Change In Plans

OK, so, heh, well the comic store wasn't open today. So last week's reviews are getting pushed back a day, and we'll jump into movie discussion instead. The one thing I can be certain of anytime I head back to the land of my earlier years is that both my dad and Alex will have an ungodly number of movies I've never seen. So we're just going to buzz through all of them here. No plot synopsis, just general thoughts and impressions.

The Wackiest Ship In The Army: I just can't figure out why there seem to be so many movies that spoof naval service. Yes, the title says 'in the Army', but the characters were from the Navy. It seems as though the Navy is a target more often than the other branches of the armed service. I'm not sure what that's about.

The Professionals: Jack Palance as a Mexican revolutionary worked pretty well, but I felt like there was supposed to be an air of barely repressed insanity in his character he didn't quite pull off. He was energetic, but I don't know, maybe a few more acts of random viciousness would have worked. Of course, the point was that he isn't the real threat, so I guess Palance's style worked for what they wanted to accomplish with the story. So never mind that then. I felt kind of bad for Robert Ryan's character. He kept trying to show trust and compassion, and it kept biting him in the ass.

OK, those were my dad's selections, lets move into Alex's more recent fare.

Superbad: Alex really likes it, which is usually a strike against a movie, given some of the shite I've seen him enjoy. I didn't find it nearly as amusing as he did, but it wasn't bad. The problem for me was that I didn't much care about the two main characters, Seth and Evan. I laughed at lot more at the chicanery of "McLovin" and the two cops, though I can't decide whether the revelation about the cops at the end made it better or worse.

Knocked Up: There were parts of this I laughed at, I think mostly the scenes where the guys interact with each other. Beyond that, I remember thinking that all the squabbling over the "fantasy baseball" thing between the two couples got a little grating. It just seemed like such a stupid thing for the characters to be getting so pissed off about. Also, the scene at the kid's birthday party, where Ben blames Pete for telling him to be honest, and now Alison's decided she doesn't want Ben to feel any pressure to help with their child, made me feel so bad for Pete. He's just trying to help, this guy tells him he sucks, then he has to take the cake out and sing "Happy Birthday" for his daughter. I could swear the jaunty paper crown on Pete's head was mocking him.

Transformers: Alex loves it. Maybe if I hadn't heard anyone talking about it I would have enjoyed it more. Certain questions remain, such as how Bumblebee found Sam before anyone else, but without alerting anyone to his presence. I preferred Bumblebee's old-style Camaro look to the newer one. I mean, if you aren't/can't make him a VW Bug, the Camaro had a classic look. Just spiffy up the paint job a little bit, don't go for this NEW! Camaro look, it's garbage. Stupid product placement. Also, that whole thing about Mikaela having a record seemed tacked on so she and Sam could have some conflict between them, which was quickly set aside because there's no time for it when giant robots are trying to step on you. I know, Michael Bay flick, what was I expecting? I just felt like mentioning it. Still, the Secretary of Defense shooting an evil robot with a shotgun wasn't bad. I certainly wasn't expecting it. Oh, and John Turturro was pretty amusing, even if his character did need to be punched in the face, Peter Gyrich acting jackass.

Spider-Man 3: Like Sam Raimi, I could have done without Venom. Actually, that's a good rule in general: Things are better without Venom. For example, No Venom= No Carnage, and see, that's a huge improvement to Spider-books right there, even if it does deprive bloggers such as myself of things to make fun of. Of course, all that stuff is apparently wiped out now, so I guess it's moot. Cripes, they had to wipe everything out? That is such a half-assed solution for a personal problem of Joe Quesada's. Or is it that writers are too lazy to actually work at writing interesting stories about Married Peter/Mary Jane, and Q did it to stop their bitching? I don't know. Whatever. Moving along.

