How Many Toppings on Your Team Pizza?

When it comes to superhero teams, do you have an ideal number of characters? Is the number irrelevant, so long as the creative team can make it work (which I would define as giving all the characters a chance to do something useful, and preferably have some sort of character driven subplot)?

Or does it depend on which team we're talking about? Like, the Legion of Super-heroes is one matter, the Fantastic Four or the Justice League are another?

I know I don't like the "massive army" approach that Jonathan Hickman took with the Avengers. Where there's like 30 characters on the team. Maybe it's possible to do that and have them all get a regular chance to shine and get some character development - I have to assume Legion writers have managed it - but Hickman didn't seem capable of it. And it just doesn't feel like a "team" to me at that point. I know American football teams have more players than that, but they aren't all on the field at once, you know?

Abnett and Lanning's Guardians of the Galaxy got around that - I think they had over a dozen characters in the cast a couple of times - by constantly splitting them up into different threads, or shuffling a couple characters out at a time. Maybe Adam Warlock and Gamora are off doing one thing, Drax and Phyla-Vel are somewhere else, Star-Lord's in his own shit, and Rocket's leading a small team of Mantis, Bug, Groot, and Major Victory. They only brought the whole group together twice, and one of those was to fight Adam Warlock when he turned into the Magus.

Generally though, I like having a distinct, consistent roster. I feel like 7 is considered the classic number, I'm guessing dating back to the Silver Age Justice League (plus all the stuff about 7 being a lucky number, or a number of power. Although 6 is considered a "Perfect" number if I remember right, based on its divisors adding up to it). 

That's a little much for the Fantastic Four, whose suggested team size is right in the name. Although I didn't mind when Gail Simone had more than six people on the Secret Six. But a) they were kind of villains, not supposed to play by the rules, and b) they didn't seem terribly "secret" either, so it was false advertising all around. Simone also used the same tactic as Abnett and Lanning, splitting the roster up frequently. Like having most of the team chase after Catman when he went on a revenge kick, but Jeanette and Bane form a different team that actually does paying jobs. 

Most of my favorite Avengers' rosters are smaller - the Kooky Quartet, the original 5-person West Coast Avengers roster, the core 5-man group Bendis had in New Avengers. I know Bendis' work fails my "let every character be useful and give them some subplots" criteria, but that's on his shit pacing. I still think Captain America/Iron Man/Spider-Woman/Luke Cage/Spider-Man was an interesting team with some varied skill sets and personalities that would have played off each other well.

But my favorite X-Men rosters run slightly larger. The group from prior to the Mutant Massacre is 6 to 8, depending on if Rachel Summers and/or Magneto are there. The Australian era is 8 (9 if you count Maddie Pryor), although I really like the brief stretch just before Storm and Colossus return where Logan's trying to lead Rogue/Psylocke/Havok/Dazzler/Longshot. The Joe Casey Uncanny X-Men roster's only about six. Same with the New Warriors. I really dig that initial six-person team, but I also like once they add Silhouette, Rage, and Darkhawk. Even if they were all on the team for just one story in the Nicieza/Bagley run, that's still 9 team members.

Which is a little weird when you figure the Avengers are the ones that are supposed to fight world-endangering threats. Not that the other teams don't occasionally, but the X-Men and New Warriors have other niches that don't necessarily involve that level of problem, while that's theoretically all the Avengers do. You'd figure bigger, more powerful roster for bigger, more powerful threats. I guess I like putting them at a disadvantage. Root for the underdog. None of my favorite Defenders' rosters have more than 2 of the Big Four (usually Hulk and/or Dr. Strange), either. I actually really do like that Nighthawk/Hulk/Hellcat/Valyrie/Moon Knight group from "Who Remembers Scorpio?"

But to the extent I care about the Justice League, my favorite rosters for them are probably at least 7 characters, if not more. They definitely do nothing but fight world-endangering threats.

So I don't know what conclusions to draw from all that. Keep the roster in single digits. Reduce the number in inverse proportion to the level of threat they typically encounter?

Scams for Everyone!

I meant to post this last Wednesday, but things came up. Anyway, I haven't done one of these hypothetical teams in over a year, so what the hell. Got to post something. This go-round is focus on sneaky characters that like to pull cons. So figure they're going to pull some sort of heist or scheme to bamboozle and rip-off some rich scumbag.

The Leader: Stan Pines, aka Mr. Mystery (Gravity Falls) - Stan spent years traveling from state-to-state, selling cheap, fraudulent products to gullible saps, who then ran him out of town once they realized the products were garbage. He eventually wound up running a "Mystery Shack", house of oddities and cheap junk in a weird town to pay the bills while he spent 30 years figuring out how fix a busted transdimensional portal his twin brother created, then subsequently fell through. Which means he taught himself whatever science, math, and engineering skills you'd need to accomplish something like that.

Stan is your typical guy who hides his softer feelings under the gruff asshole veneer. The guy who may do something nice for another person, but acts as though he's doing it just to shut them up. He's pretty good at improvising on the fly, and he understands people well enough to get them to shell out money to look at a trout he superglued to a rabbit.  He will encourage the youngest member of the team's interest in scamming people, while also trying to protect them if things go wrong. Probably won't be necessary, but he'll do it.

He knows about the supernatural and the weird, even if he pretends not to, so the odder members of this group won't phase him too much. He's also committed a wide array of actual crimes, from stealing nuclear waste, to smuggling pugs across national borders, to tax fraud. Lots of tax fraud.

The Rogue: Darien Fawkes, aka the Invisible Man (The Invisible Man) - Darien was a cat burglar even before he got a biosynthetic gland in his brain that lets him turn invisible. Even once he had the gland, he didn't stop criminal activities entirely. Gotta scratch that itch, even if there's not much challenge to it. And he was totally on board with the Official's plan to rob Arnaud's casino by having Darien invisibly rig the games for the rest of the Agency.

Of course, Darien then proceeded to go and straight up rob the vault to scratch that itch - and flip Arnaud the bird - then wouldn't give the money to the Official when he demanded it, even if it meant Darien went into Quicksilver Madness. Which happened, because Darien wouldn't back down, either. So Darien is: sneaky, willful, stubborn, and doesn't always think things through.

Fortunately, I don't think Stan is going to dissuade Darien from stealing to his heart's content, as long as it isn't from Stan. Actually, Stan's biggest objection might be if Darien tries to help him win at a casino. Stan might take that as slander against his skills. This would probably have to take place after the end of the series, when Darien doesn't have to worry about Quicksilver Madness, since there's no one on this group that's going to be able to fix that for him. Unless he's moonlighting with this bunch while still working for the Agency, but he's not careful enough to pull that off without Hobbes or the Official figuring it out.

The Muscle: Toph Beifong, aka the Blind Bandit, aka the Runaway (Avatar: The Last Airbender) - The greatest earthbender in the entire world. Can bend metal with a little more effort. Blind since birth, mostly doesn't let it bother her, will make jokes about it when the opportunity presents itself. Ran a series of scams taking advantage of people pitying or underestimating her because she's blind. Sees by sensing vibrations through the ground. Which does leave her a little vulnerable if she's not on solid ground. Extremely stubborn and headstrong. On the other hand, her ability means Darien is never going to be invisible to her, which will be a lot of fun for her, and extremely humiliating for him. She can also use the ability like a lie detector, which ought to be fun for annoying at least a couple of the other people on the team.

When Toph gets it in her head to do something, or not do something, almost no one has any chance of changing her mind. Like Stan, kind of a gruff asshole. The kind of person who shows affection by punching you in the shoulder. it took her a while to get the hang of being a team player with Team Avatar. Which means it's either going to be a struggle in the early stages with this group as well, or she's learned from her experiences and will embrace teamwork more readily. The rest of the team is adults (more or less), and she hasn't always had the best of luck with adults. Once she demonstrates she can take care of herself, it should be fine. At some point, Stan will ask her to create and animate some stone statues he can market as "terrible rock people" for another attraction. It'll work great until Toph makes them start attacking and fake eating people.

