Lately I've Been Sleptical, Silent When I Would Used To Hug

{. . . And those damn undergrads wouldn't quit their bitching about the prof needing to put up study guides! Life doesn't hand out study guides, ya punks!} You need to enhance your calm, Calvin. {What're you on about now?} After my frightful outburst last week, I have spent my time meditating, and have reached pure spiritual enlightenment. {You have not! You're just feeling good because you just ate!} Can you prove that I haven't reached pure spiritual enlightenment? {Well, no. I don't suppose I can.} Oh, you are trapped by your dedication to science. You must be willing to look elsewhere to find the answers you seek. {I'll keep that in mind. I suppose it would disrupt your newfound spiritual harmony to perform such base activities as applauding, hugging, or bonking?} I can attempt it, if it will help you. I am very invested in aiding my fellow sentient. {Gee, I'm honored.}

Sarcasm is the spike strip on the highway to peace. I will dispense with the violence quickly, so as to not give myself the opportunity to revel in it. First, I must dispense Bonks to Valerio, the American vampire that betrayed Rayne. It is truly a weak person who betrays one who trusts them. {What about Wulf?} He is evil, and does no more than his nature dictates. He may need to be destroyed, but bonks are reserved for those who have gone horribly against their nature. {Are you sure?} Quite, and thus I must also Bonk Albion for his whole attack on Captain Britain and his reality. He was once a soldier, who fought because he had to, to protect his life, and those of others. His recent actions protected nothing. Also, I believe Dr. Alchemy requires a Bonk. Attempting to kill Superman and destroying the Library of Alexandria so that only he would have its knowledge are despicable acts. All the wisdom humanity could have gained, lost! {You're starting to sound agitated. Don't lose your balance.}

Though your tone suggests mockery, you are correct, and so I will move on to a more friendly form of physical contact, to cleanse myself. {This is sounding kind of creepy. Can't you just say you're going to hug people now?} Have no concerns audience, I was indeed referring to hugs, such as a Hug for Rayne, who has received what would normally be a gift, but not at the present. I feel a Hug would also help Rustam, who carries deep scars from the betrayal of his people by the United States government. He will never be able to move on in life, if he does not come to terms with this. {I think he has come to terms. U.S. says it's an ally, then backstabs them. He's mad about it. Seems pretty straightforward.} You view things from ground level, while I have more of a birds'-eye perspective. Things are very different from here. {OK, that does it! This high-falutin' stuff needs to stop! Drop the charade, or I'm gonna drop kick you!} I would not advise that. The retribution would be. . . severe, as I'm sure you know. You must learn to accept change in others, before you can accept change in yourself. {Stop spouting meaningless things that sound deep! We are not in a Matrix movie!}

I choose to move on, rather than continue a pointless argument. {Grrrr.} Wonder Woman deserves Applause for her deft handling of a variety of problems, from mummies to possessed Power Girl, to an uncooperative, unpossessed Power Girl. Om, muy, quan, tse, zhu. . . {Are you chanting while you clap?} It helps me find me center. {Oh fer the love of. . .} I feel Applause must also go to the Jean Grey and Iceman from the Dark X-Men, who were vital in defeating Albion's forces. {But if they were "Dark" X-Men, they weren't they defying their true nature? Shouldn't you be bonking them?} Uh, well, you see, that was - {I knew it! This was all a load of hooey! You've just been playing a trick on me, haven't you?} Yes. But it was really fun. You were going crazy! {I think I preferred you when you were beating up Deadpool.} That's not very nice. It is funny, though. {Why, thank you.}