OK, so yesterday was dealing with the source of frustration by screaming about it. Today shall be dealing with a source of frustration by mocking it.
See, there's this panel where Jarvis tells Stark that he'll quit if Tony lets Tigra back onto the Avengers. Actually, Jarvis tacks a four-letter expletive on after her name, unknown which one, but regardless, what the hell? What could be so bad about Tigra that her presence would cause Jarvis to quit, where getting tortured by Mr. Hyde did not? Sure, Tigra probably sheds, or leaves hairballs laying around, and she might use the furniture as scratching posts, but consider the other people Jarvis has had to look after:
Hank Pym: When not having nervous breakdowns, unleashes killer robots on the team. Unless he's unleashing killer robots while in the throes of a nervous breakdown. Also, leaks Pym Particles allover the place, making things shrink without warning. Jarvis must constantly order new furniture because someone steps on the miniaturized couch.
Scott Lang: The Pym Particles thing goes for him too.
Hawkeye: Tied up Jarvis the first time they met. Freed him by shooting arrows at him. Probably used fine china for target practice. Made inappropriate comments about Jarvis' sort of niece, Silverclaw.
Beast: Larger than Tigra, and just as covered in fur, ergo he sheds even more than Tigra, and does so while hanging from chandeliers, meaning it gets in all sorts of hard to clean places, like on top of bookshelves. Disturbs Jarvis' sleep by making lots of noise when coming in from partying with Wonder Man.
Wonder Man: Out carousing with Beast, makes lots of noise on returning to the mansion. Also probably comes home with many floozies, leading Jarvis to have burn lots of sheets.
Moondragon: Generally unpleasant to be around. Cold, unfriendly, unfairly critical, rude.
Hercules: Also parties a lot. Comes home drunk, can't master the intricacies of the doorknob, so knocks down walls to enter mansion. Leaves giant casks laying around.
Deathcry, Black Widow, Jessica Drew, Wolverine: All of questionable moralities and allegiances. Not beyond the realm of possibility they could have hidden triggers that would cause them to kill Jarvis for some Byzantine purpose, orchestrated by a shadowy mastermind. Also, Wolverine and Deathcry shed too {Edit: As pointed out by Lurkerwithout, Deathcry probably molted, rather than shed. I forgot the Shi'ar were avian descended}. Especially Logan.
Ares: Might kill Jarvis just because. Hey, every other thought this guy has is about how he could have his way with the female teammates, I'm not putting murder out of the realm of possibility. Also sheds, but only when he bathes, which is rare. Once a month, tops, but seriously clogs the drain.
Scarlet Witch: Unstable hex powers constantly causing things to show up in the last place you would expect them. Like when the good silverware wound up in Hawkeye's underwear drawer, or when the vacuum was in the Quinjet, or the Christmas turkey was in the dishwasher. . .
Quicksilver: Slipstream from super-speed throws everything into disarray.
Warbird: Got into drinking contests with Herc and Stark. Drank up expensive bottle of Chateaus La'Tour from 1876 Jarvis was saving for special dinner with Aunt May. Replaced it with bottle of cheap stuff from corner liquor market.
Namor: Do I really need to explain this? Fine. Imagine having to meet Namor's specifications for living arrangements. "These sheets are not of fine enough silk! You call this caviar?! The water in the bathtub is loaded with mineral deposits! I demand a bath of fine mountain spring water, if you foolish surface dwellers haven't defiled it all!" And on and on.
The Hulk: I don't have to explain this one, right? "Coffee too hot! Hulk Smash!"
The Sentry: Batshit insane. Look, he can bring people back from the dead. It only stands to reason, therefore, that Superman Jesus (trademark: somebody else) can make that work in reverse as well. And who knows what would set him off? He could get terribly depressed from watching an episode of Animal Cops for cripes' sake!
USAgent: I don't think he was ever part of the East Coat branch, though he did help them in the last issue of Busiek's Avengers run. But they must have interacted at some point, and since we're talking USAgent here, there's no way it was pleasant.
Jack of Hearts: Leaks radiation. Leaves Jarvis concerned about cancer, or radiation poisoning in general.
Sandman: Tracks sand everywhere. Duh.
That's what I've got, just off the top of my head. I'm sure there's other heroes with other reasons, but it does seem odd the cat girl would be the one Jarvis vehemently opposes having around. Hmm, maybe he's a dog person? Either way, I feel better. Ah, cleansing the soul.
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14 comments:
DUH!
