Insane Devotion has Its Perks

These were the funniest panels in the entire volume. It's the combination of the phrase, her weird expression, and Renji's reaction.

Volume 3 of Yakuza Fiance starts with Yoshino planning when she'll bring Kirishima to Osaka to meet the folks. Writer/artist Asuka Konishi will circle back around to that at the end of the volume, setting up some of the trainwreck we saw unfold in volume 4, but it's what happens in between Yoshino's planning and the actual finalizing of the schedule that's more entertaining.

Starting with Yoshino getting weird vibes off Kirishima. I mean weird for him, not a regular person. He seems more distant, until the moments where his intensity makes Yoshino feel like he's ready to kill her. Turns out, he really doesn't like her mentioning Shouma, but doesn't even realize it's making him jealous until she points it out.

Which is odd because, assuming we take him at his word, he doesn't have a problem with Yoshino cheating on him (even though they aren't officially dating at this point), so as long as he gets to a) watch, and b) kill the guy after. Yowza. He offers to pretend to behave normally, but Yoshino tells him he might as well act like himself, instead of half-assing being "normal." Which does fall in line with her previous comment that she admires how unapologetically himself he is. This seems to settle something in the roiling, deep-sea hydrothermal vent that is Kirishima's mind, and he's back to doting on her.

Just in time, because Yoshino catches a summer cold (normal for her), but it gets really bad. I give Kirishima a lot of grief - because dating him seems roughly as bad an idea as dating Deadpool - but he really does work hard to look after Yoshino. Gets her cold packs, fluids, foods that are easy on the stomach. Checks in regularly via text. When he returns late that evening and she hasn't responded for hours, he at least texts that he's worried and going to pick her lock to check on her before doing it. And he apologizes for taking her to the hospital, because Yoshino hates hospitals for reasons not revealed. Though Konishi also has Yoshino make this absurd noise I think is supposed to be her saying "no" in a groggy or stuffed up state whenever Kirishima suggests it.

The remainder of the volume revolves around Kirishima (and us) meeting Yoshino's friend and cousin(?) Tsubaki. Tsubaki's grandmother was one of Renji's mistresses, with Tsubaki's mother allegedly the result of that affair. Which does not keep Tsubaki from declaring Renji a 'work of art crafted by a god,' and being extremely hot for him.

But Tsubaki might just be saying it to get a rise out of Yoshino. They get along, but Konishi definitely writes Tsubaki as someone who loves drama. If there's none happening organically, she'll stir it up, to the extent of mentioning she thought of sleeping with Kirishima if Yoshino had already done it, so they could be 'lay sisters.' Between Tsubaki saying stuff like that with a coy smile and a giggle, and Kirishima's general, everything, it's amazing Yoshino's hair doesn't go grey from trying to deal with both of them at the same time.

As it turns out, Kirishima came along on this trip specifically to speak with Tsubaki. He figured out she helped arrange the removal of Yoshino's kidney. Except it wasn't actually a kidney, though Yoshino doesn't know it. Kirishima wants some answers, basically.

When I reviewed volume 1, I commented it kind of undercut the power move by Yoshino, but I've reconsidered. Yoshino doesn't know that's what happened, and what she actually lost - 1.5 liters of blood - could have killed her. But as Tsubaki puts it to Kirishima, 'She said she would rather die than let you think she was a joke. So she risked her life. To get even.'  That's pretty intense, and speaks to Yoshino's determination, as well as something Kirishima mentions in a phone conversation with Renji (that Yoshino is unaware of) in this volume. He says, rather than flee a dangerous situation, Yoshino would do her best to adapt and live normally. Of course, Kirishima mentions it as something that compromises her ability to judge risk, which is probably true.

The whole story also gives Tsubaki the opportunity to show her loyalty to Yoshino by threatening Kirishima with the prospect of never seeing Yoshino again. Though it's undercut later by her sending him a photo of Yoshino (slurping ramen while in a swimsuit) in exchange for scans of those photos of young Renji and Gaku that were mentioned in volume 2. That girl is always starting shit.

Sunday Splash Page #397

"Welcome to Knowhere," in Nova (vol. 4) #8, by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning (writer), Wellinton Alves (penciler), Scott Hanna (inker), Guru eFX (colorist), Cory Petit (letterer)

Richard Rider, aka Nova, was I think, Marvel's attempt to create Spider-Man in the '70s, via combining "teenager gets powers," with Green Lantern's "part of an interplanetary police force." Kyle Rayner, but 15 years earlier. Also less successful. Rich's first series ran just 25 issues, but I've not read any of it. There were two attempts in the '90s, running a combined 25 issues, the last (Erik Larsen's attempt) canceled after just 7. I've read a few issues of volume 2, the "Time After Time" crossover with New Warriors and Night Thrasher, but none of volume 3.

After, Nova's part of Jay Faerber's New Warriors, but he's written as overly concerned with his image. Trying to get a movie deal, resisting rejoining the Warriors because he feels it's a demotion. He's still banging that drum in Zeb Wells and Skottie Young's reality TV show mini-series. In neither book does he look competent enough to ever reach the "big leagues" of super-heroing to which he aspires.

And then, Keith Giffen made him a central figure in Annihilation. The only member of the Nova Corps to survive the assault on Xandar by Annihilus' Negative Zone army, Rich is forced to take on the entirety of the Nova Force, despite having seen up close (in the mid-third of New Warriors volume 1) how that drove Garthan Saal mad. But Rich has the Xandarian Worldmind, a vast repository of knowledge and experience, to help him use the power, and keep him on an even keel. Nova learns to fight a war. He learns to lead an army. Kills Annihilus by pulling his digestive tract out through his mouth.

Nova, volume 4, written by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, is what he does after. In a universe reeling from a war that wiped out the Skrull Empire and tore up half of the Kree Empire, with all the destabilization in communication, trade, and stability that implies, there are lots of people that need help. Rich has the power to do it, but he's only one man. So there's a push-and-pull between the Worldmind, which wants to rebuild the Corps and be housed in a safe storage bank, and Richard, who wants to help the people in danger now, and needs all this power to do it.

Abnett and Lanning keep it from being as simple as Richard wanting to be the big hero. A lot of it is trauma from the war. All the people who died because there was no one alive to help, or there were other, bigger crises to fight. Plus, rebuilding the Nova Corps isn't as simple as just giving people power and a bucket-hat. You have to teach them how to use it, how to survive, else you're just creating corpses. That takes time to do properly. Time Nova doesn't feel they can spare because, again, people are dying now.

Most of the stories take place in outer space, against threats big enough Nova is still outclassed, or close to it, even with all the Nova Force. So, periodically, the plot takes Nova back to Earth. This includes the first 3 issues, drawn by Sean Chen, where Nova gets a look at his home post-Civil War. Spoiler alert: it sucks! Rich is as flabbergasted by "Speedball as Penance" as I am! We do get a bit where Iron Man, unaware of everything that went on in space, even though Nova sent a warning to Reed Richards, asks what happened to Annihilus. Nova's response? 'I pulled him inside out and saved the universe. What have you done lately, Tony?'

Alongside the issue of JMS' Thor where Thor beats the piss out of Iron Man over creating a cyborg murder-clone of him, it's my favorite example of characters giving Tony Stark the business for his bullshit.

Where was I? Right, the trip back to Earth serves to show how far Rich has come, with other characters reacting to how different he is, and how easily he handles problems. A Thunderbolts squad with Moonstone, Venom, and Radioactive Man want to try and arrest Nova for being unregistered? He can shrug off everything they throw at him. He can take out one of his old enemies, Diamondhead, in one panel. Iron Man shows up on his parents' doorstep with a few dozen SHIELD agents? Nova isn't freaked out, nor does he rush to an attack. He's calm, and very clear to Stark this better not happen again.

