The Hills Are Burning With The Sounds Of Music

So I saw this on Mr. Foss' blog, and figured it might be interesting to see how cruel fate decides my life should be musically defined. This could be frightening, so those of you with weak stomachs might want to have your cursor hovering over the "Back" button, just in case things get too intense.

Opening credits: "Another One Bites The Dust" - Queen. Yikes. That doesn't seem like a particularly promising start. Unless I'm going to be causing other people to bite the dust. That would be a more promising sign, because I'd be an action hero, and it could open with me cruising down the streets, looking for criminals to run over, just like I do in Grand Theft Auto 3. Or I could be an incompetent surgeon. Which would pay more, at least before the malpractice suits. But by the time those are settled I'll be in another country, my cash having been safely deposited in your stereotypical Swiss bank account. Yeah, I'm liking the sound of this movie.

Waking up: "That's All" - Genesis. This might work. I'm usually in a pretty sour mood when I wake up, what with the having to get up and do the things that are expected of me. Phil seems pretty fed up in this song, so sure, I can grumble while I get dressed and brush my teeth and so on.

First day of school: "Behind Blue Eyes" - Limp Bizkit. A song about being alienated and alone, on your first day in a strange new environment. I'm sure the fact it's a remake of a classic song should mean something, but what? Maybe the "feeling alone in a new setting" is nothing new, been there, done that?

Falling in love: "Drown" - Limp Bizkit. It's a slow, sad song, but I think if it was matched up with shots of me being a little freaked out about how hard I'm falling for whoever it is I'm in love with it could work.

1st love song: "Disarm" - Smashing Pumpkins. I'll be honest, if I knew the words a little better, I could see myself trying to sing this to the girl. And given that I don't sing for anybody, that's saying something. So yeah, karaoke scene? I'm not sure that performance would win her over, but I'd at least be impressed with myself for trying. I'd be up there, crooning away, eyes closed, eventually dropping to my knees to show the sheer depth of my emotions.

Breaking up: "Old Fashioned Love Song" - 3 Dog Night. And the natural consequence of me singing to her would be her breaking up with me. And this song, being about love, being soft, alternating between a quicker, upbeat tone, and a slower, more desperate one, almost pleading in a way, trying to convince her that that the song is just for the two of them, and so of course they should be together. I see this happening on a pleasant day, outdoors, ending with me standing there alone in the bright sunshine. You know, play up the contrast, a "there's no sunshine in my heart" feel.

Prom: "My Way" -Limp Bizkit. Somehow, I don't see myself having a date for the prom if this song is playing. I do see myself making a big scene, after an extended period of me seeing the lady of my heart having a good time with some other guy. I'd be over by the punch bowl, stewing away, refusing friends offers to get out on the dance floor, or go somewhere else and do something to take my mind off things. There'd be an eventual explosion of anger, probably leading to my being escorted out of the dance. I might even have to take up drinking for this scene.

Other possibility: In an attempt to make this movie actually resemble my life, "my way" will involve me not going to prom, period, just hanging out at home, moping, venting frustrations on a baseball, or a wood post, or a video game. Something.

Mental Breakdown: "Mrs. Robinson" - Simon & Garfunkel. I don't know if it's true or not, but I always got the feeling from this song, that Mrs. Robinson was being placed into a mental health facility. What with the talk of "files" and "helping oneself". So yeah, that works pretty damn well. I'd be in a straitjacket, just cheerfully hopping around babbling. That does sound kind of fun, to be honest.

Driving: "Hello, Goodbye" - The Beatles. Well, this is one of my favorite Beatles songs. I guess it would be a contrast piece, shots of me driving my friend Alex around, contrasted with him returning the favor (and scaring the hell out of me when he goes 80 in a 45 because he really wants to get home to the bathroom). Of course, we'd both be singing along to the song as we drove here and there. An "Odd Couple" friendship affirmation scene.

Flashback: "Winter In My Heart" - Vast. It's a slow song about a guy's life having been broken, and him trying to put the pieces back together. So, I think this is going to be a flashback to the breakup. I'd be in the middle of a snowy field, walking, pausing sometimes to stare at the harsh landscape glumly. It would work, seeing as I like to take walks in the winter.

Getting Back Together: "What It's Like" - Everlast. So my love and I will be reunited to a song about not judging other people without knowing what they're going through? Now is this going to apply to me, for being so mad about the breakup, and not be willing to understand why she did it, or is it going to be about her, for not understanding where I was coming from in whatever it was that caused the breakup? Or reverse the roles in either scenario. I think the song is going to be playing over scenes of us talking (wordlessly), and one of us is going to have a shocked expression at what we're hearing.

Wedding: "It's Been Awhile" - Staind. I think this would have been a better song for the previous category, but oh well. It's about love, and about someone feeling better about themselves when they're with this other special person, and I think that's really great. Still not sure it would work very well.

Birth of a Child: "Almost Over" - Limp Bizkit. The song's about who he was as a kid, versus who he is now, the challeneges he's faced, and how they've shaped him. I'm seeing flashes to stuff from earlier in the movie, interspersed with the birth process, and probably me passing out. I'm squeamish like that.

Final Battle: "You May Be Right" - Billy Joel. I'm going into my final battle with this playing?! I'm going to get my ass kicked! Hey, I like Mr. Joel's older work, but this is not music for defeating your enemies and savoring lamentations. Unless... I'm going to win the day by admitting to my arch-foe that they were right about whatever it is we're in conflict over, convincing them I'm not such a bad guy after all, and we set aside our differences and eat some pie! Hooray pie!

Death Scene: "Goodnight Saigon" - Billy Joel. Some shuffle. It dumped a seven minute song (from the same CD, six songs down) on me. This is going to be one long death scene. Hope that doesn't mean torture is involved. However it happens, it's going to have to involve me becoming disillusioned about something. I guess I could go out like Bubba in Forrest Gump, and Alex could play Forrest.

Funeral Song: "Luna" - Smashing Pumpkins. Uhhhhmmmmm. . . . I've got nothing. It's not a sad song, but not upbeat, so I've got no idea what to do with it.

Ending credits: "Green River" - Creedance Clearwater Revival. Well, alright. Here's the upbeat. People can be having a good time, maybe a wake, with everybody singing and drinking, and sharing fond memories of me... CalvinPitt, as they enjoy being entombed in my burial pyramid. Because in my movie, I will be like Bender and have a massive burial tomb, with blackjack. And hookers! Oh, forget the blackjack.

So there you have it, the soundtrack of my life. About as I expected, things don't fit together all that well, so hopefully they shoot in black and white, throw in subtitles (even though I'm not expecting overseas release, and we'll all be speaking English), and I can pass it off as one of those artsy films I couldn't make sense of in European Film.

Hopefully something better tomorrow. No promises.