Sunday Splash Page #389

"Rubber Ball Boy," in New Warriors Annual #1, by Dan Slott (writer), John Calimee (penciler), Don Hudson (inker), Kevin Tinsley (colorist), Rick Parker (letterer)

Only the first volume of New Warriors got any Annuals, but it's also the only one that really lasted long enough to bother. Four in total, each of the first three acting as a single part of some larger story running across various other Annuals that year.

This one, "Kings of Pain" included X-Force and X-Factor among others, and involved someone gathering all the dispersed energy that used to be Proteus. This was a predictably terrible idea. The second, "Hero Killers", ran through New Warriors and the various Spider-Man books, and involved someone abducting young heroes to use as lab rats, essentially. The third was someone with a deep connection to the Darkforce Dimension - not Cloak - going nuts and using the Darkforce to control lots of heroes. You can tell how invested I was in these story by my repeated use of "someone." It was different someones each time, if you care. Only the fourth and final Annual was its own thing, focusing on recurring Warriors' opponents Psionex, but I'm not that interested in Psionex, so I never bought that one.

The rest of each Annual was taken up by short, 4-6 pages stories focused on one character or another. In this one, most of those are different characters relating their backstory to someone - Nova's talking to his kid brother, Namorita's giving an interview, Firestar's is actually narrated by Emma Frost - and how the Warriors got together. Although the stuff about the formation of the team is usually relegated to the last few panels, which seems like a missed opportunity to delve into what each team member thinks about the team, its purpose, their role in it.

This story is the exception, at least as far as this annual, and is about Speedball drinking some concoction that's supposed to let them take readings through Robbie's kinetic field. Then he spends the next two pages trying to activate his powers in various dangerous ways - jumping off buildings, getting hit with a wrecking ball - only to be saved at the last second by one of New York's 5,000 superheroes. And then there's a twist ending, which I won't spoil. Unless you ask, because what the hell, the story is 35 years old. 

Saturday Splash Page #162

"Green Journalism," in She-Hulk (vol. 1) #4, by Dan Slott (writer), Juan Bobillo (penciler), Marcelo Sosa (inker), Chris Chuckry (colorist), Dave Sharpe (letterer)

She-Hulk had a couple of ongoing series prior, but this was the first sans adjective in the title. Slott takes the idea that Jennifer Walters likes being the powerful, eye-catching She-Hulk versus her more nondescript, smaller self to the extent that Jennifer, in some sort of reaction to how quiet and focused she remained on her degree in college, is now going wild, throwing parties at Avengers Mansion every night, abusing her Avengers' parking privileges, and generally just relying on quick talk and her rep as a hero to win cases.

Having been booted from both her job with the D.A.'s office, and told she can't live at the Mansion any longer, she gets approached by a rep from a big law firm with a job offer. There are conditions, which are outlined on the splash page recap. Suffice it to say, while she's lawyering as Jennifer Walters, there's still a lot of aspects of the job that can use the She-Hulk personal touch. Such as when the Scorpion tries to crash Spider-Man's suit for libel against Jonah Jameson, looking to kill the two people he hates most. Or when she has to act as counsel for Adam Warlock on a planet where cases are decided by combat, and his opponent in The Champion.

Slott uses that as a chance to drastically increase Jennifer's strength. Bobillo uses it as a chance to draw her with even bigger biceps, which only makes how tiny he draws her hands more noticeable. Seriously, look at that splash page. It's like her hands are the only part of her that doesn't Hulk (well, except for maybe her mouth and nose.)

Slott adds workplace drama aspects to the book to add another angle beyond punching and legal wrangling. The firm's current hotshot attorney doesn't like or respect Jennifer, while one of the newer attorneys has a crush on her (although Slott starts up something here between Jennifer and John Jameson which nearly resulted in marriage in the second volume.) The guy who recruited Jennifer (with mysterious ulterior motives) has a rebellious teen granddaughter with a bionic arm he makes Jen babysit, to mixed results.

I think Slott used Southpaw in his Avengers: Initiative book, only to have the arm surgically (and painfully) removed by Hank Pym and the Nazi scientist he had on-staff.

Juan Bobillo draws half the series, Paul Pelletier the other half. It's not a perfect split, but Bobillo's issues seem more focused on courtroom aspects, even if the courtroom is a boxing ring on another planet. Pelletier gets two issues where She-Hulk has to contain a super-villain prison break, along with the last few issues, when Titania tries to kill She-Hulk (with an assist from the aggrieved Champion.) But Pelletier's much better at fight scenes, so that works to the book's advantage. Their two art styles are nothing alike, with Bobillo favoring a very thin line for his work, and a tendency to keep the characters at a bit of distance. Not many close-ups, or panels where the surroundings are entirely obscured.

