mine. Daniel Craig is, I assume, having fun with his accent. He mostly avoids being too folksy with the character, minus the whole spiel about the doughnut and the doughnut holes. I was disappointed he didn't grab at his suspenders more when he took off his coat during the big explanation scene at the end.

The one thing that paid off the most for me at the very end was Noah Segen's Trooper Wagner character. He plays this kind of goofy, gushing mystery fan the entire film, and it's annoying and a little embarrassing. Like, what do we need this character for? When things move into the climax, his role as audience stand-in is actually entertaining. How he gets so giddy when Benoit Blanc takes off his jacket and begins to describe the scene of events the night of the murder, the "Oh, I know what this, yay!" Then his reaction to Marta's last bit of projectile vomiting (and LaKeith Stanfield's reaction to that reaction) cracked me up. 

I mean, I knew Marta was going to need to puke, the moment she got that phone call you know what she's going to hear. I wasn't sure what direction the movie was going to go with it. Thought they might go with her managing to overcome it entirely, or long enough to get the murderer out of the room. Instead they went for hilarious comeuppance. Which is kind of like revenge, so you know I'm in favor of that.

What I Bought 8/18/2021 - Part 1

I only went to the store expecting to get two comics written by Jed MacKay that came out last week, but I found something else I wanted I didn't expect to find. We'll get to that on Wednesday, and for today, we'll just stick to the Marvel stuff.

Moon Knight #2, by Jed MacKay (writer), Alessandro Cappuccio (artist), Rachelle Rosenberg (color artist), Cory Petit (letterer) - I actually bought the Peach Momoko variant. Nothing against this cover, even if McNiven seems like he's trying to channel a '90s artist vibe, just a spur of the moment decision while I was staring at them on the shelf.

Someone is controlling the elderly in Moon Knight's territory and making them attack people. A local everyone calls Soldier shows up beat to hell, saying his mother was among the afflicted who attacked him. They return to his building, and Moonie finds himself surrounded, including by Soldier. The janitor's sweat allows him to control people, see through them, and he's been putting it in the building's water supply to steadily dose people. He, or the person giving him orders, wants to see Moon Knight beat the shit out of all these people he's supposed to protect. Instead, he's offered a challenge. Moonie'll take the sweat directly, and see if the janitor can control him. As you might guess, it ends badly for Groundskeeper Willie.

Mackay used this to offer a little more on this notion Moon Knight's brain is irrevocably altered by Khonshu's influence. Granted, we don't have any other examples of what the mind of a person who doesn't have that problem looks like, but Cappuccio draws it as a shadowy void, save for the circle of a full moon, from which emerges a huge Moon Knight. A Moon Knight that keeps sarcophagi that hold Spector's other personalities, one of which that now holds the janitor's mind. Does that mean Moon Knight can secrete mind-controlling sweat (gross) if he lets that guy out for a while?

This issue also does a little with the person trying to push Moon Knight to embrace his violent nature, and Reese's struggles with being a vampire. Have to figure those are going to intersect at some point. Try to drive her to a blood frenzy, force Moon Knight to choose to kill her. Assuming Hunter's Moon doesn't do it first, since he doesn't seem fond of vampires.

Moon Knight's "mission" is oddly empty. There's cabinets and a bookshelf in one corner, but they look like they don't hold anything. Probably nothing, but I remember his office where he spoke to the doctor is issue 1 was a bit more furnished, so maybe it's something about the face he puts forward.

Black Cat #9, by Jed MacKay (writer), C.F. Villa (artist), Brian Reber (color artist), Ferran Delgado (letterer) - You'd expect the villain to be the one who refuses to hold a facial expression, but Star is probably still trying to get people to take her seriously.

Having retrieved Star from Nick Fury Jr., Felicia makes her pitch to Star. Felicia's client needs Monica Rappaccini, former Scientist Supreme of AIM's, cancer treated for. . . reasons. The Reality Gem inside Star, could do the trick. Star appears to agree, then uses her power to listen in on Felicia saying they need two other people with gems to give her the boost necessary. Which sets Star's gears turning, while Felicia "rescues" the next guy, who has the Time Gem, from her own guys, posing as Lil' Fury's boys.

I have never heard the term "Vermont Smorgasbord," which Felicia uses to describe the sandwiches and champagne she offers Star during her sales pitch. Internet suggests it's a line from White Christmas? My mom likes that movie, but hard pass from me. This story is going to hinge on whether Felicia accounted for Star listening in on her. It seems obvious she would, given she knows the Gem allows Star to bend reality to her whim, and that she's a former reporter. Meaning she's nosey. Yet Felicia left her unsupervised in that building, after mentioning she knew a way to give Star's powers the necessary boost, but refused to tell her.

On the other hand, knowing someone can alter reality doesn't mean you can fully prepare for what that means. And Felicia could potentially still be off her game after the whole mess with the Black Fox. It doesn't seem likely - she gave Fury 2.0 the slip pretty easily, bullet in the leg aside - but nobody's perfect. Except Doom, of course.

I kind of like the shifts in how Felicia presents herself for her two pitches. Not just the differences in food offered - Time Gem Guy gets buckets of fried chicken - but she changes her outfits a bit. She has a, maybe poet top when she talks to Star, versus a white tank top for the other guy. Changes up what she wears around her neck a little, different kinds of bracelets. The one she wears around Star looks more expensive, but also seems more like it could have hidden tools. Like she's expecting more trouble from her. It could just be she changed clothes because it's two different days, but I like the notion that it's all part of the research she did for making her approach to these two.

