Life As A Backshooter

"Backshooter" was the term my father had for me whenever I could convince him to play Goldeneye with me on the Nintendo 64. Man, I loved my N64. I had 20 games for it, and only two were completely disappointing - Mortal Kombat 4 and Earthworm Jim 3-D (I may have to do a post on how sad Earthworm Jim 3-D made me some day). As a gamer, I pretty much skipped the Super Nintendo/Sega Genesis era, and went straight to this from the original NES (not counting my Sega Game Gear, which I also loved). The controller was freaky the first time I saw it, but I figured it out pretty quick, and so did my dad for that matter (his problem was he couldn't remember which button did which, not where they were placed).

So back to Goldeneye. I was maybe an average player. I could get through most of the levels on Secret Agent (Medium), but 00Agent (Hard) was apparently beyond my abilities. But that was fine, because I loved it for the multiplayer. Fighting it out with my friends was my favorite thing about the game (and a lot of the charm of the N64 for me). Actually convincing my dad to play was a challenge, much more so than actually defeating him. Before you start ragging on me, I should point out that we always used the same battleground, same weapons, and I would guide him to weapons and body armor before attacking, just to give him a chance. Considering all that, I don't think it's such a horrible thing that I was an opportunist. I was playing as the bad guy, so obviously I'm supposed to play dirty. Sneaking up on him, shooting him in the back a few times, then fleeing and counting on him to get lost trying to chase me worked, so why change? Plus, his grumbling about me being "a dirty backshooter" was hilarious.

- Dad's finest Goldeneye moment would have to be when he chased me into a room with some sort of mechanism in the middle of it. I ran to the other side, but he still had a clear shot, so he opened fire. And missed. And kept missing. I started laughing and having my character run back-and-forth, while I started humming like Curly would right before he'd do something stupid. Eventually Dad got fed up, put away the gun, screamed "Banzai!" and ran around the mechanism to start karate-chopping me, making various "yahh!" noises as he did. Flustered, I beat a hasty retreat out of the room, then turned and gunned him down as he pursued.

- At a party once, I was playing against friends Jesse and Erik. Erik was pretty good, but not up to my level. Recognizing that, Erik decided to avoid me and just hound Jesse, who had never played before. So Erik won a few games by racking up easy kills. That was frustrating, but to be fair, I would have done it too, if I'd had the chance.

- The next year, we convinced Jesse (who had borrowed the game for 2 weeks to train) to play my Dad in a Battle Of The Horrible Goldeneye Players. First to five kills wins. Dad was up, 4-3, but in front of a capacity crowd of 3, Jesse staged a furious comeback to win, 5-4. Absolutely stunning. I can't believe none of us remembered to have a CD with "We Are The Champions" ready to play. I just had this thought: Did my dad throw the game, knowing the ribbing Jesse was gonna take from us? Or was he just that bad? I'll have to ask him.

- That year, we were having four manBattle Royales, and everyone managed to win at least once, even Jesse. We were all opportunists that night. Let somebody else die trying to take out someone, then swoop in a get the points yourself. Then get pounced on seconds later. Later on, I took on John (who could beat the game on 00Agent) one-on-one, and he trounced me. The danger of facing superior opponents, I guess.

- My most frequent opponent was my best buddy Alex. He was occasionally a decent challenge, but cursed with a short attention span. You never use mines with him. He'd ring the room he was in with motion sensor mines, then forget and try to leave, only to blow himself up. How am I supposed to kill him if he does that 11 times in one game?

- Friend Papafred didn't really get the big deal about Goldeneye. He played computer games, and Goldeneye apparently looked like crap compared to whatever version of Quake was out at that time. Heck, you couldn't even jump in Goldeneye! Well, to that I say this (with apologies to Homer Simpson): "Jumping is for jerks and lesbians." *ducks bricks* I'm sure he's right about the graphics and level of gameplay, but for me, Goldeneye was light years ahead of anything I'd had before. Heck, if I had my N64 and Alex here, I'd challenge him right now. But he'd probably rather play Crimson Skies on the Xbox. He owns me on that game now.