The Last Mercenary

Jean-Claude van Damme is a former legendary French secret agent turned freelance merc named Richard who specializes in rescuing people's abducted kids. He arranged an immunity deal and lifetime allowance for his son, but when an idiot bureaucrat cancels it, Archie ends up arrested on charges of being a drug and arms dealer. So "The Mist" has to return to France and clear his son's name, while eluding the French authorities, run by a guy very angry about Richard sleeping with his wife on a mission decades ago.

It's not a very serious movie, as you may have guessed. There's a whole thing about how the real arms dealer was hooked up with Archie's identity to help him out, but that criminal is also a complete dumbass who watches Scarface constantly and thinks it's a documentary. There's a lot of gags of Richard wearing disguises, fake mustaches or wigs, even though, you know, he still looks the same. Also, he can perfectly mimic anyone's voice, like a Terminator as Archie puts it.

Most of it is really about Richard trying to connect with Archie when they've never met before. Archie thinks of the many who raised him as his father, and his biological father as a jerk who didn't want a son to cramp his style. And van Damme has to adjust to his son being a mid-20s unmotivated slacker who takes advantage of the monthly allowance to just stay in college. So there's a core of something, with Richard being so anxious he keeps waiting to tell Archie who he is, and even wrote a letter because he's not good with speeches. Archie has to try to overcome his resentment to someone he long ago concluded didn't care about him. It's basic stuff, but they made an effort.

Van Damme is starting to show his age in the fight scenes, at least that's the impression I got. A lot of camera shots from behind during the kicking, where you can't see his face, then a quick cut to the front to show it's him during a punch, then back to the shot from behind. Which is understandable, dude's no spring chicken, but it was noticeable during the fights.

If you decide to watch this, which I wouldn't really recommend, you should probably try it in French with subtitles. I went with English with subtitles but the dubbing is horrible. It reminds me of some of the Hong Kong Jackie Chan movies I've watched over the last year.