2008 Comics In Review - Part 1

Adorable Baby Panda: Yeah, I get to help!

Deadpool: [So do I, and I even agreed to for some editorially mandated reason!]

CalvinPitt: {Oh, this is gonna be a disaster.}

Why? {You two have the attention spans of goldfish, so with all the wandering off-topic we'll never finish.} We can focus! [Sure. This chair isn't comfy, and I bet it can't blow up either.] {At least I have chairs!} [*hurt silence* What we got to drink?] {Nothing. I live on water produced by my metabolism, like a kangaroo rat.} Don't they die if they drink water? [Are we on Animal Planet? Am I gonna have to fight the Rhino again?]

{Moving on. No division of the posts into DC, or solo Marvel titles, or Cosmic Marvel, because the numbers don't really support it. So we're just working alphabetically, handling about a quarter of the comics at a time.} So how are we handing out applause and hugs? {No. That'll take forever, and we've been doing that all year. I'm just going to talk, you two throw in comments as you feel like it.} [Famous last words, chief.] {*sighs* I know.}

Amazing Spider-Girl 16-27: {Hobgoblin's bid to be the new Kingpin wrapped up and crapped out, then the clone showed up, and everything went haywire. Every time I think I've gotten acclimated to one plot twist, DeFalco throws another one in I'm not fond of. It's like a test.} Well, you should enjoy the book while you have it. [It's not going anywhere. The book is like a zombie, or Marvel Zombies, you can't kill it.]

High Point: {Spider-Girl teams up with Hobgoblin to fight an army of crime bosses and cannon fodder. Or the Stasis Tube May humiliating Gene Thompson by tossing him casually over her shoulder.} [So Tube Spider-Girl plays rough? I'm intrigued.] {Wade, she's a high schooler, put it in neutral.} What are you two talking about? [Well, you see little furry one, when Uncle Deadpool sees a moving object he experiences -] {Whoa! You take the over there *points to different room*, where it won't show up in the transcript!} [Fine. He lets you hit people every week, but gets freaked out when we starting talking about -] {Move farther away please!}

Low Point: {It's a toss-up between Magneta and the Sisterhood of Mutants, and Norman Osborn rearing his head again. Actually, it's not a toss-up. I'm so sick and tired of Norman *expletive deleted* Osborn! Go away forever, damn you!}

Amazing Spider-Man #555-561, 580: {It was a uneventful year for Amazing Spider-Man, as nothing even remotely controversial happened to the title. But seriously, at least the title was free of the millstone that would have been Secret Invasion tie-ins, and they used some damn fine artists this year. Not that Ron Garney was bad last year, just they also had good artists this year. With backpedaling like that, I could play cornerback.}

High Point: {Well, we had the return of the Blank and Marcos Martin doing his thing, but for me it was Spidey's run in with Ol' Vern, who you better believe knows what a tempocity ratio is. Vern, if you ever need a place to hide from SHIELD, look me up.} [Your high point is a homeless guy?] A homeless guy who fought a Mayan death god with Molotov cocktails! [What do you know about Molotovs? If I had some booze, I'd show you a Molotov!] {Would you do it outside?} [Sure.] {There's vodka in the fridge.} [Yahtzee! Come, my Pandawan!]

Low Point: {I wasn't thrilled with Peter's turn as a paparazzi, but the real low point is probably one of the issues I didn't buy.}

Annihilation Conquest #3-6: {Marvel's second round of cosmic warfare wasn't wuite as excellent as the first, probably because, as Jason noted, the Phalanx never got around to actually threatening the rest of the universe, since they were still consolidating their power base.}

High Point: {Warlock telling Phyla he was disappointed in her lack of fight once they reached the Kree homeworld. Not because I enjoyed watching him chew her out, but because she turned it right around on him, and in the process of explaining what changed his perspective, he helped her get her nerve back. I like that better than getting her back in the fight by insulting her or invoking Mar-Vell's name. Starlord putting up his dukes in #6, like he was going to fistfight Ultron-in-Adam's body, only to have Nova show up and save his bacon.}

Low Point: Where's a hose? We need water! {What?} Wade lit the cloth, but then he changed his mind and decied to drink the vodka instead, but it was on fire, and he drank the fire, and now he's yelling a lot. {*sighs* He'll be fine, just tell him to roll around.} OK! *runs out*

Batgirl #1: {Let's simply say that my preferred interpretation of Cassandra Cain doesn't seem to jibe with Beechen's. Or DC's. I don't know who to credit/blame, so let's just leave it at that.} [Oh, you can't just move on like that. Unleash the fan rage, like a sickly cat's cry!] {Wade! You're OK!} Actually, he's horribly burned. {How can you tell? *Calvin and ABP bust out laughing* Seriously though Wade, read these two pages of exposition, then tell me what I'm supposed to say. *shows Deadpool two pages of Batman, Nightwing and Robin discussing all stories involving Cass since One Year Later*} [Great Claremont's Ghost! It's horrible! *falls over, stunned*]

Batman and the Outsiders #4, 5, 7-14: {I should have stopped reading this book months ago. I never learn.} I want to know what the life under the Moon's surface was up to! {I don't believe we will ever know. it was probably some sort of secret invasion, hence all the placing of their psyches inside humans.} [The fiends! It's my duty as an Avenger to stop those Skrull monsters!] Wade, you're not an Avenger. You aren't even in the Initiative anymore. There is no Initiative anymore. [What?! When? Is that why my government checks stopped showing up? I thought there was a mixup with my direct deposit!] {Also, we're talking about your Distinguished Competition, and they don't have Skrulls. And Skrulls don't come from the moon, they come from another galaxy.} [That's just what they want you to think.]

High Point: {On the buttkicking side, Batgirl saving Katana, Grace, and Ollie from the firing squad. On the lighter side, the clothes Ollie picked out for Metamorpho to wear when they found him in France. Where's Rex?} Don't forget about the Dibny's showing up! {That was pretty cool, even if they are stealing Deadman's shtick.} [He should sue them. I sued Deathstroke and the Creeper for stealing my gig once.] {Uh, Deadpool, both those characters have been around longer than you.} [That's what it said in the countersuit, and that's why I started my own line of buttkicking merhcandise, to pay my legal fees.] Did you win? [Well, I sued the female, Vertigo Creeper but they said she was dead by now, and my suit wasn't designed to target her heirs or the other Creeper. Then Deathstroke tried to kill me, but all his super-brilliant planning didn't work against a tactical genius like me.] {You kept falling in his traps and not dying, didn't you?} [Yep.] {And when he tried to kill you by hand, he failed and got worn out to where you stomped him?} [Just call him George Foreman.] But you're the one with a line of merchandise. [Fine, call me Super Mario, because I jumped up and down on his head, until I gained enough points for 100 extra lives.]

Low Point: {When they killed Dr. Minadad. He was a good character for lightening the mood and they blew him up because apparently the Black Golve had master computer programmers on their payroll or some such dumbassery.} Oh, you cursed. {Yep, between me and Wade, we're corrupting you like crazy tonight. Anyway, that's it for today, now both of you scram.}