I tried to watch the 2011 Three Musketeers movie last week. The one where there are airships, and I think Orlando Bloom plays Lord Buckingham and declares Louis the XIV's outfit "retro"? Just complete trash, and you've seen some of the stuff I've watched. Every time I un-muted it, I instantly regretted the decision.
Will I regret buying these two comics? Let's find out.
Robotman and Negative Man are transporting some guy whose metagene caused him to bond with a Starro in an unusual way. The kind of way that makes him call himself "Starbro". The Green Lanterns want to haul him in, so the Doom duo has to outfox them. Because nobody is willing to listen. That's pretty much it, minus something at the end about some guy named Mr. Droo received Brain's robot gorilla skull and being happy about it.
Lot of stuff in this issue we have to take on faith. Negative Man can scramble the Lanterns' rings so they can't track them. How? Don't know, not explained. Starbro can somehow hack the rings to send a fake distress message. How? Don't know, not explained. Starro's have mind control properties, but a ring's technological. The Negative Spirit can be kept at bay with a big green energy bubble, but goes right through the glowing energy field around them. What's the difference? No clue. Has Culver earned that much credit, that I just shrug and say, "Sure, makes sense?" I don't know.
That said, I did enjoy the gag where Robotman detours through Smallville, thinking the Lanterns won't cause a ruckus in Superman's hometown, only to forget he's dealing with Guy Gardner, who could not give less of a shit.
Burnham's art works better on unconventional characters. Robotman and Negative Man look fine, but Guy's face is just off-putting. Too much hatching on his lips or around the cheekbones. Falls into the uncanny valley, like I'm looking at a Howdy-Doody puppet of Guy Gardner. Maybe that's the point, since the Lanterns are the antagonists here, unwilling to see past Starro to the Starbro underneath. They dehumanize Starbro, reduce him to a potential threat, and in the process dehumanize themselves. Except it's not really an issue in Burnham's portrayal of Kyle, so maybe masks are Burnham's friend.
Patsy dies of gunshots, then returns from the dead and beats up the cops. Hedy won't take her to this lighthouse, so she goes herself and finds Sleepwalker and a pretty pathetic Blackheart fighting. Spalding was trying to build some gate for Mephisto, or for himself, before he died. Daimon's involved, while still insisting Patsy's the big deal. He also says she got herself out of Hell once before, and the editor's note references Thunderbolts Annual 2000. Hawkeye got Patsy out of Hell, at Daimon's insistence. I own the damn comic, Cantwell, I know what happened in the story, don't try to snow me.
Of course, maybe Daimon's just lying, like he lied to Hawkeye. He approached Spalding (such a terrible name) at some point during the gate construction. He keeps saying Patsy's the one with the power, but the flashback to her teen years show her attempt to take the fall for writing other peoples' papers was undone by her mother. Too focused on maintaining the squeaky-clean image of Patsy in those comics she wrote. Which suggests Patsy's always been at the mercy of others' whims, but they keep telling her it's her fault things happen.
That feels like giving Cantwell too much credit.
There's also discord between Sleepwalker and Rick Sheridan, because Sleepy's been keeping Rick out of the loop on the "investigation", because of Rick's feelings for Patsy. There's a photograph that Spalding took that features prominently there, although the way Lins draws Patsy in the photo, versus how she appeared in the panel earlier in the comic is somewhat different. Besides the weird aura and the marks on her body. The robe's a fair bit more open in the photo. Don't know if that's supposed to be a reveal of her true motives and desires, or just more "sexualization = darkness" stuff.
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