From there, it's back to space, straight into Annihilation: Conquest tie-ins, and Abnett and Lanning's biggest misstep. They introduce Ko-rel, the highest-ranking survivor of a Kree ship downed during Annihilation, trying to keep her crew alive while waiting for rescue, hoping to get home to her son. Worldmind taps her to protect Rich from the Phalanx when he's badly injured. She fails, her crew dies, and while trying to kill Richard and keep the Phalanx from getting the Worldmind, hesitates and is knifed in the back by Gamora. The guilt over this (plus the little bit of Nova Force he gets back with her death) is what finally gets Richard to shrug off the Phalanx control.

So she dies, so he can feel bad. Boooo. Abnett and Lanning do, sort of, bring her back later. When the Worldmind's been corrupted and needs a new sort of interface set-up, it picks Ko-Rel as the template. So the Worldmind becomes less clinical and drily sarcastic, but more prone to bust Rider's chops since he did, after all, get her killed.

Still, I think there was potential in having her help Richard so he could escape, even if reduced in power, and her doing her best as a lone rookie Nova trapped inside the bubble the Phalanx used to seal off the Kree Empire. A person on the ground view, from one not as accustomed to the craziness as the rest of the characters. After that, you can have her kid alive, where Ko-Rel wants to be decommissioned and Rich is for it while the Worldmind objects, or she can stick around as the first trainee if you figure the kid is already dead.

This is also where the book's struggle to maintain a consistent artist starts coming into play. Chen draw parts of each issue of this story, with Brian Denham handling the rest. Chen's art is solid, a heavy line, squared-off characters, a little Sal Buscema in it, where Denham's is slicker, thinner lines, glossier color. Chen shows Nova's speed and power by having the ports on his uniform almost constantly venting orange smoke, like rocket exhaust. Denham gives Nova more of a fiery aura, like Cannonball's blast field. The division of pages seems to be set so each artist handles a different perspective. If Chen draws pages focused on Ko-Rel, Denham draws pages focused on Gamora. (Denham also, during a scene set in Richard's mind, shows us there was a Nova Corps member who was a blue Pikachu, which was a cute touch.)

Richard regains control and escapes Kree space, but these are still unofficial Conquest tie-ins, since a Phalanx-controlled Gamora and Drax are on Nova's ass as he tries to find a cure for the transmode virus raging inside him. (In this case, rather than pit Nova against an outer space threat where he's outclassed at full strength, Abnett and Lanning nerf him by having most of his energy spent holding back the infection.) At which point Wellinton Alves becomes penciler. Alves draws the two issues that introduce us to Knowhere, the mecca set within a severed Celestial head floating at the edge of the universe, and Cosmo the Spacedog, head of security for Knowhere and a very good dog. Alves will remain primary penciler for most of the next 14 issues, minus the two set on the Technarchy homeworld drawn by Paul Pelletier.

Alves has a thinner line than Chen, his Nova is slimmer, more angular. The energy tends to crackle from his ports along his body like lightning, and there are also a lot of faint, arcing lines visible. Like someone faintly traced over the page with a Spirograph. Never sure what those were meant to convey. Scott Hanna inks, and goes heavier on the shadows for Alves than he did with Chen, but Alves, in the early-going, is drawing more horror-themed stories. The visit to Knowhere coincides with an alien group of heroes trying to dump their worst foe off the edge of the universe, and somehow being turned to zombies by him instead. Once Conquest is finally done, Nova ends up trying to save a world's inhabitants from Galactus. Not the world; he accepts that's doomed, but to give the people a chance to escape.

The Surfer lends a (reluctant) quiet hand, but Nova doesn't want to abandon anyone, so he stays, against the Worldmind's suggestion, seemingly trapping them and dooming them to die. I didn't really get that part. OK, something about Galactus' machine makes forming a stargate impossible. Nova is a Human Rocket; he can't fly fast enough to hit escape velocity? Anyway, there's also a creature that trails after Galactus, feeding on the psychic terror he causes in the worlds he visits, drawn as jagged black lines floating above its victim, which is the horror element as Rich tries to apprehend it for murder.

Rich escapes the planet, but the Worldmind seems to crash, leaving Rich on his own to make it home when he learns about Secret Invasion from Super-Skrull. That leads him to Project PEGASUS, where his little brother Robbie is working as a scientist, and Darkhawk is head of security. (Another opportunity for Nova to show off, as he's much calmer and more tactical than Darkhawk.) It's also when we and Nova learn the Worldmind has been secretly recruiting new Novas and setting itself up inside Ego, the Living Planet. (A page of that was going to be my fallback if this double-page splash didn't turn out well.) During this stretch, Geraldo Burges is co-penciling the book with Alves, but either his pencils are very similar, or Hanna's inks mute the differences to where it isn't always easy to tell.

This is where the ideological conflict between Richard and the Worldmind comes to a head. Richard worries the Worldmind is recruiting too many people, plucking them directly from the streets, including his little brother. It's too fast, and feeding combat info into someone's head isn't the same as them knowing how to fight. But maybe Richard just likes being the big hero too much. Doesn't want to go back to just being another Nova, same as all the others, including his much smarter little brother. Maybe he's just too traumatized by all those deaths to recognize one man can't do it alone. Especially a reckless man who regularly endangers the Worldmind and all that it holds.

Rich is stripped of Nova Force entirely, and learns his body was altered from holding so much power, he can no longer survive without it. Too bad Worldmind-Ego took off for deep space with all its Novas, to get involved in War of Kings. The book has a real weak spot, not necessarily its fault, that it constantly sprints from one status quo to another, with little time to explore any of them. The effects of Annihilation are really only addressed in the first issue, and Conquest barely gets any play before War of Kings, and what issues there are, most are spent on Earth dealing with Secret Invasion. There's always another event banner to slap across the top of the cover.

And now, here's Andrea Di Vito as penciler. Di Vito is the closest the book gets to a regular artist, drawing 10 of the final 15 issues. (Alves drew parts of 12 issues, but was only credited as sole penciler for 6 of those.)  His style is cleaner than Alves or Chen's, closer to Pelletier's, but not as exaggerated in body types or facial features (Pelletier does a great job drawing Warlock as extremely expressive with his body.) The colors for Di Vito's issues are also brighter shades and tones. Which is perhaps an odd choice for issues about a bunch of rookies being thrown into a war where neither side wants them there, and Vulcan has a black ops Imperial Guard that commit war crimes like killing surrendered enemies. The image of a pile of empty, busted Nova helmets is effective.

Richard makes it to the fight with an assist from Quasar (currently a being of quantum energy), gets the Worldmind free of Ego's influence (this is when Ko-Rel "returns"), and reclaims the title and power of Nova Prime. Then rockets into battle to find his brother, who is trying to bring in essentially a female version of Gladiator on his own. This also gives us a funny scene where Nova talks his way out of a fight with Blastaar by loudly praising his kingly wisdom, while whispering threats he'll do to him what he did to Annihilus. Sadly, we never got a showdown between the two.

Most of the Novas are sent home, minus a handful who ask to stay and get proper training. There's now a huge tear in space-time, and a ship drifts out of it. Kevin Sharpe (who drew one fill-in during War of Kings) handles a two-parter involving an old Nova lost in another universe for decades, Monark Starstalker, and a gang of Mindless Ones, called the Black Hole Sun Gang, led by a not-so Mindless One. The gang is dealt with by dumping them inside an awakening Ego, Starstalker sets out to do his own thing, and Zan Philo (the Nova Centurion) sticks around to train the new kids and offer wry comments, while his ship acts as the Worldmind's new home.

(Abnett and Lanning also start a subplot involving the Shi'ar named Nova Prime in Rich's absence, who is captured by Gladiator and apparently forgotten by the Corps, being approached by Garthan Saal about starting their own "Super-Nova Corps." That never went anywhere, probably just as well. The book didn't need its own Sinestro Corps.)

The series wraps with Nova running into 2 versions the Sphinx within the tear in space-time, fighting each other over the power of 2 Ka Stones. Abnett and Lanning use the odd properties of the Fault to bring back Namorita, albeit one I'm not sure could have existed. She's very affectionate with Rich, which didn't kick off until she left the team in the middle of volume 1 and started physically changing, but she's in the classic white, blonde, green swimsuit look. But hell, I was just glad Millar's nonsense was undone one way or another.

