It's Like Chasing Shadows, In The Night

That's a lot of comics there. {Yeah, think you're up to it?} Of course I am! I've been training! {Training?} That's right, I spent hours in the forest, hugging trees and bonking rocks. {Uh-huh. And how did you train for applauding?} I sent a lot of time clapping, of course! {So, you were standing in the middle of a forest, by yourself, just clapping?} Yeah. {Whoo, you need a life worse than me.}

Whatever, I'm going to hand out hugs now. Hugs to whomever it was that had their blood used to spell "Help Me" in big letters in the Parker home. Hopefully it wasn't baby Ben, I don't think he could lose that much blood. {I'm not sure it's good for anyone to lose that much blood.} Hug for Ronan, since his empire is taken over, and he's being controlled. {Uh, no. No hugs for Ronan. I'm not going to have a Phalanx-infected ABP on my hands.} But I can probably fix him! {No.} Well fine, then I'm going to give Speedball two Hugs, and maybe that will fix him. Hug for the city of Chicago, after what Dr. Gotham did. {Yeah, first Bluedhaven; then Khandaq, now Chicago. Not a good year or so for places in the DCU} Very gentle Hug for Richard Rider, because I'm not sure he could survive a strong hug. {Anymore hugs?} No, I've got to. . . pace myself. On to Bonks!

Bonk for Jamie Madrox. . . for boozing in the morning. What example is he setting for little pandas like me? {One that says drinking liquor in the morning is acceptable, of course.} I know that, but it's still a. . . bad example! {You're just stalling now, aren't you?} Of course not, because now I'll Bonk Nightmaster. It's a good idea to attack the villain while he yaks, but it's really dumb to stop attacking to talk about how smart you were to attack while he talked. Whew. {Getting tired?} No! Stop smirking at me, or I'll give you a Bonk like the one I've got for the Phalanx - running around, taking over all the technology, taking free will, bunch of jerks. {Again, I'm going to advise not making physical contact with a Phalanx.} Bonk for Sage, for killing someone for Albion. She's supposed to be a good guy, right? So she shouldn't be killing people, even evil X-Men. {Well, she's like Wisdom, a bit more hardcore than the rest of the team, but she does seem to have switched allegiances.} Bonk to Deadpool for being a freeloader and mistreating the members of the Great Lakes Initiative, and a Bonk to Bertha, for being insensitive about Wade's face. It isn't that bad! {I don't know, that one eye rolling back was pretty gross.} [Hey!] He said it Deadpool, not me! {Oh crud.} *punches landing* You didn't kill him, did you? [Nah, keep it going kiddo. Arms holding up OK?] Yeah, I can still clap.

Applause for the person wearing the Carnage symbiote. At least they haven't killed anyone yet - I think. [By that logic, can I get some applause for last Thursday? No wait, I stabbed that biohazard specialist because I thought he worked for AIM.] Come on Wade, that fellow needs a supportive atmosphere to keep the symbiote under control! Squirrel Girl gets Applause for. . . trying to save Speedball, and for getting rid. . . of a certain freeloader. *slow round of applause* [Man, Calvin has nothing in his fridge. You're looking a little out of breath.] Applause to. . . Captain Britain. . . for protecting the Queen. [Freddie Mercury?] Who? No, the Queen of England. Applause to those grandparents in X-Factor, because they want their grandkid to grow up being accepting of different people. [That's right. As a member of the X-Men, it's very important that I help usher in a world where mutants are accepted not feared.] Great. . . except you aren't an - [Don't say it! Why does everyone burst my bubble? Why does everyone throw up at the sight of me, and enjoy watching people kick me out of their homes? When do I get my moment of applause? Maybe I should just take my mini-pizzas and leave.] Wow, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was so bad. OK, I guess you did help stop AIM so, *claps once* [That's it?] I'm too tired to applaud any more, and I'd hug you, but I can't lift my arms. [Oh. Well, it was a nice thought. I'll just take my mini-pizzas and leave before he wakes up.] Hey! Those are Calvin's mini-pizzas! [Are they? Who knew?] *teleporting sound*

{Ouch, couldn't he just judo chop me? Why did he hit me with my lamp? ABP, where'd Deadpool go?} He's gone. He took your mini-pizzas. {What?! Aw man. Do you need any help?} No, I'm finished. {Great, then help me track down Deadpool.} Sorry, I'm tired. I'm taking a nap. {Aw, when am I gonna have my moment?} My arms are pretty tired, but I think can play the world's smallest violin for you. {Go take your nap already.}