For all that she can be sneaky when she feels like it, Toph usually likes to settle things more directly and loudly. Pick a fight, hit people with rocks, that kind of thing. She and the next member of the team ought to get along like a house on fire.

The Lady of Mystery: Fiona Glenanne, aka More Aliases Than I Care to List (Burn Notice) - Granted, Fi frequently didn't have patience for Michael's elaborate schemes to hoodwink people, preferring the direct approach of just shooting or blowing them up. That doesn't mean she wasn't any good at playing a role to get something from them. Play on their libido, play on their stupidity, their sympathy. Get them to underestimate her, or just scare the crap out of them.

But, if you can frame it as making bad people miserable by taking the things they cherish most - money - she can probably get into the spirit of it. Especially if she's allowed to incorporate explosions. Between Darien and Stan, I'm not sure which of the two is going to be better able to recognize how dangerous she is. Stan fancies himself a bit of a ladykiller, and while Darien definitely thinks he's charming, I think he's worked with enough dangerous ladies he's not going to make the mistake of underestimating her.

Like I said, though, she and Toph should get along great. Probably hit the limits of their patience for the sneaky stuff or playing nice about the same time. Then it'll be time to break stuff, since no one is going to be able to rein in the two of them at once. Although Fiona might try to rein herself in a little bit with a pre-teen involved. Maybe.

The Guy with a Boat: Jimmy James, aka Macho Business Donkey Wrestler (Newsradio) - Technically, I only know the Mr. James has a news helicopter that he uses to fly back to his mansion for lunch, but he's loaded, I'm sure he has a yacht somewhere.

He's a successful businessman, so probably not unaccustomed to questionable practices. He also kept D.B. Cooper's duffel bag full of money after the guy parachuted into his camp, and kept that secret, plus the secret of who Cooper actually was, for decades until he was hauled into court. There's also the fact that he was apparently unfazed by a guy parachuting into his camp and asking to borrow his truck in exchange for a duffel bag full of money.

Totally willing to make wagers with other wealthy men, which is the sort of thing that encourages underhanded tactics. And he's not above being sneaky himself, like when he got his radio station back from Johnny by picking Johnny as the one employee he got to take with him. Anytime you can get your opponent to say, "Well played," you know you made a slick move. Or so I've been taught by popular culture. I'm not sure I've ever gotten someone to tell me that. Perhaps one day.

I'd expect he might want to take the reins, since he might be the richest person on the team - depending on whether Toph has access to her family's fortune. And Jimmy can be intimidating at times, but he's also savvy enough to know when that's a lost cause. So he might be smart enough to realize trying to order around this bunch is a terrible idea. That lets him stay in the background, make his own plans, and he can offer some insights when he thinks it would be helpful. That can be a fun job, to be the one who helps finalize plans, rather than having to come up with them from scratch or make decisions. So much less stressful.

Tonight They Race In Outer Space. Or Fight. Whichever.

I normally don't bother with Marvel or DC when it comes to these hypothetical teams because there's a chance whatever five characters I pick from either universe, they're probably going to have worked together at some point. But what the hell, the post office has bounced my comics shipment all over the damn state for the last three days.

So for this one, I tried to pick characters I like or at least find interesting, but aren't what I'd necessarily classify as favorites. I may pick the character from a particular point in their history, but that's probably just a sign of what status quo I'm most familiar with.

The Leader: Monica Rambeau (Photon) - I'm not sure what codename Monica's rolling with these days, but "Photon" isn't bad, and I always thought it was nuts she gave back the "Captain Marvel" name to Mar-Vell's stupid, whiny son, then the kid changes his codename to Photon after she'd already taken that.

Anyway, bare minimum this is Monica from some point post-NextWave. Monica's done good work as a leader prior to that, but it felt like she was reluctant to take command. This group, in its own way, could be as difficult to handle as Machine Man, Boom-Boom, and The Captain were. It would help to have a Monica that has already managed to deal with that trio's nonsense. She needs to be able to project confidence, both in herself and their mission, despite any challenges.

Although hopefully we're far enough past NextWave she's eased back off the throttle a bit, because she was pretty angry and bloodthirsty at times in that book. I'm not sure that's going to play well with some members of this team.

Monica is actually also the real powerhouse of the team in a broad sense. The others have specialties where they might exceed her, but overall, she's the one most likely to be able to fight an entire alien army. If, you know, that's a thing that they need to do at some point.

The Rogue: Hank Pym - If we're picking a specific era, I'm going with West Coast Avengers cargo suit Hank Pym. The "scientist adventurer." I've always felt that's really the identity that suits him best, because it focuses more on him using his intelligence and aptitude for making thing. As opposed to growing 40 feet tall and punching people. Honestly, the growing thing always feels like him trying to compensate in the most obvious way possible. And there's never been any indication Hank's a particularly gifted hand-to-hand fighter, so he probably ought to shy away from a powerset that encourages it.

Still, it's Hank Pym, he's always walking a knife edge. He was moments away from killing himself before Firebird stopped him and helped devise the "scientist adventurer" approach. I'm not going to pretend all that doubt, guilt, and insecurity just vanished because he decided to take a different approach to being a hero. Even if this is the type of hero I think suits him best, he's still going to want to prove himself. I think he'll be a team player, but there aren't any other scientists on this crew. Is he going to put a lot of pressure on himself to figure out the solutions to all their problems? Even if it's an area outside his expertise?

Something goes wrong, he makes a miscalculation, there comes a point where it looks like maybe they could have used a giant guy, is he going to fall apart? Is the rest of the team going to wake up the next morning and here's Yellowjacket, talking shit and challenging Monica's decisions? Which might be the most important reason for Monica to be more mellow than she was in NextWave. NextWave Monica will probably just cook Yellowjacket if he doesn't shut his trap.

The Muscle: Mantis - Mantis circa Abnett/Lanning's Guardians of the Galaxy might not be her at her most powerful. In Engelhart's Silver Surfer run she could literally travel across interstellar distances, as long as there was plant life on the next world for her to use to basically regrow a body. Still, DnA Mantis had telepathy, limited precognition, pyrokinesis, and still had some ability to stimulate plant growth. Plus, you know, kickass martial arts skills. Maybe she can teach Hank Pym how to throw a punch. Or maybe not. Don't want to encourage him to start thinking with his fists again.

Mantis is, most of the time, a fairly placid character. Probably because she has at least a vague sense of how things are going to turn out (or because she's spent time seeing things from a more cosmic level). She rarely shares that information with her teammates, and may not even tell them she has that ability. From their perspective she can look like a bit of a "space case." Looking at things they can't see. Monica's going to have to find some way to get Mantis to communicate important information without having to be pressed for it.

At the same time, she can be very empathetic and caring. She was able to put up with the Silver Surfer and his whinging, even managed to tease him out of it at times. She could put up with Star-Lord's self-pity, Drax and Gamora's less-than-pleasant personalities, Bug's constant inappropriate comments. With the latter three, she tended to let any of it directed towards her just wash over her with no outward reaction. A blade of grass swaying in the wind. With Quill, she gave him a kick in the pants from time to time as needed.  Still, her capacity to just listen and let people get stuff out could come in very handy.

If that's all she does, because she also gave members of the Guardians a slight mental nudge to get them to join, at Quill's request, which is a little troubling. If she tries to "nudge" Pym, there's no telling what that'll do to either of them, and there's at least one character on this team that will probably kill her if she tries it on them. OK, one character beside Monica.

The Lady of Mystery: Longshot - With Longshot the mystery may be how recently his mind has been wiped. If it has been, who wiped it (it can't always be Mojo and Spiral)? And was anything really important lost in the process? Depending on how Mantis has been acting, and how oddly she behaves around the others, this could be a source of tension if suspicion falls on her. If Pym has doubts about her, or hears someone else on the team voice doubts, then makes a screw-up, does he try to pin the blame on her? That's she undermining him for some purpose?

