Time for a Close Encounter

Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy.

Volume 12 of Precarious Woman Executive Miss Black General focuses entirely an alien invasion, as all the different parts of the cast work to repel the invaders. Jin starts right off with a renegade alien, Lien, trying to warn the planet of its impending doom. By standing on a piece of playground equipment with a megaphone. But she picked the park where the General and Braveman regularly tussle, so it works out.

OK, it works out after some insults and low kicks. Lien reveals that not only are her people planning to exterminate humanity, they are responsible for all the people with weird powers on Earth. To see what would happen, basically. After Earthlings chose violence, the aliens decided it was better to not give them time to get off the planet. Hard to argue with that logic, really. Lien took her sweet time getting here, so Earth has about 90 minutes. Oh, and the aliens have decided to collect some samples before they depart.

As tactical blunders go, that's on par with Napoleon invading the USSR. Or Hitler invading the USSR. Or anyone invading Afghanistan. Or, you know, let's just move on. The General breaks containment and runs amok through the mothership, dropping the ship's cloak in the process. At which point it comes under fire from RX, the Monster Benefits Society and Mother Justice, who ultimately punches the ship into the sea. Jin made sure to establish the alien's leader has full control of the ship as an extension of itself. Mostly to keep making this particular joke.

And it was hilarious, I loved it. While Omega recuperates in a healing tube, the aliens plot a counterattack. Which the General 95% sabotages, as only 5 of the 100 assault capsules actually hit their targets. The rest zoom out of the Solar System. Good thing, because the powers the aliens gave Earthlings were derived from their own, so even just a handful of their elite are a serious problem.

Jin moves between at least 4 different battles where the advantage seesaws, including the alien's ill-fated attempt to release villains from prison as an added distraction for Earth's defenders. The main focus is RX's assault of the downed mothership to rescue the General. The big moment here comes after the alien's Vice-Admiral, a psychokinetic like Boss, takes down the entire group in one brutal whirlwind of an attack, Boss picks himself up, and puts the alien into the ground. More importantly, he finally ditches his mask. How will Secretary-san react to finally seeing his face?!

That tracks. Even when Boss is easily beating one of the elite aliens - who has both stretching powers and the same explosion power as Secretary-san - he's still acting like a dork. Doing silly little dances as the alien grows increasingly pissed off. Jin is very good at not letting any character go too long without making a fool of themselves, or becoming the butt of a joke.

Sunday Splash Page #451

"Annual Cannon Fodder," in Black Cat Annual (2021) #1, by Jed MacKay (writer), Joey Vazquez (artist), Brian Reber (color artist), Ferran Delgado (letterer)

Despite the two volumes lasting only a combined 22 issues, MacKay's Black Cat run got two Annuals. I prefer the first, also by MacKay, Vazquez, and Reber, where Felicia gets Spider-Man to help her swipe $2 million - or is it 3? - from the Maggia by posing as a bride and groom from rival branches, who are supposed to enter a sealed room after the vows are exchanged, and fight to the death. That one-sentence description doesn't do it justice, but it didn't have a splash page, so I went with the other option.

Set after the conclusion of the arc with the Black Fox and the Gilded Saint, it's ostensibly tied into the thing about the Infinity Stones becoming people, or manifesting inside people, whatever. That's relegated (thankfully) to a few pages at the very end, where Nick Fury Jr. is chasing down someone hacking his database and runs afoul of Squadron Supreme Nighthawk.

Most of the comic involves Felicia and her guys trying to take a vacation, and Felicia getting press-ganged into helping the South Korean super-team Tiger Division (seen above), by White Fox injecting a small bomb in her neck. Look, we all want to be Amanda Waller, but it's just not likely you can be that complicated and cool. Good try, though.

The team's Superman, Taegukgi, is being mind-controlled. The crime family responsible vows to unleash him on Seoul if not named leaders of the country. Except the guy doing the controlling - who looks like he escaped from that South Park World of Warcraft episode - has no interest in that. He'd rather turn the country into a wasteland of corpses. Even if they stop him, break his hold, Taegukgi will be shattered by the realization someone used his body to commit such an atrocity.

Felicia cuts that short, along with Mongdal's life, via some sleight of hand. She also does it dramatically enough to annoy White Fox, which seems fair considering the lady stuck a bomb in her neck. It's a decent little done-in-one adventure.

