Can't See Through This, Too Much Bamboo

Woohoo, you got all these comics for me? {No, I bought all these comics for me. You just get to read them. Some of them. You are not going through all of them for today's post.} Why not? {Because we'll be here all night if you do, and I'm not prepared to do that.} Fine.

Well, the Thing needs a Hug, with the mutating and all, and so do all those villains that tried to attack the Fantastic Four in Washington D.C. They didn't even know what they're doing. {But just think, when they're old and gray, they can sit back and tell their kids about the time they kept part of the Fantastic Four occupied for about five minutes.} I don't think they'd want to tell that story. {Better than Stilt-Man telling them about how Ms. Marvel zapped him in the junk six times once.} I guess. Oh, Valkyrie gets a Hug too, because everyone hated her coffee. {Better learn to make better coffee then.} She's a fighter, why should she know how to make coffee?! {I bet Iron Fist knows how to make coffee.} He does not! {Yeah, you're probably right.}

Mr. Hyde gets a Bonk for beating up on Jarvis, and Titania and the Absorbing Man each get a Bonk for trying to attack a man in a coma. Dr. Light gets a Bonk for being kind of a coward. {I don't know, I kind of prefer him this way, as opposed to his post-Identity Crisis style.} Nighthawk gets a Bonk for attacking people just because they want to be Defenders. {He likes being leader, I think, and this was going to threaten that, because he figured some of those guys might have better credentials than he does. From a leadership perspective though, I'm not sure he had anything to worry about.} So see, he was being a jerk. {No arguments there.}

Reed gets Applause for shutting down the Superhuman Registration Act. {Until he decided to help put it into action.} But that's not in any of the comics you bought, so I can't judge that! {Damn right it's not in any of those comics I bought! I don't support the adventures of Reed Richards, Stark's Futurist Lackey!} OK, OK, just calm down. {I am calm! I am the model of mental health, why do you keep saying I'm crazy! I'm not crazy! Don't make me burn this place down to prove it!} I didn't call you crazy! {I know, I'm just messing with, as is my wont.} Butthead. {Ouch.} Well, no Applause for you, but Hawkeye gets some for trying to help the Thunderbolts turns things around. {And for shooting U.S. Agent in the face. Can't get enough of that.} I don't think that's so great. {Clearly, you haven't read enough comics with U.S. Agent in them.} I think She-Hulk and Ms. Marvel need some Applause for both trying to help the Thing, and not destroying the hospital during their fight. {Are you sure we should applaud them for not destroying property?} What's this "we"? I do all the applauding, so I decide who gets applause and for what, the same way I decide who gets bonks, if you catch my drift? {Caught like a lazy fly ball. Satsified?} Yeah, I'm good.