That said, Longshot is (usually) a cheery ray of sunshine, even when his memories are missing. So excited and curious about every new thing he's getting to experience. His innocence is going to provide a distinct counterpoint to the next team member, but it could also be an issue. His luck power requires pure motives to work properly, and I wonder if that's going to limit him if he doesn't entirely grasp what's going on around him, due to memory loss. If he has to take the others' word for it on what they're doing and why, or if he acts out of trust in them, but that turns out to be a mistake. Their motives aren't considered "pure" even if his desire to help them is. Longshot's definition of what's OK might be (almost certainly is) very different from the rest of the team. Does that cause a backfire?

I don't think Longshot ever got to go on any of the X-Men's outer space adventures (and this would have to be in outer space, at least part of the time). It's time for adorable mullet baby's first outer space trip! Given his luck and agility, he ought to be a natural at zero-gravity fighting, which will come in handy at some point. Also, he kind of has a reputation for being very attractive, and I have absolutely no idea which member of this team would fall for him. Honestly, I can't see it being any of them, but maybe someone would surprise me.

The Guy with a Boat: Ghost Rider - The image is of Johnny Blaze, but it can be Robbie Reyes or Dan Ketch, or that one lady who was Ghost Rider for 5 seconds 10 years ago. Johnny and Robbie probably have the most experience on teams at this point, depending on whether you want them to be used to working with others, or not.

Look, it's most likely that Pym is going to provide a spacecraft (unless they steal or commandeer one from somebody), but you can't pass up the opportunity to put Johnny/Robbie at the controls so the ship bursts into flames and takes on a demonic visage. I figured that was 90% of the point behind Cosmic Ghost Rider, but he just rides some spacebike with one of those spheres you touch that makes your hair stand on end for a front tire.

The Rider gives them at least some mystical aspect, even if they're not much in terms of spellcasting. Some potential defense or offense of a supernatural nature is better than none, right? They might even meet some other planet's Spirit of Vengeance. Depending on circumstances, could be friend, could be foe. Say they're dealing with the Kree, and it's Kree-Lar's Ghost Rider trying to avenge its people (even though the Kree probably started it). The Rider's actually the physically strongest member of the team, assuming Pym doesn't do the Giant-Man thing at some point. That should come in handy.

The question is how well he's going to work with the rest of the team. Not just in the sense Johnny or Robbie might go tearing off after some soul they sense needs to be punished, even if it involves tearing through the side of their spaceship. But will the Rider be able to control himself from taking vengeance on his teammates if he's stuck in close proximity to them for a long period of time? Pym's got a lot of dirty laundry in his closet (how much responsibility does he bear for Ultron's actions?) If Mantis does start acting in a questionable manner, well, plants have a tendency to burn, and I'm not sure how susceptible the Rider is to mental attacks.

Which makes Ghost Rider sound like he should have been the Rogue, and I did consider it, but I feel like you know what you're dealing with when it comes to him. You just have to be on your toes, and careful about what you do. Whereas with Hank Pym, he may make it through A-OK. He does go long stretches where he functions perfectly well. But when/if he does fall apart, you don't know which direction he's going to go. If he's going to go the Giant-Man route, or become a real abrasive force on the team in Yellowjacket, or just fall apart entirely. The potential outcomes are more varied.

Team Fight Etiquette

This is not a special midweek edition of Sunday Splash Page. When I got to this double-page splash in last months Unbeatable Squirrel Girl, the thing my eye was drawn to is in the upper right. Mar-Vell slamming a Skrull into Goliath's chest.

(I assume that's Hawkeye during one of his stints as Goliath. I hate when they have him ditch the arrows for size-changing powers. He has his own style, he doesn't need to be biting someone else's.)

We've all seen scenes in comics where someone is running from one character and crashes headfirst into another, more physically imposing character. Thor, Iron Man, the Thing, you get the idea. But that's with the character serving as the wall being in on the plan. Clint looks pretty busy grabbing Skrulls in the picture above, so I'm guessing Mar-Vell just decided when he got ahold of a Skrull to slam him into the nearest big object, which happened to be Clint.

Do you think that's a thing teammates discuss during meetings? I can't imagine everyone is OK with being used as an anvil. Clint strikes me as someone who would absolutely yell at Mar-Vell about that. Or about a lot of other stuff probably. Clint yells a lot.

You know some teammates would abuse the hell out of it. I could see Johnny Storm using Ben like that constantly, so he could make jokes about how he finally found something Ben's good for. Captain America would probably check ahead of time, because he's polite, and it's good to be clear on tactics. Iron Man wouldn't, because he'd have run scans to determine how their resilience at some point earlier, and would justify it by arguing necessity of the moment. Wolverine would rather just stab them, or be thrown at them. I don't see Spider-Man ramming people into stuff very often, but if he did, I could see him doing that just because he's so used to working alone. Doesn't normally have to worry about a teammate being in the way.

I'm guessing teammates who have size-changing powers get used to this. "Sorry Hank, I mistook you for a piece of modern art!" I'm sure some characters are cool with it. The Vision would be pretty chill, Superman would probably just be worried you injured them if you threw them too hard. Still, it would just be polite to ask, right?

An Odd Couple, But With Six People Instead

I think I've officially abandoned trying to do these hypothetical teams every other month, considering this one is two months late. Oh well. Have to be in the mood to think about it. With this one, if there's a guiding principle, it was to try and push towards extremes on their personalities. A couple of the characters are extremely loud and hyperactive, and a couple of the others (one in particular) are much more reserved and serious. Just let them ping-pong off each other and see if they amuse or irritate the hell out of each other. Beyond that, I was just picking characters I liked, as usual.

The Leader: Balsa (Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit) - I don't know that Balsa would want to be in charge, but she's probably best suited for it of these five. Typically she's a bodyguard for hire type, but that does put her in the position of being responsible for the well-being of others, so she has to be able to think of what she needs them to being doing, and be aware of their strengths and weaknesses. Which aren't bad qualities for a leader to have.

But convincing her to rely on the strengths of others to get things done is another matter. She's used to doing most everything herself. Not that she won't accept help if she has no other choice, but she normally has to be in a situation where she has no choice. For example, being so badly injured she can't doing anything other than lie there and accept medical treatment.

She can be stern and unforgiving; she has certain rules she tries to live by, but she does show a sense of humor when there's a chance to relax. Given enough time around a person, she may loosen up and be friendly. Or if they give her enough grief, she may haul off and deck them.

Most of the other members of the team are as stubborn as she is, so there may be a lot of head-butting going on. Getting anyone on this team to sit down and take five minutes to heal is going to be a challenge, unless they all collapse at the same time.

The Rogue: Excel (Excel Saga) - Excel is the Rogue, not so much because she'll hold allegiance to another organization above this team, but because there is almost no way of knowing what she will do at any given moment.

Excel is a hyperactive idiot. Deadpool on greenies, but with much less competence. She works for a secret organization, ACROSS, dedicated to saving the world by conquering it. Recognizing that's a tall order, they opted to start by taking over one section of one city, as a trial run. Excel fails at most every mission she's assigned. Usually because she won't slow down and take five seconds to think about what she's doing before she does it.

And yet, this approach has led her to prevent alien invasions, zombie outbreaks, and keeping the secret base from being completely flooded. She's strong and fast when the situation requires it (and when she isn't on the verge of collapsing from starvation). She isn't likely to abandon ACROSS, not with her fanatical crush on her leader, Il Palazzo, so she's most likely here because the team has something Il Palazzo wants. Either that or this is somehow the part-time job she's stumbled into to pay the rent. For the team's sake, it's probably better if she's on a mission. Her part-time jobs don't last long before she destroys everything.

Since Excel can't keep her mouth shut, and will no doubt reveal she works for ACROSS in the first 5 minutes, the best chance the team has is to take the Inspector Gadget approach. Get her into a location under the auspices of carrying out her daily mission for ACROSS, then count on her to do something useful for the team by accident instead. As long as what you need from her is destruction, it should turn out alright.

The Muscle: Black Star/Tsubaki (Soul Eater) - Kind of a cheat to pick a duo. I could just pick one, make them half to function without their partner. But they're kind of a microcosm of this team overall, and so this way things are more balanced between the manics and the stoics.