The book ended after 12 issues, although Marvel being Marvel, volume 2 started within a year. I don't own any of that. Slott's run was too pricey by the time I thought about it, likely the result of the news She-Hulk was getting a Disney+ show. I know the book had to deal with Civil War, and Stark shooting Jennifer's cousin into space, and that Slott also went to some convoluted lengths to try and explain past stories about She-Hulk that seemed out of character (like sleeping with the Juggernaut, thanks, Chuck Austen!)

Then Peter David took over the book and made She-Hulk a bounty hunter. Yeah, I don't know.

Random Back Issues #136 - GLA #4

Yep, we're starting with Identity Crisis jokes. Or, maybe "jokes" is more accurate. But that's the recap page, and Cable/Deadpool taught me that's not in continuity, so everything's fine!

Anyway, in the Quinjetta, Flatman is pretty sure if Maelstrom combines the chronal accelerator he stole with an atomic inverter, he could push the universe to the point of cosmic implosion. Doorman dismisses the notion the GLA could ever get mixed up in something so big, until they find Dr. Doom trapped beneath Bertha inside their HQ! Wait, no, it's not Doom, it's past team member (at some point), Gene Lorrene, aka Leather Boy. Angry at not being invited to rejoin during the membership drive that netted them Squirrel Girl, he killed Mr. Immortal (it didn't take, any more than Craig's attempts to get alcohol poisoning will), and, uh, oh, did something awful to Monkey Joe.

While Flatman and Doorman debate whether wearing leather makes a person homosexual, resulting in Flatman coming out of the closet, Deathurge shows up for Monkey Joe's soul. He's been hanging around Mr. Immortal all his life, but now he's in squirrel form, so Craig can beat him up for some answers about why. And the answer is. . .?

Yes, it's Craig's destiny to be the last thing alive in the universe - until Al Ewing insists he can be killed in Immortal Hulk, but that's 15 years away - and Deathurge has been preparing him for that. Why? If Craig can't die, there's nothing he can do except sit and wait for a lot of years to pass. Or is it no good if the grief and isolation drive him mad? Whatever, if Maelstrom succeeds in his plan, there's no cosmic destiny, because the universe will be gone.

Wouldn't Craig still be alive in whatever it is universes exist in? The gaps between the different realities or something? Whatever. Craig, as a one-man species, Homo supreme, has to stop Maelstrom. Does the comic then make a joke about the word "homo"? You know it.

The GLA arrive at Maelstrom's base, but he's got Batroc's Brigade to keep them busy, Batroc being unaware Maelstrom plans to end all existence. Mr. Immortal leaves that fight to the others, so it's fortunate Squirrel Girl brought the squirrel army. Zaran the Weapons Master's gonna have a hard time living this down next time he goes after Shang-Chi. Maelstrom activates the machine, but Mr. I's sure he could stop him if he could just get through the, 'impregnable dome of proto-natural force!' So Doorman throws himself against the barrier to allow Craig to pass through via his very-limited teleportation powers. And that's the third member of the team killed in 4 issues. 4, if you count Monkey Joe.

As the universe collapses in on itself and Batroc realizes he's not gonna get paid, Doorman arrives in Oblivion, finding a poker game held by his former teammates. Including Monkey Joe, so I guess he counts. Hawkeye's the exception, because the Internet says he's the Swordsman. I do not remember that rumor, but I wasn't in the comics blogosphere back then. Back in the waning moments of the universe, Craig talks it out with Maelstrom, who admits to feeling terribly alone as a unique being, a mutant and an Eternal. Mr. Immortal points out if Maelstrom destroys the entire universe save himself, he'll have nothing but his loneliness. Having not considered this, Maelstrom pleads for a solution to this self-created dilemma, which Mr. Immortal offers in the form of. . .shooting himself in the head. There's no way Maelstrom could be that stupid.

I bet Quasar will really feel like a loser when he finds out that's all it takes to stop this guy. Mr. Immortal gets back up, obviously, and deactivates the machine. But it was too late for many of the squirrels, save one plucky gal Doreen decides to name Tippy-Toe, not to mention Flat - oh, no, never mind, he's alive, just standing at an angle because his costume got sucked off. Before Mr. Immortal can explain Doorman died, Doorman returns! On skis. With a cape. 'Cause he's the new Swordsman. I mean, Deathurge.

The mini-series concludes with no mention of the GLA saving existence, and the team being sued by the Maria Stark Foundation to stop calling themselves Avengers. But hey, Mr. Immortal mentioned being some sort of mutant earlier! Squirrel Girl's a mutant - or not, per her own series, but that retcon's over 10 years away. So are Flatman, Bertha, and Doorman. So it's the Great Lakes X-Men now!

