Applause - Deadpool. Saved hostages? {Check.} Tried to avoid killing hostage-taker? {Check. With Deadpool, trying is a promising sign of its own.} Is ready to fly to Providence and help his friend who isn't his friend, Cable? {Sure looks like it.} Then this one explains itself? {Yup.}
Hug - T-Ray. {What?!} Deadpool stole his identity and his wife, it isn't surprising he went crazy and dangerous! {He took hostages! Hostages that had nothing to do with his issues with Deadpool! That's right! Butt out Deadpool!} But if I give him a hug, then maybe he won't be angry or want to take hostages anymore. {Whatever, it's your hug.}
Bonk - Weasel. Stop telling HYDRA how to run their prisoner holding gizmos! They are a big, evil organization, and they don't need your help! {I'm starting to get a little worried about ABP right now.}
Applause - Nightmaster's Dad. Your son dying meant you'd get to go to the next life, instead of being stuck in a sword. But, you want your son to live, so you helped him, and now you're back in the sword.
Hug - Enchantress. You probably won't notice it, because you'll be fast asleep, but it was pretty cool how you stayed awake ten days trying to keep Nightmaster alive. {Of course, if she hadn't done that, he probably would have talked with his dad and been up and running a lot sooner.} Quiet! She's sleeping! {Hey, you're the one using exclamation points.}
Bonk - Shadowpact. For turning Etrigan into a coatrack. What about Jason Blood? You're just going to leave him stuck inside a stone demon? Not cool. {Not to mention, neither one is going to be too happy when the stone effect wears off. And it will, because those types of things always do, eventually.}
Applause - Shadowcat. The people at Midtown High haven't been very nice to you so far, but you were the first person to step up against Mr. Coo-Coo Bananas. {I think ABP means Ultimate Ronin.}
Hug - Shadowcat. Of course, your "stepping up" got you a fire extinguisher in the face, and now there's a SWAT team training their guns on you. Not a great turn of events. {Maybe we should just give Ultimate Shadowcat an Emeritus seat on the "receives panda hugs" list.}
Bonk - Ultimate Ronin. Well, let's see. Drove a school bus into the school? {Yup.} Pulled out an uzi and began spraying bullets all over the place? {Oh yeah.} Beat up one of the more senior personailities it shares that body with? {Beat it the heck up.} Let's make this a "Super Ultra Bonk Of Incredible Painfulness" then. {Alrighty.}
Applause - Monet. For exercising restraint when that guy propositioned you and Siryn. {Given that Monet bent a street light, shouldn't the applause go to Siryn, who did nothing? Are we grading Monet on the same "baby steps" scale as Deadpool now? What about me, Monet and Siryn, dressed like babies? Nothing, Wade.}
Hug - Nicole. Sure, X-Factor headquarters is nicer than a street in France {Are we sure about that?}, but you've still lost your parents and your powers, the girl closest in age to you doesn't seem to like you, and these adults must seem a little crazy, all taking marching orders from the kid. Just hang in there. {And watch your back around Layla.}
Bonk - Blob. Grand theft auto. Grand theft lunchmeat. {I think that's on Madrox. How fast could the Blob possibly move? I think my grandmother could evade him, sandwich tray or no.} Sucker punching. And calling Rictor a "dumb tamale tosser"? That's just being hurtful for no good reason. {Yeah, don't make fun of his ethnicity. Make fun of his hair, clothes, his horrible attempts at tough guy dialogue. It wouldn't be difficult.}
So there you have it. Your nominees?
5 comments:
Surely Ultimate Ronin deserves a bonk solely for being Ultimate Ronin.
Boy howdy, that's for sure. And yes, poor Kitty needs multiple ADP hugs.
And a bonk to Tony Stark just for fun...and because he probably has done something terrible lately to deserve it.
kelvingreen: That might be included in the Ultra Bonk of Incredible Painfulness, but I'm not sure ABP knows about the 616-Ronin. I've never bothered to mention her(him now?).
sallyp: Well, Mighty Avengers was out this week, and Tony seems to have turned into Ultron, and Ultron will probably kill lots of people, so bonks for Tony. And Hank Pym, I guess.
Actually, Tony/Ultron does little more than stand there posing. For 22 pages.
Yeesh.
Still, the Mighty Avengers fill that time by ignoring New York burning down around them, and instead thinking about how much they want to bang each other.
616.
kelvingreen: Good point. Perhaps an indifferent shrug would be more appropriate?
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