Sunday Splash Page #180

 

"Print Media is Going Out with a Bang,' in E-Man (vol. 3) #4, by Mike W. Barr (writer), Joe Staton (artist), Wendy Fiore (colorist), Ken Bruzenak (letterer)

There actually is another volume of sorts in between the original 10-issue run and this 25-issue volume published through First Comics. But it's just a reprinting of six of those original 10 issues so I don't even know if it should count.

Where the original series was closer to a straightforward superhero adventure, with a bit of "fish out of water" stuff thrown in, the 1980s E-Man book leans more into comedy and at times, melodrama. Which probably reflects the changing aspects of superhero comics on the whole. Issues 2 and 3 are basically a parody of The Dark Phoenix Saga, where Nova (who gained powers identical to E-Man's late in the previous series) is targeted by the creepy Ford Fairmont (Chris Claremont in a wheelchair) and his "F-Men". There's an issue that combines the Smurfs with Elfquest and the nightmare that was '80s children's programming. Later on, E-Man encounters the fugitive merc squad "The B-Team", and the member of their team with mental issues spends a couple of issues running around calling himself the Golden Gopher. 

I can't tell if that's a spoof on Mike Baron's The Badger, or the creative just attended the University of Minnesota.

There are certainly others, but those were the most obvious to me. As with all those kinds of parodies, it pretty much demands you have some knowledge of the thing they're making fun, enough to get the references and hopefully find them funny. On the last point, I'd say the success rate is much closer to 0 than 100. 

I enjoy the book more when it just focuses on its own characters and it's own weirdness. For example, issue 12, when Nova and Alec move to Chicago because she's taken a job as host of a late-night horror movie program for a local station, and Alec ends up dealing with dedicated Communist revolutionary Tyger Lily, who has teamed up with a giant, talking alligator crimeboss name Big Al, in a plot that involves a giant gator-bot and dangerous fusion reactors. Or issue 19, "Hoodoo Blues", where a famous blues player who was murdered before he could play his set is brought back from the grave.

Martin Pasko writes most of the first year's stories, working with Paul Kupperberg in the latter parts of that stretch, before Staton takes over writing for most of the second year (with Rich Burchett becoming Staton's inker, presumably to free up some time for Staton to work on writing). Nicola Cuti returns for the last two issues, an origin story for Michael Mauser, and one where E-Man gets tangled up in something with some island gods while trying to sort out his feelings about Nova (this series is marked by a fair amount of will they/won't they between those two.) It would be nice if you could draw a simple line between the two writer teams, but it's not that simple. The F-Men was under Pasko's pen, the B-Team and "Smelt Quest" were Staton's doing.

Staton's artwork seems less cramped in this series than the first one, though I'm not sure why. His page layouts don't look too noticeably different in terms of the number of panels. But the first book, with it's monster of the week aspect, might have leaned into horror a little more, wanting the reader to feel trapped. Or maybe it's just Cuti was a more verbose writer than Staton, Pasko, etc, and Staton's art had to allow for that. He definitely favors a stronger, more sharply defined line in this series, while simplifying and in some cases exaggerating figures for effect. Mauser gets considerably shorter and pudgier here, where he's halfway a spoof of the disreputable private investigator, compared to the first volume where I think he just was a disreputable private investigator.

The tone of this volume (and probably the quality of the printing) also leads to Fiore using brighter colors generally, which keeps things from feeling as dark and claustrophobic. There aren't a lot of narrow panels set in ominously dark alleys in this book.

Random Back Issues #67 - Marvel Zombies #4

I was under the impression parents weren't supposed to make kids choose sides.

Years after Marvel ran the whole "Marvel Zombies" concept into the ground, they brought this out as one of the "Battleworlds" mini-series published during Secret Wars. Set on the world Doom cobbled together from the bits and pieces of different universes he was able to save during Hickman's Avengers run.

Here, Elsa Bloodstone was one of the people who defends Doom's realms from the hordes of the undead, but she got dropped from the shield wall into the zombies' turf. Where she found an odd child, who led her to a coastline, where they encounter a version of Elsa's dad from a different reality. He's a zombie, but able to maintain a sense of self from all the bloodstones he collected from other realities' versions of himself or his kids. There's only one piece left and this Elsa's (who has been gradually realizing what an asshole her dad was) got it.

Elsa tries lopping his head off, but it doesn't take. She's ready to destroy her stone, but it turns out the "child" is actually the manifestation of her stone's power. Somehow it took a form that could convince Elsa to come to this place, something the bloodstones can do, apparently. Elsa tries for the big hero play, and gets her arm bitten off, causing her to start turning into a zombie. She also has the flashback at the top, which is the aftermath of her being too slow to kill some monster, and her father ordering her to leave its toxic blood on her head, staining her hair permanently red. When her mother objects, Ulysses shows her the monster in the basement, driving her mad, so he can have her locked away as the abusive parent.

Mystique and Bruce Wayne are impressed with that level of shitty parenting.

Elsa makes a speech that distracts Ulysses long enough for the little kid-thing to grab her gun and shoot him in the chest. It wouldn't kill him, but it does knock a big chunk of the stones loose, which Elsa gobbles like Jughead diving on a plate of cheeseburgers.

While all this has been going on, a group of zombies led by Mystique have been watching. They'd been pissed at Elsa because she killed their endless source of brains - Deadpool - the issue before. Also, they knew the child didn't turn when they bit it, so they wanted more of that. Now, with their minds falling apart rapidly from lack of brain food, they call up some big mutant with a cannon strapped to his back and take a shot. Elsa, now with a hand made of bloodstone, just blasts them to dust. Worried about having too much power, Elsa uses most of it to revert both herself and this version of Ulysses back to living humans, leaving her with just one piece of stone in her palm.

She tells Ulysses she'll accept his judgment might have been skewed by both the bloodstone and his mullet, and she's giving him a second chance. Which she will rescind by beating him to death with his own face if he screws up. Does she mean just the skin, or like she'll break off the facial portion of his skull as well?