Black Star hunts down people who commit vile acts before they can become a full-fledged demon, essentially. He's supposed to specialize in assassinations, but he likes being the center of attention. So rather than strike silently from the shadows, he will leap into the middle of his enemies and shout out his name and how he's going to surpass God. Tsubaki is his partner, who can turn into a variety of weapons he wields. She's calm, shy really, extremely patient and supportive of Black Star in spite of the fact he frequently screws up their missions. In turn, Tsubaki draws strength from his confidence in her and himself. If the guy thinks he's going to surpass God one day, and that you are the perfect partner to help him do it, then you must be pretty awesome too.

For all his over-the-top attitude, Black Star is extremely strong for someone in his early teens, and pushes himself constantly, at least physically. He's not so good on the intellectual side of things, but I think he's one of those people that is listening even when you think he's not. When things get truly serious, he'll show that he has learned the lessons others were trying to teach. This doesn't keep him from overreaching, challenging people outside his weight class, and he takes the losses hard. In the darker moments, it drives him to pursue power for its own sake, rather than with any greater purpose, which almost got him killed once (and did get basically his entire family killed when he was a baby). He seemed to have got his mind clear on that score by the end of the anime, but I suppose he could always fall back into bad habits if things go south for long enough.

The Lady of Mystery: Lala-Ru (Now and Then, Here and There) - She's much older than she appears, and has a pendant that has a massive reservoir of water inside it. She's the only one who can release the water, and it's tied to her life force. Release it all and that's it for her. Since she lived on a desert world, that meant people have been trying to capture and use her for most of her very long life.

So she tends to be very reserved, calmly accepting the greed and brutality of humanity, which is old hat to her by this point. Maybe resigned is a better word for it. The same patterns playing out again and again. She's patient, because the people after her generally know they can't kill her if they want that water. So they'll try to bargain or plead or threaten, but there's nothing she wants or that they can take. So it's really just killing time while she waits for an opportunity to escape.

That said, she can still care about people given time. She's received little enough kindness in her life that when people try to help or protect her, it can surprise her. Of course, the trade-off is that then there's someone she cares about that can be used as a lever against her.

I expect Lala-Ru is the one that draws everyone together. She was able to escape her world to another dimension briefly before being pursued and captured. In this version, she wound up in a different dimension, and met another person willing to defend, but better able to do it than the well-meaning kid she met originally. The ones initially chasing her aren't going to give up - they're following a lunatic of a king, so it's succeed or be executed - but I'd expect other people in her new home to get wind of her power and take an interest as well. ACROSS, for example.

The One with a Spaceship: Gene Starwind (Outlaw Star) - Whether he can use the starship is reliant on him having enough money to pay for fuel and upkeep. He was in massive debt pretty much throughout the entire series, always promising to pay people back when he 'made it big.' Also, if his crew is gone, then he's minus his tech genius of a partner, who handled a lot of the repairs himself to help keep costs down.

Gene was, like Balsa, a gun for hire. He's kind of a jack-of-all-trades, but calls himself an outlaw. Again though, he has his principles. There are jobs he's not going to take, and if he's trying to protect someone, he won't abandon them simply because things start to get ugly. He's very cocky, a smartass who tends to hide what he's really feeling behind a smirk. A lot of times, he can be very casual about big fights or threats against his life, but he doesn't want to die, he just tends to think he's invincible because he hasn't died so far. Plus, I think he knows his partner Jim would insist on them coming up with a strategy. He can treat it like he's just humoring his friend, but he appreciates it and he will stick to their plans for as long as he can. Hard to say whether, with Jim MIA, Gene will try to come up with plans on his own, or if he'll just trying winging it full-time. And if he does try to make an actual strategy, whether he can make it work without Jim. There isn't anyone remotely close to a computer or engineering whiz on this roster to fill that void.

He's not bad at improvising when necessary, adapting to new threats. He's fairly tough, as long as he doesn't get too cocky. I expect Balsa is probably going to kick his ass at least once during all this, whether Gene underestimates her or not. If he does, it'll just take less time. He's not as much of a ladies' man as he thinks, but he has enough charm that he can make friends easily, sometimes. Sometimes, it goes the other way and he just pisses people off quickly.

Everyone Knows Somebody

I was going to say this team had a bunch of people who are all independent, prone to just going off and following their own agendas. But that's all the teams I make. I don't gravitate towards characters that like being part of teams. Once I thought about it a little more, each of these characters is the sort who would have a lot of sources or connections. They'd always know somebody that could tell them something or help them out. But each of them would move in different circles, so there wouldn't be too much overlap. Plus their status in those circles would vary.

The Leader: Jet Black (Cowboy Bebop) - Before he was a bounty hunter, Jet was cop, until he was shot in an ambush and lost an arm and leg (later replaced by cybernetic parts). He was a pretty good cop by all accounts (except maybe his ex-wife's). Honest, tough, smart. Not some sort of deductive genius - he has his blinds spots - but he's smart enough. Knows his way around a computer, how to track someone's activity. He's not a hacker on par with Radical Edward, but he does alright most of the time. His trademark was his determination, as he was known as the Black Dog. Once he bites, he doesn't let go.

Jet's contacts would be all his former buddies on the force. They like him pretty well, and are willing to give him what info they can, most of the time. The times they aren't, Jet might know a few secrets they'd prefer not get exposed to the light of day.

He can be grumpy, but he tends to get less extremely angry than his partner, Spike. Spike played relaxed a lot of the time, but when something got to him, it would really set him off. Jet may have just reached the point where he doesn't see the value in reacting like that, or figures he has too many responsibilities to waste time. He's got a ship to keep running, employment opportunities to hunt for, or leads to follow on targets, keeping the ship supplied on an often shoestring budget.

The Rogue: Vash the Stampede (Trigun) - Vash is. . . an idiot. Well, OK, not really. He acts that way, because it's easier. Easier for people to believe he's doing whatever he's doing by accident or pure luck, rather than realize that he's so incredibly skilled he can do these things while acting like a buffoon. This is a man who entered a gunfighting tournament, then was able to make sure no one died by throwing pebbles that diverted the competitors' bullets so they only wounded people, and only one person, sitting right next to him, noticed he was doing it.

Vash is an incredible marksman, in that he can almost always shoot to wound, if he even needs to wound them. A lot of times he can simply disarm opponents. It's fortunate this is a team that for the most part isn't going to mind his resistance to killing. If they're going after bounties, it might be preferable. The biggest issue might be that, because he tends to try using as little force as possible as long as possible, someone else could get hurt in the meantime. He's more than willing to play human shield, but that's not always going to be an option. If someone else on the team gets hurt because Vash was screwing around, there could be hell to pay (although he'll beat himself up about it worse than they will). He's stronger than he looks, fast, with excellent reflexes and sharp senses. His tolerance for alcohol is, unclear. Sometimes he seems like a lightweight, but that might be in comparison to heavy drinkers he's with. Other times, he seems like he's playing opossum. It doesn't seem to slow him down too much regardless.

With Vash, the people he knows could be almost anyone. He's over a century old, and he's helped a lot of people in that time. Little old ladies, sheriffs, young children, bus drivers, single moms. There are entire towns that regard him as a hero who would stick up for him. So, if you need a place to stay (or hide), Vash should have a wealth of options available, although he might resist turning to them if he's worried about their safety.

The Muscle: Sanosuke Sagara (Rurouni Kenshin) - Sano spent his teen years as a fighter-for-hire, taking out his frustration with what the Meiji government did to the Captain of the unit he was part of on anybody he could find that seemed worth the time. Eventually, after meeting Kenshin, he changed his outlook, and now he focuses on fighting people who abuse their power to hurt people with less power. Kenshin was very much about protecting those in harm's way, Sanosuke is more about going at the person causing harm.

To that end, Sanosuke is honest and mostly direct. He's not a bad liar when needed, but if there's no pressing need to lie, he'll say what he thinks and feels. He's impulsive, and can be easily baited into action because, for the most part, he doesn't have anyone to worry about protecting. He's not afraid for himself, so it doesn't matter if challenging some Yakuza is a bad idea or not. Let them try something and see how well it works out. His fighting style is much the same. He comes right at you and you take your best shot. He'll certainly take his. If Vash is going to get injured trying to protect someone on the team, Sano may be the most likely choice, at least early on. I imagine after the first time he does it, and Sanosuke socks him one for treating Sano like a liability, Vash will get the message to just trust him (and Vash will remind Sano of Kenshin in a lot of ways, so they'll probably get along OK eventually).