(The X-Men would subsequently use mind control to make them stop during the last issue of Dan Slott's The Thing series. Because the X-Men are gatekeeping assholes. But Mr. Immortal would win the name "Champions" in a poker tournament later that issue, much to Hercules' displeasure.)

{4th longbox, 209th comic. GLA #4, by Dan Slott (writer), Paul Pelletier (penciler), Rick Magyar (inker), Wil Quintana (colorist), Dave Lanphear (letterer)}

Saturday Splash Page #140

 

"Meet Me at the Big Green Lady," in Spider-Man/Human Torch #5, by Dan Slott (writer), Ty Templeton (penciler), Drew Geraci and Greg Adams (inkers), J. Rauch (colorist), Dave Lanphear (letterer)

Released in 2005, Spider-Man/Human Torch was a humorous look at the antagonistic friendship between the title characters over the years. Each issue was set at a different point in their history, and involved the two either one-upping or saving each other, if not both at the same time. Critically, Johnny interacts with both Spider-Man and Peter Parker, while not realizing they're one and the same.

Though the fifth issue is set during the JMS/Bendis' New Avengers era, meaning Peter is a schoolteacher and Aunt May knows he's Spider-Man, Slott and Templeton stick mostly to before Peter's marriage to Mary Jane. This plays into the idea that Johnny can't believe Parker is somehow dating a different beautiful woman every time they cross paths, but it involves the creative team distilling the '90s into "clones," as Johnny keeps mentioning certain team-ups which Spidey responds to with "clone."

(Around the time this mini-series would have come out, I had a rough estimate that 4 years in our time equaled one year in Marvel time. Which means the entire Clone Saga would have been about 6 months, Ben Reilly's time as Spider-Man probably not even half that.)

It isn't until issue 3 (of 5) they even get to the '70s, in what is probably the most commonly cited issue online. Spidey, struggling to pull out of a depression brought on by Gwen's death, asks Johnny to give him driving lessons in the Spider-mobile. The Red Ghost and his Super-Apes get involved, and Spidey stops them with the power of fruit pies.

The various supporting casts are around - Spidey accompanies the FF on a trip inside a difficult-to-reach dimension when he and the Torch swap roles for the day; the Black Cat enlists Johnny's help on a heist inside the Wakandan Embassy when Spidey objects - but the focus is on the two leads. How much they envy each other, how much they can get on each other's nerves. But at the end of the day, neither of them really wishes the other ill. Spidey's not going to let Doom kill Johnny, and Johnny will lend an ear when Spidey's depressed.

Saturday Splash Page #84

 

"Into the Hulkiverse," in The Thing (vol. 2) #2, by Dan Slott (writer), Andrea DiVito (artist), Laura Villari (colorist), Dave Lanphear (letterer)

The Thing didn't get another crack at a solo book for 20 years. To be fair, the '90s weren't a great time for the FF overall, but even the Human Torch got a brief ongoing series a couple of years before Ben's next turn. This time, it was Dan Slott as writer, with Andrea DiVito as artist (to start.)

In some manner owing to Ben only just learning one-quarter of the FF's money from patents or merchandising or whatever is his, he gets big-time rich. The first few issues are Ben letting the money go to his head, dating an actress, throwing cash around, while his friends tut-tut. Ben and Alicia are on the outs again, as she's dating some milquetoast architect guy who conveniently goes away at the series' conclusion. The actress girlfriend goes away even quicker, after a delightful journey to Murderworld.

Ben doesn't go broke or anything like that, but does decide to spend his money in more community-oriented ways after Reed uses Franklin to teach some sort of lesson on how meaningless it is to just spend money on personal pleasures. Reed's looking at it the wrong way. Ben buying customized SUV limos and whatnot keeps him in a better mood, and therefore less like to use Reed like a particularly annoying piece of dental floss.

DiVito's version of the Thing feels in the vein of George Perez's. Taller than most people, broad, but the features are rounded or smoothed rather than squared off. But the shading gives him a gritty texture that I don't see a lot of artists use. Like grains of sand would come off on your fingers if you ran them along his arm.

Kieron Dwyer's version is in that "squared off" style. Walks a bit hunched over, head broader, eyes bigger. The brow ridge sticks out farther, allowing for more expressive faces. The last two issues are humorous one-offs - a time travel birthday trip for Alicia gone wrong and a big superhero poker game - and that look works better for those than I think DiVito's would.

After 8 issues, the book ended with Ben and Alicia back together. Less than a quarter of what his first series got, and less than one-twelfth of Marvel Two-in-One. But it's a different time, plus this was during Straczynski's time on the main Fantastic Four title, and Aguirre-Sacasa's Marvel Knights FF book, so they might have been overloading the market.

Also, the book started just a few months before Civil War kicked off, so perhaps not the best time for it in terms of tone.

