I was thinking about how I said Johnny Storm would have no chance with Carol Danvers, and I asked myself who would, because I have too much free time. The answer came swiftly: Hawkeye. Is there a woman he's been on the Avengers with he hasn't slept with, or at least made a pass at? Black Widow, Wasp, Mockingbird, She-Hulk, I'm sure Tigra at some point, that's just off the top of my head. The man likes to date in the workplace, no doubt. Except the Scarlet Witch.
And that's when I realized that all that was needed to stop House of M was for Hawkeye to have hit on the Scarlet Witch. Given his remarkable skill with the ladies, he would surely have scored, and Wanda would have real, actual children, as opposed to the fake ones she conjured while she was with the Vision. And guess what? Crisis averted, insanity forestalled by loving real, not conjured up children.
See, I've realized Wanda remembered her "children that weren't", long before Disassembled. She missed them (understandable), and since making fake kids is a dangerous path to tread, she wanted to have real children. And who better to help than the Avengers resident stud pony, Clint Barton? Except he wouldn't. Whether it was because he refused to get between her and the Vision, because he was afraid of the damage Quicksilver would do to him when he found out, or because he had a headache (admit, you knew that joke was coming), he turned her down flat.
Desperate, she asked other teammates. Jack-of-Hearts was too radioactive. Scott Lang already has a daughter he barely gets to see, he declines. The Vision, well she'd tried that before. That sent her into a realm of pissed-off hurt like you've never seen. And look what happened. Jack-of-Hearts, already blowed up, comes back and blows up Scott Lang. Vision gets ripped in half by Wanda's friend, the She-Hulk. Shulkie proceeds to knock Kelsey Leigh (a woman who has two real children, even if she can't be with them) for a loop, and then Hawkeye blows himself up real good.
It all connects. And honestly, is this ludicrous idea any worse than what Bendis handed us?
Seriously, is it? I mean besides the obvious fact that it falls apart if Hawkeye did proposition her at some point.
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4 comments:
Sorry, man, I read Essential Avengers 4 or 5 last week, and Hawkeye was working on Scarlet Witch like a...well, he came back out of nowhere, declared his love out of nowhere, and asked her to marry him, again out of nowhere! And Wanda said no and went running to Vision.
Damn. Another perfectly good idea shot to hell.
Actually, that may work even better. Wanda would naturally ask for his help, based on that past history you mentioned. Then, when he shoots her down, it's all the more devastating.
Congratualtions, anonymous! You have just made this story rock so much better!
I find it disturbing how well this formula fits over the plot of Disassembled. What would it say about Bendis if it were true? Perhaps he too was scorned when all he wanted were a couple bundles of joy? Now he's gone nuts and he's gonna ruin the entire Marvel U ... Okay, that's going a bit far. (Or is it?)
for want of a booty-call...
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