Friday, August 26, 2016

I'm In An Alcohol-Fueled Rage. I Don't Even Drink

I really hate those Ciroc vodka commercials. The ones where there are two guys at a bar, ordering some daiquiris or whatever. Then they notice Ray Liotta sitting further down, alone and scowling, drinking his vodka. He gives them and their fruit-based drinks a scornful look, and ashamed and insecure in their masculinity, they order some of the shitty vodka so he'll think better of them.

Set aside the fact that if we're operating under the old "real man" definition, then they should just drink whatever they want and to hell with what anyone else thinks. I mean, presumably no one tells Ray Liotta to drink that vodka, or succeeds in shaming him for not drinking, I don't know, whiskey or whatever. because he's a Real Man. So by that token, these guys should just nod in acknowledgement of his existence (since he made eye contact, let's be minimally polite), take their original drinks, and return to their table. Fuck what Ray Liotta thinks of them. Oh, you were in Goodfellas, whoope-de-doo.

Granted I don't drink much, and my limited experience with vodka has convinced me that, were I to take up drinking regularly, vodka wouldn't be my choice. Still, it just irritates me every time I see it. They came to that bar to have a good time, not sit alone in the dark looking contemplative and unhappy. Let them drink their sugary alcoholic beverages in peace!

Hell, if I'm going to sit alone drinking, I'd do it at home, with Scotch, and listen to some jazz, so I could pretend to be some fictional, tortured homicide detective or private investigator. Stand looking out my window and sipping the Scotch steadily, ruminating over how my (non-existent) wife left me because I wouldn't share with her. That's how you get a proper alcoholic brood on.


SallyP said...

Wait... Vodka is supposed to be a Manly drink?

We I'll be darned. I would have gone for Glenlivet or something.

CalvinPitt said...

I had always thought it was what you drank when you just wanted to get hammered to ignore the crap in your life. Because when I think vodka, I picture Russians drinking in the dead of winter. But I guess it's a classy drink now, or something.

SallyP said...