Skrulls of course.
This sort of thing is why we need ROM back.
Let's not even forget about the shenannigans that She-Hulk got up to when she lived at the mansion. Granted, that got her kicked out of the house, but that was by Cap.
Maybe Edwin's just a racist against the tiger-striped?
Or maybe Bendis is just a crappy writer (of the Avengers)?
Also, ROM would totally sort this shit out. Especially if Rocket Raccoon helped.
I smell buddy cop movie!
Sheesh. Tigra isn't my favorite Avenger, but she's not THAT bad. Stupid Skrulls. And Bendis's dislike of her, is starting to reach strange new heights. Just let it go, man!
anonymous: I want ROM to help stop the Phalanx first, then he can deal with those stinkin' Skrulls.
jason: Man, everybody wants ROM to clear things up. When's ROM gonna have some time for hisself? Besides the last however many years since his series ended.
anonymous: Perhaps one day humanity would be able to handle such awesomeness, but I'm not sure we're ready yet. Better to make another Rush Hour movie. On second thought, let's go with ROM/Rocket Raccoon.
sallyp: He doesn't even have to let his dislike go, he can just let Tigra go and she can appear in someone else's book's where she can get a little love.
ROM got his break. Now Marvel needs to negotiate the rights off Hasbro, have ROM appear to fix both Secret Invasion and Conquest, and star in a buddy cop film with Rocket Racoon. After that, MA ROM, Marvel Legends ROM, and ROM leading both Avengers teams. At once. Guy had his break.
Ultimate ROM, because there just can't be enough Space Knight awesome out there. Also Deathcry probably molted not shedded. But same dealy I suppose for vacuuming purposes...
Also if ROM, Rocket Raccoon and Cosmo the Telepathic Commie Dog wanted to go on a Star Spanning Adventure of Fun and Hijinks I would not be opposed to that. Or to shelling out up to 5 bucks an issue for it...
anonymous: It's gonna be ROM's world, everyone else will just be along for the ride (except Rocket Raccoon of course).
lurkerwithout: Somewhere along the line it occurred to me a Shi'ar might be losing feathers instead of fur. I need to change that. I'm fine with Cosmo joining the fun, but we need to find someone to take over security at Knowhere. Can DC loan them Rex the Wonder Dog?
I can't imagine Jarvis using that word in any context. Kind of counter to his longstanding characterization as a fairly discreet person. Plus I happen to possess some Avengers issues where he and Tigra get along famously.
This is why I don't read Brian Michael Bendis and tend to regret it when I do. He's great at coming up with shocking moments and cliffhangers, but rarely do I find anything in his stories dramatically necessary. You know, how in good fiction the plot developments grow organically from what went before and feel innate to the story?
Bendis seems to lack that. His characters and events occur only because he needs to show off some far-fetched idea he'll attempt to justify later in expository dialogue, not because the story itself demands it.
Spidey and Wolverine in the Avengers, Iron Man's weird uncharacteristic politeness before becoming the female Ultron (another forced development that could've been handled differently) and Tigra's odd counter-character behavior during her beating. Those are just the biggest ones.
And now this, which is minor but just silly.
I don't think he's a bad writer per se, just that he's a mechanical one who covers up a lot of flaws with glib dialogue and some ripping cliffhangers. If only they all didn't seem so...
Unessential.
Don't know if you've seen this:
http://tinyurl.com/yvsgcj
Gold.
joel bryan: I've thought about maybe Jarvis was joking, but even then, the choice of words seems odd. As for Bendis, there are times he sets things up alright, and then times where I'm left going "Huh? Where'd that come from?", and then he explains it later. Sort of.
For example, I thought he foreshadowed the Spider-Clones in Ultimate Clone Saga at least a little, but the GwenCarnage thing came out of nowhere. To me anyway. He really does like to surprise the audience, for better or worse.
jason: Yeah. I saw that this morning. I can't figure whether she's actually asking Bendis to stop, or poking at the folks like me, who are asking him to stop. Guess it can work both ways.
It's all about the vaccuuming. You try clearing that much cat hair off the Earth's Mightiest Sofas.
Also, I heartily approve of all the Rocket Raccoon fandom going on here. He's the best thing Mignola (and Marvel) ever did!
Rocket Raccoon was originally created by Keith Giffen in an issue of Hulk. During the first time he got shot into space. Then Mantlo wrote (with art by Mignola) the mini-series. I still wonder what happened to the rest of his people...
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