I Guess We Could Discuss The Movie?

So at the end, Logan wants to know what's being done with Victor, and the government guy says 'We have top men working on him', and when Logan asks who, they say 'Top men'. Then the camera switches and we see they've put Victor in a crate and are going to stash him in a warehouse full of crates of . . . stuff. Like Howard the Duck, and Rom, and those little bags of greasy, extremely unhealthy french fries you could put in the microwave to cook that I so loved as a kid.

What, we're past the "fake wolverine spoiler" thing everybody was doing on twitter yesterday? Fine, whatever. I don't care.

Before we get to the movie, a question: For those of you who've seen the Transformers 2 trailer in theaters, did it run upside and from end to start for you? It did that at the theater last night, and everyone else seemed real annoyed, but I thought it might be a deliberate stunt. You know, the studio saying "Hey, did that look intriguing? Would you like to actually be able to tell what was happening? Then come see Transformers 2 when it comes out in theaters!" Probably just human incompetence, though.

OK, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. There'll probably be spoilers. As we left the theater, Coworker A asked what we thought. Coworker B responded with a shrug and "eh". A's feeling was it was better than he expected. My response was it was as good as I expected, which really isn't saying too much. Oh, there were scenes I enjoyed, mostly the more comically oriented ones*, but it didn't surprise me with it's quality the way Iron Man did (I go into pretty much all comics-adapted-for movies expecting the worse. Batman & Robin taught me that).

My problem with the movie is I'm not sure it can figure out what it wants to be. There are moments of comedy, such as when Logan needs information out Dukes, who has let himself go since their little squad disbanded**. There's a moment where Logan is trying to bring down someone up on a fire escape, and he's cut the supports, and as the ladder descends, he's just hacking through it, and his arms move so fast I thought of the Tasmanian Devil. You know, Bugs Bunny is up a tree, thinking he's safe, and it would start shrinking, and there's Taz at the bottom just taking huge bites out of the trunk, one after another. The scenes feel at odds with some of the more serious aspects of the film. I think the movie very much wants us to feel bad for Logan, who finds happiness, then loses it as part of some convoluted scheme, and people he comes into contact with all seem to suffer while he survives. But then you interject the scene where's he's inspecting his new metal claws, and has some "accidents" in the bathroom. Hey, I laughed, really enjoyed that scene, but doesn't it work in opposition to the overall tone of the film?

I know melodrama is a staple of the X-Universe, but I think they could have toned it down at times, some James/Logan's bellows of grief were a bit over the top. Perhaps a silent look of agony would have worked better? I just don't perceive Wolverine as a guy who is vocal with his distress, as he would rather let his actions do the talking. Also, I could do without Young James' howl of rage. Actually, anytime someone tried for bellowing/roaring, I winced a little. Maybe a low snarl would have worked better?

Ryan Reynolds - vastly underutilized***. He seems to have a good sense of humor, he has solid timing, you've cast him as character who loves to talk, match made in heaven. I very much enjoyed the early part of the film where he was in it. Then he vanished, then he showed up again and**** I understand the in-story reason why he wouldn't be able to talk, having been previously alluded to, but it just seems a waste. Of course, having a Wade Wilson similar to his comic book self would have further undercut the serious tone of the film - and this way readily demonstrates the lengths Stryker will go to -, but like I said, I think the movie had already done that.

Two scenes that prompted amusement. First, SPOILER! there's a point where Logan appears prepared to end this thing with Victor, when Gambit arrives and screws things up (not really meaning to save Victor, it just works out that way). Because that's what Gambit does, screw things up, right legions of Gambit hating people? Anyway, it leads to a Gambit/Wolverine fight, even though they aren't enemies. Yes, it's a Classic Marvel Misunderstanding Battle! I don't know that we've truly had one of these in a Marvel movie. I guess Elektra vs. Daredevil, or perhaps Iron Man vs. the Air Force, but really, you can't have a Marvel comic movie with more than two characters that are heroes in the comics, where there isn't a misunderstanding battle, can you? Really, I didn't care that much about the fight scene, but when that occurred to me, I smiled to myself.

Second, after Logan has escaped survived the Adamantium process where we see an old couple driving their old truck through farm country. Seeing them, I thought they might do a parody of Superman's story. How the old couple find a rocket ship with a baby inside. Only instead of a baby in a ship, this old couple was going to find pantsless Logan washed up on a riverbank. It didn't quite work out that way, but again, I smiled at the idea.

