A Brief Interlude

Narrator: {Calvin's currently-empty apartment. It's dark, but the computer hums quietly. The front door opens. UnCalvinPitt slips in.}

UnCalvinPitt: I can't believe he told that little panda to watch me! And he told his audience I'm unreliable! What a two-faced jerk. Says he'll give me a chance, then goes bad-mouthing me to his furry friend. It's time for him to learn speaking ill of your "same, but not" person always bites you in the end.

{UnCalvin sits down at the computer.}

UnCalvin: Wow, he actually left it on and stayed logged in so I could post if I wanted. That was nice of him. Wait a second, I'm supposed to be mad at him! He's clearly mocking me, leaving his computer on is his way of showing he doesn't think I'll show up! How dare he?! I'll destroy his audience by spoiling all of this week's comics, Ha, ha, ha! So this week, we saw the end of Annihilation Conquest, which ended with a massive victory by. . .

{A dark figure leaps from the shadows and bites UnCalvin's ear.}

Adorable Baby Panda: *muffled* Not so fast!

UnCalvin: Ow, ow! Let go!

{UnCalvin manages to pry ABP from his ear, and holds him at arm's length.}

ABP: This is how you use the opportunity to blog, to try and spoil comics? And to spoil comics two days after they've hit the shelves? That's not just evil, it's sad.

{A look of confusion crosses UnCalvin's face.}

UnCalvin: Comics already came out this week?

ABP: That's right! What do you have to say for yourself?

UnCalvin: *internal monologue* Think quickly, man. The panda's so cute, it's hard for me to avoid giving it a hug, and if I do that, it's all over. *out loud* Me am no UnCalvin. Me blog to spoil comics.

ABP: Huh? I know you were planning to spoil the comics, I want to know why.

UnCalvin: Me. . . going. . . to. . . spoil. . . comics! *internally* Come on, take the bait!

ABP: Oh, this is like a Bizarro thing. You mean you weren't going to spoil the comics, right?

UnCalvin: Yes, yes, that's it exactly!

ABP: Well then, I'm sorry I attack- wait a minute. If you were like Bizarro, then you would have said "No, no" right now! And I've read Calvin's archives, you never spoke like that before., although you also never have the same voice two appearances in a row. You're trying to trick me!

{ABP bites UnCalvin's hand, and is thus able to escape his grasp. ABP tenses, preparing to strike.}

UnCalvin: What are you going to do?

ABP: *grinning, mocking UnCalvin's early "Bizarro voice"* Me am not going to hurt you badly.

UnCalvin: Wait, which parts the Bizarro speak. The "me", meaning that it's really me that'll do the hurting? The "not", meaning you will hurt me? The "hurt", meaning you're really going to hug me? The "badly", meaning you will hurt me, but not very much? All of them, or some odd combination of them?

ABP: *rests chin on paw, creases brow* Um, well, I'm pretty sure I was Bizarroing the "not", meaning I was going to hurt you badly, but that really is a difficult language to use. Maybe I should have said "You am not going to hug me nicely"? That would reverse. . .

{While ABP ponders the intricacies of Bizzaro's language, UnCalvin slips towards the balcony.}

ABP: . . . but I still think I have to use "me", just to make it clear who's going to be doing the action. Hey, where'd you go? Dang it, he used grammar to confuse me!

UnCalvin: *laughing* That's right, and now I'll escape in my remote-activated hot air balloon! Farewell, Foolish Baby Panda! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

ABP: *shouting* A hot air balloon? Why? It's so old fashioned!

UnCalvin: *shouting* My car's receiving regularly scheduled maintenance! Besides, this is classic transportation, the vehicle of the idle rich!

ABP: *shouting* Yeah, idle rich cavemen!

UnCalvin: *shouting* Shouldn't you be trying to stop me, instead of mocking lighter-than-air travel?

ABP: *shakes head* I already did! You won't be able to destroy Calvin's blog now! And, I've got your scent, so I can find you any time I want! You better sleep with one eye open!

UnCalvin: *shouting* You think I'm defeated?! There are a thousand ways I can ruin his blog! This is only the beginning! From now on, I'll devote my life to destroying you! You've just made an arch-enemy, you blasted furball!

{And with that, UnCalvin's balloon drifted over the horizon. Until next time.}