The two of them head towards the wall, ending on Elsa suggesting 'Let's go exploring.' Which would be the strangest Calvin and Hobbes reference I've ever seen.

[7th longbox, 31st comic. Marvel Zombies (2015) #4, by Simon Spurrier (writer), Kev Walker (artist), Guru-eFX (colorist), Clayton Cowles (letterer)]

The Last Mercenary

Jean-Claude van Damme is a former legendary French secret agent turned freelance merc named Richard who specializes in rescuing people's abducted kids. He arranged an immunity deal and lifetime allowance for his son, but when an idiot bureaucrat cancels it, Archie ends up arrested on charges of being a drug and arms dealer. So "The Mist" has to return to France and clear his son's name, while eluding the French authorities, run by a guy very angry about Richard sleeping with his wife on a mission decades ago.

It's not a very serious movie, as you may have guessed. There's a whole thing about how the real arms dealer was hooked up with Archie's identity to help him out, but that criminal is also a complete dumbass who watches Scarface constantly and thinks it's a documentary. There's a lot of gags of Richard wearing disguises, fake mustaches or wigs, even though, you know, he still looks the same. Also, he can perfectly mimic anyone's voice, like a Terminator as Archie puts it.

Most of it is really about Richard trying to connect with Archie when they've never met before. Archie thinks of the many who raised him as his father, and his biological father as a jerk who didn't want a son to cramp his style. And van Damme has to adjust to his son being a mid-20s unmotivated slacker who takes advantage of the monthly allowance to just stay in college. So there's a core of something, with Richard being so anxious he keeps waiting to tell Archie who he is, and even wrote a letter because he's not good with speeches. Archie has to try to overcome his resentment to someone he long ago concluded didn't care about him. It's basic stuff, but they made an effort.

Van Damme is starting to show his age in the fight scenes, at least that's the impression I got. A lot of camera shots from behind during the kicking, where you can't see his face, then a quick cut to the front to show it's him during a punch, then back to the shot from behind. Which is understandable, dude's no spring chicken, but it was noticeable during the fights.

If you decide to watch this, which I wouldn't really recommend, you should probably try it in French with subtitles. I went with English with subtitles but the dubbing is horrible. It reminds me of some of the Hong Kong Jackie Chan movies I've watched over the last year.

Not Every Dog Gets to Have Their Day

One thing I like about the Marvel and DC universes is that even though there's a hierarchy, the big-time heroes and villains and the street-level types, almost any can beat any other character on any given day. The advantage of the shared universe concept, I guess. Decades of different writers and artists working in the same sandbox. Each with their favorites, or their axes to grind, or whatever.

So you end up with a situation where yes, Spider-Man has lost to Stilt-Man - twice! - but he's also beaten the Firelord and stopped the unstoppable Juggernaut. Good day for him, or bad day for Cain Marko, doesn't matter, it happened. And heck, the next time Spidey sees the Juggernaut, he might get trounced

Even if when there's Jim Starlin insisting that Thanos totally never lost ever to anyone other than himself or Adam Warlock, no way, or Jeph Loeb creating the Red Hulk who can beat up everyone, there's gonna be another writer later on that's going to, restore equilibrium, let's say.

It's something I was thinking about in contrast to shonen anime, another thing I generally enjoy. The problem there is the hierarchy is much more rigid. There are boss villains, and they are basically only going to lose to the main character. Krillin and Yamcha are never gonna get to beat the planet-threatening menace of the moment. The best they can hope for is maybe they get to score one good hit.

I sorta touched on this, jeez, fourteen years ago, but I like the notion that if the Big Hero isn't there, the others will find a way to save the day without them. And with Marvel or DC, where plenty of the heroes who can't juggle planets get their own books and their own time to shine, we get to see that. With manga or anime, where there's one series, with largely one creative vision behind it, not so much. The answer to, "How will they win without Series Protagonist?" is apparently, "They won't, they'll just die."

Maybe my issue is that the main characters are usually ridiculously fast and strong and so it feels like they win because they're faster and stronger. That's fine and all. Sometimes it's fun to watch or read a beatdown, especially if the character's got it coming. But I also enjoy characters winning against those sort of odds, whether it's through being sneaky, or clever, or just really determined. (To be fair, there's no shortage of characters in shonen animes winning fights because they're really determined.)

Sometimes, it's just nice to see an unassuming character save the day, get the big win. Even if it was a little lucky, or they just had the approach to exploit a particular weakness or whatever.

The Suicide Squad

It's certainly better than the first one, low bar that is. Disjointed impressions and thoughts, with SPOILERS ahead.

It's about two hours long, if you don't include the ten minutes of credits at the end. It still drags in places, notably around the time where they're trying to abduct Peter Capaldi to get them in the huge illegal research lab. It's not a bad part of the movie exactly, because it's when the survivors start to actually come together a little as a team, and watching them sneak around in plainclothes after the mission has gone a bit awry feels appropriate for a Suicide Squad story (in the same way as the Squad blundering in and killing a bunch of people they didn't need to), but still. Maybe the camaraderie seems too smooth? They all just decide to get some drinks while they wait and they're pals (for the time being).

Idris Elba is meant to be Deadshot with the serial numbers filed off, since they either couldn't get Will Smith back, or didn't want him back. The dynamic between Bloodsport and his daughter feels more true to Floyd Lawton, but they've still not really put Deadshot up there. There's none of the "I don't care if I get killed" badass indifference to either version.