Despite the fact they're relegated to getting their asses kicked by the mind-controlled Taegukgi while the Cat and Fox sneak in and find the source of the mind control, I was intrigued enough by the character designs and brief blurbs to buy the Tiger Division mini-series that came out across 2022 and 2023. That was a mistake. It focused exclusively on Taegukgi, rather than splitting the focus between characters and diving into their backstories and personalities a bit.

Saturday Splash Page #253

"Spectator," in "Relief" from Short Game, by Mitsuru Adachi

I bought this collection of Adachi's various one-chapter baseball comics earlier this year. It consists of 5 stories, all revolving around baseball to varying degrees.

"Varying" is the load-bearing word here. "Relief" takes place during a game for the chance to go to Koshien, and revolves around Hama, the quiet, glasses-wearing benchwarmer, who takes abuse repeatedly from Masuyama, team ace and clean-up hitter. Masuyama even made Hama ask a particular pretty girl to attend the game (that's her up there), who turns out to be the head coach's niece. She turns out to have a crush on Hama, who we learn used to be team ace and cleanup hitter in junior high, but was a temperamental dick who attacked a teammate and walked away from baseball after an elbow injury, until his catcher (Masuyama) talked him into joining as a pinch-runner. Basically, the coach wants his niece to be happy, and Masuyama wants Hama to stop feeling so guilty about letting his temper slip and start playing ball again for real.

On the other hand, in "Full Count" Honma was tricked into embezzling from his company to help a friend who claimed to need money. The friend's lady is visiting Kitagawa to confirm she won a lottery, then calls the thief to come and rob Kitagawa. Except Honma got there when no one was home and hid in the closet, then called some Yakuza who previously visited him looking for the friend. Baseball is only involved in that Kitagawa has a game involving their old alma mater (playing for the chance to go to Koshien, natch) playing on TV.

In most stories there's a girl. Always with dark hair, sometimes hanging straight to her shoulders, other times in a pixie cut. She's got a crush on a ballplayer, or former ballplayer, usually an unassuming-looking guy. Shorter than his teammates, kind of skinny. Maybe he wears glasses and rides the bench. Maybe he was a good fielder who couldn't hit a lick. He's almost always oblivious to the girl's feelings.

Sometimes there's another girl. Lighter-colored hair, always down to her shoulders. Prominent lips, usually loud, conceited, or in the case of the lady in "Full Count," a criminal. Usually interested in attracting the attention of the star player, hoping his celebrity gives her a cushy life.

There's usually a star player who acts like a dick, but turns out to be OK. Masuyama seems abusive, but really just recognizes Hama's talent and doesn't want him to give up on baseball. In "Over the Fence", Hachijima is a star slugger and third baseman. He's not the focus of any romance - in fact, it's the one story in the collection where the boy, the team captain, pines after a girl oblivious to his interest - but Hachijima is incredibly contrary, doing the opposite of whatever anyone tells him. Tell him he's taken enough batting practice, he'll keep swinging. Tell him to get out there and take some grounders, he'll leave the field entirely. There's a nice twist I won't spoil, as it turns out, contrary or not, Hachijima is trying to do right by people in his own, infuriating, manner.

Even in stories that focus more heavily on baseball, the actual game is relegated to a few pages. Adachi takes his usual approach of smaller panels that break up the game into distinct actions and reactions. A batter trying to avoid a wild pitch. The pitcher's surprised expression. Two panels of runners on base. An intense coach. That sort of thing. The panels are usually trapezoidal or a triangle, leaning or pointing, offering a sense of motion, or maybe a shift in momentum.

The conversation portions are static in layout. Rectangles and squares, arranged in straightforward rows. Starting with a larger panel to establish which characters are talking (or arguing), then shifting to smaller panels focusing on individual faces. 

There are also 6 shorter gag strips. Here's Adachi finding ways to avoid work! Here's a gag about Detective Fivepages, trying to solve the mystery of the missing landmarks in just 5 pages! (It was the author's laziness.) One of Adachi's editors or assistants drugs his coffee and draws a goofy baseball strip of their own! I didn't laugh, but I guess they make a nice breather from teen melodrama.

Random Back Issues #177 - Moon Knight #11

I've said this before in regards to this tool, but it bears repeating: If you have to keep calling yourself a super-villain, you aren't. 