Sunday Splash Page #208

 

"The Happy Few, These Doomed" in GLA: Misassembled #1, by Dan Slott (writer), Paul Pelletier (penciler), Rick Magyar (inker), Wil Quintana (colorist), Dave Lanphear (letterer)

In the wake of the regular Avengers disassembling, the Great Lakes Avengers are the only ones who can stop Maelstrom from ending the universe. Assuming the GLA can avoid falling to pieces themselves. Not just because four team members die (not counting however many times Mr. Immortal offs himself, it's a lot). Most of the others are thinking about giving up for one reason or another. It's hurting their career, or it just doesn't seem like they're making a difference. Everyone has to decide what really matters, and whether anything they're doing matters at all.

It's not a serious mini-series. The first cover is an homage to New Avengers #1, except one of the lightning bolts is hitting Mr. Immortal while most of his team looks on in surprise or embarrassment. Grasshopper joins and get killed four panels after he accepts the offer. Squirrel Girl joins the team, but her partner Monkey Joe gets killed by former team member Leather Boy (see in the picture above), who has dressed himself up like Dr. Doom in that leather armor he made of his lover's skin in Waid's FF run. Mr. Immortal saves the day by tricking Maelstrom into a suicide pact to stave off loneliness.

Paul Pelletier's art works for the classic superheroics. The Kirby Krackle energy around Maelstrom's machine, the fights against Batroc, Zaran and Machete (who are unwitting hired help to their own extinction). He can also do the humor bits, or the attempts at humor, anyway. The after effects of Mr. Immortal's attempts to kill himself. The "Monkey Joe Says" panels with the squirrel as a cartoon rather than a more realistic squirrel.

But it's kind of an odd book. I could see the old "it's satire!" defense, but I don't know if it fits. Slott does this thing throughout where he makes what I assume is supposed to be a joke, then there's a small panel with Squirrel Girl's at that time partner, Monkey Joe, making some bit of commentary. For example, Big Bertha's secret identity is a super model. Slott and Pelletier do a bit where the way she gets rid of all the mass from her superhero identity is through. . .throwing up. In the lower right corner of the panel where the title of the issue is spelled out in projectile vomit on the bathroom wall, Monkey Joe reminds us bulimia is never funny. OK? It feels like when a comedian says something controversial, then immediately backpedals with the "I'm just making jokes here!" to downplay any backlash.

Slott establishes in the first issue that Dinah Soar's species lives a long time, and they can soulbond with one person who will then be able to understand them. She chose Mr. Immortal, and the idea they'll be together for who knows how long - centuries? longer? - is comfort to both of them. 

Maelstrom kills her one panel later. Pretty much so Slott can send Mr. Immortal into a tailspin for the next 2.5 issues. Because Mr. I is sick of Deathurge (who he can see) keeps taking everyone he cares about, but never Mr. Immortal. But eventually he learns an important secret about himself and accepts this fate. Dinah's death is kind of pushed aside. Is it commentary on killing female characters in a perfunctory fashion so male characters can be sad about it, or was it just a case of killing a female character in a perfunctory fashion so a male character can be sad about it? Or the fact Mr. Immortal repeatedly tries to kill himself out of grief and loss, but it's shown as a joke. Is that about how superhero stuff is always melodramatic, or is the reveal that Mr. Immortal has some great purpose a comment on the fact that once you're dead, whatever you might have achieved is gone. Never to be realized.

Before this 2005 mini-series, the Great Lakes Avengers were second-stringers (at best), but taken at least somewhat seriously as well-meaning heroes who maybe didn't save the world, but did their bit to keep their corner of the U.S. safe. Hawkeye and Mockingbird even trained them for a time. Sure, it was kind of silly when the GLA changed their team name to "The Lightning Rods" to capitalize on the T-Bolts' popularity, only to find out they were copying villains and decided to hunt them down. But Kurt Busiek played off that and wrote them as actual competent heroes the main cast underestimated. Not the most powerful, but a team who spent half that comic working well together and kicking the T'Bolts' disorganized asses, then helped them face down Graviton.

After this mini-series, they're pretty much a running gag. All the jokes about the high mortality rate of their roster, Mr. Immortal sort of succeeding at committing suicide (he dies, he just doesn't stay dead), Squirrel Girl joining the roster? Far as I can tell, this is where all that starts. Is that better than never getting used at all? I guess if you're the character who can't stay dead (until Al Ewing tries to make some big point about his Hulk mythos), it's not so bad. Everyone else is potentially fucked.

Sunday Splash Page #175

 

"Turns Out, Worms Can't Read Maps," in Earthworm Jim #2, by Dan Slott and John Lewandowski (writers), Barry Crain (penciler), Sam De LaRosa (inker), Ed Laz (colorist), UL Higgins (letterer)

I'm guessing this is not what you expected to kick off the "E's" with. Or maybe it was, if you know my affection for the old EWJ.

