Action-Comedy Caper Flick Here, All the Way

I exhausted my made-up teams comprised of video game characters. On to other forms of media! I originally planned to do an all-Bruce Campbell team, but it wasn't working. Mostly because there wasn't a fifth role of his I was familiar enough with the put on the team. Besides, that much glory cannot be concentrated in one place. The universe would combust. This team is a bit underhanded, maybe a little conniving, but I think it could be interesting.

The Leader: Ling (Anita Mui, The Legend of Drunken Master) - Constantly swindling her friends at mahjong, encouraging her stepson to fight because it'll raise the profile of his dad's school, constantly pulling the wool over her husband's eyes. But sometimes the last part is to protect her stepson, or she'll get into a fight with a stranger she thinks has come to hurt him, or she'll loan out a piece of jewelry with a great significance to her to help cover for a mistake. She can play the dutiful wife when she has to, feign helplessness when it'll help.

So she'll take a lot of different paths, but they will almost never be the straightforward, honest ones. She's always going to be trying to slip one past somebody. If someone messes with her, she's going to fight them, or get someone else to do it. We didn't really see her put together any sort of a crew during the movie, but she had a group of friends willing to gamble with her, and she provided a key bit of encouragement to Fei Hong when he wasn't sure if he should get involved at the end. The ability to push or cajole people into helping her, earn their trust, that could be useful.

I don't know if this group can earn her compassion quickly enough, though. I get the impression there was a limited number of people she cared about, and everyone else was outta luck. I don't know that she would hang this group out to dry, but can't rule it out entirely, either.

The Rogue: Ash (Bruce Campbell, Army of Darkness) - I never said there would be no Bruce Campbell on this team. You could go with older Ash from the current TV series if you liked. I only went with younger Ash because I was using movie characters. Old Ash, out of shape, with his dentures and his non-stop bullshit might work even better, but I don't think he could keep up with this bunch.

Besides, Younger Ash is enough of a bullshit artist himself. He's a bit of a cad, certainly too impressed with himself, and is always going to be looking out for what he can get out of a situation. He doesn't want much to do with saving anyone, but if pressed into it, he will do it. He'll at least try and fix his mistakes, albeit by whatever route seems quickest and easiest. He gives the team a bit of engineering knowhow, assuming we can trust his version of what went down in the film. He's not a bad fighter in his dogged, somewhat clumsy way. He's the only one in this group that has any experience with the supernatural, although they're most likely to encounter that stuff because he's around.

And, with the Necronomicon in play, we can't rule out some sort of meeting with his older self. I'm not sure which version of him would be hurt worse by what they saw.

The Muscle: Hanna (Saoirse Ronan, Hanna) - A genetically engineered super-kid the government wanted to use for their typical nefarious purposes, taken and raised in the middle of nowhere, by Eric Bana, now on her own. She's an expert fighter and marksman, with a lot of knowledge of all kinds of things, but not much practical experience for a lot of them. So she knows several languages, but probably a formal, textbook version. Her ability to interact with other people in a way that doesn't raise eyebrows or draw attention is limited.

In other words, this bunch is going to represent a wonderful broadening of her horizons, and probably also be a terrible influence on her. There are times she isn't going to understand what's going on at all, and other times she'll be the one who has the little factoid that makes the difference. Combining what she learned about the sciences with Ash's creative bent could lead to some very unusual creations. She's probably also the one with the most knowledge of field medicine, which could come in handy, given the tendencies of a couple members of this team to get beat up.

Hanna mostly killed the people who were trying to catch her, but as Jason Bourne could no doubt attest to, there's always another bureaucrat who thinks they're going to be the one to score huge points by recapturing the super-awesome living weapon.

The Lady with a Past: Feathers (Angie Dickinson, Rio Bravo) - I'm assuming here that Feathers did not opt to stick around in Rio Bravo after Sheriff Chance so generously chose not to arrest her for a crime she had not, in fact, committed. The handbill about her deceased husband no longer an issue, she's able to travel where she likes, swindling fools at poker and having a high time of it, if she wants. She's not really the hero type, but she's not a bad person. Not violent, a little more quiet than the others. Not a shrinking violet, but charming. She can mostly rob you blind at cards, and you don't mind that it's happening.

When I first had the idea of this team, it revolved around Feathers and Ling taking Hanna under their wings. I did a post a long time back about wanting to see Cassandra Cain team-up with Booster Gold and Blue Beetle, and that was the basic idea here. Take Hanna on a trip outside her typical life, with a couple of adults with a very different way of doing things. I was thinking some kind of casino heist being planned with those three involved, and Ling and Feathers decide to just break the place by winning a bunch of money at the tables. They're at the tables, maybe having a few drinks, shooting the breeze, the casino's cycling in new dealers trying to break their streaks. Hanna's watching and learning, possibly breaking the fingers of anybody who tries getting too handsy or accuses them of cheating. Feathers might publicly tell Hanna that's not appropriate, but she and Ling will both certainly give Hanna a surreptitious thumbs up over it. Like I said, terrible influences.

The Guy with a Boat: Snowman (Jerry Reed, Smokey and the Bandit) - I considered going with Burt Reynolds, but again, the team might have had too much sex appeal in that scenario. Also, I think Snowman is a better person than his good buddy, at least slightly. Maybe he's just not as much of a gambler. That said, if he commits to something, he will see it through. He's sensible, in the sense he keeps his eyes on the prize, and he's a team player. He can let his alligator mouth outrun his jaybird head, as Bandit put it, and get himself in real trouble, but as long as nobody threatens his dog Fred, he can probably avoid that. His quieter personality should contrast nicely with Ash's bombast.

He's got the rig, you can stash all sorts of other vehicles in the back, even Ash's hunk of junk Delta 88. It provides decent cover for going all sorts of places. Just delivering a shipment of dice. That's it, lots and lots of dice. People just luv shootin' craps here. Smash through a barricade with it if you need to. Has the CB, gives you a whole network of people for information (and that's another thing, Snowman would have a whole circle of contacts none of the others would.)

If you really need to infiltrate the casino, have Snowman pass himself off as a lounge singer act. Admittedly might only work in certain casinos, or maybe Branson, but it's a possibility. Or get Hanna to do a knife-throwing act or something. Ash can be the target). I think Hanna will take to Fred, though none of the others strike me as dog people.