We're into the late stages of Zodiac's big "super-villain" plan to make Moon Knight cut loose and be the violent psycho he thinks Marc is. He abducted Dr. Sterman, Marc's therapist, but Moon Knight, Tigra, and another of Sterman's patients, a guy named Rutherford Winner, are going in to get her. Marc instructs them, the only thing that matters is rescuing Sterman. If Zodiac escapes, so be it.

But Zodiac's not there. He left Jigsaw to play jailkeeper, who was happy to do it, since Moon Knight laid a whuppin' on him recently. Except Tigra and Moon Knight "clever girl" him, and Sterman has to stop Marc from beating Jigsaw to death.

At which point Zodiac, calls? Radios? It looks like he's got a phone, but nobody picked up a phone. Whatever, he's standing in front of the Midnight Mission (recently revived as a demonic house), and he's there to kill Reese. He is, unfortunately, smart enough to not enter the Mission, and Moon Knight's backup, Hunter's Moon, is a little chained up. Zodiac used all the money he stole from Steven Grant to hire an entire gang of weirdos as backup. I refuse to dignify them with the phrase "Zodiac Cartel." These goobers are entirely lacking in personality. But only 3 died! *mumble voice* when the odds were 12-against-1. *exuberant voice* 75% survival rate!

Either Reese comes out, or Zodiac will kill everyone in the neighborhood. Just kidding, he's going to kill everyone either way. *jazz hands* Super-villain! Moon Knight's in New Jersey, with no resources for quick travel. Well, there's one way: Like any born-again (and again, and again) type, just ask the parishioners of your mega-church for donations. Oh, wait, sorry, Marc asks his God. Sure, Marc and Khonshu aren't on good terms these days, but if Khonshu doesn't help, his good son will die.

Tigra's going along, but feels she's gotta confess to spying on him for the Avengers. Which Marc figured out a while ago. Between this and Civil War, Tigra doesn't seem to do great playing mole for Black Panther. For that matter, why does she even keep taking jobs from T'Challa? He's not her king. She's connected to some kind of tiger-spirit-god-thing, from what I vaguely remember of that 2nd Defenders mini-series Al Ewing wrote. It probably doesn't appreciate her taking orders from the Panther God's lackey.

Anyway, time's up at the Mission, so Reese steps outside. With Mr. Knight?! No, Moon Knight has not experienced some bizarre, Silver Age contrivance where all his identities can now occupy separate physical forms.

{7th longbox, 48th comic. Moon Knight (vol. 8) #11, by Jed MacKay (writer), Alessandro Cappuccio (artist), Rachelle Rosenber (color artist), Cory Petit (letterer)}

Outposts of Eden - Page Stegner

This is a collection of pieces Stegner wrote about the American West for various outlets in the 1980s. They're grouped into three broad sections: desert, rivers, and trying to support oneself off what the land provides.

It's similar, in some regards, to Edward Abbey's work. There's even a pull-quote from Abbey on the back, though the quote is more about how much Abbey dislikes most other nature writers for being, variously, equivocating, insipid, low-bellied, and rhapsodical, among other insults. The only thing he ostensibly says about this is it's a, 'real book written by a real writer.'

I cannot confirm Page Stegner is a real person, let alone a real writer - the picture on the inside flap of the back cover might be of anyone! - but I guess this is a real book, in the sense there are words, arranged into legible sentences on paper pages that you can hold and read.

Stegner's writing certainly has the cantankerous air of much of Abbey's writing, but is lacking when it comes to conveying what it is Stegner finds particularly appealing or beautiful about the places he's writing about. Because he's too busy griping about how everyone, save him and a couple of his buddies, are not appreciating the wilderness properly.

Guys on dirt bikes tearing around the desert? Scum. Environmental studies majors who get outraged about pollution from mining, but show little interest in the actual scenery? Dolts. People who regard the desert as an inhospitable expanse of greasewood to be hurried through at maximum speed to reach Vegas? Pitiable. Government agencies ostensibly tasked with protecting the land? Foot-draggers who are so incompetent or corrupt the wilderness would be best served by them doing nothing. People who go camping, but used wood fires instead of propane? Monsters who take it as an excuse to burn all their other trash while they're at it.

