Wednesday, May 17, 2023

Spin the Romance Roulette

With Hellcat's engagement to Iron Man apparently in the dustbin where it belongs, and Tigra deciding to date Moon Knight, it's time for the game called, "Romantic Apocalypse"! As in, which character's taste in guys is worse?

Let's break it down:

Patsy Walker married her high school sweetheart, Buzz, who later went to work for the Brand Corporation. They drifted apart, he got the Squadron Supreme to attack the Avengers, let himself be experimented on by Roxxon, and started picking fights with all sorts of heroes, including Patsy.

Then she married Damion Hellstrom, which went fine, until it didn't. By him driving her mad until she killed herself (although Cantwell's version of Damion is trying to re-frame that to absolve himself and man, that better not stick.) He tricked Hawkeye into bringing her out of Hell, as part of some scheme to overthrow Mephisto, and has periodically fucked with her life since then.

Most recently, she got engaged to conceited asshole, interdimensional warden, and weapons designer Tony Stark. I don't know what ended things between them, other than it seemed to involve Hellstrom, but whatever the cause, bullet dodged. Then there's the dead guy in her current mini-series, who she'd been dating for a month. He'll probably turn out to be a dream demon or something.

Tigra's husband was a cop who formed a vigilante group of other cops called the Brethren of the Blue Fist. He was later killed by his "brethren" for not being willing to go further with their illegal actions. 

Steve Englehart had her ping-ponging between Hank Pym and Wonder Man for a while, when she wasn't just generally written as reacting positively to anything with a dick*. Hank was in the midst of trying to convince himself he didn't want to be a superhero any longer, and despondent enough that Tigra telling him she wanted to focus on herself and just be friends seemed to be the last straw on his deciding to commit suicide. Meanwhile, Wonder Man beats an Ultron by himself and becomes the most arrogant person on a team that had Tony Stark and Clint Barton. At least the ego trip seemed to keep things from going beyond playful flirting there.

Tigra did end up with Pym for a while in the late 2000s-early 2010s. I'm not counting the Skrull who impersonated Pym, because as far as she was concerned, he was Hank Pym. Which, given Hank's erratic history and questionable decision-making, is still not great. Plus, you know, the whole domestic abuse thing with the Wasp.

Speaking of, "erratic history and questionable decision-making", now she's going to try dating Marc Spector. (Until I see evidence to the contrary, I'm assuming the relationship is solely between she and Marc, and doesn't involve Steven or Jake.) Marc tends to react to all stressful situations with violence. Often extreme violence. And he's apparently self-loathing and deeply envious of the other two fellows in the system for being more likeable and balanced than he is. He doesn't get to see his own daughter except when she's kidnapped by vengeful werewolves, because Marlene thinks he's that dangerous to be around. Which is more self-loathing fuel for the extreme violence fire.

So, on the one side, loser super-villain for hire, the manipulative son of a devil, and a guy who describes himself as a "futurist" and expects people not to laugh. On the other, bent cop, scientist with inferiority complex that feeds into mental breakdowns, and mercenary/priest with wild swings in mood and reversions to extreme violence.

It feels like Patsy picks the worse guys in terms of their capacity for harming others (although Pym creating Ultron makes it close), but Greer picks the worse guys in terms of the red flags they're throwing up as potential romantic partners. I mean, Pym and Spector are poster boys for people who need to focus on finding some sort of equilibrium within themselves, before trying to create one with another person.

Still, though, Tony Stark. That's pretty poor judgment. I mean, Pym and Spector have both, at different times, tried to address their issues. It never sticks, because of the cyclical nature of the storytelling, but the effort is there. Stark just seems to get more arrogant, but somehow it's not gonna backfire.

I gotta go with Patsy.

* I read a quote from Englehart discussing his giving Greer's old "Cat" costume to Patsy and he dismissed The Cat series as "pandering" and "not very well done". So of course when he wrote a book with Tigra, he had the cat lady perpetually horny for the first 15 issues of his run. Which certainly seems like pandering, albeit to a different audience.

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