If Vash doesn't want to risk involving any of his fine, upstanding citizen friends, Sanosuke knows plenty of people of questionable morality that can help. The guys he hangs out with aren't crooks, exactly, but they spend a lot of time hanging around, drinking and gambling. They know who the local bad guys are, they know about what sort of illicit business is going on. While Sanosuke could lean on them if he needed to, he tends to be a pretty fun guy to share a drink with, so people are willing to help him out. They know he has their backs if something comes up.

The Lady of Mystery: Nico Robin (One Piece) - Robin is the character here I know the least, since I kind of gave up on One Piece not long after she showed up. The series was going to be too long, too much of an investment. Just trying to read the online biography I found on her was exhausting.

Anyway, Robin is the calmest member of the team, not easily fazed, unless things get really dire. Vash's idiocy and Sano's temper aren't going to bother her. Even the likelihood Vash will try hitting on her is something she'll handle calmly. She'll be polite, but she's not going to encourage it. I'm not positive if that's indifference. Having seen most every group she's joined end when everyone other than her dies, it may be a necessary cover to avoid attachments. A different approach from Vash playing the fool to disguise his bleeding heart, but leading to the same general point. But it could just be confidence; Robin's likely the strongest person on the team, given her powers. Certainly, she won't hesitate to use that power, up to and including lethal force.

(Vash is probably stronger, given he has enough power to put a hole in a moon, but he almost certainly won't use that power, unless they go up against something that strong. Which I don't think is going to happen, unless his crazy brother is on the loose again. Although some of those admirals in Robin's world are no joke. . .)

As long as Jet shows he knows what he's doing, there shouldn't be any problems there. Robin doesn't seem like she really cares to be in charge as long as she trusts the judgment of whoever is. She has a dark sense of humor, and a vivid imagination to go with it. If one of their teammates gets lost, and they can't hear them anymore, she'll state the person's probably getting strangled, or already been killed and eaten by some monster. Vash is going to be the one most creeped out by that, assuming he isn't already put off by her willingness to snap necks. He'll have to work overtime to end some of these fights before she does in a more permanent fashion.

The thing about Robin that interested me enough to put her on the team was she's a history buff. Her main interest is stone features left over from an old civilization, called Ponyglyphs. I remembered that being her primary reason for throwing in with the Baroque Works criminal organization, a chance to study some that were in a country they were trying to destabilize and take over. I thought having an archaeology expert would be something my teams usually don't have, and bring something a little different to the mix. And I thought she might have all sorts of connections in academic circles, people who were also studying the Ponyglyphs, or other similar subjects. As it turns out, the World Government killed everyone else they knew of that was studying that forbidden subject. Whoops.

But Robin's years of study would, at bare minimum, make her a valuable person to have if you need something deciphered, or to understand what a clue is referencing. If they need to talk to a professor or expert in some historical area, Robin's the best bet to be able to pull that off. Where Sanosuke has a lot of friends who are aware of the criminal underworld, and he has a bit of a rep, Robin was a major criminal for some time (falsely accused, but she stuck with the rep regardless), and was the right hand woman for one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea. Even if those aren't the circles she travels in now, there are plenty of people who know her rep, know what she's capable of. Sano's rep was he'd beat you so badly you saw the aku mark on his shirt for months afterward; Robin's rep is she wiped out six ships and she leaves people twisted and broken in ways they weren't meant to bend.

The Guy with a Car: Kimishima (Scryed) - Kimishima's not in here for his ride, which was a cobbled together mess that couldn't carry the entire team, anyway. Besides, Jet has a spaceship, big enough to hold that car, and Jet's smaller, personal spaceship.

Kimishima is Morgan Freeman's character in The Shawshank Redemption, the man who knows how to get things. He's a scrounger, always hustling. Always looking for job opportunities, always looking for a buck, or something he can sell, or use to fix his car. He's not a fighter, though he'll lend a hand when he needs to. He's got connections, or knows how to make them quickly. He does have a soft spot for more hard luck cases, but only up to a point. He's good at keeping a low profile while more noticeable people (and there are at least a couple on this team) keep everyone else occupied. You need someone to talk their way into a place, or walk around unnoticed in hostile territory? Kimishima's your guy. He'll go in, get what you need, and come back with a half-dozen other useful (or at least interesting) things and the names and numbers of three people that might have work that needs doing or could help down the line.

How they end up together: Vash has been living in secret for a long time, helping in small ways where he can, but trying hard to avoid drawing attention with the sort of city-damaging antics he used to get up to. He has to abandon that because someone pursues a weapon that could endanger the entire planet. Maybe it's his brother, or a government, or some other person out for power, but they're going to tap into the power of the plants, and he figures that's something he needs to handle. He probably encounters Kimishima early on, bums a ride off him, has trouble paying off the debt. And since he keeps wrecking Kimishima's stuff as they get dragged into situations, Kimishima keeps upping the tab, and refusing to call it quits. Plus, he thinks this Vash guy is actually an OK guy, and he shares any bounties they cash in as they go along.

Vash being who he is, can't maintain a low profile, and he accumulates a bounty in his attempts to help others. I'm assuming this is far enough into the future his old $$60 billion bounty was dropped because everyone figured he was dead. That brings in Jet and his new partner, Sano (and a lot of other bounty hunters). They're chasing him, at first, keeping themselves funded by turning in all the criminals they encounter along the way. Sometimes Vash actually catches the crooks, but has to leave them behind when Jet and Sano appear on the horizon in hot pursuit. Other times the three of them team up because they all recognize the criminal needs to be stopped. Eventually they figure out they might as well help this guy who really isn't doing anything wrong other than helping in a way that causes property damage.

Robin gets drawn into all this because the weapon relates to ancient history, and she ran afoul of the big bad while looking for other information in the same ruins. It was a pretty serious battle, one neither one could finish, and he destroyed everything trying to cover his tracks. Which is the sort of thing Robin doesn't forgive, so she's after him, and the others have the means to travel faster than she does, so it makes sense to throw in with them. Especially once she figures out Vash might be a fountain of useful information, assuming she can get it out of him past all the stories about places that served the best pizza toast and locations where he met a particularly pretty girl.

After Time Working in Government, Most People Want to Go Private Sector

I meant to do another of these made-up team posts a couple of weeks ago, but I've been pressed for time the last three weeks (last three months really), so it was easier to do other, quicker posts. Anyway, this idea this time around was to build a team from a bunch of people used to working for various secretive government organizations, but they'll be operating independently this time. Fortunately, "government teams of people with special abilities" is an extremely common thing in fiction, so it wasn't too hard to come up with a group.

The Leader: Major Motoko Kusanagi (Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex) - The Major's a highly skilled former soldier, now special government investigator type. Her consciousness was transferred over to an advanced cybernetic body sometime earlier in her life (Stand Alone Complex said it was when she was a kid, but I'd imagine the other versions have different takes). So she's much stronger, faster, and more resilient to injury than your average flesh-and-blood person. She can also mentally enter communication networks, or another person's brain, assuming they have any sort of cybernetic hook-up to it (as most people in her world do). The question is whether the team will be operating in a place she can use that. The other team members all hail from fictional universes less technologically advanced than hers. Which could also be a problem if she's injured in the course of their work. There is one person on the team who might be able to handle repairs.

The Major was the field leader for her Section 9 group. On missions, she's serious and focused, not in the mood to hear excuses if someone doesn't carry out their job. She keeps a high standard, and expects the people she leads to do the same. Most of the characters in this team are pretty competent, if erratic in various ways. There may not follow orders, though if they can get the job done without collateral damage, she'll roll with it. She knows when to give someone a confidence boost, and when she can give them some guff for screwing up. She has a dry sense of humor, but she can definitely unwind. She's a private person, which shouldn't be a problem as long as none of the team develop a reason to question her.