Viola Davis does fine with the Amanda Waller she's given to play (although her role is much smaller in this film), but it's still not really the Wall I want to see. For one thing, I'd expect Waller to be smart enough to recognize the danger inherent in a giant starfish that releases swarms of little starfish that kill people and manipulate their bodies like puppets, not just to Corto Maltese, but the entire world. Ostrander's Waller has principles, limited as they may be. Movie Waller, whether Ayers or Gunn are directing, is just a politician, and I mean that in the most insulting way. Everyone - not just the Squad, but basically every other person alive - is entirely expendable to her and her goals. She even plays golf with Senators for Christ's sake! Since when does Amanda Waller have time to waste golfing with shitheads? The part where her command center people stand up to her rang hollow considering the lot of them were shown taking bets on who would get killed during the opening credits. Oh, but now you're taking a principled stand? Pull the other one.

This movie definitely leans into the bodycount aspect of the Suicide Squad more than the first one. Which you had to expect, given the sheer number of characters present in the trailer. Some of those schmucks were gonna die, but Gunn wipes out a lot more of them than I expected, and a few I figured were safe. Which is kind of nice. Outside of a few - Bloodsport, Harley, Peacemaker because apparently he's getting his own TV series, which is definitely a thing we need in 2021, nationalistic gun-toting lunatic as a protagonist - I started to expect everyone was toast. Any time someone took a hit, or was in danger, I really thought that could be it for them. 

And since I actually found myself caring whether King Shark or Ratcatcher 2 made it, that means the movie must have done something right. Even if that was just making King Shark (aka Nanaue) a gorier Drax (with his difficulty in comprehending things, I think he's more Drax than Groot), making him a sort of comic relief character, and giving Ratcatcher 2 the sad backstory.

That said, the scene in the minibus where she lays out her origin involving her brilliant but smack-addicted papa felt a little ridiculous. I couldn't see that crew actually wanting to sit there and listen to that, or her being willing to just lay it all out that way.

I was hoping Polka Dot Man's polka dots would do different things based on their color, rather than all being the same. I guess that's more Rainbow Raider's shtick, but if you're going to the trouble of having a guy whose power is to shoot polka dots at people, why not?

Even if the first movie was straight garbage, I like that Gunn at least sort of uses it. Captain Boomerang is trying to trade jokes with Harley about how all the newbies are dead men walking. Mostly it's that  Flag seems more comfortable in his role. It's still frustrating for him, leading a team of lunatics who don't know, like, or trust each other, many of whom are completely unsuited for the work, but he seems to have adjusted. There's not the same contempt he carried, and he actually tries to be a leader. I'm not sure if that means he's in a mentally healthier space or not.

Likewise, it seems like Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn picked up a few things from the first movie and also Birds of Prey. The willingness to try and help her squadmates, and to be willing to try and do the right thing. Having decided not to ignore the red flags with potential love interests. But she's still the sort of manic energy who crashes a car into a bank. 

Randomly, I like that any time they start running, she's the fastest. Even when she's wearing combat boots and a dress, carrying a javelin, she outruns everyone else. I wonder if that just happened, she's just faster than Idris Elba and his dadbod (hilarious watching him sneak around in the mask and a tank top and slacks), or if they wanted that for some reason and told everybody else to run a little slower (like in Major League where they shot all Wesley Snipes' scenes running in slo-mo to make him look faster). It wouldn't surprise me Margot Robbie is a fast runner, she seems to be in good shape, I just wonder. Same way I wonder if Stallone was doing the physical acting for Nanaue and they just CGI'ed him into a shark.

The violence is more cartoonish, with Peacemaker using exploding bullets, and Bloodsport having a gun that keeps growing and changing as he slaps more accessories on, until it looks like something Cable or Rocket Raccoon would use. Nanaue rips a guy in half (seems wasteful for someone who was always hungry) with blood spurting out that looks like jelly from a doughnut. It probably suits the tone of the movie better than more "realistic" violence would have. I don't know why Gunn went with the flowers and cartoon birds hallucinations in place of blood during Harley's escape, though.

The wrestling fan in me was amused by how much more Peacemaker struggles in fights against one opponent than when he's killing an entire room full of people, because it's well known John Cena is unstoppable when he must Overcome The Odds.

I cannot believe those astronauts would just float there in a room with a giant alien starfish, and not flee when it started to produce little starfishes. I thought astronauts were supposed to be smart.

Who Has Time For Super-Villainy

That is. . . an oddly anatomically specific threat.

Two-and-a-half years ago, I discussed Precarious Woman Executive Miss Black General, (cripes that title) Volume 1. Well, now we're up to volume 6. Jin has been slowly expanding the fictional world since then. Adding other villain organizations that had loose cooperative relationships with RX, as well as a larger hero organization that Braveman is part, including some trainee heroes. Volume 4 revealed there was another, far more covert villain organization that infiltrated the heroes and crippled them, forcing the General and the rest of the RX Organization (now up to 12 members) to actually save the city.

Then Jin spent what felt like 90% of volume 5 making tentacle sex jokes after Scientist-San's tentacle monster took human form (now called X-Chan) and became infatuated with the rebellious teenage son of one of the city's greatest heroes. Fortunately, Jin mostly leaves that behind in volume 6.

Look, I said mostly. There's only two bits about it in this volume, thank goodness, as Jin seems more interested in setting some things up for whatever is coming next. One of those is that the police have established their own squad to deal with villains and monsters, since confidence in the heroes isn't real high. We only meet two of them, a rabbit in a trenchcoat and fedora, and his partner, a loud, hyperactive lady with superpowers and an extremely revealing costume. I don't care much about that, with the rabbit going on about how in his eyes, the heroes are just as bad as the villains. OK, thanks Gyrich, fuck off.

The other development is that more members of the shadowy villain organization pop up, including a scientist who cloned the General after being impressed with her energy and abilities. Ultimately three of the clones escape and try to decide what to do next. Which leads to them trashing the General's reputation as they are introduced to the harsh realities of capitalism. 