In a piece about a logging company town falling apart after the company was bought out by a bigger firm not operating on any notion of sustainable harvest or community, Stegner mentions the son of a friend is part of an Earth First! group that had set themselves up in redwoods to try and prevent their being cut down. The friend, knowing Stegner was headed that way, asked him to pass a message along. Stegner shows no interest in doing so and makes no attempt to find the kid. Another friend who came along is constantly miming they should leave and go fly-fishing. They both seem to think the best thing would be if the tree got cut down with the kid in it and he died.

Basically Stegner sneers at everyone who isn't him, until the final part of the book, which reveals Stegner as an incompetent dumbass. To be clear, this is a deliberate choice by Stegner, a series of descriptions of schemes to 'live off the fat of the land,' and failing utterly. Let's buy a couple of beef steers at auction and raise them on our friend's land, so we have our own steaks! Wait, what's the difference between a heifer and a steer? What do you mean, feed additives and inoculations cost money? There are wild boar on the friend's land, let's kill them and get cheap pork! Oops, the neighbor is a hog farm and we killed some of their sows. Let's get a boat and we'll fish! We don't know how to fix the engine, our anchor has no chain and the boat is too big for the trailer.

Reading those last 30 pages, I was left wondering who Stegner was to look down his nose at anyone else. He doesn't know anything. Not the geology, not the biology. Maybe a bit of history, in that he's clearly read Lewis and Clark's journals of their expedition (or at least the Cliff's Notes) but there's no sense he's an expert there, either. He gets lost enough to doubt he's got any idea where he's going, so it's nothing like an effective travelogue. And why would it be? If he described it in terms capturing the elements that appealed to him, the reader might want to go there. Then we might interact with it in some fashion he would consider unacceptable. Gasp! Horrors! 

It reminds me of some of Aldo Leopold's writing. That people should want to preserve nature and recognize its value, but, you know, from a distance. They shouldn't actually get close to it, or see it or anything. Just appreciate it as a theoretical thing they know exists, and that it's good it exists.

Except Leopold at least sometimes gushed over the beauty of his land when he did this. Stegner keeps talking about how so much of the West is owned by the government, and is therefore the People's Land. Shaking his head at the members of the public who don't recognize what they've got and consider it valueless. Yet he doesn't seem to want any of "The People" out there. Except him and his fishing buddies.

I can do "sneering condescension" in my sleep. I'm looking for an author to capture the mystique or appeal of lands that at first glance appear so uninviting. Which Stegner is either uninterested or incapable of doing.

'Three belligerent troglodytes in plastic goggles with plastic pots on their head. Spent a hard day out in the dunes churning up the burrows of kangaroo rats and kit foxes, no doubt. Observe the splayed feet for mashing brake and clutch pedals, the hairy forearms for strangling handlebars, the porcine, shock-absorbing buttocks, the opposable thumbs. Observe the havoc they wreak on the delicate soil, soil that in this climate takes a millennium to form. Good day to you, too, gentlemen. I hope that when you reach the interstate you may experience  what a famous outlaw biker once described as the ultimate in a two-cycle thrill - a high-torque, full-throttle, speedwobble across the highway divider into the oncoming grill of an eighteen-wheeler.'

Shuffling Into the New Year

January's solicitations were nothing too spectacular, but who has money to spend on themselves after the holidays?

What's new? Ahoy has Corduroy Road, a mini-series about a P.I./monster hunter investigating a case and learning some stuff about himself. The concept alone doesn't necessarily thrill me, but it's written by Eric Palicki, and I hadn't seen his name on anything since Atlantis Wasn't Built for Tourists. Robert Windom and Mirko Colak have Innen, a one-shot released through Image about a girl who finds a possessed helm that may help her take revenge, but she has to help the helm out first.

Ablaze has a hardcover of Arandal, by J. Philip Ignacio and Alex Nino, about a girl abducted by a pirate who learns a startling truth of her heritage and has to deal with that. Abrams has the 3rd volume of The Undertaker. I still haven't gotten the first volume, but it helps me to list these things out for future reference.

Oni Press has Mister Invincible Redux, which is a new printing of Pascal Jousselin's work, but with 48 new pages (out of 144, according to the solicit.) I don't know if that's enough for me to throw down 25 bucks, but if you don't already own the first collection, then you should buy this one.

