A Blogger, A Baby, And A Brain

CalvinPitt: {*talking on cellphone* Yeah, the furry one ought to be here any minute. So what's up with you? You figured out how to do what? Make cellphones explode, using your awesome computer? Ooookay, then. *inner monologue* Why can't I have any normal friends? *end inner monologue* Well, ABP just came in, so I'll have to talk to ya later, Atticus. You'll have to explain the cellphone thing. Smite a troll for me on Warcraft, peace! *closes phone* Hey, ABP how's - gah! What is that?!} ABP: It's Deadpool's brain. {OK, what are you doing with it, in a jar no less?} It's not happy with Wade, so it left him to fight the Thunderbolts alone. {And it's prepared to accept living in a jar forever when Wade gets killed because he has no brain?} How should I know? It's a brain, it can't talk! Are those the comics? {Yeah, good luck making it through all of those.} Pfft, I can do it, I'm awesome! {Prove it.}

Fine, I will! *juts out chin* {Aah, a mini-Bill Cowher, if Bill Cowher was a panda!} Huh? {Never mind. I forgot you don't watch football.} Well, let's see. OK, Temugin gets a Bonk for being rude to the Agents of Atlas. He came on the ship without asking and called Venus a monster. Peter Parker gets a Bonk for letting Norman Osborn take over his sub-conscious. {Can we get a Bonk for Norman, for refusing to simply die and go to hell already?} I was getting to Norman! Yes, Bonk for that, and for not just paying Wade what he's owed. {Well, the question is whether to cost of using the Thunderbolts, plus the cost of the damage Wade will cause exceeds 100 million. If it doesn't, then Norman's made the proper fiscal decision, if not the proper moral one.} This isn't about money, it's about doing the right thing! {And you expect Norman Osborn to do the right thing based on what, exactly? He's a remarkable example of walking fertilizer.} I thought he could learn! {He's not going to when the government and public keep rewarding him for being a sleazebag!} I'm giving Deadpool a Bonk for betraying his brain, and for shooting Bob. {To be fair, Bob did try to sell him out. You and I would never be that stupid, and we weren't around Wade nearly non-stop for 10 issues like Bob.} Bonk to the former Yu-Ti of K'un-Lun, for throwing all those people who didn't deserve it into the 8th City. Danny wouldn't be in this problem if he hadn't. Bonk to the Worldmind for controlling its Novas. Bonk to Ssangyong's parents. The moms are too controlling, and the dad wouldn't help her deal with them. {At least she had Pete. Can you give Patsy a Bonk?} Why? {Hey, she left the Bear with Antlers and the Wolf to just fall into that icy ocean, after all they did to help. That is completely uncool.} Hmm, yeah, you're right! Heroes aren't supposed to abandon the people who help them!

I don't know what to do about Deadshot. He says he was trying to save the team, and that's good, but he shot them and hit them with cars, and that's not. {Give him nothing then. It all balances out karmically, and nothing is the representation of that.} I guess. I'd give Tarantula a Hug, but she's kind of burnt. And in the river. {Yeah. Well, give Black Tarantula 2 Hugs. One for him, and one for her. He earned it.} OK, and all the Immortal Weapons get Hugs. {If you're giving them hugs, maybe take some bandages along. Or some grenades. Might need them to escape.} You may be right. Deadpool's Brain, do you have any grenades? Deadpool's Brain: [Floats in the jar, oblivious to the conversation.] ABP: I guess not. Richard Rider gets a Hug, and so does Bob, because he was just doing the best he could. {If you say so. I still say he ought to have been more afraid of Wade then Norman or Tiger Shark. After all, they have to kill Wade to stop him, and he's harder to do that to than those others, Norman's ability to survive a spear to the heart, notwithstanding.} You're getting off-topic. {Sorry.}

I'm giving Gorilla Man some Applause, because he did such a good job selling those weapons, and Marvel Boy gets Applause for teaching Temugin a lesson. {That was a pretty creepy telepathic projection.} I guess Hellcat should get some Applause for getting Ssangyong to go back home, and helping her make up with her dad. {Doesn't that balance out karmically, like it did for Deadshot?} No, because I like Patsy more than Deadshot. {Ah. OH, I know you're on applause now, but could you give Ronan a hug? He had those flowers for Crystal, and then she goes and says she's just marrying him as part of a pact, and love has nothing to do with it. Poor guy.} You're right. He was trying to make the best of it, and he was actually happy, and she just broke his heart. Hug for Ronan, Bonk for Crystal! {I don't know if she needs a bonk. She was forced into the wedding, and she didn't know Ronan was listening. I'm not really mad at her, I just feel bad for him.} No, she broke his big blue heart! {Well, OK then.}

I think the cold is making me grumpy. I'm going to go somewhere sunny and warm. {That sounds nice.} It might cheer Wade's brain up too. He seems sad. Deadpool's Brain: [No response. It dreams of, well, we're better off not knowing what it's dreaming of.]