Then the book was canceled, and Thanos Imperative kicked off. Like I said, the book never really settled into a status quo long enough to dig into it. Always on to the next event, but it was also selling pretty low, so do what you must for survival. Better to get three years of good issues, even if it leaves some untapped potential on the table.

At 36 issues, plus an Annual, this is the most successful run Nova's had so far. Jeph Loeb created a new kid after Thanos Imperative, Sam Alexander, who found out his dad was part of some black ops branch of the Corps. That lasted 31 issues. Sam got a second volume post-Secret Wars, which ran 11 issues, and looks to have been derailed by Civil War II tie-ins. Another volume, pairing Sam with a returned Richard Rider, died after 7 issues. I didn't even stick with it past issue 4. Sam got some run as a Champion, and on at least one New Avengers squad. Richard has mostly stuck to space, appearing in various Guardians of the Galaxy books. Plus, he was on Mars during some of the Krakoa stuff. But he's getting another shot at a solo series starting next month. Jed MacKay's writing it, so it'll probably last at least a year.

Saturday Splash Page #199

"House on Fire," in Runaways (vol. 3) #13, by Kathryn Immonen (writer), Sara Pichelli (artist), Christina Strain (colorist), Joe Caramagna (letterer)

So the kids got back from the early 1900s at some point and returned to L.A. for volume 3. The initial creative team was Terry Moore and Humberto Ramos, but I don't have any of those issues, not being a particular fan of Ramos' art. I gather they set up shop in a beach house owned by Chase's parents at one point, that aliens came looking for Karolina, which resulted in Xavin pretending to be her and getting killed, or hauled off to stand trial for something and probably be killed.

I have the last 5 issues, the first of which is a fill-in where Molly takes a trip to San Francisco to see if she wants to live with the X-Men (she doesn't), and the team plays Truth or Dare and Nico hatches an evil magic serpent egg hidden inside a Sons of the Serpent staff Karolina stole on a dare. You can either blame Nico for shitty aim, or Chase for refusing to sit still and play the game properly, take your pick.

After that, Kathryn Immonen and Sara Pichelli have a 4-issue arc where the older kids hold "prom" in the house for themselves. The house gets hit by a drone being used by some military guys to smuggle things under the radar. I think it was redirected by Victor, looking for music for the "prom" and hacking into some encrypted channel, but that's not made clear. Old Lace dies, Klara freaks out, Chase freaks out, Chase's uncle - who actually owns the house - shows up.

That stuff I said last week, the original six having a little bubble no one else can fully breach? In full effect here. Nico's idea of comforting Karolina about Xavin being gone, possibly dead, is to say Karolina was more teacher to Xavin than partner, and if Xavin really is dead, then it was for Karolina, so she should make the best of it! *slow clap* Bra-vo. Would have been better off brandishing the Staff of One and shouting, "Therapy!" 

When dealing with the magic snakes, each of which that births an egg which quickly hatches and repeats the process, Chase dares - as part of the game - Victor to eat one, which kills it. Chase admits he didn't know that would happen, he just figured if it didn't work, Victor is a machine, so they can just rebuild him. Chase is angry about Old Lace dying and talks about killing Klara. Nico tells Victor at one point to make like a suicide toaster and jump in the ocean.

When Chase's uncle finds the package the drone was carrying and offers it to them as a way to have some money, after also helping them find transportation, Chase uses the weird interdimensional box that's holding the package to trap his uncle, and just walks away. Can his uncle survive in the box? Who knows? Certainly not Chase. The uncle, Hunter, does survive, and somehow still wants to help Chase after that.

It's funny, because Immonen refers back to the story Chase told during their volume 2 NYC jaunt about killing a hobo who tried to steal his van (which Chase later insisted was a lie he convinced himself was true.) Now, the "hobo" was his uncle, who may have just been trying to talk to Chase after he bailed during a fight with his parents, and he didn't die, though he has an artificial hip from being run over. By Chase. Who then just kept driving. Chase apparently flew past Guilt over this some time ago, and settled firmly in Anger.

The book isn't helped by miscommunication between Immonen and Pichelli. The drone hitting the house and seeing Old Lace dead freaks out Klara, who causes a bunch of vines to grow and trap them. But it's unclear if they're under the house or still within it. Concerned destroying the vines might somehow hurt Klara, Nico tries a spell I assume is meant to make the vines transparent or crystalline (Nico says "Crystal Light"), so they can see their surroundings. It's drawn like she either disappeared the vines, or teleported everyone onto the beach. The house is nowhere in sight. Seeing a handful of military guys, Nico magicks up a giant log cabin ("Abraham Lincoln"), but it looks like they're just standing in a purplish void with some rubble. When really, they're still somewhere in the remains of the house, because Hunter leads Victor to an underground hanger with some vehicles to escape in.

Really just a mess of a run, top to bottom. Immonen's work occasionally has these issues, where it feels like she either left too much unsaid, or didn't make sure the instructions to the artist were clear, but it's especially bad here. At least it ends with Chase getting hit by a van because he followed a girl he thought was Gert across a busy street. The last page is him getting treated in a hospital while the rest of the cast sits around waiting for him to show up again. Every dark cloud, eh?

Random Back Issues #162 - Super-Villain Team-Up: MODOK's 11 #5

We looked at the first issue over 5 years ago, but today we're looking at the conclusion. And frankly, MODOK's plan to steal the Hypernova from a group of advanced entities seems to be circling the drain.

Of the crew he hired, Mentallo was disposed of by the Chameleon, actually an "Ultra-Adaptoid" controlled by the current head of AIM (and one-night stand of MODOK's back when he was just some dweeb), Monica Rappaccini. Spot turned out to be working for the current Mandarin (son of the old Mandarin), but wound up sucked into his own spot. Rocket Racer's the one holding the hot potato, and he's taking it to SHIELD.

Rappacini brings down Racer short of the finish line with some hex bolts, but it turns out he's been carrying a hologram all along. Back at the wreckage of Mandarin's spaceship, he's minus a hand, but game to kill three of the crew - Puma, Nightshade, Living Laser - for standing in his way. Once the Ultra-Adaptoid crashes the party, the 4 unite, but seem sorely outclassed until Living Laser realizes it's being controlled remotely from a satellite in orbit. The core of the Mandarin's ship is made of material that can block any radiation.

Rappacini's in the middle of a big speech about how MODOK had no money, but she'll let them live, when she's cut off by Puma pushing that core down the slope onto the robot. Then Armadillo shows up and crushes the inactive android.

One problem solved but, where's the Hypernova? Well, Living Laser had it cloaked all along, because he intends to use it. He can convert all that stored energy into mass, getting a real physical body back. Which he figures will be worth it, even if the others kill him a second later. There's a flash of light, and he's gone.

4 days later, MODOK's getting this report from what's left of the crew - Nightshade, Puma, Armadillo - but it turns out he has the Hypernova. He calculated a 78% chance one of his crew would betray him, so when Puma passed it through one of Spot's err, spots, MODOK swapped it with a fake in the Dark Dimension (looking very Escher-ish here.) Well, AIM's probably going to figure that out, right? Certainly, especially since MODOK contacted them.

A Dreadnaught busts in, Rappacini controlling it remotely, but she offers one billion dollars, and a truce, for the Hypernova. MODOK, seemingly wistful for lost love, says once he'd have given it to her for nothing. Isn't she sorry she broke up with him? Monica reminds him they were never dating, while some unseen goon who is sure to be dead soon snickers in the background, and they make the swap. MODOK pays the 3 survivors their shares, plus the rest of the crews' shares, and they go off happy. MODOK's still got over $960 million, Monica's got the Hypernova, everyone's happy.

Or not. The Hypernova's in a "temporal bottle", which decays once removed from the place it was kept, and MODOK delayed contacting Monica long enough her scientists can't erect a containment field before the bottle dissipates, so. . .

(Even being 'one with all,' Living Laser looks like a Ken doll made of bubblegum. What the hell was MODOK's fake Hypernova, to do that to him?) 