Now, who put their Cyclops in my Wolverine movie?!! I'm watching a Wolverine movie to not see Cyclops! *Pauses, looks around* Nobody's going to make a 'Then you should have watched X-3' joke? Nobody? Adorable Baby Panda? *looks at ABP*

ABP: Mmm, hwmelske!

Oh, ABP, they've taken your mouth too? How horrible!

ABP: No, I had a mouth full of peanut butter. You want me to choke?

OK, enough pitiful attempts at humor. Moving forward. I think I'm in the "attempts to address points raised by other reviews" section. OK, one review questioned the idea of Victor feeling a need to one-up Logan, a need which apparently only intensified after Logan left the group. True enough, there wasn't much sign of that until Wraith mentioned it to Logan, unless all the rampant killing in various wars, which Victor seemed to really enjoy, was part of it. My guess is that the rivalry has been there since SPOILER! James/Logan killed their mutual father. I got the impression Victor was planning on doing that - someday - and James just up and did it. Lost his temper and stabbed the guy, thus robbing Victor of his chance, and he's been trying to make up for that ever since. That's weak though, so I would agree that Victor felling he had to surpass Logan was out of left field.

Second, Roger Ebert questioned why we're supposed to care about Logan, if seemingly nothing can kill him. I think he probably has a point. Even when Logan's supposed to be grief-stricken, I have a hard time telling if his actions are motivated by that, or if he just wants to tear some people up. He certainly didn't shy from violence previously. Which might be something the audience can connect with. There are times I sure all of us would prefer to use violence to deal with those around us, but I'm not sure it's the best way to go, assuming they were trying that.

I think the opportunity missed was to show that yes, Logan can heal from basically anything, so he's functionally unkillable, but that doesn't mean he can't be hurt. I know that I've sustained a few injuries in my time which, while not life-threatening, hurt quite a bit. You probably have as well. Now imagine you get shot in the lung. That's probably quite painful, and depending on the available medical service, possibly fatal. But now you're Logan. You get shot in the lung. Surprise, you have a healing factor, so it absolutely isn't fatal******, but still, you just got shot in the lung. It might only take a few minutes for your body to repair itself, but until then, one of your lungs has collapsed, breathing is impaired, you're bleeding internally. That has to hurt a lot, doesn't it? Even if you can tell yourself that it'll be over in a few minutes, those have to be some long minutes. Because it won't kill you, you'll get back up, go back to the battle*******, and probably get wounded all over again. Most people only sustain one fatal injury in their lives; Logan will sustain dozens, and just keep going forward, whether he wants to or not. That's a world of pain, isn't it?

But that's not a route the movie chooses to go. Logan and Victor get shot, and essentially shrug it off. They hardly break stride. I'm not talking about in the midst of a berserker fury either. they're in a battle, but in sufficient control to be aware of each other and work together, and catching a huge lead slug in the chest barely fazes them.

So I can't say X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a good movie. There are scenes I enjoy, that I would probably watch many times over, but I don't think they comprise even half the film. I'm not sure it was worth the $7.25, or the hour and a half of driving to get to the theater.

* That's pretty typical for me, as some of my favorite parts of the Die Hard and Indiana Jones movies are the little funny moments, amidst the action.

** Actually, that's another thing I was unclear on. Logan left, so did the rest of the group just fall apart without him? It didn't seem as though he was that popular, to the point his absence would cause it all to collapse.

*** There was a time - probably immediately after I first saw Van Wilder - where I couldn't have conceived of saying that.

**** That was something else I wasn't clear on. Did Wade agree to the procedure he went through? If so, why? Did he agree without knowing how far they were going? Did Victor kill him, so they could use his body? 'Cause Stryker was typing commands into a laptop that apparently sent signals***** to Deadpool, which suggests his brain might not be there anymore.

***** And speaking of those typed signals, for future reference "behead" probably works just as well as "decapitate". Better actually, since it's a shorter word, and therefore takes less time to type. I'm just saying, is all.

****** They never address it, but I guess when he or Victor is shot, they're body forces the bullet out, or their healing factor includes some sort of compound (antibody?) that breaks the bullet down almost instantaneously. Or they dug them out later. Because otherwise, they still have a bullet lodged in their chest, and that would cause health complications for quite some time.

******* Even if they went that way, there'd be the argument, that Logan should just get out of fighting. Though I could argue that 1) someone has to keep Victor moderately under control, and 2) when Logan tried the quiet life, external forces wouldn't let him keep it.