If she needs to she can drop out of sight fast. None of the others have any cybernetic parts that could potentially be traced or monitored if they're in her world or a similar one. There's still surveillance all over the place, but she can handle most of that, remotely hacking it. Moving around undetected might be fairly easy in her world, if they're careful. One person on this team might louse that up, though. Assuming she had any say in the roster, she'll have scouted all of them thoroughly, wanting to maintain a high standard. Some of them are questionable in how reliable they are, but she'd be certain she could handle it if she's put them on the team. Of course, if she didn't have any say, that might make it more interesting, figuring out their powers and personalities on the fly, trying not to let the thing rip itself apart in the early stages.

The Rogue: Aoi Miyoshi (Night Raid 1931) - Aoi is the one most likely to irritate the Major. He's not a dishonest, untrustworthy Rogue, he just has his own strong sense of what is right and wrong. Which may not always jibe with the mission. One advantage to them not being connected to a government is they should have more leeway to alter how they handle things if they want. The Major can probably use that judiciously to keep Aoi from getting too out of control. Hey, she likes to freelance, too.

He's impulsive, rushes in without thinking. Relies on charm and wit, and manages it some of the time. He's a bit of a goof, tends to hide his more serious emotions behind that mask. The guy who flirts by playing at being a clumsy oaf trying for charming. He's not as good at it as he thinks, but even if it isn't working to get him in the front door, it might work as a distraction. He can be stubborn and impatient to an irritating degree, which also works for a distraction. Sometimes you need someone to piss off the door guy buy insisting he left his wallet inside and refusing to leave.

He's a telekinetic, limited to manipulating objects he can see. He can only use it for 15 seconds a day, total. It doesn't have to be all at once, he can partition it out over the day, but that's a narrow window to rely on as heavily as he does. It almost got him killed once, when he'd overestimated how much time he had. He's also a decent photographer and a terrible violinist, one of those will probably come in handy at some point.

The Muscle: Seras Victoria (Hellsing) - Seras is a vampire. She wasn't a full-fledged one in the anime, because she hadn't taken any of her sire's blood. In the manga, she did eventually become a full-fledged vampire after feeding on a dying friend so they could win the battle together. Even in the anime, she's strong enough to carry a 30mm cannon around like a toy popgun. In the manga, once she's leveled up, she can destroy dozens of trained Nazi soldier vampires with minimal effort, tearing through them like a scythe. In raw power and speed, she's the top of the mark for this bunch.

Seras works well as part of a team, or individually. She was a police officer before being turned, and afterward, she was part of a military organization dedicated to defending England from supernatural threats. She's used to taking orders, and frankly, the Major is less scary than either Integra or Alucard. She's filled a number of different roles. Long-range support, working as the lead for a unit, or as the one who roams and destroys while everyone else holds the line, or simply as a bodyguard for the boss.

On certain occasions, she performed surveillance. When she wears regular clothes, rather than the Hellsing outfit (in-story there's no reason given why they don't just give her some pants, she wore them as a cop), she can look like a fairly normal person. The red eyes might be unusual, depending on where they are, but that could be special contact lenses. Depending on setting, her British accent might be the biggest issue for blending in.

She's a bit silly at times, although you could chalk some of that up to trying to adjust to a strange circumstance. She's the person who takes things very seriously, and in an effort to not screw up, goes overboard in her response. She can think quickly when she needs to, she'll do her best even if she's scared. She was still young when she was turned, and there's still a certain amount of immaturity to her, although reaching her full potential seemed to take care of some of that. She was hesitant initially about killing what seem to be people (and I imagine she still thinks of herself as a person, so these other vampires must still be people, too), but that's worn off after all the carnage she fought through. She's not kill-happy; she'd just incapacitate a person if that was enough; she has cop training for that. But if she needs to put a 30mm shell through someone, she'll do it. Sometimes an encouraging word is going to work best with her, other times it's gonna be the blunt approach when she gets depressed and starts navel-gazing.

The Lady of Mystery: Miss Deep/Nancy Makuhari (Read or Die) - Nancy's ability is to go intangible, like Shadowcat (the white line in the image on the left is the path of a weapon passing through her). She can at least make objects she's carrying or her clothes phase with her or not as she chooses, but I don't remember seeing her make another person intangible. Maybe it just didn't come up. She's also a kind of clone based on Mata Hari, as part of a group of "geniuses" reborn as clones by another genius seeking to take over the world. Nancy would have easily fit into the Rogue role, but it's going to be hard to figure why she's working with this bunch. What's she getting out of it?

She wasn't much of a team player, considering she betrayed both sides at one point or the other. Even before that, she didn't enjoy being on a team. She hates her codename, she's frustrated by her partner Yomiko's easily distracted air and unprofessional approach. But she's willing to trust the rest of the team is there for a reason, to trust Yomiko does actually have some idea what she's doing. They developed solid teamwork, considering how often they were making up plans on the fly, taking turns being the distraction in their battles. She'll be distant at first, seem like she doesn't even want to be there, then come through in a key moment to save someone's life, confusing everyone for a bit.

The Major's going to know some of Nancy's checkered history. This might be one of those things she keeps from everyone else, figuring it's not going to help if the rest of the team is looking at Nancy with suspicion, trusting she can keep Nancy in line if she needs to. I'm not sure how she'll manage that with a person who turns intangible, but I could see her having some ace up her sleeve. Either that, or she only needs Nancy's help for a certain amount of time, and after that, it doesn't matter so much if she sticks with them or not. At any rate, that could end up being the thing that makes the rest of the team suspicious the Major's hiding things (Aoi and Seras both have experience with people who turned out to not be what they presented themselves), unless Nancy can defuse it. If she cares to.

The Guy with a Motorcycle/Car/Giant Robot? - Norman Burg (The Big O) - The protagonist of the show, Roger Smith, is a Batman-meets-James Bond (with a giant robot). Norman is Alfred-meets-Q. He looks after Roger's house, runs errands, makes sure everything operates exactly as Roger wants it to (until R. Dorothy takes it upon herself to not let Roger sleep in past 11). He's also the one who maintains Roger's car, and his mech. On occasions when Dorothy's android mind was tampered with, Norman knew enough to run a diagnostic on Dorothy to determine what had happened, what could be done to deal with it, and whether she'd be OK. His role was to know whatever skills are necessary to help Roger fulfill his role. Like Alfred.

Let's leave it at what we have there. Norman has some sort of past (which he doesn't recall the details of) as a soldier, is a mechanic and engineer, understands computers to an extent. He's a good motorcyclist. Knows when he can afford to attack, and when to hold back because the risk is too high. He follows orders, and if he disagrees with them, he won't argue openly. He'll opt for the gentle side comment to illustrate where he thinks the person is making a mistake. He might be able to get Aoi to curb some of his more impulsive actions, act as an occasional buffer between him and the Major. He probably won't convince Aoi to tie his tie properly, look a little less slovenly. He's probably going to remind Seras of Walter, who in the manga turned out to be a traitor. That could cause some problems. Walter seemed kindly and helpful, easy to trust. Which is going to make her worried about whether she can trust Norman when he offers to maintain her cannon, or patch her clothes or something. Norman isn't going to press things. He'll do his job quietly, and let the others decide what they think of him.

Best guess on the threat is something combining aspects of all their worlds. Read or Die had self-proclaimed geniuses out to "improve" the world by killing most of the people (the old Ra's al Ghul bit). Big O had giant robots, but also a collective amnesia about all events further back than 40 years ago. Night Raid 1931 had a guy clued in to a vision of the war ahead who could convince others to help him terrify world leaders into bowing to his will, because he hoped to avert that. Ghost in the Shell operates in a world where basically everyone in the world can connect their minds to the Internet. Hellsing had Nazi vampires, and lunatic Catholic soldiers out for another Crusade. Well, they need something to punch on their way to the ultimate problem. Take Night Raid's idea of a terrifying future, but instead of averting it, try to make it reality by accessing people's minds world wide and tampering with how they remember things. Or have one person try to use their vision of the world, and make reality somehow bend to that. That's basically what the Read or Die TV series did though, so maybe not.