And this was apparently MODOK's plan from the beginning. Use the lure of the Hypernova to not only destroy his greatest enemy, but get said enemy to pay him a billion dollars to do it. I think Rappacini survives somehow. Pretty sure I've seen her in comics since this came out, and Marvel can use more evil scientist women, anyway.

{11th longbox, 40th comic. Super-Villain Team-Up: MODOK's 11 #5, by Fred van Lente (writer), Francis Portella (penciler), Terry Pallot (inker), Guru eFX (colorist), Nate Piekos (letterer)}

Coastal Missouri - John Drake Robinson

This is a collection of essays Robinson's written about his travels through the state of Missouri. He has apparently driven every mile of highway in the state in his car, which he named Erifnus Caitnop. It took me several hours past the point I finished the book to realize it was "Sunfire Pontiac", the type of car he was driving, spelled backwards.

Most of the writing is focused around rivers, specifically around Robinson floating those rivers, and what you find along the way. Stories about traveling on a few of the remaining paddleboat steamers that travel the Mississippi River, or about a man who built his own barge to sail from the headwaters of the Mississippi all the way to the gulf. He can't sail it alone, so he needs volunteers, and Robinson signed on from St. Louis to the confluence of the Mississippi and Ohio Rivers. There are also stories about encountering angry drunks on gravel bars in the Ozarks, or pushy ducks that know damn well you have food, so fork it over, buddy.

But you have to drive to most of the places you'd put a canoe in the water, so Robinson also talks about the roads he and Erifnus have traveled, and the towns - if you can call some of them that - he went through along the way. Places to eat - he doesn't have a wall-calendar scale like William Least Heat-Moon, but he certainly places a lot of stock in out of the way eateries - places he and a band he's part of played. Swinging bridges and a brief biography of the man who built them, or visits to one of the handful of covered bridges still standing in the state. Efforts to revitalize communities in different ways. I had never thought about how installing fountains is a way for a town to make some cash off all the people making wishes.

Also on the list of things I learned, apparently many spots in the Missouri River are named after steamboats that hit snags and sank there, a common occurrence.

Robinson alternates smoothly between humorous and informative. A little folksy at times, other times he lets anger or frustration show through when writing about people just throwing trash wherever they want. The parts where he discusses trying to cut from one blacktop road to another via gravel roads felt extremely familiar. Although where I'm usually tense with concerns about potential disaster or, gasp! being late, it's more of an adventure to him. Clearly its not untrammeled ground, but at least to him, it's a journey into the unknown. The road might dead end at a field or bluff or a river that's overtopped its banks. Or it might lead him exactly where he wants to go. He won't know until he drives it.

'Deeper into the woods we drove. Erifnus' motor groaned, and her tires ached, as signs of civilization dwindled to a single power line fastened to poles older than Methuselah, more crooked then Bernie Madoff. Using the sun for direction, I angled eastward, looking for pavement. But ahead, gravel, gravel everywhere, surrounded by heavy forest.'

It's My Life - in Music

It's been 5.5 years since the last time I did a movie soundtrack for my life, so I think we're due. As always, open your music library and set it to shuffle. The first song plays during the first scene on the list in the movie, second song during the second scene, and so on. I've added a lot of music to the collection since then, though I don't think much of it made it in.

Opening Credits: "A Lesson Learned," Limp Bizkit - As usual, not off to an encouraging start. While this is a much quieter song than you might expect, given the band, it's Fred Durst singing about how things haven't turned out the way he expected, becoming a big-time music star, and it doesn't feel great. He got swept up in all of it, hurt some people, and he's figured it out too late. The last line: 'Fortune and fame are disguised as your friends, but I'm lonelier now than. . .I've. . .ever been.'

On the plus side, hopefully this means I at least get a fortune! I can take or leave the fame.

Waking Up: "She loves you," The Beatles - That's some tonal whiplash right there. Also, kind of an odd song to wake up to. I guess if these scenes aren't necessarily in this order, it can work. I wake up, and to my surprise, the one I love hasn't moved out. Or she moved back in. I thought she was done with me (or was I done with her?) But no, she hasn't given up on us.

Although, I could go a darker route with that, if I was trying to get her to go away. The song does say, 'and you know you should be glad,' which, little ominous. Maybe this is an unhappy marriage and I want to divorce and get with my secretary. I will not allow Movie Calvin to be a philanderer, so he's got to do this properly if he's going to shack up with a much younger girl in a futile attempt to stave off the cold fingers of Death. 

First Day of School: "Joker," Requiem - This is from Alex's first album, The Electronomicon EP. Give a listen here! That's Jim Mahfood art in the background, too!

As to how it relates to my first day at school, hmmmmm. I could play the first 35 seconds, where it's building, over the trip to school. All the other kids on the bus are excited, but I'm feeling increasingly antsy, unsure what I'm getting into. After that, maybe a sped-up montage where certain things come into sharp focus for an instant, before receding into the blur.

Are the things that snap into focus good or bad? Eh, we'll play that by ear. Maybe I'm excited for coloring, or I don't line up properly for the slow march to the cafeteria and get yelled at. Maybe I make some friends, or I rip my pants messing around on the monkey bars.  

Falling in Love: "Come Over," Estelle - Estelle's singing to her lover to encourage them to go further with the relationship. While she's willing to give a lot, she's also willing to be patient, and accept if they can't give her as much.

So, who's who in this scenario? If I'm the one falling in love, then I should be the one making that sort of offer. I'll give myself to them, and it's OK if they can't give as freely. Anything they offer is enough. Of course, if we go with the darker interpretation of "She loves you," then I fell in love with this person because they give so much for so little in return, and later broke up with them (or tried) when I got bored/found someone else.

Simply for the sake of not being an ass, I prefer Option 1. Also, I think it fits better with "A Lesson Learned," where I'll eventually learn I can't continue in such a relationship, letting people use me, because it leaves me feeling sick and empty.

First Love Song: "Tigerlily," La Roux - A song about two people trying to have a forbidden relationship. They're trying to hide the attraction and desire, stick to shadows, fearful of discovery, questioning whether it's better to go along with what everyone wants, in exchange for being able to live a less stressful life.

Following Option 1 from the previous song, I'm reading it as my lover doesn't give as much because they're afraid to. For whatever reason, I'm not an acceptable romantic partner. Am I the, gasp, mistress in this scenario? I'm the one being strung along with promises that one day we'll be together openly. Just, not today. How awful. I never thought I would end up as Margaret Houlihan to someone's Frank Burns. I better be hella rich to put up with this shitty turn of events.

Breaking Up: "O Green World," Gorillaz - There's not a lot to this. Mostly guys chanting in the background while the lead singer keeps asking the "green world" to not desert him now. So I had it being the other man and broke it off, and my lover is pleading for me not to leave. Saying we complete each other and a lot of blah blah and I ain't having it. I've got my self-respect! *starts checking pockets* Well, I had it a minute ago. . .

Prom: "getcha groove on," Limp Bizkit - The title certainly fits for a dance, and it's a much more up-tempo song than "A lesson learned." However, it's mostly warning people not to mess with them. They're gonna do what they're gonna do, and if you don't like it, well, fuck around and find out.

Which sounds like a perfect lead-in to a break-up. Either that, or one of us tried to get back together at Prom, and the other was not having it. There was probably some, "you need me," insistence, and then my contrary genes kicked in and I said, "just watch me, asshole." Then I dumped an entire bowl of chip dip on their head. The principal was aghast.

I'm actually starting to dig the direction this movie's going. Very dramatic. 

Mental Breakdown: "Just the Way You Are," Billy Joel - And we're back to something soft and slow. Well, if I had a breakdown, I probably need to avoid overstimulation. After my big display at the prom (or some other event), I tried really hard to be a different person. To show I didn't need that jackass. But all I succeeded in doing was putting a lot of pressure on myself to "win" the break-up, or whatever. Eventually, I collapsed under the pressure of doing things I wasn't really enjoying, because I felt like I had to do them.

Now someone, a steadfast friend or maybe the therapist, is insisting none of that is necessary. I don't have to change to not end up with a jackass like Former Lover, or be successful in my career, and I won't make anyone happy trying to do that. I just need to be myself, and find what works for that me. 

