Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Late, Late, I'm Terribly Late

CalvinPitt: {There you are. Come on, let's get started.} Adorable Baby Panda: What's the hurry? Calvin: {I've got places to be, and people to try and impress with my professionalism. No time, no time, so hop to it.} ABP: Can I read that Deadpool trade first? Calvin: {You can read it when you're done. Heck, take it home with you if you'd like.} ABP: Really?! Calvin: {Sure. Consider it a loaner. Just get on with it.}

Well, all right! Sad Namora gets a Hug for being sad, Bucky gets a Bonk for destroying Jimmy's helicopter. {Understandable confusion. Cut Bucky some slack, and throw the Sentry some applause.} What did you say?! You aren't Calvin, are you? I'm onto you UnCalvin! CHOMP! {Yeow! What the hell, fuzzball? The Sentry threw that pompous Temugin into the Hudson River. We can't give the man a little love for that?} Oh. Yeah, I can Applaud the Sentry for that. I'm still keeping an eye on you. {Swell, now kindly remove your teeth from my hand.}

Deadpool gets a Hug because that Black Widow is never gonna love him. Deadpool: [Don't you say that! She totally kissed me back! Sort of!] She's just trying to trick you, Wade! She trapped the Taskmaster when she thought he was you! [No, she knew he wasn't me, and trapped him because he tried to break the everlasting bond we have, like how red meat stays in your digestive tract for 15 years] {Oh, fer pete's sake. ABP, let Wade have his hope. Wade, stop making comparisons between love and disgusting and probably inaccurate biological processes. Please.} Taskmaster gets a Bonk for being stupid and getting caught. {Deadpool, was that aprt of your brilliant plan?} [Uh, sure it was. I'm the Planmaster.] {That's a "No", then.} I'm going to Applaud Taskmaster because he agreed to help Deadpool, though. {He's doing it for a cut of the money Osborn owes Wade.} [Yeah, not like it's out of the goodness of his skull-faced heart. Skinflint, charging me for using grappling gun.] I'm still applauding him!

Vulcan gets a Bonk for being crazy and mean. Crystal gets Applause for helping sick people. Wendell Vaughn gets Applause for trying to help Phyla, and for helping Rich. [That's just how we Protectors of the Universe roll. A noble group we are. With great hair, too.] {Wade, you're not a. . . nevermind. Go on, ABP.} Norman Osborn gets a Bonk for taking away Director Gruenwald's job, and Dr. Necker gets Applause for trying to help Rich, and a Bonk for being part of AIM. {Well, that's a little closed-minded. Just because, she's part of AIM, she automatically has to get hit? What if she was working to bring down Norman Osborn?} [Hey, that's my job! I sent him mocking faxes and everything!] {Please, Deadpool, you'll never pull it off.} I'm not listening, la, la, la! I'm going to Bonk Lord Oblivion, because he has some big evil plan, and he has to be stopped. {I think you're punching out of your weight class on that one, kiddo.} I can do it! Nothing can stop me! [That's right! The furry one is still young, and so is still invulnerable!] Really? [Yep. Until you hit 20, you can't die. It's a rule.] Wow! {Wade, stop lying to impressionable children. OK, I've got to get out of here. ABP, here's the trade. Enjoy, but bring it back next time I see you. Deadpool, see you when I see you, and uh, good luck dodging Bullseye next month.} [Sure, yeah, see you later, wait, what?]

2 comments:

SallyP said...

Well, I read completely different books from you, but still...Beauty and Snow White get hugs for stopping their respective husbands from killing each other, AND for making them go sit in a corner afterwards.

Green Arrow and Black Canary, each get a bonk simply for being stupid. Yes, Ollie lost his lockpicks, but do you seriously think that Canary doesn't also have some? Sheesh!

Sodam Yat's idiot father gets a bonk for convincing way too many Daxamites to commit suicide. Kyle and Guy get hugs for trying to stop the riot. Soranik gets a hug, because she's just learned some VERY unsettling news about her parentage.

CalvinPitt said...

sallyp: I'd actually expect Canary to have lockpicks more than Ollie. He strikes me as just trying to shoot arrows at the door, figuring that will open it somehow. Which would fit with him being stupid, so sure, Bonks for Ollie.