That part works better for me, because the clones, even when they're the focus, don't seem to hijack the story as much as the cops. The rabbit just keeps talking and no one gets a chance to rebut anything. With the clones, there's an opportunity for back-and-forth, which works more to a comedy angle. The rabbit cop and his hyperactive partner aren't very amusing. Plus, it gives the general an opportunity to show that she's not a particularly evil person, just obsessed enough with Braveman to make really bad decisions.

Beyond that, it's a lot of brief one-off chapters, mostly about different relationships between coworkers. One chapter is all the henchmen and Scientist-San's creations having a private party/bull session. Or the General trying to learn hypnosis, and accidentally making Secertary-Sama confess her feelings for their leader. Braveman agrees to test a new energy drink a scientist in their organization devised, which makes him susceptible to suggestion and nets the General a date. A couple of trainee heroes spot the General on her day off, and tail her because they suspect she's up to no good. Basic set-ups that allow for a variety of jokes. Some meta, some lewd, some just people behaving like morons.

For the most part, despite their various hang-ups Jin depicts the RX group as being fairly tightknit, which I really like. The Boss isn't some brutal overlord, he's actually sort of a putz, but one who works a part-time job to try and help fund their schemes. Secretary seems cold and businesslike, but other than certain breaches of etiquette, she handles being surrounded by morons pretty well. They're allegedly villains, but other than the General making Braveman's life hell, they don't really do anything evil. But you can see how the work environment would convince them to stick around, despite everything else.

I was wondering, after volume 5, if I just needed to give up on this series. If Jin was going to spend all his time on tentacle jokes, I was done. This volume was a nice return to form, and hopefully he can build from here in volume 7, which comes out in this fall.

Sunday Splash Page #179

 

"This Date's Going Downhill in a Hurry," in E-Man (vol. 1) #7, by Nicola Cuti (writer), Joe Staton (artist), Wendy Fiore (colorist)

I'd seen the ads for the E-Man series published through First Comics in some of the GrimJack issues I've got, and we'll get to that next week (E-Man, not GrimJack. GrimJack will be next summer), but that's not where things started.

The first E-Man series, by Cuti and Staton, started in 1973, but was published sporadically (five issues in two years) until '75, when it settled into a bi-monthly schedule for the final five issues. E-Man starts as a sentient energy being that stumbles across a spaceship on its way to Pluto and decides to make friends. He learns the ship is piloted by a giant brain on a mission to test new weapons for some distant space empire, but his added mass throws the ship off-course and it heads towards Earth. The energy being winds up getting trapped in a light bulb of the dressing room of part-time exotic dancer and archeology major Nova Kane, who becomes his first friend.

So it's got a bit of the "strange visitor from another planet" vibe, and unlike Superman, E-Man (who adopts the name Alec Tronn) has to learn about Earth as an adult. Cuti and Staton eventually add a private detective, Michael Mauser, who can get Alec involved in different sorts of trouble than Nova, and brings a different sort of personality to things. Nova's caught between trying to protect Alec and being attracted to him, while Mauser seems more interested in how Alec can help his business. He's also probably trying to make Alec a little less naive.

The comic almost settles into a "monster of the week" format. The Brain is a recurring foe, given his purpose was to test new weapon prototypes, but he's usually in the background until the end of the issue. There's also a wealthy businessman named Boar trying to dominate the world by controlling sources of electricity. But you've also got an issue where Nova goes to the Middle East to study some Egyptian ruins and they end up traveling back in time to learn Egyptians were actually advanced alien species killed out by a flea-borne disease. Which they help identify but somehow has no effect on their timeline.

It feels like Staton is still trying to settle into a style, but it makes for interesting viewing. Sometimes his work looks rougher, less refined, gives it a bit of a wilder energy. Other times it's fairly clean and neat, makes me think there's a bit of Curt Swan influence in it. Maybe not Swan specifically, but artists of that era. I could be off, but I don't feel like I see Neal Adams or Gil Kane in there. Maybe the Adams is there in the perspectives used in the panels. His characters don't have that angular, beady-eyed look I associate with Ditko. Staton's very good at weird stuff already, though. When the monster of the week is an actual monster, he knocks it out of the park, and his character work is highly individual.

I bring up Ditko because one of the other interesting bits of this series is there are usually back-up stories and several of those are by Ditko. A couple of spy features, Commie-smashing and the like, but also of a costumed hero called Killjoy, who beats up criminals, all of whom spend a lot of time crying about how they deserve others' money precisely because they did nothing to earn it. That gets old, very quickly. There's also some early John Byrne work about a robot cabbie called Rog-2000, with stories usually written by Cuti.

Cuti tries to write about topical issues without being too blindingly obvious, or that may just be me looking back on stories written in the '70s about '70s issues without having lived through them. But energy as a commodity that will be desperately needed, and can therefore be hoarded by greedy individuals. Using other locations as places to test destructive weaponry without regard for the locals. There aren't many attempts at humor in the writing, and the ones that do don't really work. The delivery tends to be flat, and Staton's art doesn't really sell it, but that's not what the book is trying for. It's just sort of an earnest book about trying to help other people rather than wallowing in greed, self-doubt, or grief.

What I Bought 8/11/2021

I went to the comic stores Wednesday, hoping to get five books. More realistically four books, since Count Draco Knuckleduster was a real long shot. I only managed to get two. Bummer. Also, it's been hot as shit all week, which has really put a crimp in my vacation. Not that I wanted to actually go many places, but it's made it where I haven't wanted to do hardly anything. Oh well, I can use the sleep.