Driving: "Crawl," Staind - This feels like it has to take place before the Breakdown, if only because it's such an ugly song about someone confidently asserting they know what I'm like. Plus the part where he talks about crawling while the other person spits. Oh, and can't forget where he screams, 'Everything falls apart, EVE-RY-THIIIIIIIIING!!!!' Definitely doesn't suggest a great mental state.

I suspect this sequence ends with me upside-down in a ditch, or maybe ramming headlong into a bridge support. Trying to prove this person wrong, to not give them the satisfaction of seeing me crawl back to them and their superior attitude, is really fucking with my headspace. Also, I probably got in a lot of trouble for dumping the bowl of dip on their head. I was the sort of student who would absolutely stress about getting in trouble at school.

Flashback: "Tomorrow Comes Today," Gorillaz - Another appropriate title, given the scene. I think this takes place prior to Breaking Up. Or during the Mental Breakdown stretch? That could be a fun shift. 

At some point, I have to replay everything that's happened, trying to figure out where I mis-stepped. What was the mistake? Even though I can't go back and fix it - or can I? - it would still be a very "me" thing to do, to endlessly stew over mistakes. The question is, am I realizing it was a mistake to ever entertain the notion of a relationship with this person, or telling myself the mistake was breaking up with them? Or is it something else? I should have ditched my job a long time ago, because it was making me miserable?

Getting Back Together: "Oh Yeah," Daft Punk - The song is basically an electronic beat with someone occasionally saying, "oh yeah." Not as a question, not as an exclamation, either. Almost like someone reminded them they already saw that new Channing Tatum movie last week. "Oh yeah, I forgot. *laughs sheepishly*"

How does that relate to Getting Back Together? It's not incredulous, like, "holy shit, how am I back with this train wreck of a person?" But also not cause for celebration. It just sorta, happened. Which makes me think the friend who was helping me during the Mental Breakdown and I got together. Maybe we dated at some point, or hell, maybe getting back together just means splitting the rent. We used to be roomies, and I lost my place during the stretch when I lost my mind. No car, no home, probably no job. They're letting me stay with them until I get rolling again, and even once I did, I just stuck around. We like living together, so we keep doing it. We're in a groove, so we're just rolling with it.

Heck, it cuts their bills in half, and I'm not a messy roomie. I don't like cleaning, but I keep my stuff out of everyone's way and don't take up a lot of space in the fridge. You could do a lot worse for a roommate!

Wedding: "Inner Universe," Orgia - I know this as the opening theme to Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, although the version I have is 5 minutes long. I don't know what the singer is saying, having never bothered to seek a translation, so I go by what her tone and the music prompt in me. 

And that's a sense of falling. Given the length of the song, it's falling from a very high altitude. Like I jumped from the edge of Earth's atmosphere and now I'm plummeting headfirst at the ground, trying not to burn up. Then, at the very end, I stop like I canceled gravity, my nose just above the ground. (Certain songs, I have extremely particular visuals that accompany them. This is one of them.)

All of which is to say, there's not going to be a wedding. Maybe I almost let Former Lover (or some other dickhead) talk me into it, and I just went along. I didn't fight the pull, either because I didn't see it happening, or just didn't think I could. But at the last second, I'm going to realize this is not some universal constant force, and I can exert control.

On the plus side, abject humiliation for the Former Lover, as I go sprinting out of the chapel like my pants are on fire. Actually, given my aversion to religion, they just might be. I tend to spontaneously combust on holy ground.

Or there's the option where I'm wistfully watching two people get married, thinking it could have been me, if only my lover's family had approved. Then I see how much of a hell my mother-in-law would have been and realize that actually, I dodged a bullet there. 

Birth of Child: "Addicted to Love," Robert Palmer - Having decided I can pull an audible and ditch the wedding, Movie Calvin is not having a child. So, this is my roommate's kid with their romantic partner. I'm there when the kid is born, because I'm a good friend and I don't mind driving them to the hospital so the docs can handle all the messy stuff. And they're so incredibly lovey-dovey with each other as they coo over the baby that it's almost nauseating, but hell, I'm glad to see them happy.

If we're going the personal growth ("lesson learned") route, the couple having the kid are the duo I watched getting married and I realize I'm not only OK with not being married to whichever of them I fancied, I'm happy for the two of them to have found happiness together in the family they've created. 

Final Battle: "Sheena is a Punk Rocker," The Ramones - OK, this is taking place before the kid is born, but after the wedding. Former Lover makes one last play to try and suck me in, but it's with the same bullshit they always spewed. That I couldn't do better, that they knew best, that I wouldn't find anyone else.

But just like Sheena's not being guilted into visiting the discotheque a-go-go with her friends when she wants to rock around in the punk scene, I'm not having any of this crap. Whether I find anyone else is up to me, but I'm sure as hell better off alone than with this jerk. Do I throw something? Do I punch them? Do I dismiss them and walk away, and when they try to chase, they trip and land facefirst in something unpleasant? I'd be fine with that.

Or maybe the final battle is with myself, finally coming to terms with the kind of life I'm going to live versus the expectations everyone had for me. And I kick those expectations' asses! 

Death Scene: "Crimson and Clover" Joan Jett and the Blackhearts - If this is my death scene, I feel like the results of the Final Battle were a lie. I never got over that lover, or never really made peace with not living up to everyone else's expectations. Singing about not really knowing her, but thinking she could love her feels like it's of a piece with Estelle promising to do most of the loving in the relationship. I'm charging in headlong, offering all of me, and if I've bothered to consider whether the other person feels the same, would do the same, I haven't let the possibility the answer is "no" deter me.

Which, does not sound very much like me. Apparently Movie Calvin is much more a person to trust their instincts than Blog Calvin. That's not the worst thing. Maybe I died as the result of an impulsive act to save someone I saw was in danger. I didn't know them, not a thing, but I decided they were worth trying to help. And I died.

The moral is, never try.

Funeral Scene: "One by One," Chumbawumba - This starts with singing about a union leader who visited striking dockworkers, but dismissed their concerns. He had his eyes on a seat in the House of Lords, which I understand to be like the Senate with mandatory drinking, or maybe a frat house for old men with non-functional prostates. Which, to be fair, also describes much of the U.S. Senate.

So, people with the power to do something chose not to, because they stood to gain more by doing nothing. I feel this does not entirely go with Death Scene, certainly not if I died acting impulsively to save someone I barely knew. Unless I acted when others who were better equipped did not. Aw hell, did I run into a school shooting to rescue my friends' kid while the cops sat around with their thumbs up their tactical gear covered asses? Those bastards!

Or, rolling back around to "A lesson learned," there were a lot of people who could have helped me, but didn't. Which suggests maybe I had another mental breakdown, and this time there wasn't anyone close enough to pull me out of the spiral. I decided I could go it alone, but that means when I actually needed someone, there was no one. So maybe I slipped in the shower and busted my skull open. An ignominious end, but one that took place because I lived on my own terms. That doesn't keep my pallbearers from feeling guilt. 

End Credits: "Go Go Gadget Flow," Lupe Fiasco - This feels like the complete reverse of the Opening Credits. Very up-tempo, not necessarily loud, but louder certainly. Lupe telling us he's not done, he's barely begun, you can't stop him, you can't even touch him. 'My tank on full, your tank on "E",' or, 'look good on you, look great on me.'

How the hell do I reconcile that with, well, everything? Not the least of which is that I'm dead, so I most certainly am going to S-T-O-P. It doesn't feel like the kind of movie where you play this as an ironic joke. Unless. . .OK, I got it.

The Former Lover turned vengeful, and arranged my death. I was not the first paramour she did this to, and I won't be the last. The police don't suspect, and even if they did, she's too slick, too clever, too able to out-maneuver them in any number of ways for them to catch her. So the credits roll over a shot of her, looking impeccably dressed, walking away from my funeral, giving her current lover - my roomie? someone else? - a look that can only be considered contemplative, as the audience is left with the notion that they know who is next.

