Big Round Of Applause For The Returning Cast Member

CalvinPitt: {First batch of new comics in three weeks, jeez, that little panda's gonna be outta control.} *Knock at the door. Calvin sighs* {It begins.} *Calvin walks to the door uncertainly. He reaches out and grasps the door knob. Swiftly, he turns the knob, and flings the door open with a jerk, leaping behind it as he does so. Eyes shut, Calvin awaits the sounds of chaos.* {Hmm, where's that hyperactive ball of fur?} *Calvin feels a tug at his leg. He opens his eyes and looks down.*

Adorable Baby Panda: Hello Calvin. How are you?

Calvin: {I'm fine. How you doin'?} *ABP takes a couple of steps into the room so Calvin can let the door shut.*

ABP: Quite well, thank you for asking. I understand there are some comic to look over?

Calvin: {Yeah, they're right over here.} *Calvin begins to cross the room.*

ABP: Smashing. *ABP follows Calvin across the room.*

Calvin: {Say, are you sure you're OK? You're more subdued than I expected.} *Calvin picks up the stack of comics, and turns to face ABP.*

ABP: So I gathered from how you opened the door. I've grown up in the time since we last spoke. I can't be bounding around like a silly child anymore. I'm almost 3 and a half, after all.

Calvin: {I suppose. But you know, once you start acting all grown up, it's hard to go back. Until you go senile, and that's more because you can't remember how to act grown up, as opposed to choosing not to act grown up.}

ABP: Really?

Calvin: {Yep. If you're not careful, you'll wind up morose, like me. If that's your preference, we can put away these comics, and here, you can read this issue of the Journal of Wildlife Management. Say, a paper on the effect of stand width and adjacent habitat on breeding bird communities in bottomland hardwoods! Sounds pretty gripping.}

ABP: Nooooo! I want to stay young! Let me at those comics! *ABP hurtles at Calvin, bowling him over and scattering the comics. The youth then picks up the comics and hugs them.*

Calvin: {Cut that out, you're ruining their resale value!}

ABP: *Mouth agape* Are you serious?!

Calvin: {Not at all, I just wanted keep jerking your chain.}

Jerk. {Wow, we really dragged that out.} Yeah, but I haven't been here, so we had to celebrate my return! {Of course. The taut political roundtable discussion must be preceded by vaudeville.} What are you talking about? {I don't know. Let's move on before I figure it out.}

I'm giving Power Girl a Hug. {You always want to give Power Girl hugs.} You're just jealous, because you aren't cute, and so people don't want to hug you back. {*sniff* Cutting to the quick, are we? Was my comment about resale value really so mean?} I was just kidding! Really! I bet Power Girl would give you a hug. Especially if we go save her from Satanna! I need to Bonk Satanna again anyway. {Tempting as your proposal is. I think Terra has the saving Peej job in hand. And your last run-in with Satanna doesn't seem to have improved her attitude.} None of the times I hit Tony Stark made him less of a butthead, either. It was still fun to hit him. {And it was fun to watch.} It was, wasn't it? I'm glad you started bringing a video camera. Well, Terra's helping her friend, so Applause for her. Do you think Amanda Waller would accept a hug? {Yes, so she can insert an explosive chip in the back of your head.} Oh. maybe a long-distance Hug, then.

I think Spider-Man needs Applause, Hugs, and Bonks. {Alright, trifecta from way downtown, baby!} What? {Crap, I channeled Dick Vitale! Hit me! Now!} OK. *hits Calvin. Calvin is knocked out of his chair.* He's so strange sometimes. Helping Spider-Man get his blood back means Applause for Black Cat, but selling means she has to get a Bonk. You can't sell another person's blood! I know it's Mr. Negative's fault, so he's getting a Bonk, but I'm tired of mean Aunt May, so a Bonk for her too. {Before you do that, let me alert the hospitals. It'll probably trigger her 400th heart failure. Which means she gets a free IV stand! Jackpot!} Do you need me to hit you again? {No more than normal.} So, yes? {No.} Darn.

Well Magus is going to destroy the universe, so that has to earn a Bonk. Blastaar didn't act crazy or violent, Applause for Blastaar! {King Blastaar, if you please.} Right, King Blastaar. Hit-Monkey needs a hug. {Bull! It killed 3 people and shot Spider-Man! Those are bonkable offenses if I've ever heard of them!} But it's sad! {So what?} Can I Hug it if I also Bonk it? {If you have to.} Deadpool wearing a maid's outfit earns a Bonk. {At least he kept his costume on under it. We don't need a repeat of the Marvel Girl costume incident. *shudders*}