The Teens Are On The Attack

Not doing so great on that "every other month" thing for the fake team posts. A lot of shit is occupying my time these days. Anyway, I hadn't done one using anime characters yet, so that's why I'm doing this time, with a focus on younger characters. Lot of precocious and talented adolescents and kids to choose from.

The Leader: Quatre Raberba Winner (Gundam Wing) - When I was younger, Quatre was probably my least favorite of the five pilots on Gundam Wing. Probably because he was the most quiet and peaceful (except for that stretch in the middle of the series where he lost his mind). He was the one that would offer an enemy that was trying to kill him a chance to surrender, which to my teenage self, made him a big wuss or something.

Now that I'm older, I can appreciate him a little more. The others were mostly lone wolves, but Quatre fought as part of a group. A group of soldiers who cared about him, and who he, in turn, cared about a lot. They were willing to risk their necks to save his, even when he tried to get them not to, and that kind of responsibility can weigh on a person.

Anyway, Quatre has more than fair skills as a soldier and survivor, but he's also a fairly reasonable and empathetic person who is willing to talk things out if he can. Or he can fight if he needs to. The Winner family was a pretty big deal in that universe, so if we place the team there, his name and connections can get him access through the front door of a lot of places. I don't expect a lot of huge personality conflicts with this bunch - none of them are colossal asses or anything - but having a calm, friendly person with a solid tactical mind running things is still a good thing to have.

The Rogue: Radical Edward (Cowboy Bebop) - Ed's name for herself is Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV, but her hacker name is Radical Edward. I'm not sure if Ed would actually be interested in working with a group, but I could see her getting lonely after a while wandering the ruins of her Earth with a fairly intelligent corgi and choosing to join in.

Ed's extremely intelligent, but also silly and a little odd. It's difficult to tell how much of what she does is planned, and how much is just the way things work out. There are certainly times Ed manipulated the crew of the Bebop, but other times, I don't think she had any idea what response she'd get. I could see her behavior alternately amusing and infuriating the rest of the team. What she's getting out of associating with them is hard to say, if there's even a reason beyond "for the hell of it".

Still, if you need a security system or database broken into, it would be hard to do much better than Ed, short of putting one of those sentient A.I.s that exist solely in the electronic world onto the team. I'd rather have Ed on there, personally.

The Muscle: Makimachi Misao (Rurouni Kenshin) - In the series, Misao gets played largely as a comedy character, another character (usually Yahiko) saying something that riles her up, and then she behaves comically outraged. But by the time she was introduced in the series, she'd been trained as a shinobi for several years by the remaining members of an elite group of fighters left over from the wars that went on in Japan prior to the Meiji Restoration.

I always figured she deserved a little better than being the butt of so many jokes. Her personality is mercurial, shifting from being full of doubt and concerned one moment, to extremely excited the next, and more than willing to pretend the doubt never existed. She's very confident, to a level dangerous to her at times. She's also extremely loyal to the people she cares about, refusing to abandon them in dire situations. And she has a knack for rallying others when their spirits are low. There are a couple members of the team that shouldn't be an issue, but Quatre has been known to get too hard on himself, to take losses badly.

And she has a set of skills I'm not sure the others really do. Quatre knows firearms and probably explosives. Kino is a crack shot, but the team could use someone fast, capable of being sneaky if she'll focus (especially if Ed takes care of any security cameras), and can handle herself in a fight. She knows a little bit about disguise, although it's another of those things she's too sure of herself on. But the talent is there

The Lady of Mystery: Kino (Kino's Journey) - Kino's a traveler, visiting different countries for just three days, no more or less (usually). She travels on a motorcycle named Hermes, which can speak (it doesn't have a face as we'd recognize it, but it talks and characters other than her can understand it). An extra mode of transport is handy. Like I said, she's an excellent shot, and knows quite a bit about roughing it. She's polite, calm, and straightforward. She doesn't rush to judgment; if she's not sure about someone, she will give them a chance to demonstrate what kind of person they are, even help them if they're in need. If they do try to attack or harm her, then she'll put a bullet between their eyes without blinking, but she's not going to instigate it.

I'm very curious how she and Ed would interact. All the adults we saw Ed around, other than her dad, tended to be perplexed by her, and not shy about showing their confusion. I expect Misao will get frustrated with Ed, while Quatre will probably find humor in it. Kino has probably seen enough strange things in her journeys that Ed won't seem too odd. I don't know that they'll have much of a rapport, but I assume if Kino is confused by Ed, she'll simply ask for clarification. Or maybe not.

Kino would probably drift into and out of the rest of the group's orbit. If they're moving from place to place regularly, she'll probably stick around. Otherwise, if the team's not doing anything, or they're stuck in one place for a long time, she'll say her farewells and continue on her way.

The Kids with a Plane: Claus and Lavie (Last Exile) - Claus (in the background with brown hair) and Lavie (foreground with red hair) were delivery pilots, who got stuck trying to deliver a special kid to safety and wind up in the middle of a big mess. Claus was the pilot, Lavie the navigator, but as they were drawn into combat, she opted to become his mechanic and let someone else be his navigator. So if they have to fight, Lavie may hang back. But the team can still use someone with mechanical knowhow. Kino has some, enough to keep Hermes running at least. And Quatre must have worked on his Gundam some of the time. Between the three of them, they should be in pretty good shape on that front.

Both of them are energetic, Klaus has a tendency to act before he thinks, while with Lavie it's more what she might say. Although she can be pretty fierce if someone she cares about is being bullied or mistreated. Whether she can back up her bark with some bite is another matter, but there's a few people on this crew who could and probably would have her back.

Their enthusiasm for this group is going to depend on what the job is. This crew isn't likely to get up to anything too heinous - some espionage, a little stealing, for a good cause naturally - but if things start getting bloody, Claus and Lavie both may start looking for the exit sign. Claus will fight, and Lavie would do her best to keep him and the others alive, but it's not what either of them lives for. Although if it comes to that point, Quatre would probably encourage them to get out. His whole thing as a Gundam pilot was to try and fight so others wouldn't have to be put in danger.

It's a funny situation, because I wouldn't expect a lot of squabbling on the team. Most of them should get along pretty well, and I don't think there's much risk of a lot of mistrust and accusations. Too many of these characters are easygoing or relaxed for that. But they're also used to walking their own paths, and those paths are going to go in different directions swiftly. It's probably a one-mission crew, maybe two if they happen quickly or bleed together.

A Play's The Thing, To Provide Cover For Covert Ops

I said in December I intended to keep doing these hypothetical 5-character teams every other month. Then I didn't do one in December, when it was scheduled. Now I almost missed January. Almost.

For this team, I went with the idea of assembling a team to put on a play, based on my extremely vague and probably incorrect understanding of what a theater group might consist of, if you pared it down to a core five people. I figured I should explain that up front. Also, the characters are from some different time periods, and I am not going to vaguely handwave how they are all together.

The Director: Albert Eberts (Michael McCafferty, The Invisible Man) - The person behind this theater group, because it is naturally not just a theater group, is Eberts' boss, The Official. But he's not going to waste time directing a play. Not when he can assign it to his loyal subordinate, who will make certain the project does not go over what is certain to be an extremely tight budget.

Eberts is an expert on bureaucracy, which means he should be able to navigate whatever permits are required, and find ways to get by with some wiring and effects that are not exactly up to code (more on that further down). He's practical-minded, conscious of deadlines, and worst comes to worst, he at least sort of knows how to use firearms.

Beyond that, I figure Eberts has a creative side that he mostly suppresses. Maybe he didn't receive encouragement at a young age, maybe he lacked confidence, maybe his knack for organization got him fast-tracked in other directions. The opportunity to actually be creative as part of his job might be quite appealing. The Official is no doubt going to have notes, and Eberts is going to have to struggle through his loyalty to his boss, and sudden desire to spread his artistic wings, no matter how much Fawkes and Hobbes mock him for it (and they will, especially Hobbes, who is probably miffed he was asked to be involved).