I noticed Harper's Alley is publishing some graphic novel co-authored by James Patterson - so, more likely someone working for him - and Mr. Beast, who I am vaguely aware of as some sort of Youtube celebrity/goober. I didn't even catch the title of the book, nor am I going to bother trying to look it up again. 

What's ending? Nothing.

And the rest: Marc Spector: Moon Knight is still on its West Coast jaunt, while Fantastic Four contends with being sent to a dimension of stuff they can barely comprehend. I worry about Ramon Rosanas as artist for a story like that; never struck me as someone who draws really bizarre stuff.

Friendly Neighborhood Mary Jane sees MJ enlisting a thief to help steal back her playwright, while Batgirl is trying to stay ahead of her father. Can she not just kick his ass and be done with it? D'Orc is being taken to see the Dark Lords, and is not happy about it. That's what legs are for, D'Orc: Running from problems.

Agony of the Stars and Lilith are both on their third issues. In the former, the walls may be closing in on that special cop unit, while Lilith's got problems in the form of Ben knowing she's not a human. Ben needs to be more open-minded about the lady his sister wants to sleep with. The Matron is still running around killing people, but I think possibly the home intruder we saw spared in the first issue is going to try and stop her. Or it's an entirely different character.

Idle Hands (1999)

There's a killer on the loose in the town of Bolan, not that Anton (Devon Sawa) would notice. He can't even remember to put on pants before he staggers out of the house in search of weed. Which you'd think would hinder confessing his feelings to Molly (Jessica Alba), the bass guitarist who lives on his street he's been crushing on for years, but no. Apparently dimwitted stoners who look like they work in a slaughterhouse and haven't changed clothes in 3 days are her type.

What could be a hindrance is that he's the killer. More accurately, his right hand is the killer, because it's possessed. Because he's the laziest loser in town, and the demonic force seeks that out. The only help Anton has are his two friends Mick and Pnub (Seth Green and Elden Henson), which might be worse than no help at all. Oh, and there's a would-be demon hunter (Vivica Fox) trying to track down the hand before it completes a ritual to send an innocent soul to hell.

I did not have high hopes for this movie going in but, you know, it easily cleared the low bar of my expectations. I laughed at a lot of different stuff in here. Maybe the particular references struck a chord. I was not expecting a Red Shoe Diaries reference, that's for certain. David Duchovny's finest work lives on in the hearts of '90s teenagers who couldn't access real porn.

Anton hearing noises inside his house (which are never explained, now that I think of it) and trying to push his reluctant dog into the hallway ahead of him. To be fair, when he panics and hides under the covers, he encourages the dog to hide with him. Mick and Pnub coming back from the dead simply because the tunnel with the light at the end was too long of a walk, and the music was lame. The "Druid time" gag, complete with special watch, felt like something from a Mel Brooks movie. A random visual gag, and I loved it. The line, 'No Kevin Costner speeches.' Hallelujah, a movie that understands my antipathy to Kevin Costner movie speeches, which might equal my distaste for Mark Wahlberg!

Also, related to my discussion last month of 2013's Evil Dead, gore is used for comedic effect rather than a scare tactic, and I love it. Anton not noticing the knife he's using for his sandwich is covered with blood (and mayo, yuck!) Mick spending most of the movie with a bottle sticking out of his forehead. The various gags about Pnub's head being severed. 'At least you might be able to get a piece,' after Tanya's ugly death.

Although, I would have thought, when the fan started moving again, it would sever the whip she was dangling by before she could be pulled up into the blades. But I also wonder how Anton was able to buy dog food when he wasn't even wearing his own sweatpants. The internal logic of the plot is, not the best, to be clear. Anton trying to get high smoking oregano mixed with nutmeg was probably pulled from the writers' own experience.

I wasn't expecting the scene where Anton decides he must cut off his evil hand, after the attempts at keeping it busy by taking up knitting failed (another bit I enjoyed.) The movie had fun with that, as it turns out to be hard to cut off a hand that doesn't want to be cut off. The practical effects with the microwave were delightfully gross, plus we got microwave burrito jokes after.

It's a dumb late-90s comedy, but it knows that and seems to have fun with it. The hand hiding inside a puppet, and the puppet's expression mirroring the hand's emotions, for no discernible reason? Dumb, but funny.