Thursday, July 16, 2009

ABP Is Not Up For Heat-Related Kookiness Today

{No worries on that score, my small, wooly friend. It's not nearly hot enough to cook my brain.} Good. {Sleep deprivation oddness is not out of the question, though.} Awww, nuts.

I guess Jimmy Woo has to get a Bonk for breaking the Atlas-Great Wall treaty. {See, I think the dragon neglected to mention the specifics of the treaty. It'll probably back whoever wins. Dragons are evil like that.} No they aren't. They're noble and good, and cool! {Right.} The Hulk and Bruce Banner both get Hugs, because of the drugging, and the nerve gas, and all the other bad stuff they went through. Bob gets a Bonk for using the word "Smash" around the Hulk. That's just stupid, right Calvin? Calvin? {Zzzzzz. . .}

Wake up! {Wha, oh sorry! Dozed off there a minute. Warned you there could be sleep issues.} Well why did you stay up all night?! {Because I couldn't fall asleep! My sleep schedule is all wonky! Besides, night is when I plot my enemy's downfall.} [Shouldn't that be "enemies'?] Deadpool! {Oh, hi Wade, nice to see you. No, I've just the one enemy to plot a downfall for. The large, odd fellow who tore that wall off my room.} What about UnCalvin? {We're not really enemies. More like friends who express their affection through insults and oneupsmanship.} Oh.

{I think Deadpool deserves a round of Applause for that through drubbing he handed Bullseye.} Agreed. [Oh you're too kind. Do I get a shiny award and a chance for a speech?] {Sure, step up on the footstool over there and say your peace.} *whispering* Should we tell him Norman Osborn didn't actually pay him that money? {Why ruin his mood?} But he shot himself at the end of the issue! {At least he's not embarking on another pointless vendetta against Osborn.} [. . . And I'd like to let all my tacos know that I'm a changed man, and I'll never - What do you mean pointless?] {Wade, breakout star of the Wolverine movie, and current holder of two ongoing series or not, Marvel isn't going to let you take down Norman Osborn over your desire for him to pay what he owes. Remember how they let Sabretooth kill Vanessa? They didn't let you kill Vic in revenge. Nope they let Wolverine do it in some godawful piece of garbage Loeb wrote. It's the unfortunate way of things.} It'll be OK Wade. [Hmm, I wasn't listening. Too busy thinking about how cool that move I pulled with the monster truck was, and his mouth was running like the Energizer Bunny, so I tuned him out. Say, you guys going to smack Bullseye one?] Well, you did a pretty good job of that already, but I guess I could. [Great. When you do, slap this Post-It with a giant "L" on it on his forehead. It'll be funny. *leaps out window*] {ABP, I would advise against that action.} Gee, really? I'm not stupid.

I'm giving the I'thians Hugs because they lost another world. {Hey, like Bill said, at least they're still alive to mourn losing another world. Provided Stardust doesn't get in one of its moods, track them down and kill them for spite.} What?! {Relax, I'm sure that won't happen.} Well, Stardust is getting a Bonk anyway, for enjoying its job too much. Beta Ray Bill gets a Bonk because I don't like how he's doing things. {So it would be better to fight a likely losing battle alongside the I'thians against the Devourer of Worlds?} Uh, maybe?

2 comments:

Seangreyson said...

SO I've got a couple items to propose:
Slight applause for Cyclops - for pissing off Osborne to his face then flying away on a jetpack (further pissing off Osborne)

Bonk to Emma Frost - for not seeing that the frickin Green Goblin was going to have some sort of horrible means of "dealing" with mutants, when she signed up with his Dark X-men (rolling my eyes at that one).

Applause to Robin and Supergirl for making time to hang out in civies every now and then. Maybe I'm the only one but I would totally buy a Robin/Supergirl team up book...yeah I'm probably the only one.

And hugs to my comic book store, had to go in to cancel most of my pull list. It's actually kind of scary just how many books a month I was buying, only realized it when I saw the printed out list.

CalvinPitt said...

seangreyson: Yeah, I think Cyclops can gets some Applause for messing with Osborn.

With Emma, I'm guessing she figured she was smart enough to just short-circuit whatever Osborn had planned, since yeah, it would be kind of stupid not to figure Osborn was going to play nasty.

And heroes enjoying each other's company outside of superheroing is always a good thing.