Overdue Movie Reviews #5 - Clue (1985)

A host of colorful characters are invited to an isolated manor, where they come face-to-face with the man that is blackmailing all of them. That man shortly turns up dead, and the guests, each using an alias, the butler Wadsworth (Tim Curry), and the maid Yvette, scramble about, trying to figure out who the murderer is, and how more dead bodies keep turning up, while also keeping anyone from outside the manor figuring out what's happening.

For the purposes of this, I selected the option on the DVD to play one of the three endings at random, rather than all three. Might as well simulate the '80s experience, though I can't figure what it would have been like to go see this movie, then talk about it with someone else and find out they saw an entirely different solution to the crime.

I got the ending where Wadsworth is actually the blackmailer, a reveal Curry delivers with a delightfully smug charm, which is appropriate given Curry is the one who holds the movie together. He can play the adult in the room, who moves things along when the guests are descending into panic. But he can also turn up the manic energy when needed, driving the guests into a frenzy, like during his lengthy explanation of the series of events that have taken place. He sprints from room to room, pretending to be one or the other of them, forcing them to either chase him, or at times being chased by him.

The part where he uses Mr. Green (Michael McKean) as a proxy for Mr. Boddy (I love that the victim's name is "body"), shoving him on the floor, then hauling him up so that Green can scream, 'Will you stop that?!', only for Curry to reply with a drawn-out 'Nooo,' then shove Green headfirst into the bathroom.

Madeline Kahn as Mrs. White is a delight, especially the comment comparing husbands to Kleenex and 'flies are where men are most vulnerable.' The bit where the guests try to conceal the fact there are dead bodies everywhere from the cop, by either playing them off as drunk or pretending to make out with them is made even better by Wadsworth not realizing what they did and being confused at how chill the cop is ('It's a free country. I didn't know it was that free.') It sells the haphazard nature of what they managed, and how disorganized everything has become. This isn't a well-oiled group of sleuths out to solve a mystery, it's a bunch of frightened idiots trying to stay out of jail.

Likewise, the scene where the guests discover splitting up resulted in three more people are dead is well-played. They can't even muster up the energy to be frightened, instead moving silently en masse, confirming one corpse before shuffling wearily to the next. They might as well be in a line at the DMV. Next. *shuffle two steps* Next. It works both as a sign of how exhausted they've become, the fear of death or exposure can't even produce adrenaline now, and gives the audience a breather to take stock and reset. We can take in what's happened at the same time as them, where things stand, and whether we have any clue what's going on before Wadsworth dives into his explanation.

Just a very funny movie, lots of good lines and gags, and the mystery is really secondary to all that. Like a group of friends are actually playing the game, but at least a couple of them are drunk or just not taking it seriously and messing around for a laugh. 

Precariously Protect Peace, Pointlessly Pursue Pain

Last time, on Precarious Woman Executive Miss Black General!

Thank you, General. Volume 10 picks up with Old Fart Numbers 2 and 3 - Usa and Turtle - and Flat-Chested Lady in an Outfit Too Young for Her - Oobaa - still fighting Hulking Shark Man. Carcha decided heroes today are too weak to preserve the peace the 4 of them fought for, so he's going to tear it all down. As the General, of all characters, will later point out, it doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense to fight hard for peace, then get angry because people aren't being as serious as you'd like in the more peaceful world you created.

Carcha is taken down via some teamwork from X-Chan (the tentacle monster RX's Scientist created) and Licht, the son of the world' premier hero. The two haven't seen each other since the exhausting 5th volume, when there were so many tentacle sex jokes I nearly abandoned the series, but Licht is clearly still infatuated and eager to work with the tentacle girl of his dreams. Anyway, they incapacitate Carcha long enough for Braveman to land one big hit and calm things down. But hey, Mother Justice has got to be pretty impressed with her son, helping to end all this chaos, right?

The battle and resulting fallout on both sides, takes up the first third of the volume. The "Organization" - all 3 of them - are captured, and Carcha is allowing himself to be kept in custody. The Hero League has, you know, I still don't care about internal struggles between faceless (literally, they're just drawn as shadowy outlines) bureaucrats, move on.

The Villain League, despite being instrumental in the victory, are mostly not pleased with how they did. This leads to infighting, and a competition to see which of the non-RX groups can get the most views on a video they posted about their group. The Monster's Benefits Society starts strong, but doesn't nail the landing. The Mecha Mountain Gang inadvertently post a terrifying video. The Rogue Roses, um, violated terms of service with their video, and BDS's video was a complete flop. It's a silly chapter, but it helps highlight the differences between the groups.

Then Jin busts out consecutive chapters at the pool, because he wasn't getting enough fan service in there already with the Rogue Roses' video. The first (Swimsuit Episodes are Always Good, No Matter How Many Times You Do Them) about RX hijacking the city pool for a vacation day and the damn pervy cat trying for a photo of one of his female coworkers after a clothing malfunction. The second (Enough with the Swimsuit Episodes Already) turns into a souped-up water gun war as several of the heroes, planning their own fun day at the pool, discover RX's treachery. It does have a cute ending as Frosty is very happy to be get to have a fun day at the pool. Turns out people typically don't invite the person with ice powers along.

After that, Jin adds another new character, as RX tries to seize on their newfound notoriety thanks to the whole mess with the General-robot, by going on a recruitment drive. This brings the General back into conflict with a creepy lady she met in an early volume. Well, creepy lady got herself a partner, a big lady named, appropriately enough, Eight Foot Tall-Chan.

While incredibly strong, Eight Foot Tall-Chan really just wants to make friends, and the General, for all her many, many, many, many, many faults, can be a friendly and considerate person. So she offers a position in RX. Is this shy, innocent young woman really cut out for a life of villainy or, whatever it is RX gets up to most of the time? Well, it's all in how you frame it, and RX, the pervert cat aside, are a tight-knit group. Boss can't really bring himself to scold the General for running off, and Secretary-San tells the General she wants to come along next time the General goes rogue.

Workplace solidarity is lovely.

Sunday Splash Page #396

"Lighthawk at the end of the Tunnel," in No Need for Tenchi!, ch. 8, vol. 11, by Hitoshi Okuda

Skipping No Longer Allowed in Another World because it's still releasing new volumes regularly, which I'm buying, so I want to hold off and see if it ends in the next year or two. Instead, we'll move to a somewhat different, older manga series.

Toonami introduced me to Tenchi Muyo and the assorted cast of alien women that crash land on his doorstep and mostly fall in love or lust with him. I was always partial to Tenchi Universe, which added Kiyone as the competent, frustrated partner in a buddy cop duo with ditzy Mihoshi. Plus, it cut down on some of the excessive amounts of blood ties between characters that were in the OVAs (OAVs?). Washu isn't Ryoko's mother, Washu also isn't one of a goddess triune, another of which has bonded with Tenchi's aunt Sasami.

If I want family trees that resemble kudzu, I have the X-Men.

No Need for Tenchi! is set after the events I remember from the Tenchi Muyo! anime. Kagato (who imprisoned Washu and turned Ryoko into a weapon of mass destruction) has been defeated. Tenchi knows about his ability to command the "Lighthawk Wings" which are some incredibly powerful ability he has, I think as a result of his mixed Juraian/Earthling heritage? The girls - Ryoko and Ayeka in particular - still vie for Tenchi's affections, and Tenchi is still mostly unnerved by all the aggressive attention.

The harem thing never held much appeal to me, even back when first introduced to it, though it's clearly a trope with legs, as I still see it in series today, where some nothingburger of a protagonist finds himself surrounded by women. Heck, No Longer Allowed in Another World jokes about it, with Annette routinely driven to tears when Sensei wanders off somewhere, only to return with another woman in tow.

Tenchi's more acceptable of a main character than most, if only because he seems like a genuinely decent guy trying to roll with an insane situation where his home is routinely besieged and blown to bits. He isn't a pervert; he initially freed Ryoko out of simple curiosity to explore a cave his grandfather told him was off-limits, and things spiraled from there. He's kind, soft-spoken, not boastful or out to prove how manly he is. But when his friends - and all these women are his friends, ultimately, whatever else there might be - are in trouble, he steps up. Can even be enraged by it, which is usually when the Lighthawk Wings come out.

