I'll Keep Hugging 'Til You Come Around

{How goes the search?} Bad. I can't find UnCalvin. There's lots of flat, open places to look for castles in. {Yeah, but they're all flat. And open. Nothing to hide the castle under. Unless UnCalvin bought camouflage netting to place over the castle.} Camouflage? Oh, I'm never going to find UnCalvin! {Sure you will, right around the time someone comes up with a suitable idea for a climactic encounter between the two of you.} What do you mean? {Shh! They're watching!} Who, the audience? {You see them too?!} What's wrong with you? {I'm trying to be clever. How'm I doing?} You sound like you got hit on the head a lot. {Well, whose fault is that, he said, looking at the panda who frequently bonks him on the noggin?}

Um, well, hey, Peter Parker needs a Hug, after the last page of Spider-Girl! {I thought I told you not to read that!} No, that's what you tell me about The Punisher. {I know that. I mean in addition to that.} No, I don't remember that. {Uh-huh.} It really isn't that bad, you just have to believe. {Don't try that Peter Pan nonsense on me!} Fine, be a grump, but the Hug stays, and so does this one for Superman, since he was sad and crying. {I think Superman cries a lot. Yesterday, the toaster burnt his toast and he burst into tears. It's really not a big deal. I thought they raised 'em tougher out on the farm, though.} You don't feel bad for other people, do you? {Not frequently, no.}

Booster gets Applause for not letting Batman boss him around, and Nova gets Applause for getting Gamora to join the Guardians. She really didn't sound like she wanted to do that. {I think he deserves some more applause for doing that without getting stabbed in the process.} You think she would have? {I think Gamora enjoys stabbing almost as much as Drax, and the only reason she doesn't enjoy it as much is because she also enjoys breaking necks and kicking faces.} Oh. Then, yes, more Applause for Nova!

Bonk to whoever is going to betray the Guardians in 9 months. {Now how does this work? You don't even know who it is yet. Are you going to bonk them all, because I think at least a few of them might not take kindly to that, and remember what I said about Drax and Gamora enjoying stabbing.} I'm just mentioning it now. When the traitor shows themselves, I'll be ready. {So are you just saving this bonk until then, or are you going to give them another one at that point?} I don't know, it's months away! {Well, you really ought to think these things through more.} A Bonk to Max Lord.

Why did he have to kill Dr. Light's kids? {It's how he passes time until he grows a mustache he can twirl. He's really looking forward to the day puberty hits and he can grow facial hair. He's got tons of mustache wax stored up. Or is it gel? Whichever.} It just seems, stupid. {Well, Max never figured she'd get loose to do anything to him. See, Dark Helmet had it backwards. The reason why good will always win, is because evil is dumb.} You think so? {Well, they're dumb enough not to realize the conventions of the genre they exist in won't allow them any lasting victories, so yes.} But how would they know about genres? {I don't know, but if they're so smart they'd figure it out. Deadpool knows, and he's not brilliant.} *looks around* Why didn't Deadpool show up to attack you? {Eh, he's probably depressed about being in Wolverine Origins these days. Or he's resting up for his new solo book. One of the two.}