2008 Comics In Review - Part 2

Calvin: {Oh, I am so clever. C-L-V-R! I mean, C-L-E-V-E-R! Telling Adorable Baby Panda and Deadpool to show up at 10, when I'm getting the post done at 7. They won't be able to drive me insane tonight!}

Voice Behind Calvin: So what happens when they show up?

Calvin: {Eh?}

Voice: Well, they'll show up at 10 and find out you finished the post without them. What do you do then?

Calvin: {Oh, I hide. I've been taking lessons from Bob. They'll search awhile, not find me, and then give up.}

Voice: [Good thing I never arrive when I'm supposed to! Mostly 'cause I can't remember when I'm supposed to show up.]

Calvin: {Agh! I mean, ah, Wade, ABP, good to see you.}

Deadpool: [Sure, you're happy to see us now. Just like my fellow X-Men, always acting like they want to hang out, then vanishing when i show up with the ranch dressing and kiddie pool.]

*ABP and Calvin stare blanky at Deadpool*

Calvin: {Maybe we should just begin.}

BloodRayne Automaton, Prime Cuts #1, 2, Tokyo Rogue #1-3: [So she's a vampire.] {Half-vampire.} [How does that work?] {Different universes, different rules. Vampires can reproduce in hers.} Like how Overused Kirby Creation's universe resets every so often, but your universe just has certain events fade out of existence over time. [Headache.] {Anyway, Rayne fought giant, enchanted fire salamanders, mute priest ninjas in gas masks, and a golem, and that was just one issue. I think you'd like her Wade. She's enjoys cutting things, shooting thing, and driving motorcycles.} Would she like Wade, though? {Does anyone like Wade?} [Everyone loves me, like Ned Flanders! Only with a teleporter!] And no mustache. {Yeah, if your body keeps regenerating, why don't you have hair?} [Say, shouldn't we be discussing high points?]

High Point: He's sensitive about it. {I get that. I'm a little sensitive about hair loss as well.} [I didn't lose my hair, I shaved it!] Sure. {Absolutely. I'm giving the high point to the "nunchaku that opens a dimensional portal that releases a ninja-killing demon" from Prime Cuts #1.} [Can't go wrong with multi-functional weaponry.] Like an exploding chair? [Exactly.]

Low Point: {The delays in between issues of Tokyo Rogue. Fortunately, they've changed the policy so they don't solicit anything until everything is done but the lettering, so projects ought to come out regularly once they get started.} [That's kind of real world for these, isn't it?] {I'm working on these posts with an anthropomorphic panda and a comic book mercenary. I've lost track of where the various levels of reality end.} [Oh.]

Blue Beetle #24, 25, 27: [How can you have only bought 3 issues of this internet darling? You monster!] {I don't know, things came up. My car broke down, I didn't have money for cab fare, there was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts, it wasn't my fault! *sobbing*} Geez, that's so sad. [I'll say. He couldn't even bother to get the whole quote right.] What? [He ripped that off from Belushi in Blues Brothers.] What?! Say, where'd he go? [Looks like he has the run for his life thing down. He really must have been learning from Bob. I miss Bob.] You'll see him this month. [Really? Oh boy, I better prepare a surprise for him!] But you won't remember I told you that after this post. It's like your recap page.

Booster Gold #0, 7-15, 1,000,000: [So a guy everyone thinks is a doofus secretly protects time?] Yeah, it's great, and it can make you laugh and cry and everything!

High Point: Booster and the Blue Beetle working together was nice, but I think I liked Booster pretending to be Killer Moth, punching out Batman. [You weren't kidding about this book making you laugh! They did the death scene from Wrath of Khan! But they cut Booster off midway through his "KHANNNN!" moment.] That wasn't funny, it was really sad! [Sez you. Melodramatic death is really funny to me.]

Low Point: Ted Kord having to die again. It was his choice, but it was so sad. Not funny, sad. *glowers at Deadpool* [Well, I'm voting for the ripping a gorilla's face off from #13. Points for the violence, but how can I enjoy its capering if you pull its face off? Now all it's going to do is scream! Have to get my gorilla-killing gun.] I wish Calvin would run back here.

Cable/Deadpool #49, 50: [How does he get top billing? He wasn't even in the book!] His name is still on the cover! [Covers lie all the time! Did Jimmy Olsen ever kill Superman with a Kryptonite turtleneck like the cover said he would?] What? [It's fine though. Cable was just dragging me down. I have my own series and it sells better. I have four readers now, instead of just one! Nope, I don't miss Nate at all. *sniffles*] There, there, I'm sure Cable misses you too. A kid that won't shut up could never replace you!

High Point: When you made sure Brainchild wouldn't be able to escape in #49. Maybe you should have given Ka-Zar some guns for the whatever it was you were taking. [Hey, I didn't kill the loinclothed jerk for stabbing me in the ears, I say we're even.]

Low Point: The end of #50, because it meant the series was over. [Geez can you spare some of that cheese for my chimichangas? Chimichanga, chimichanga.]

Deadpool #1-5: I think Calvin still can't get over liking this series. You fought Skrulls [Tricked 'em and killed 'em] and zombies [Tricked and killed them too.] But you have no money. [I'm working on that!]

High Point: When you explained why you have all those pouches. [That's it? Not beating a Super-Skrull, or telling off Nick Fury?] Nope, lots of people do that, but no one ever explained what all the pockets were for.

Low Point: I can't believe you drank a bottle of poison. [I thought it was water!] It said poison right on the bottle! [I couldn't tell! Medina drew my hand so it was obscuring the label!] Stop blaming other people, Wade! [Oh, 7:30! *mumbles* is on TV! Gotta go! *teleports*]

Guardians of the Galaxy #1-8: So it's just me now? Fine, the first team only lasted six issues, and they only spent 3 of those closing those holes in the universe that were so important. Then they fought each other. Now the new team is fighting the Badoon. They get distracted like they were Wade.

High Point: I liked how Drax decided to find the Skrulls on Knowhere, and fighting the Badoon. And fighting on a block of frozen time is just cool. He-he, "frozen", "cool".

Low Point: That they had a Secret Invasion crossover, and there weren't any Skrulls on the team at all! It just turned out Starlord had Mantis mess with the teams' minds! Didn't they learn anything from Identity Crisis?

Reviews tomorrow, Part 3 on Thursday! I hope Calvin at least comes back by then.