This, Of Course, Means War

You had punch and pie and you didn't tell me? {You got impatient and stormed off before I could tell you. Now, did you pay the Arizona Cardinals a visit?} Yes. I gave all of them a good Bonk. They just stood there and looked confused. {So basically the same reaction they had through most of the game. Great. I am filled with confidence for for this weekend's game in Foxboro.} Really? {No.}

Oh. Well, let me see the comics. Oh dear, Nightwing has to get a Bonk for attacking Batgirl. {Thank you.} I think Batgirl has to get a Bonk for abducting the Riddler. {Hey now, she just wanted to talk to him!} Well, I'm sure he has an office she could have visited. Do Moon Knight's friends know he's alive? {I'm pretty certain they do. There's probably no direct evidence, they just understand his mind.} That's fine, then. Then a Bonk for Bullseye, he killed a cop, right? {It's Bullseye, so yes, I'd imagine he did.} That's terrible! {Yeah, and Norman Osborn probably pinned it on Moon Knight. You ought to bring him down.} He has the Sentry as a bodyguard! {Pfft, the Sentry? He's a freaking joke. Tell him a heart-wrenching story about puppies with no homes. He'll break down crying, and that will be that.} What if it's the Void? {Tell him the Sentry is off saving homeless puppies, and the Void will scramble off to cause some mischief. Then you throw on a Goblin mask, and Norman will be so confused you finish him easily.} You've thought about this a lot, haven't you? {Just in the last three minutes.}

Hey, where's Deadpool? {Oh, um, they were out when I got to the store. I'll get one next week.} Oh dear. {What?} Wade said he was coming by to hear us praise him. {Well, he's notoriously unreliable.} *teleporter sound* [Whassup!] {Crap.} Sorry, Wade, Calvin didn't get your comic this week. {It's not my fault, they were out already, so see, it's a good sign! It means your book is selling well. You've reestablished yourself as a solo star!} *mumbles* After only five issues? {*mumbles in response* Quiet, I'm trying to avoid painful death here.} [Wow, this hearing aid I stole from that senior citizen on the street, makes my hearing even better than it was before, so I can completely hear the two people mumbling right next to me!] {Crap.}

[Relax, we'll do it next week. Hey my furry little friend, you get through everything yet?] No, I still need to look at this last issue of the Terra mini-series. [Whoa, that Power Girl there has some meat on her bones! Anyone here got her number?] Never mind that, look at this! Terra's hitting a panda! Oh, I'm crushed, how could she? {Wait, didn't you read the part where Power Girl explained Satana puts people's minds inside animals, then makes them help her commit crimes?} [You'd think she could have them help her steal a better outfit. The blue does not go with her skin.] So she experiments on people and my fellow pandas? {Yep, guess you'll be giving her a good smack.} No, this needs more than that. [A Stabbing? I've got a wide assortment of Deadpool brand cutlery items, that are just perfect for stabbing villains who defile your people! They've all been personally tested on, various objects, by me, Deadpool! The complete set is only $99.99!] {Have you been hanging around Booster Gold?} Will you two be serious?

Deadpool, I need you to come with me. We're going to find this Satana, and she's going to face panda justice. {Um, she usually hangs out in Hawkman's town. Maybe you could just let him handle it. He plays pretty rough.} NO. [I'm getting paid for this, right? Fury stiffed me on that Skrull job, like it's my fault someone stole the stuff I sent him.] Fine, you'll get paid, just get moving. *leaps through window, takes off running* {What about the comic?} *yells back* Hug for Terra, I guess, Applause for Geo-Force and Power Girl for trying to be friends with her. [Our Companda knows I have a teleporter, right? And Geo-Force? That's a terrible name, and I worked with a guy named Cannonballs.] *Teleports. Calvin doesn't notice* {Just try to not cause too much damage. I don't need Hawkman getting bent out of shape about his villains getting beat up by other people, and showing up here because someone listed me as a known acquaintance for you two.}