A three-issue mini-series from mid-90s Marvel, written at least partially by Dan Slott (he gets plot credit at least), which I was not expecting when I bought this several years back. It's kind of an odd bird of a story. It's not an origin, except perhaps for Peter Puppy's friendship with Jim. Jim's already a well enough established hero that there's a background subplot about several of his villains hiring Evil the Cat to sic his lawyers on Jim with a lawsuit for all those times he beat them up.

(The lawyers keep get waylaid one way or the other. Going to the wrong address, chasing ambulances full of injured super-villains, stuff like that.)

The main villain actually ends up being Bob the Killer Goldfish of all things, who tricks Princess What's-Her-Name into agreeing to marry him to save Jim's life. The comic's version of the Princess is sort of a weird amalgamation of the cartoon's version (where she's a hardbitten rebel leader/warrior princess), and the video game version (who seemed like sort of a bubblehead). So she's very strong and ready to fight, but also kind of dumb when the plot requires demands it. Not unlike Jim, actually.

Barry Crain and De LaRosa handle most of the art chores, except the back third of issue #2, which is drawn by Manny Galan and Carlos Garzon, who utilize a simpler, cleaner style. De LaRosa really likes to shade in as many muscles on Jim's suit as possible, and Crain's version of Jim is much more animated and a little feral looking. The top of his head is always moving or squiggling about, and he can get a distinctly manic look in his eyes at times. Crain also likes to add little details to the background. Like having one of Evil's lawyers look like Pinhead from Hellraiser, or what looks like a TIE Fighter getting plowed through at the top of the splash page up there. 

Which fits with the general tone of the comic, a nearly constant stream of jokes, one-liners, puns, sight gags, the occasional meta-joke, etc. I'd say there's more misses than hits, but there's a few that are kind of funny.

Random Back Issues #56 - She-Hulk #1

Come on Jen, everyone knows Chilly Willy's a penguin. Just because Blizzard's frozen through and through, it doesn't make them the same.

The first issue of Dan Slott's run has Jen spending as much time as possible as She-Hulk, living a party girl lifestyle, in sharp contrast to the glimpse we see of her in law school. Where she was quiet, studious, and basically went unnoticed by everyone in her class. I don't know anything about law school, but it seems like it would be competitive enough the other students would notice someone doing well enough to finish summa cum laude. But maybe law school is so tough you don't have time to worry what anyone else is doing.

Anyway, in the present, she's dating an underwear model, abusing her Avengers Priority card to park illegally, stressing the mansion's security protocols with all her unannounced guests. Most unforgivable, she's making a ton of extra work for Jarvis with the messes and the parties.

During a trial for a company which stored Anarctic Vibranium (the kind that's unstable and melts all metal) improperly, she bails during her closing argument because of an Avengers emergency. MODOK is trying to use Blizzard to freeze the entire planet so AIM can have all the technology. All the technology that will now be buried under a shitload of glaciers? As you saw up above, Jen handles that and throws another big party at the Mansion. Big ups to Captain America for offering to help Jarvis with the mess. He's a solid dude, not like that lout Tony Stark, who just stands there silently.

 

Jen ends up winning her case, the jury returning the verdict in minutes, and that's the end of her good news. Her model boyfriend breaks up with her, citing a need to date someone with more 'depth.' Then Captain America and the Wasp swing by to tell Jen she's out. Not out of the Avengers, but out of the mansion. Presumably, Steve is worried living in the mansion is causing negative health benefits because look how tiny her hands are.

When she gets to work, her car gets booted because her Avengers Priority no longer works, and she finds out the guy with the Vibranium issues got a successful mistrial filed. His attorneys argued Jen helping to save the world unfairly prejudiced the jury. Then she finds out she's fired because she's been acting too unprofessionally.

 

So it's off to a bar, where several guys try unsuccessfully to hit on her, and then Blizzard hits her with an ice beam. From a gun. If all his power comes from a gun, why did MODOK even need him? Just kill him and take the freeze gun! Anyway, Blizzard's pissed she ruined his chance to be a big shot. When she busts loose, he figures she's about to ruin his face, but instead she offers to buy him a drink, and he eventually passes out.

At which point she's approached by Holden Holliway, one of the heads of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg, and Holliway, the firm that defended Anarctic Vibranium guy. Holliway already mentioned that she's very important, for reasons I don't think we learn until the end of Slott's run on the next volume. Pretty sure he ends up being evil. I know, an evil lawyer? Ridiculous.