Defenders #1, by Al Ewing (writer), Javier Rodriguez (artist/inker), Alvaro Lopez (inker), Cory Petit and Jay Bowen (colorists), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - Strange looks like he can't figure out who farted.

Strange gets a visit from the Masked Raider character Ewing created a few years back. Seems the guy was trying to stop some evil scientist, said scientist tried to escape with a magic spellbook, Raider shot the book, guy has landed somewhere in time, likely planning to alter history. Apparently you can change things if you time travel with magic, but not science. OK, sure, I'll roll with that.

Strange busts out the old Secret Defenders tarot deck to find some allies, but it's not a great draw. Every card is reversed, which I think is bad, and nobody seems terribly happy to be there. Not that the Suilver Surfer (restored to his classic look) is ever happy. Also, Strange drew Cloud, who is a sentient nebula now compressed into a house, so he's about to destroy the world. Oh, this is one of those stories about how trying to avoid destiny brings it about! Or not. Strange averts that disaster, but the team is thrown into the previous universe to Galactus' homeworld. I thought they were two universes on from that one after Hickman's Secret Wars? Didn't Ewing have an entire series about this, where it was a new universe, so Galactus could have a new role or something?

OK, so on the last couple of pages, when they're on Taa, Ewing does that thing people do when they homage or parody Jack Kirby. Where there are quotation marks around certain things they say? Example: 'So! "Space-time Hoboes," are you? Well, you "Made It," friends!!' I kind of hate that stuff. With Kirby, I suppose it felt like a genuine thing he thought he should do, whatever his reason, but when anyone else does it, it just feels like a kid trying on their parents' clothes. Throws me out of the story. 

But maybe I should expect this thing to be extremely meta-textual. In the Raider's flashback, when the evil scientist is trying to use the spellbook, the three candles he has lit around him are cyan, magenta and yellow. The three true primary colors, the ones used in color printing. The smoke drifting up form them is the same colors, and so are the pages in the book. So Zota's going to mess with the text of the Marvel Universe? It's not as though he could mess things up worse than Bendis or Mark Millar.

So I'm not totally sold on the writing, but it's a lovely comic to look at. Petit and Bowen's color work is vivid and varied, able to go blindingly bright when needed, or tone it back to something more subdued when that's what is called for. Rodriguez' work is detailed without being fussy, and the colors mesh with it, making sure we don't lose any of his or Lopez' linework. The page that tells the story of Raider's mask through clouds of steam rising from Stephen's tea cup is excellent. The two pages of Strange trying to keep Cloud from destroying the world, where all the panels are converging on the location where their mass is about to form a star.

If nothing else, the comic will be well-illustrated.

Runaways #38, by Rainbow Rowell (writer), Andres Genolet (artist), Dee Cunniffe (color artist), Joe Caramagna (letterer) - So long kids. Hopefully the next time we see you it isn't as cannon fodder in some bullshit event comic.

The comic is ending, so all dangling plot threads must be at least sort of tied off, or at least brought to a place where there's some idea what to do next. So, in no particular order: Gert's parents appear in their time machine right in the middle of everything, muttering about instability, and Nico banishes them.

Karolina's people are actually here to help treat her injuries, since Xavin got her acquitted of whatever she did wrong previously. Or so they say, the last page showing Xavin (drawn by Kris Anka) is giving off strong "evil" vibes. I've never seen a fictional character that does the "hands clasped behind their back while someone calls them General" pose yet that wasn't bad.

But Karolina doesn't know that, so into space she goes, after some relationship drama with Nico that resolves mostly peacefully, and ends with Nico telling her to take the Staff of One away.

Future Gert convinces Present Gert and Molly they should help her abduct Chase to the future to keep him from becoming a Mad Max cosplayer. Well again, we see that's the future, but Future Gert doesn't actually tell them, which is odd when she says she made no promise to protect the timeline's integrity. Then fucking tell them what happened, you asshole! Either way, Future Gert and Chase both poof!

Alex is wearing that Doc Justice guy's costume and watching all this (in a page drawn by original Runaways series artist Adrian Alphona, whose are looks grainier than I remember from Ms. Marvel.) Molly may still be considering visiting Krakoa, but Clara (still happily living with her foster parents) is not interested. At least one character in this book isn't a moron.

And that's pretty much it. The crew for now is Present Gert, Molly, Victor, Doombot, Gib, and Nico minus her staff. Which leaves Nico and Doombot as the closest things to responsible adults. Wait, am I implying Chase was a responsible adult? That can't be right.

Of course, the next writer can handwave all that if they want to. Bring Karolina back, with or without Xavin. Bring Chase back, changed or not, never reference his time in the future if they wish. Do something with Alex or not. Do other people have old friends they no longer like who won't take the hint? Because for someone as smart as Alex is supposed to be, he sure hasn't caught on they want him to get lost. 

I'd expect Doombot will get ejected into limbo by the next writer, much as Rowell (mostly) did with Clara. Gib, too, most likely. "Oh, he didn't receive sufficient sacrifices from the kitties, so he died and we never speak of him." I could be surprised, but I doubt it. It's a little frustrating, because we only saw hints of how things were going to play out. I was curious what the end result of the time shenanigans was going to be. The Xavin thing is less interesting to me, because I just sort of vaguely remember Xavin being around. I'm guessing a lot more happened with the character after BKV stopped writing the series, which is the point I stopped picking up used copies of the trades.

Genolet's art is really better suited to smaller panels. When the tried to go for the almost double-page splash of Future Chase squaring off with Future Molly, it's kind of blurry and lacking in his usual crispness. Like taking a small image and blowing it up a couple of times. Plus, there really wasn't much on the page that justified the need for that much space. Could have kept it to a single-page splash and been just fine. Other than that, this issue is Genolet's usual solid work, and it was 28 pages of it, which might explain last issue being short.

