Bleeding Steel

This, on the other hand, is not a good movie. Most of the fun Alex and I got out of it was joking about all the things that reminded us of other (mostly better) movies. That the main bad guy, who is a former special forces guy used a guinea pig to create a "bioroid", reminded us of the bad guys in Dark City. In terms of how he looks, not in any other way. And that his henchmen look like either the characters from the video game Destiny, or Daft Punk. The hypnotist reminded Alex of Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow.

We tried to get a lot of mileage out of that because the movie itself wasn't doing it for us. So the bioroid (which really just makes me think he's got hemorrhoids) was a special forces guy (named Andre of all things, terrifying) used as a guinea pig in a test of blood that helps make someone superhuman. Which required cutting out his heart and replacing it with a mechanical one. Quite why he had to be awake during that procedure I don't know, but the blood is killing him from the inside.

There's an improved version of the blood that lets you heal like Wolverine, but the human rights violating scientist put it inside Jackie Chan's daughter as she was dying of leukemia (after Jackie wasn't there because he was trying to protect said human rights violating scientist, what is with Jackie Chan playing cops who neglect their children?) This procedure somehow transferred the human rights violating scientist's memories inside Jackie's daughter, while wiping or suppressing her own. And Jackie went deep cover to protect her, so she went into the foster care system while he performed various menial jobs to watch over her. Like handyman at the orphanage, or food court cook.

Meanwhile, he's got an arsenal in his house that looks like something out of the weapons bunker in Terminator 2, or Mr. and Mrs. Smith, or, hell, I don't know, take your pick of movies with a room with a shitload of guns on the walls. And he's got a secret passage in the fireplace, and an automated security system to blow up the house, and he's presumed dead by the bad guys. 

So why the fuck can he not just raise his amnesiac daughter on his own in his Australia, instead of having to go through all these hoops to try and watch over her? The only reason Andre's able to find her (after 13 years) is because the human rights violating scientist's memories are emerging in her dreams and she's seeing a "witch" who puts her under hypnosis, then sells the recordings of the stuff she says about special blood and bio-engineered hearts to a fiction writer, who then publishes a novel about it. Wouldn't it have been better for her to have a support system to help deal with the emerging memories in a controlled, supportive setting?

And how the fuck does Andre have some giant flying battleship that apparently no one has detected and shot down in over ten years?

It's not like movies can't get away with this sort of nonsense, but it tends to require them to keep things moving fast enough you don't have time to question anything. This movie doesn't maintain that sort of pace. And it's trying to play mysterious with this one teenage boy character who is very interested in Jackie's daughter. You know, who he is, why he's interested in her. But the last thing a movie like this should encourage you to do is ask questions, because you aren't going to stop at the ones they want you to ask.