He starts off by making reference to her not really being drunk due to her metabolism and 'immense body weight'. Man likes to live dangerously. Or he figures whatever is left of him after she punches him can sue her. He offers her a job, but as Jennifer Walters, not She-Hulk. Jen reluctantly agrees, telling herself she can stand being 'her again.' Unfortunately, Jennifer doesn't have the unique metabolism or body size, so she is immediately completely wasted and pukes all over Holliway's shoes (and an unconscious Blizzard). Well, Holliway's a dick, so I'm gonna say he deserves it.

[9th longbox, 198th comic. She-Hulk (vol. 1) #1, by Dan Slott (writer), Juan Bobillo (penciler), Marcelo Sosa (inker), Chris Chuckry (colorist), Dave Sharpe (letterer)]

Sunday Splash Page #140

 "Great, Deadpool's Confused About His Powers Again," in Deadpool/Great Lakes Initiative Summer Fun Spectacular, by Fabian Nicieza and Dan Slott (writer), Nelson DeCastro (artist), Giulia Brusco (colorist), Dave Lanphear (letterer)

Skipping past Deadpool: Games of Death, which is an enjoyable, but sadly lacking in splash pages, one-shot by Mike Benson and Shawn Crystal where Deadpool goes undercover in a death stunt reality show with a bunch of parodies of various action heroes, we come to this. 

Released in the post-Civil War Marvel of 2007, when the Great Lakes Avengers were part of the Initiative as Wisconsin's official super-team, and Cable was "dead". It's a bunch of short comics with two threads that run through it. 

One is Squirrel Girl finding out that thanks to Mark Millar and Paul Jenkins, her crush Speedball is now the completely idiotic Penance, and setting out to fix this. This involves Doom's time machine, references to a story from the at-that-time current volume of Marvel Team-Up (the same volume Robert Kirkman used to do a Spider-Man/Invincible team-up), and Niels the bouncing cat becoming P-Cat, the penitent puss.

The other is that, after they team up to stop an AIM plot to incapacitate all the "real" superheroes with an inebriation ray created by harnessing the power of the completely wasted god Dionysus (seen above), the GLI invite Deadpool to join the team and then can't get rid of him. Eventually the two storylines dovetail and the comic ends. Speedball is still not released from the ridiculous hell the character was dumped in, but oh well.

It's silly, and treats the entire idea of Speedball becoming a character whose powers are triggered by pain so he wears an iron maiden for a costume with exactly as much respect as it deserves. I love it.

Sunday Splash Page #20

"Then Venom Died and We All Cheered," in Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows #1, by Dan Slott (writer), Adam Kubert (penciler), John Dell (inker), Justin Ponsor (color artist), Travis Lanham (letterer)

I reviewed the mini-series last year. Looking back, it really hasn't made much of an impression. It was nice to see Peter and Mary Jane together again. The art was OK, Regent had a lousy design, though. The tpb is probably going to the library in the next pruning of the collection.

Amazing Spider-Man - Renew Your Vows

In this case, I'm referring to the Secret Wars mini-series, By Dan Slott, Adam Kubert, Scott Hanna, John Dell, Justin Ponsor, and Travis Lanham, and not the ongoing Gerry Conway's writing at the moment.

So, guy calling himself Regent builds suit that lets him draw on powers of super-people he captures and puts in special containment units. By the time the Avengers take him on, he stole enough X-Men powers it's too late. Spidey misses the fight because Regent also released a bunch of villains, including Venom, who knows Spidey's identity and attacks MJ and their new baby. Pete kills Venom (or leaves him to die in a burning building if you're really charitable), but retires to protect his family. Ultimately he has to get back into action, then the whole family has to team-up with the remaining resistance to beat Regent, who was after Spider-Man all along. Because having a Spider-sense would be the key to defeating God Mode Dr. Doom. You'd think he could grab a precog, a telepath, somebody with probability powers, and achieve the same effect, but no.

OK, first things first, because it's been bugging me since I read this: Regent's design is terrible. He's this big whitish blob, with some wiring stuff on the arms and legs, and a red emblem on the chest. He looks like frickin' Colonel Computron or some shit.

Beyond that, it's Adam Kubert's art. By this point, you pretty much know what you're getting with it. It's pretty solid, straightforward, easy to follow. Nothing really flashy. The fight scenes are solid, Kubert can draw an punch with some weight on it. There were some panels that seemed like they needed to be larger, for more emphasis. Near the climax, the whole family is fighting Regent, things are going well, teamwork, lots of small panels of each one taking their shots* , and then Regent grabs Annie, which is bad. The panel is a small, square panel, actually smaller than the others on the page prior with it, but as it appears to represent a turning point (and ultimately faces Peter with his big choice), seems as though it should grab attention a little more.

If you cared about continuity with Secret Wars, you could wonder about how Regent is the only one who knows about Doom-as-God (this Spidey doesn't even seem to have heard of a Dr. Doom. I guess one didn't exist in his world). But I doubt any of you reading this are going to be that broken up about that. I did question Venom being willing to threaten a baby, since he had historically considered Aunt May (and Peter's parents when they were briefly back) off-limits as innocents. But again, different continuity I suppose.

