Yeah, I know, but this is supposedly the not-terrible Transformers movie, so what the hell.
The Autobots are losing their war with the Decepticons, they flee their planet, and Optimus Prime intends for them to establish a safe haven on Earth, so he sends Bumblebee (or B-127 at that point) to set things up.
First question: Why not just send everyone to Earth right from the start? Optimus scatters them across space (although one of them ended up on a moon of Saturn), promising to gather them later and bring them to Earth. Doesn't that leave the surviving Autobots isolated, vulnerable to be overwhelmed by entire forces of Decepticons before Optimus can show up? That is, in fact, what happens to the one on the Saturnian moon. Gets attacked by 2 Decepticons, gets cut in half, lengthwise.
But, OK, whatever, the Little Bot That Could lands on Earth in the middle of some military training game, earning the ire of John Cena and being chased by both the U.S. military and a Decepticon that has somehow already been on Earth long enough to mimic a, I think F-4 Phantom jet, which Bee destroys, but not before losing his voice and his memory. The dread amnesia plot thread emerges! Also, Cena's guys mostly get wiped out, which makes him hate every 'bot he sees, from Autobot A to Decepticon - alright it doesn't work as well as the Simpsons' Planet of the Apes musical, whatever.
Second question: Why does the military have Humvees equipped with harpoon launchers? Do a lot of whaling up in the Cascade Mountains, do they?
Bee is eventually found, disguised as a VW Beetle, but depressed teen Charlie (played by Hailee Steinfeld), at which point the movie really leans into the '80s aesthetic. Constant playing of popular, well-known '80s songs (which may or may not have existed yet in 1987, I don't know). Snide rich girl minor antagonists. Angst about broken family situations. Nerdy boy next door trying to be noticed. Charlie working double-time to train her new robot car and hide it from her parents. Felt like Harry and the Hendersons (or E.T., or Beethoven, or Alf, take your pick) with that stuff. Especially when Bumblebee breaks into the house and basically destroys it by being functionally a moron.
But, the notion that Charlie is using caring for this lost robot (who is depicted as much cuter than he was in the Michael Bay movies, with little "ears" that stick up sometimes) as a way to regain some control of her life after her father's death, works pretty well. The movie avoids going the route of the car being some status symbol that makes her cool, because it's a Beetle, not a Camaro, but it was something she could fix, and help, and would listen to her.
Two Decepticons team-up with the U.S. military to find this dangerous robot, though I appreciate that both sides intend to betray the other at the earliest convenient moment. Cena plays his square-jawed intensity into a gung-ho angry prick, rather than some laughable doofus. Some of his facial expressions are (unintentionally?) hilarious, but they're usually him looking extremely serious, or seriously pissed, so it fits the character.
Third question: What kind of weapon is the Decepticon using that makes human bodies burst apart like they were made of snot? It uses it a couple of times, and the result reminds me of Men in Black. I'm not saying they needed to spray corn syrup and raw beef disguised as brains everywhere, but why go that route rather than disintegration or something similar?
The arc between Charlie and her family feels a little stunted. She barely interacts with her brother until she needs to convince him to cover for her. And I thought they really missed an opportunity when her mother criticizes her for bringing home that 'piece of crap' (meaning the Beetle) without asking and not having Charlie retort that her mother didn't consult Charlie before bringing home her own piece of crap (the stepdad.) I most empathized with Charlie at the moment his birthday gift to her was a book about how she should smile more often.
The fight scenes are fine. It helps there's rarely more than two giant robots fighting at one time, and the military doesn't get involved much, so there's not so much to keep track of. Bumblebee sure did use a lot of wrestling moves, though. Guess he wasn't just watching '80s movies while holed up in that garage.
I don't know if I think it's good, but it's definitely better than the Bay-hem ones. The subplot with the popular boy and the rich girl felt unnecessary and stunted. The smaller scope of the story keeps it focused, which helps it have at least some emotional heft. Unlike in the Bay movies, where the army guys seem almost as important as Shia LeBouf's character, here Cena's a secondary antagonist. The stone-faced authority figure who could ruin what Charlie's managed to pull together. He's not drawing the plot or significant screen time away from Steinfeld and her relationship with Bumblebee, which helps.
2 comments:
Yeah, as my sister-in-law would say, I "am in agreeance". It's not a great film, but it looks much better in comparison to the Bay films. In many ways it feels like a much less terrible remake of the first of the Bay films.
It helps that the robots actually look like something the human mind can understand this time, and Steinfeld is a charming actor. She's also very good in Hawkeye, if you haven't seen that.
I considered calling it a "decent popcorn movie", but wasn't sure if I'd be giving it too much credit or not enough.
I still haven't seen Hawkeye, but I looked at Steinfeld's IMDb page and found out she played the young girl in the True Grit remake. Apparently the only thing she's been in I've watched besides this. I remember liking that pretty well, even if Matt Damon's attempt at a drawl tends to stick in my mind more than anything else.
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