Wednesday, December 03, 2014

It's Rough For A Freebootin' Rabbit Out There

Looking back at Rocket Raccoon #4, I do have some questions about Blackjack O'Hare.

First, if he needed to kill Princess Amalya to fulfill his contract, why didn't he go for it when she was smooching with Rocket? Just lob an explosive down there while they aren't paying attention. Or kill her any time after Rocket ditched her and she was disowned, when there would presumably be no guards, and she would be too focused on plotting to kill Rocket.

Second, if his failure to fulfill the contract wrecked his reputation, where did he get a crate of apparently valuable hyperiam gems which he can use to buy off Macho and all those other crooks? Clearly he must be successfully pulling off jobs somewhere. Maybe he went into piracy, working for himself. Not a bad strategy, if no one will hire you.

Which leads us to Third, what is with these people who hire others for criminal enterprises in the Marvel Universe? Someone botches one job, and it destroys their rep. First the Black Cat, now Blackjack. It's nuts. Sure, there's always another prospective thief/assassin/whatever looking to make a name for themselves, but then you're hoping they're actually good, and not some schmuck. If it's an important job, you'd think these criminal masterminds would pay for the presumed quality that comes with proven past performance. Stealing some priceless heirloom, or killing an important business rival are not the sorts of things to trust to just anybody.

Besides, most of the best of these crooks-for-hire types have a professional code, so if they do screw up, they'll feel like they have to make it up to you, so you can send them out to finish the job, or to handle some other dangerous mission. Assuming they didn't fail because you tried double-crossing them, of course. That's the problem with the mastermind types, always trying to cut costs, always figuring people are easily replaceable cogs, then usually eating a bullet for their presumption. Which is why there's such a heavy turnover in criminal mastermind types, I suppose. At least as much as in the specialists they hire. If said specialists didn't spend so much time switching between hero and villain, and trying to kill each other, I'd suggest they unionize.

There'd be a lot of issues stemming from people joining the Avengers, and what do you do when some schmuck like Constrictor starts working full-time with Zemo, or Paladin busts Batroc trying to import dinosaurs from the Savage Land, both they're both in the union. That would get awkward. Also contentious. Possibly homicidal. Plus the people who wouldn't join. I saw Grosse Pointe Blank, I know how that ends.


SallyP said...

A super-villain Union would be amazing.

And possibly hilarious.

CalvinPitt said...

It could really be good. The conflict between the guys who buy in and try to be good members, and the guys who just use it for whatever they could get and stab people in the back, that'd be fun. Lots of fights breaking out at the meetings.