(Tenchi's a bit like Gohan in DBZ that way. He doesn't heat up easy, but once he does, watch out.) 

I own three volumes of the 12, and have read probably 3 others at different points. In the last two, Ayeka's targeted by the prince of some (seemingly vanished) alien world, who abducts and brainwashes her to be loyal to him, and to kill Tenchi. Tenchi isn't mad that one of "his" girls got taken, he's frustrated and angry Garyu claims to love Ayeka but steals her mind and free will. The very last story in volume 12 is two alien crooks trying to use Tenchi as a hostage to force Ryoko to go steal something for them. If she refuses, they'll show him all the horrible things she did while under Kagato's control.

Tenchi pretty much breaks one of the two's face for that move.

It's not all villains emerging from the past to torment the cast. Okuda mixes in lots of one-chapter stories that are usually sillier. Sasami develops hiccups and after Mihoshi spouts some folklore nonsense about how you'll die after 100 hiccups, the cast try all the remedies they can remember to fix it. Ayeka and Ryoko take bets on what will work. In another, they're low on food, but Washu has an inter-dimensional pocket full of animals. Except Mihoshi locks them inside, and in a desperate, flailing attempt to fix it, starts mucking with the environmental controls. Or Tenchi poses as Mihoshi's fiance so Mihoshi's childhood nanny can see her in a wedding dress before passing away.

It was ultimately a series where I pick and choose volumes based on how much they focus on the characters I like best.

Saturday Splash Page #198

"East Coast Bound," in Runaways (vol. 2) #9, by Brian K. Vaughn (writer), Adrian Alphona (penciler), Craig Yeung (inker), Christina Strain (colorist), Randy Gentile (letterer)

Volume 1 of Runaways ended with the Pride dying to protect their children from the displeased Gibborim, and Alex dead after it was revealed he'd been the mole trying to manipulate events to protect his parents and Nico, who he had a crush on. Captain America shows up, the kids are briefly named wards of the state, but say screw that and reunite to live together.

Which is where volume 2, the first two years written by Brian K. Vaughn, with mostly Adrian Alphona on pencils, picks up. The cast live in an old Pride base under the La Brea tar pits and try to keep the city quiet now that their parents aren't around to do it. To the extent they have one, Nico is leader, at least out in the field, where they do a bit more superheroing than in the previous volume. They beat down the Wrecking Crew with, frankly, a lot less trouble than a group this disorganized should have. Then a group of former teen heroes - Darkhawk, Turbo, Ricochet, Chamber (except not really), Lightspeed, Phil Urich - trying to quit the hero biz seek them out to convince them they can also stop. It's kind of a mess, though Darkhawk does get to kill an Ultron. Points for that.

Later, they travel to New York to help Cloak when he's accused of putting Dagger in a coma, and run into the New Avengers, who mostly handle things terribly. I say "mostly," because Spider-Man finds Gert and a new team member and they have a calm chat over Chinese food, until Nico and Chase barge in and Nico hits Spidey with a knockout spell, eternally placing Nico Minoru on my shit list.

To be fair, if it wasn't that, it'd be one of 12,000 other incredibly stupid things she's done over the years. Still less irritating than Chase, who runs his yap a lot for a complete goober. Real "alligator mouth, jaybird head," energy from that guy.

There's a lot of interpersonal drama, much of it tied to new additions to the cast. A future Gert claiming to lead the Avengers shows up, dying, to warn them about a boy named Victor who will pose as a hero but turn out to be a huge threat. Victor Mancha eventually ends up on the "team", but it's presented as Nico's idea of a way to keep an eye on him, since Chase would rather just kill the guy before he can hurt present Gert.

In the meantime, Karolina comes out to Nico, by trying to kiss her. Because she interpreted Nico being, 'done with boys,' in a very specific way. Nico is not ready for that, which is when a Skrull named Xavin shows up, claiming his parents and Karolina's arranged a marriage to end a war between their two planets. Gender apparently doesn't mean much to a Skrull, so Xavin can be a girl, if that's what Karolina prefers, and off they go into space - for about 10 issues. Once Karolina's gone, Nico decides she's not done with boys, kisses Chase during the NYC adventure, then starts up with Victor.

That sort of rapidly shifting focus wasn't my teen experience - I basically for one person and that was that - but it does remind me of Alex in high school, where a different girl seemed to seize his attention every time we talked. Credit to Vaughn for capturing that aspect accurately. 

Vaughn keeps a plotline running in the background about a mysterious quartet, calling themselves The Pride, plotting to destroy the Runaways. That finally comes to a head in issues 13-18, most of which the Runaways spend on the defensive, getting repeatedly outflanked. I'd be annoyed by that, given how easily the cast handle superheroes who have been fighting tougher foes than them for years, given the Pride is made of a bunch of ordinary dopes. Well, three ordinary dopes and one hardened, but strictly human, criminal. But the New Pride are trying to kill the teens, while the New Avengers are trying to talk. You'd think with all the practice they were getting courtesy of Bendis they'd be better at it, but alas.

The battle against the new Pride ends with the timeline unchanged, the Gibborim still trapped, and one member of the team dead. Which results in a brief "breaking bad" arc for Chase in the final Vaughn/Alphona story, but no resurrections. When Victor questions letting Chase stay, Nico frames it the same way she framed letting Victor stay to Chase. They're keeping an eye on him, and if he steps out of line, they'll 'rip his heart out.'

Which is kind of funny, because this group, the original six from Volume 1, never really does that. Truly cast out the ones who betray them, I mean. Alex betrayed them, but they didn't kill him, the Gibborim did, when he tried to make sure his parents didn't take the blame for his plan failing. Heck, Alex claimed it wasn't a betrayal because he was never on their side, only using them for his plan, and still, as we see in subsequent volumes, they let him show up repeatedly without even kicking his ass, let alone killing him.

Victor, on the other hand, gets very limited benefit of the doubt. When he questions Nico about attacking Spider-Man for no good reason, Chase essentially tells him to be quiet because he's still the 'new kid.' Gert, who was right there conversing pleasantly with Spidey, immediately falls in line with Chase and Nico. When Nico's magic points at Victor as the mole helping the new Pride, Gert immediately swings a giant wrench at him.

When they're trying to figure out who Victor's "evil" parent is, he compares them to a group of abused children, who now assume every child is being abused. Which isn't wrong; they fought the Wrecking Crew because they assumed Piledriver abducted his son against his will, only to learn the kid wants to be like his loser of a dad. But there is a sense the whole mess with their parents has forged a link between them that sticks, even through the bullshit they pull on each other, and that it's hard for anyone else to ever really break in or gain the same benefit of the doubt.

Of the 24 issues Vaughn wrote, the two involving Xavin's arrival and eventual departure with Karolina are drawn by Takeshi Miyazawa. Three issues after the Pride story concludes are drawn by Mike Norton. The remainder are Alphona, whose work continues to grow stronger. Like last week, I think the combination of Yeung's inks and Strain's stronger, more shaded colors, brings out the best in Alphona's pencils. It really shows off the variety of body language and emotions the cast display, though I can't tell if Victor's hair stands up like Vegeta's because of his electric abilities, or Alphona's going for something else and it just comes off a little too stiff. Can't say I love how he draws Darkhawk, which is probably a complaint rarely uttered outside this blog, but outside of Old Lace or the Gibborim, Alphona is mostly drawing regular humans. They may have costumes or powers, but they're still basic humans. I would have been curious to see how he drew the Swarm, a man-shaped mass of bees, but Miyazawa draws that issue.

Vaughn and Alphona leave after issue 24, with Civil War in full swing and Iron Man having found the base. There's a Young Avengers crossover mini-series in there somewhere that also involves Noh-Varr, but I don't care about that. Joss Whedon and Michael Ryan take over as creative team, but managed one six-issue story. There were major delays, to the extent the final 3 issues came out of the course of a year. I didn't read those, but they involved Molly punching out the Punisher, and the team time-traveling to 1907, where they eventually picked up another new member, a young mutant named Clara.