The Autumn of the Patriarch - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Everything I've read by Marquez has been enjoyable at the least, fantastic at the best. This is apparently the exception. 

It's about the death of some incredibly old general that ruled over a Latin American nation for decades after being installed by either the British or the Americans. He seems to have been controlled by his fear for at least part of the time. Fear of being assassinated, which is an understandable fear when you are the sort of person who secretly observes the funeral of your double so you can see who celebrates or speaks ill and then have them killed or imprisoned.

I can't say much more about the story itself because I only got 45 pages in before tapping out. The stylistic approach Marquez takes is horrendous. Every chapter (and the first 45 pages are the first chapter) is just one long paragraph, which is made of ridiculously long sentences. I tried reading one to Alex as an example (the quote below a small part of it) and stopped after a page, because the sentence continues for another 2.5 pages beyond that.

It's not quite a stream-of-consciousness, ala Tristram Shandy or Michael Pera's character in Ant-Man. It isn't a thread being constantly derailed by irrelevant details. There is a method to how the information is related. As though the narrator is trying to tell it in a rush before they are executed. Which they may be, the narrator is another general who was a trusted friend to the deceased, but it's exhausting to read. There's no point that lends itself to taking a break to process any of what we've been told because they just keep talking. Even when there's a conversation going on, it's not really a conversation. It's someone relating what the two characters said to the reader in the worst way possible.

'. . .that I can tell you now that I never loved you as you think but that ever since the day of the filibusters when I had the evil misfortune to chance into your domains I've been praying that you would be killed, in a good way even, so that you would pay me back for this life of an orphan you gave me, first by flattening my feet with tamping hands so they would be those of a sleepwalker like yours, then by piercing my nuts with a shoemaker's awl so I would develop a rupture, then by making me drink turpentine so I would forget how to read and write after all the work it took my mother to teach me. . .'

Don't Downplay the Value of Revenge

So I watched the Loki series as it was coming out last couple of months. It's enjoyable enough. I actually finished all of it, unlike Falcon and Winter Soldier, where I never watched the last episode. OK, SPOILER warning thing for the end of Loki, even though it's just the jumping off point.

Final episode, Loki and Sylvie confront Kang, the one behind the TVA, the organization that decided they both needed to be erased to preserve some Sacred Timeline, which Kang just so happens to be in control of. Blah blah, greater good, blah blah, avoid multiversal war, blah blah. Since they've moved past some critical point where Kang no longer knows what's going to happen, Sylvie takes her revenge and kills the guy responsible for saying she needed to be imprisoned or erased, rather than accepting his offer for her and Loki to run the TVA in his place. The latter being what Loki wanted, but she booted his butt backed to the TVA so she could take care of business.

Sylvie is then shown alone in the citadel looking forlorn after killing Kang, so at least a couple of different reviews I saw comment how it's showing revenge is a hollow pursuit, and, you know, let's just hold on there a second.

I'm not going to claim revenge cures all ills, but I don't think getting payback on someone who wrongs them (and I'm speaking of revenge on a specific person who actually harmed them, not just lashing out at everyone) is without merit. The notion one isn't just a powerless pawn, who can be fucked with or tormented by some joker who thinks he's got the right, that's got some value. That they can push back, even if nobody is on their side. Revenge doesn't have to be killing them. It can be financial ruin, or simple public humiliation or exposure. Appropriate to the level of the wrong committed.

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. "Two wrongs don't make a right, Calvin." First off, stop wagging your finger in my face like you're Marge Simpson and show me the math behind that statement. Secondly, that's the beauty of revenge. You're not worrying about "right" necessarily. At least not any objective form of the term. It's like in space, right or left is relative to your position.

The argument seems to be that if you devote your life to revenge and you get it, what's left? The answer is usually presented as "nothing," but I think it's actually, "the opportunity to figure out what comes next." If someone is fixated on revenge to begin with, they probably aren't open to seeing anything else anyway. They've been hurt, and in all likelihood, the person or persons responsible skated scot-free for any number of reasons. Until that's addressed, there isn't anything else for them anyway. They could try to pick up the pieces and go forward, but if their life was turned upside-down, and seemingly no one cares, is there a point? Couldn't it just happen again, especially if the one responsible is out there? You have to deal with the instability in the ground before you can build anything new.

The mistake is I think people figure if revenge is really meant to be worth something, the person should be immediately fulfilled, joyous at the culmination of their struggle. And maybe they should, but if it's been a long, difficult time, they may need to process. For me, with things I've spent a long time trying to accomplish or complete, the moment they're done isn't always one where I celebrate ecstatically. Sometimes I'm stunned it's over, sometimes I'm just relieved. That's for things far less serious than trying to take revenge on someone.

It's fine to have stories where the character achieves their revenge and feels lost or empty after. But sometimes people are going to be happy after they get their revenge, or at least finally able to move on.

The Accidental Spy

Jackie Chan plays an exercise equipment salesman who learns the father he never knew what a Korean spy. Before the man dies, he leaves Jackie some things which lead him to Turkey, where he gets tangled up in some huge search for a new, extremely potent version of opium. Or heroin, something like that, it was hard to tell because the voices were all very soft. I normally have the volume on my TV set from 17-24, and I dialed it up to 45 and it was still hard to hear. And the DVD had no closed caption options. 

How dare this 8-movie DVD collection I bought for 5 bucks not have more bells and whistles? Seriously, though, it made it difficult to follow the story beyond that. There's an evil drug lord named Li that worked with Jackie's dad, but there's also a group of Turkish guys who I think actually grew the drugs. Their boss is always yelling at Jackie in Turkish, no matter how many times Jackie makes it clear he doesn't speak the language. I thought only people from the U.S. did that. 

