It's Starting To Feel Like Late Spring

{By which I mean it's getting hot.} I'll say. Turn on the AC! {No. That costs money. Just go sit in front of the fan. I sound ancient.} There's only one cure for that. {More cowbell?} Huh? {I don't know. It's some Saturday Night Live sketch. I've never actually seen it, but I've heard people reference it. It had something to do with a band in a recording studio, and Will Ferrell.} Oh. {I imagine it loses something in my description.} Yeah, it does. {I'm not a gifted storyteller.} Nope. {Fine, let's see you do better.} OK, just give me time. {Fine, while you think, how about being productive, if you think you can multitask?}

That's easy. Hugs for all the Outsiders stuck in China, and Applause for Batman for having sandwiches for his guest. {Actually, I imagine Batman told Alfred there would be company, so Alfred made a snack. Or he made them for Batman, but Batman decided to be a good host and let his guest eat first.} So, Applause for Alfred too? {I think it would be appropriate.} Then it's done. Applause for X-Factor, but Hugs for that comedian. She really wasn't funny. {Yeah, Alzheimer's Disease jokes were probably a poor choice for material.} Bonks for whoever that was in the audience that didn't help her. {I think it was a Jamie.} A mean dupe, or a Skrull? {Boy, I really hope it was a duplicate. I don't have the strength for this "Who's a Skrull nonsense?" Maybe Nova should just direct Galactus to Earth during all this confusion. Big G can eat everyone, and then we'll start over.} I thought that was the Ultimate Universe? {Yeah, but this time we'll keep Bendis and Millar out of the loop. Let, I don't know, Brubaker, Fraction, and Peter David do it or something.} Wait! What about Wade? {Oh don't worry. The planet getting eaten can't hurt Wade. Worse case scenario, he comes over here for awhile and stays with you.} Me? {Well he's certainly not staying here!} I can't keep him! {Sure you can! I think you're responsible enough to have a pet.} I am pretty responsible. {Darn tootin. Now where's that story you promised?}

Once, there was a kingdom at the base of a mountain. The kingdom was really nice once, but now it was a desert, and it was really hot. Everybody was really sad and sweaty, and sticky, because there was an old man who lived up in the mountains, and he kept all the cold air locked in a vault, and he wouldn't share. Then one day, a group of big, powerful pandas came to the kingdom, and said they'd help. They went up the mountain, and hit the old man and took the key to open the vault. Then the kingdom had cool air, and it even rained and snowed, and everyone was happy. Except the old man. He dried up and blew away. {That was terrible.} *ABP begins sniffling* {Oh, I didn't mean it! It was a nice story, really it was! The bad person got comeuppance and everything. It was like reading an issue of The Punisher, only with less graphic violence.} Thanks. Now turn on the AC before I beat you up. {No.} Please? {No.} Pretty please? {Folks, you better go, this is going to go for awhile. See you tomorrow.}