In-story, peter is faced with a moment where it looks as though he'll kill the Regent to protect Annie, since he knows who they are and like Venom could come back to imperil the family. But he chooses not to, and calls this renewing his greatest vow. Which means he broke it when he killed Venom, so are we supposed to see that as a failure, a lack of belief in himself? Peter didn't believe he could protect his family from Venom, so he killed him to remove the threat. He took the safest, most direct route to their safety, and then repeated this strategy by abandoning being Spider-Man, by not trying to help others or trying to defeat the Regent.  In the longterm, they weren't really safe, because they were having to hide their powers with inhibitor chips so they weren't discovered. That might not work forever. Parker was relying on the Tinkerer for inhibitor chips, that wasn't going to work forever. It was more kicking the can down the road on making a decision.

Although that makes those choices seem at odds. Killing Venom was Peter making the decision. Protecting his wife and daughter was worth breaking that vow not to kill. While I'm generally in favor of Spider-Man not killing, when presented as a parent trying to protect his loved ones from someone vowing to torture them (and then probably eat them), I'm not going to fault him too much. That's not even getting into Regent making most of Spidey's rogue's gallery into his strike force, which means it's extremely unlikely Venom stays locked up, and you don't really want a guy with telepathic abilities near someone who knows your identity.

Believing he could always protect Annie would be foolishness. Isn't that something parents are told, to understand that sometimes their kids are going to get into scrapes or trouble, and you can't always be there? Granting that as Peter is a superhero, he has somewhat outsized ideas of what is possible for him, it would still be dangerous to proceed as though he'd always get there in time.

* Kubert uses lots of small panels for most of the fights Annie's involved in, but not so much for the ones that are just her dad. Spidey gets taller, skinny panels mostly, and not as many per page. I don't know what that means.

31 Days of Scans - 5 Character Dream Team

I said last December I wanted to do a few of those "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" rosters this year, and thus far, I haven't. Because I decided to wait and kick it off with this one. As usual, these can be difficult, because there are so many options. Which is why I have to restrict myself in some ways, or I'll never make a decision. This time around, I opted for characters created outside Marvel and DC. So, same rules apply as the last time, only there'll be no Mastermind, since it states 5 characters only.

The Leader: Brian Clevinger and Scott Wegener's Atomic Robo. For the purposes of this exercise, Robo is in his normal body. However, I'm not sure precisely when I'm taking him from. It might be simpler, in terms of getting the team together, to take him from the 1940s (for reasons that will become clear shortly). But if I take '70s Robo, we get possible Carl Sagan appearances and Robo wears a Gilligan hat sometimes. If I take current day Robo, we get the benefit of considerable experience and greater scientific knowledge in our Robo. With the present day, it's easy enough for Dr. Dinosaur's Time Bomb to throw Robo to the '40s, or perhaps another universe. There were his multiple run-ins with the Shadow from Beyond Time, or Tesla's device that opens a doorway to the vampire dimension (which Majestic-12 later got its hands on). Or something else we haven't seen yet. The options are there, and really, any Robo will be good.

So Robo is going to be the leader, but he's also going to be the brains of the outfit, at least as far as science goes. In more criminal areas, there are at least 2 characters on this team more experienced. However, given the nature of the world some of these characters inhabit, Robo is going to run up against some things he is going to have difficulty squaring with his views on how things work. Magic for one, time travel for another. One of the things I greatly enjoy about Atomic Robo is when he gets exasperated with stupidity or nonsense and resorts to sarcasm. Probably because that is how I respond to stupidity and nonsense. I expect this team to exasperate and confound Robo repeatedly. And everyone is a strong personality in their own way, so keeping them together is going to be a challenge. Especially because, in a crisis, Robo seems inclined to try and do everything himself and keep his Action Scientists at a safe distance. Understandable, since he's bulletproof and they aren't, but I doubt this crew will be as accepting. But he'll bring lightning guns, and lightning guns heal all wounds. With horrible burns, but still.

The Man with a Boat: Doug TenNapel's Earthworm Jim. This one is fudging it a bit since, a) Jim was originally a video game character, and b) the comics he did appear in were published by Marvel. But once again, Blog Commissioner allows it (all those illegal payoffs, er, paid off). Jim may or may not have a boat, but he does have a rocket large enough to carry a couple of passengers, and capable of traveling to other star systems. Close enough. (Note: One could substitute the Tick, and it would largely achieve the same effect, but I prefer Jim and it's my team, so nyeah.)