Either way, the end result is Jackie keeps getting attacked by different large groups of angry people. At one point his taxi drives into a open field and guys jump out of nine more taxis and attack him. Later he's attacked at a Turkish bath and winds up running through a bazaar butt-naked, fighting a bunch of guys who are very determined to not let him cover himself. Also led to Jackie trying to cover himself with a bowl of cayenne pepper, which couldn't have been pleasant.

And because there's a hit new drug at stake, the CIA is involved. Because they want to keep that drug out of the wrong hands. Yeah, I don't believe that either. Rather disappointed Jackie never kicked the CIA guy in the face. Perfect opportunity was right after the guy berated him for giving the drug to Li and how he should have left Jackie in the Turkish jail. Jackie was emotionally raw and out for vengeance by that point anyway.

But it's always about the cool stunts and creative lunacy they come up with. I got very excited when Jackie got on a motorcycle and played chicken with a small airplane. There's just so many ways that can go and they're all awesome.

A Hidden Ace

Of all the various manga series I've tried for the first time this year, Cross Game stands as my favorite of the bunch. It's also the first sports manga I've ever tried. It's not a new series, the first volume was released here in the U.S. in 2005, but other than vaguely remembering some reviews on the old Comics Should Be Good CBR blog, it was new to me.

Volume 1 is massive, over 570 pages starting when the main character Ko and his friend Wakaba are in fifth grade. Ko comes off as either lazy, or just at that stage where different things grab his interest suddenly and for a short period of time, baseball not being one of them. He convinces his friends to form a team so they'll buy their equipment and uniforms from his parents' store. Wakaba's the second of four daughters, born the same day as Ko, generally sweet and friendly, well-liked by most everyone. That includes the toughest kid in their grade, Akaishi, who's looming presence spooks Ko into actually playing a his first game of baseball just for safety in numbers.

Then, having introduced several of the key players, Adachi kills Wakaba 150 pages in and shortly after, jumps the book ahead four years. Look, it's a 15+ year old series, and most of it revolves around that event, so I'm not worrying spoilers here.

The time jump allows Adachi to change things up from what we'd briefly been introduced to. Aoba, Wakaba's younger sister, baseball lover and Ko's harshest critic, plays on the junior high team as a pitcher, but Ko himself still seems to have no interest in baseball. His friend Nakanishi, who loved baseball, isn't on the school team, but Akaishi is, having abandoned fighting entirely. Over the next ~400 pages, things are gradually teased out. What changed for Akaishi. What Ko's really been up to. The goal that's going to, as far as I can tell having read volumes 1 through 3 and 5, drive the story forward from then on.

It's also a chance to introduce a pair of antagonists. One is the new high school coach, Daimon. Think all those college basketball coaches that win everywhere they go, but leave under a cloud of rules violations. John Calipari mixed with Jon Voight's asshole football coach from Varisty Blues. It's actually impressive how well Adachi conveys what an arrogant, cruel jackass Daimon is. Completely emotionless when he's telling a player they're off the team if they can practice because their arm is sore. Telling players they're nothing but fertilizer for the varsity team. At most, there's a smug smirk on his face. Having read the later volumes, it's intensely gratifying to see him get his comeuppance.

The other antagonist is Azuma Yuhei, who is the stereotypical extremely gifted, arrogant jock dickhead. He's not a loud braggart, but just constantly condescending and rude. He treats his own teammates like servants and admits he doesn't bother to learn names of people he thinks don't matter. When Daimon asks how many of his teammates' names he's learned, he says five.

The problem for me, having seen those later volumes, is Adachi's going to try and give Yuhei a past tragedy of his own to explain his personality and drive, but still be a dickhead. Maybe it's meant to be a very dry sense of humor, but he's so stone-faced most of the time it doesn't feel like it. As of volume 5 I still can't stand the character and want to see him fall on his face. I mean, Ko, Aoba, and Akaishi are all affected and driven by a loss far harsher than Yuhei's, and they don't act like assholes. Well, Aoba does towards Ko, but there's all sorts of other stuff tied up in that.

The writing and the art work for the scenes that are sad and solemn. In the aftermath of Wakaba's death, Adachi uses largely silent panels that focus on the characters' faces and their isolation. The way each of Aoba, Ko, and Akaishi try to deal with the loss and their grief. Most of the funeral service is shown as Ko trying to peer past all the adults in mourning clothes to see Wakaba's shrine, but there's only a single panel of it. It's a clear panel that dominates the page, but it's like that was all the glimpse he could get.

There's more humor than sadness, although Adachi highlights how memories of people you lost will crop up at surprising times. Ko and another character named Senda (a loudmouth braggart that repeatedly gets shown up, so I don't mind him the way I do Yuhei) receive the brunt of the humor, but Adachi pokes at himself occasionally. Characters do plugs for his past series, or when he wastes pages making jokes about his editors having no idea how difficult 18 pages can be to complete someone in story will complain about. I could do without the upskirt shots, even if I could be charitable and allow some of them are meant to be from Ko's perspective and it might speak to where his mind is at in 9th grade. But that argument definitely wouldn't work for all of them

Adachi's approach to drawing the actual baseball is to break it up into small, individual actions (see the page at the top of this post). A panel of the ball, then one of bat and ball. Or a panel of the ball bouncing into the outfield, then one of someone rounding a base. The game is one of a lot of small, individual actions happening on the same field, so it works pretty well. If it was basketball or American football, where so much of each play is reliant on how all the players move in concert or in reaction to each other, I'm not sure it would. But the having the panels tilt lets them lead the eye naturally to the next one, and he's able to do so in a way that feels like it matches the characters' movements. Like the tilt down and to the right is part of Ko's windup as he prepares to throw the ball.