A&W Root Beer Tastes Like Gum

Why is that? {I don't know. Maybe it's the vanilla, or the sugar or something. Or my sense of taste is messed up.} Oh. {You read Agents of Atlas?} Some of it. The big robot is kind of scary, and the guy with the bowl on his head sticks his stomach outside his body to eat. {Cool, huh?} It's kind of gross. I like the talking gorilla; he's funny. But why can't there be a talking panda. {Because part of the character's backstory is that he's tried to reverse being a gorilla, and if he were a panda he'd never want to be human again, so it wouldn't work as well.} That makes sense. {Really?} Yeah, let's talk about comics!

Applause, Bonk: Cable, gets applause for deciding he's going to save the world, but he gets a bonk for taking so long to do it, and for helping Wade cheat at strip poker. {Oh, come on, it was for a good cause!} No cheating!

Hug: Rogue. She looked like she was really badly beat up, and Cable thinks he might kill her by using her to save the world. Be careful!

Applause: Reed Richards, because he saved his world. {And the rest of the universe. Somehow.} Yeah, how did that work? {You're asking me? I don't know! Go find Claremont and ask him!} OK, I will! {Get back here! You haven't finished the post yet!}

Hug: Psylocke, because she got stabbed a bunch by Evil Wolverine. He looks really stupid when he wears green. {Yeah, he really does.} Still, Psylocke shouldn't have cried when she saw Slaymaster. Heroes aren't supposed to cry during fights. {She's had a rough couple days, cut her a little slack.} Well, I'm still gonna hug her, I just thought it was kind of wimpy to start crying.

Bonk: Sue Storm, for taking over the world, and planning to attack other universes. Is this Reed's fault? {Given how much Sue seems to hate him, I kind of think so, but I don't know what exactly he could have done to mess things up this badly.} Well, even if it is, Sue hurt him and kindapped their daughter, so it doesn't matter. Bonks for her.

Applause: Ultimate Dr. Strange. I want to learn magic! Then I can learn how to teleport, and see what people were doing in a room earlier and where they went, and it'll be cool! {Last week you wanted Danny Rand to teach you martial arts. This week it's magic. I think you're gonna have to pick one, at least to start.} Um, magic. No, martial arts! Can I have more time? {Sure, think about it while you finish the post.}

Hug: Peter Parker, because he's having a normal day. He's captured, teased, the Kingpin makes money off him, threatened his school, and tricked him into fighting Daredevil. {So yeah, pretty much an average day in his life. No hug for Moon Knight after that beating Fisk gave him?} No, he shot up a school! No hug!

Bonk: Kingpin, for being a big, mean, ugly, criminal jerkface. {My, such language.} He is, he should give Spider-Man his trademark rights. {What's Peter going to do with them? I'm not sure he can register without giving his actual name, and that wouldn't stay secret for long.} Then he should get Nick Fury to do it for him. {Yeah, owe Nick Fury favors, that's always the right way to go.}

Applause: Monet, for caring enough to keep pressure on Siryn's injury, and for being the only member of X-Factor that actually did any good in their fights.

Hug: Nicole, for having to spend time alone with Layla. That girl is creepy, and she shouldn't talk about electrocuting people around young children. {Well, Layla wanted to scare Nicole a little, and that's a pretty good way to do it, agreed?} Yeah, it was pretty scary. She could have turned off the lights, it would have been even spookier. {I think it was daytime.} Darn.

Bonk: Pietro. He was lying about letting Rictor leave. I saw all those ex-mutants on the other side of the door, they were gonna hurt Rictor! {Only if he tried to leave.} But he didn't, and now Pietro is gonna hurt him. {Maybe not, if Pietro can successfully pull off this conduit trick that he's, you know, never tried before. Yeah, Rictor's doomed.} See? I'm gonna Bonk Quicksilver silly! {Well, he's a time traveler, so you better be careful.} Fooey. I'll get him.