The Effects Guy: Joe Garelli (Joe Rogan, Newsradio) - I have no idea what play, exactly, this group is putting on, other than it has to involve singing, based on the people I chose as leads. Again, because I know nothing about theater. Whatever it is, rest assured Joe is going to give it some bang-up effects, emphasis on "bang". In the explosions sense, not the intercourse sense, you perverts.

Joe is always tinkering, always messing with things, but he is extremely skilled when it comes to most things electrical or technical, whether he's trying to recover Dave's crashed hard drive, or repair a radio transmitter. Whether anyone asked him to do those things, and how dangerous his repairs are to himself and everyone around him is another matter. Eberts and the Official will no doubt appreciate Joe's ability to cobble together workable equipment from whatever he can scrounge or steal, assuming they can get him to use the parts for what they tell him to do. He's an avid conspiracy truther, and given some of the weirdos that are going to be hanging around this group, he may get a lot of evidence to corroborate his beliefs in alien autopsy videos or whatever.

I had originally pegged Joe as The Muscle in the old categories, since he fancied himself a physical specimen (and Joe Rogan is an announcer for UFC still, I think). But he'd also be an effective Rogue. At the moment the purpose of all this becomes clear, I'm not sure which way he'll go. I can't imagine he'd be excited to work with the government, but they're going to be doing something not entirely legal, so that might interest him. It's going to involve weird stuff, which will definitely interest him, if for no other reason than to make money telling everyone about the government trying to hide stuff. Still, he should be able to create some really impressive lighting and smoke effects. Until things inevitably catch on fire.

The Lead Actress: Dixie Cousins (Kelly Rutherford, Adventures of Brisco County Jr.) - I'm not sure how Dixie got from the late 1890s to the late 20th-early 21st Century. Because I don't know. The Orb, did it maybe.

Dixie was a traveling singer in the West, of a fair amount of renown. People in towns all through the country knew of her and looked forward to her shows. Some of which may have been down to her costuming, but she seemed like a solid singer to my untrained ear, and she knew how to work an audience. So if there's singing and dancing involved, and there almost certainly will be, she should be more than capable on those fronts.

As for acting, Dixie has assumed disguises and identities at times, has played at being interested in a man to get information from him, which suggests some acting ability. However, the disguises weren't great (when she went into hiding, she just dyed her hair and continued singing in clubs and saloons), and she always seems to drop her act at a bad moment. Admittedly, that's usually because Brisco County Jr. showed up, but if the Orb sent Dixie a century into the future, it's a sure bet Brisco is trying to find some way to reach her. Which means, in typical fashion, he'll appear at the most inconvenient time. Still, until then, I think she can handle it. Singing, dancing, romance, intrigue, she's good at all that stuff.

The Lead Actor: Diego de la Vega (Guy Williams, Zorro) - Will the Orb work as an explanation a second time? It will? You're cool with that? Awesome. Diego's going to want to find a way back home, and he's doing the acting thing as a way to stay in southern California in the meantime.

Diego was quite the skilled musician, with both guitar and piano. He had a good baritone singing voice (or his IMdb bio says it was a baritone, I couldn't tell you). There certainly were no complaints on that score from the ladies he sang to, whether as Diego or Zorro. Not to mention he'll be a natural when it comes to stunts. Since he's been propelled into the future, and nobody would know him here, he doesn't have to worry about maintaining the pretense of Diego being a clumsy scholar, which was proving more of a strain as time went on. If he's playing at being an actor, his skill in tumbling and flashy swordfighting would only be considered an asset. Plus, someone with his reflexes could come in handy if people on stage are endangered by Joe's pyrotechnics.

When things start to go off-script, Diego is naturally going to involve himself. Maybe he'll throw on the costume, maybe not. I'd vote for acting as Zorro, simply because the costume is very cool, but there might not be time. I could see him trying to protect Dixie first, regardless, which she might appreciate. Depends on whether she feels she had things under control at the moment. Either way, I'd expect she and Diego to have some natural chemistry. I'd also expect Diego and Joe to butt heads regularly, since Joe is certain to make remarks, probably about Dixie, that Diego finds out of line. His Old World sense of propriety, or chauvinism, or whatever you want to call it. But if he kicks Joe's butt cleanly, Joe would probably respect him for it, which might make it the best way for things to go.

The Costumer/Designer: Jane Lane (voiced by Wendy Hoopes, Daria) - I wasn't sure how to define Jane's job. Maybe creative consultant? She's an artist, mostly paints, but also pencil work, sculpture, pretty much whatever medium she feels like working in. I figured scenery and backdrops at a minimum, costuming designs maybe. I imagine she'd have some ideas about appropriate or cool lighting, which may or may not agree with what Eberts or Joe have in mind (for that matter, I see Eberts and Joe having a lot of disagreements about stuff like that).

I expect Jane to be the least interested in what's actually going on. She'll be suspicious and curious, but if she's left to create, and Eberts is willing and able to incorporate what she comes up with into the show (and pay her), I'm not sure she's going to worry too much otherwise. Jane, like me, enjoys making smartass remarks and asking uncomfortable questions to mess with people, but I don't see her trying to throw a spanner in the works.

It occurred to me halfway through typing this there needs to be music. I had Jane in mind as The Lady with a Boat, in this case her brother Trent's van. So maybe Trent's band can be the music. Or Diego could play some pieces Joe can record and play back during the performance. Or Bernardo, Sergeant Garcia and Corporal Reyes got pulled through time as well, and Diego gets them to play. If that's the case, Garcia is absolutely going to end up on stage at some point during the show, and wow the crowd with his impressive singing voice. Because the applause will bring a big smile to the sergeant's face, and a happy Sergeant Garcia makes me smile, too.

As for the goal of all this, I figure the Agency is using this play as a smokescreen to get at Arnaud de Ferhn's vaults. He's gotten his hands on some extremely early prototype of the Orb. I mean, really early, since that thing isn't supposed to be created for a few centuries yet. This one probably isn't capable of time travel on its own, yet. But as a potential power source, maybe. It might be the quantum computer introduced in episode 1.8 of The Invisible Man, in a new and improved (evolved?) version.

It seems more likely to be the sort of thing the Chrysalis Group would have stored somewhere, but I can't see the theater troupe scam working on them. Arnaud on the other hand, owns a casino, and is both pretentious enough to want to have a theater putting on plays there, and cheap enough to hire some half-assed, shoestring budget group. He's probably paying them in free, leftover buffet shrimp.

Figure Darien and Hobbes are lurking somewhere among the stagehands, pretending to just be regular workers. But Darien takes such a half-assed approach to playing any sort of a role that he's far too casual and friendly with Eberts for the others on the troupe not to notice. Plus, he and Hobbes are probably trying to wander around surreptitiously and figure out where Arnaud is hiding the MacGuffin, something Diego would almost certainly notice and investigate, and likely Dixie, Joe, and Jane, either separately or as a group.

Arnaud is either eventually going to notice them, or has known all along what was going on, and this was all part of another of his overly complicated plans to get Darien. Expect Diego (or Zorro) to make a key last-minute save, possibly alongside Brisco if he does show up. Jane could be an effective distraction, especially if her brother is there providing the music for the show. I don't know if that would involve some kind of demonstration or crazy public performance, or if they'd just light something on fire. Either one is good. Dixie and Joe are the ones who actually get the MacGuffin, forming an effective, if uneasy duo. They're both naturally curious, they both like to bluff, they'll both hit people if they feel like it, what more do you need?

I expect poor Eberts is going to be crestfallen if all this happens on Opening Night. Maybe they'll get to do a couple of actual shows first, to help sell their cover to Arnaud? Because I think Eberts will get into it, and I actually don't think this crew will give him much trouble. He may have to rein in some of Jane and Joe's excesses, and Diego will tease him a bit, because that's what Diego does, but Eberts is going to be taking this seriously, and try to do his best. And I think everyone else on the team takes enough pride in their work they will, too. Dixie and Diego have too much pride to turn in a poor performance, and Joe and Jane would have too high an opinion of their work to half-ass it.