Eddie Brock wasn't a bad touch, and I guess it's unlikely they'd have him without the symbiote, but maybe Raimi could have put Brock in there, and left the symbiote for the next one, and he could recuse himself from that movie. At least he could have spared himself the pain. Also not a fan of Sandman as Uncle Ben's killer, but did like the Sandman in general. Didn't care much about the Gwen thing, but then I've never cared about Gwen (which I why I wish Spider-writers of the last few years would quit wasting so much time on her, and Peter's apparent obsession with her). Thought Dark Peter Parker, with the hair hanging down over his face, looked like a goofball, or maybe like one of those minor, sidekick bad guys, that usually look greasy, and nervous around their masters. Like Desaad! Oh, but I liked his dancing in that jazz club, swinging on the chandelier, hooking the chair with his shoe, then sliding across the floor on the chair. That was nice.

I liked Harry Osborn, for the first time in three movies. His early attack on Peter, his happier life when he had amnesia, his psychological attacks on Peter (shades of the lead-up his now undone comic book death, which was totally awesome, and apparently never happened, blasted Marvel imbeciles), his big stand at the end. It was really nice to see Harry having a good time, and he and Pete acting like buddies, since I never really got that feeling even in the first movie. Harry always seemed too on edge because his dad always seemed around, or in the conversation or something. So in conclusion, more Harry, more Sandman, less Gwen/Peter/MJ, no Venom would have helped me out a bit.

Land of the Dead: I don't quite understand why that one zombie gas station attendant appears to be the only one that can really figure everything out. The others all seem to just follow his lead. Is he a mutant zombie? Was there something special about him before he was turned? Could have done with fewer graphic scenes of zombies eating human bodies parts. We get it, they're zombies, it's what they do. Stop beating us over the head with it!

Hot Fuzz: I give Alex a lot of crap for the, questionable, choice in movies he demonstrates, at least by my tastes (for whatever that's worth), but he does know a good one when he sees it. I laughed, I cried, I cheered wildly, and I was reminded never to trust Timothy Dalton (as his role as Nevile Sinclair in The Rocketeer taught me that already). Matt already covered one of the other brilliant things about the movie, and I really enjoyed Nicholas Angel, a very driven man, who nearly breaks under his own determination, and under the apparent mundanity of the town he finds himself in. I need to get it at some point, and watch it again to pick it apart some more.

And now we reach my offerings, a couple of things I received as presents recently.

Smokin' Aces: I remember being really intrigued by the movie's premise, based on the commercials anyway. I'm not sure it lived up to my hopes, but it was pretty entertaining, and all of us watching (me, Alex, and B) very much enjoyed the use of the .50 caliber sniper rifle. Somehow, such a large weapon seems to defeat the purpose of "sniping" as I think of it: to kill from a great distance, relatively quietly. But if it works, I guess it doesn't much matter. Certainly worked on those feds. The crazy Nazi brothers were entertaining in their own way, and as a fan of the old Marvel "you can't trust the establishment!" style, I approved of Agent Messner's way of dealing with his anger over the situation. I also sort of called the big surprise at the end, half of it anyway. Not bragging about, it's just that usually with these types of movies, I don't bother to think enough to pick up on something like that. Must have occurred to me during some lull in the shooting.

Crank: It's probably a good thing that I'm not trying to do plot synopses, because what would I say for this flick? Jason Statham spends an hour and a half running around stealing cars, drugs, energy drinks, eluding police, shooting and maiming people, having sex in a public place. It's like Grand Theft Auto: The Movie. That's not a criticism, by the way; I like Grand Theft Auto games, and I liked some of the things the movie did with the camera angles (a lot of extreme upward shots, sometimes further angled to make everything seem off), the lighting, the music cutting on and off at particular moments. I don't quite understand the use of captions at times, such as with the Haitian cab driver, and I thought the stuff he got from said Haitian had cleared out the Beijing cocktail he'd been dosed with. Certainly he didn't show any signs of being overly juiced, like with the epinephrine, or being slowed down like when the drug seriously has its claws in him when he entered the warehouse. There were some parts that really made me laugh, his casual mention that he's driving through a mall, for one, and I think his girlfriend might have been the dumbest character I've ever seen in a movie. Up there (down there) with all the cannon fodder teens in slasher flicks. Or maybe she's just kind of oblivious. I don't know.

Whew. I think that's everything. That was a lot of freaking movies.