Frogs, Toads, They Just Sit There Looking Ominous Either Way

The crew has decided we have to watch scary movies all October. So Tuesday was 28 Days Later, Wednesday was Cabin In the Woods, Thursday was The Shining, and last night it was Frogs. Some of us actually watched Frogs last year, but since most of the crew is enjoying a weekend in Memphis, we figured it was a good one to use. Quite why we figured that I can't recall. We couldn't come to an agreement on anything else, I guess.

With Frogs, you have Sam Elliot (with no facial hair whatsoever, is that even allowed), playing a freelance ecology photographer. His canoe gets swamped by this drunk idiot, who brings him back to the Crockett family estate, lorded over by Jason Crockett (Ray Milland, and I thought Panic in the Year Zero was the biggest piece of garbage that guy ever made). The whole Crockett family is there to celebrate several birthdays and the 4th of July, because that is what they've always done, and Jason is real big on doing things as they've always been done.

There are also a lot of toads on the island. Yes, toads. You don't see an actual frog until the last two minutes of the movie. I suppose frogs weren't lazy enough to sit still for all those shots of the toads watching threateningly. Jason's family doesn't much care for the wildlife, so he's had his man going out spraying poison left and right, and frankly, the wildlife has had enough. So they start picking off the Crockett imbeciles one by one, all the while Jason refuses to acknowledge anything is wrong or back down an inch.

The people in this movie are pretty much idiots, and they die because of it. Not that it helps that even non-venomous or aggressive animals have become dangerous. Depending on how you feel about reptiles, amphibians, or large tarantulas crawling all over you and biting you, this may or may not be scary. I work outdoors, I don't really need something in the back of my head telling me those harmless little snakes are suddenly going to go crazy and attack me. I mean, yes, there are actual rattlesnakes and gators (not to mention one very slow, ruthless snapping turtle) in the movie, so some of the creatures are normally dangerous, but most of the things they used are harmless.

There are moments that are a little creepy, but those are heavily reliant on giving the animals a considerable intelligence. Enough to chew through the rope keeping a boat at a dock, to recognize jars of pesticide on shelves, or to somehow mess with the phone lines. Which is a little hard to believe when you deal with toads as often as I do. They aren't very bright, but the ones I deal with aren't the size of a kitten. Maybe all that bulk was an extra brain, stored in their abdomen.