Random Back Issues #161 - The Thing #2

Once an idol of millions, now a janitor. 

We looked at the final issue of this book 4 years ago, but today, Ben's still on the FF, his ultimately disastrous stint on Battleworld yet to come. He's cleaning up after some big fight with Annihilus that also involved the Avengers. Ben finds what at first glance is Annihilus' skull, but it turns out the bug-guy was wearing a mask all along (feel like that's been retconned, but maybe not.)

In a hurry to get to the hospital and check on Alicia and Franklin, Ben crumples 20 tons of wreckage into a beach ball-sized package and dumps it in a waste disposal unit Reed built that will break it into its component molecules, to be used for whatever 'gizmo' Reed decides to build next. Grab a trench coat, hat and some slacks and Ben's out the door, only to run into Willy Lumpkin, who is a little weary hauling all the FF's fan mail. Still, it beats the route that would have him delivering mail to Nixon. There's one letter addressed to "Ben Grimm" and labeled Priority Mail, so Willy hands it over and Ben reads something during the cab ride that bothers him.

At the hospital, Franklin is in stable condition, but there's no timetable for his recovery, so Ben's off to visit Alicia, who has one arm in a cast and a lot of bandages around her head. She can tell something's wrong, and we learn what the letter is about via flashback! To college, where Big Football Star Ben Grimm marches into a science lab and picks up Reed Richards, carrying him off for a night of fun.

Don't get your hopes up, this is '80s Marvel. Shooter's still in charge, so they're meeting some girls. One, Alynn Chambers, is Ben's girlfriend, while the other has heard 'oodles' about Reed from Ben. Reed's not stoked about hitting the student pub, no doubt calculating the number of brain cells it'll kill, but which Ben attributes to Reed thinking of his landlady's niece, that he met last summer (Sue.) Two weeks later, Alynn's waiting outside the locker room as Ben gets ready to take the field. She won't say what's wrong, only promising she loves him, then telling him to pretend she was never in his life at all. Sure, sounds simple. Reed bumps into Alynn and asks if she's going to sit with him to watch the game, but Alynn only cries and bails.

Ben apparently has a great first half, but when he notices Alynn isn't in the crowd as he returns to the locker room, it busts his concentration. They lose, his coach gives him a bunch of crap, which is pretty lousy when Coach admits Ben carried whole games by himself. Let someone else win the damn game once in a while!

Ben throws his helmet so hard it shatters against a locker, and storms out. Reed catches up later and advises Ben to tell Alynn how he feels. Ben tries, even proposes, and she turns him down. Alynn wants to be big in Hollywood, and to make it happen, she'd probably neglect him. Better to break it off now. She leaves, he chucks the ring into a pond, which is kind of a shitty thing to do with his mother's ring.

In the present, we learn Alynn became a huge star, one of the most beautiful women in movies. Alicia figures this is the big kiss-off from Ben, but he assures her that's not it. He's just scared of seeing Alynn again, now that he's the Thing. Not unexpected, but a little limp for all this build-up. That evening, Alynn arrives, revealing she had a stroke eighteen months ago that she's so far hidden from the press. She regained some use of her right side, but the droop in her face and slur in her voice are here to stay. She wants to know how Ben deals with it.

You might think, as I did, she means how does to deal with stares and whispers? Sooner or later her condition will be revealed, and that's what people will do when she passes on the street. Otherwise, his condition of "being a rock guy" is not really the same as her having a stroke. He hasn't lost any function of his body to my knowledge.

Maybe I'm wrong, because the caption on the next page reads, 'Sadness and memories begin the night, but with the Thing's support, Alynn Chambers realizes that even though her beauty has passed away, she will go on.' So she thinks she's ugly now, and wants to know how Ben deals with that? Ooof. Ben really dodged a bullet when she turned him down. Probably a relief to return to the hospital, where Reed's come to a decision. If you just felt a chill down your spine at those words, I don't blame you.

Franklin's powers are closed down, which makes him vulnerable. So Reed, Sue and Franklin will leave the FF, and find a small town where they'll live under assumed identities. The thing to note is Reed says 'I have decided on a course of action,' which strongly implies he didn't bother to discuss this with Sue, Franklin's mother. Her expression is more surprised than anything that says, "I am in firm agreement with this plan I definitely had input on."

The other thing I notice, the editor's note at the start of the issue refers readers to FF #257 for the big fight, and the blurb at the end also refers the reader to FF #257 to see the continuation of half the group packing up and leaving. They really didn't waste any time making things happen in comics back in the day, that's for sure.

{11th longbox, 78th comic. The Thing (vol. 1) #2, by John Byrne (writer/inker), Ron Wilson (penciler), Bob Sharen (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)}

There's a Lot of Shapes in the World

I'm not entirely sure how to describe Shape of the World. You begin in a grey space. Gradually, the land varies and undulates as you move towards a red triangle. Pass through the triangle, you're on a shoreline, with trees, and strange, brightly colored creatures. From there, you'll make your way across and up the land, through forests and caves and canyons, always heading for the top of the mountain.

There's typically at least one, if not more of the triangles in the area. Passing through one changes the colors of your surroundings, and usually causes faintly glowing monuments, spires or just big, round rocks, to appear in front of you. You interact with the monuments (hit the right trigger), and they swell and glow brighter. Once you hit them all, a staircase appears, either to carry you to another part of that area, or on to the next.

That's really about it, as far as gameplay. You can wander within an area as much as you like before moving on. There's no limit, no defined objectives other than occasionally walking through one of the triangles and interacting with the monuments. Take the long route along the trails and across downed logs, or sometimes the monuments are giant doughnut shaped things and interacting with them will either launch you in the air or jerk you towards them. Except the terrain tends to merge back into a formless state if you get too far away, then diversify when you return, which can get a little confusing. I found myself getting turned around sometimes. In theory you can always see the triangles, so they can act as a landmark.

The interact function also lets you alter your surroundings, in that you can make trees and other vegetation vanish when the tiny black triangle that's basically your targeting reticle is visible over them. Doing this also, for reasons I don't understand, causes you to surge forward, as though you destroyed the tree by occupying its physical space. You can't do this with land formations, so it's not like you create the mountains and valleys. At least not consciously or actively. What exactly my character is, or how it functions, I'm not clear, so perhaps your mere presence creates them. The object observed is altered by being observed, or something.

Most of the animals are small, shaped like the jellyfishes that you encounter in underwater levels in NES Mario games, or worms that poke straight up from the ground like grass. Or the occasional turtle. But there are also seahorses the size of real horses drifting about in the air, and whales high overhead. To the notion of not understanding what my character is, most animals run when you approach, but default to benign. The interact button doesn't do much to most of them, though there is an urchin in the cave area that looks a bit like a dandelion puffball that bursts (and launches you) if you touch it. There's another blobby thing that turns transparent, so you can see its skeleton.

One exception: The early stages have something the size of elephant, but shaped like a half-jelly bean stood on its flat end. It moves with dozens of tiny legs, and if you "interact" with it, will ram you and send you flying. (You aren't hurt; or, at least, there's no visible difference in how your character moves. As there's no time limit, there's also no heath meter.)

Sometimes glowing seeds appear, always in clusters of five. You pick them up and a little silver triangle appears in the bottom center of your screen. Then you throw the seeds where you like, and stuff will sprout. The little triangle turns red as your seed bank runs low. Also, the color scheme of the area will change again. (Really, the game feels a lot like just sightseeing on a world under a black light.)

There are usually multiple seed clusters to find within an area, but even if the seeds look different, what grows is typically the same as whatever else is appearing on its own. Which is a little disappointing, but does give you the opportunity to go around making trees burst apart, only to throw down a new one in its place. And it gives you a way to annoy the giant half-jelly beans from a safe distance. Just chuck a seed at them! It may even sprout where it lands after bouncing off them.

It's a game that moves at the pace you choose. You could blow through it quickly, zipping from one triangle gateway to the next as fast as possible. Or you could find a spot with a view you liked and just sit there and stare. I tended to play until I got bored, which was probably about 45 minutes at a pop. But it was a very relaxing 45 minutes.