Jim operates in a sort of Silver Age world (which is why I can't be sure he doesn't have a Worm-Boat. He had a Worm-Cycle in the cartoon). Heroes keep their word, and triumph because they believe in things greater than themselves, like honor, or true love. Things that ought to be bizarre are treated as largely unremarkable. Radiation gives you super-powers, not cancer (though the powers are more likely to be funny than useful, as the need for jokes requires). Problems can be solved with science that makes not the slightest bit of sense. In a lot of ways, putting Jim on this team is a way to torment Robo with a heroic version of Dr. Dinosaur. There are going to be times Jim will suggest a completely idiotic solution to a problem (like dressing up as waiters to fool pursuing henchcats into eating explosives dressed up as seafood), and in the time it takes Robo to start listing all the ways that's nonsense, it'll work.

Of course other times, the nonsense solution won't work at all, because it's nonsense. In that event, Jim can just fall back on blasting things. Robo should at least appreciate having another person on the team who solves many of their problems with combinations of shooting, jumping, and hitting.

The Rogue: Colleen Coover and Paul Tobin's Bandette. This could put Bandette out of her depth, which by itself might make it worthwhile. Robo and Jim have both dealt with threats that could have ended existence. Then again, Bandette quite likes the world, because it has so many things for her to take from people, she'd be quite willing to help. Neither of the first two characters are all that great at stealth. But they are both fairly upright guys, so I wonder how much friction there would be about her stealing. Because it's a certainty if they storm the combined lair of Helsingard and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head and she sees a painting she likes, she'll take it. I'm pretty sure she can talk circles around Jim at will, which won't stop him from pleading she abandon her life of crime, and when that fails, probably trying to haul her off to jail.

Robo's going to be a harder sell. But Robo has worked with governments in the past, even though he doesn't trust their motives, because he fears how much worse they'll make things if he leaves them to clean it up themselves. So working with a thief who is more than happy to assist the police in bringing down other, more serious, criminals might be something he can live with. Until it puts the whole team in the crosshairs of someone better left alone. . .

I expect Bandette to enjoy the experience immensely. She's going to have an opportunity to steal things no one else from her world might ever have a chance to even see. She has the chance to become the greatest thief in the entire multiverse, which is the kind of challenge she'd love.

The Muscle: Dave Stevens' Rocketeer. Making Cliff the Muscle is a bit of a joke. If this were the old JLI, Robo would be J'onn, and Bandette would probably be Ted (she's too clever to be Booster). I'm not sure who Jim is, maybe the Big Red Cheese? He has that sort of upright, honest outlook, albeit a little more wacky than Billy. Cliff would be Guy, shooting off his mouth and getting punched in it. I fully expect him to be knocked unconscious within 5 minutes of this group being put together (and I expect Bandette to borrow the rocket pack about 5 seconds later).

Still, Cliff is generally an upright guy despite his temper, and he's more than willing to put his neck on the line. He has a little experience with super-science, so he ought to take a liking to the lightning guns at the very least. I do expect a giant talking worm to shock him (Bandette would probably just respond with some variant of how marvelous it is to meet a giant worm, and set about charming the pants off Jim. Even if she were flustered, she wouldn't show it). Cliff is probably the one who is going to struggle the most to prove his value, so he's going to overreach, make mistakes, try to butt into things that he should have stayed out of.

Also, if you think that Betty will team-up with Bandette at some point, probably to get their hands on some important classified documents, you're absolutely right. Betty's stubborn and enthusiastic nature ought to play well off Bandette's more playful outlook. There will also almost certainly be a team-up between Bandette's dog Pimento, and Butchie, that bulldog that hangs around the diner Cliff eats at most of the time. Hell, we have the possibility of an Atomic Robo/Doc Savage team-up, since the Doc is the one who designed the rocket pack. Hmm, could we tie that into Robo's Flying She-Devils of the Pacific mini-series? Rival jetpack designs, or the She-Devils could have improved on the Doc's design. Basically, my reason for possibly having '40s Robo is to say he and Cliff already inhabit the same universe. Their worlds can at least sort of coexist.

The Woman of Mystery: John Ostrander and Tim Truman's GrimJack. I know you're thinking John Gaunt isn't a woman, and you'd be correct. However, it was established that - spoiler for 25+ year old comic! - having rejected Heaven to save his best friend, Gaunt's fate was tied to the city of Cynosure, and he's doomed to be reborn until the city is destroyed. At least some of the future incarnations we saw in the double-page splash that explained this were female. It could be one of those GrimJacks. A good writer could do something with a character who is a woman currently, and has grown up as a woman, but also remembers past lives as a man just as vividly, and how they choose to identify themselves in light of that. I have no idea, frankly, how GrimJack would approach it, though I expect there'd be an adjustment period when he recalls his past lives and handles it badly. You need someone who isn't me writing this thing for that, but the potential is there.

Setting that aside, GrimJack brings a lot of experience to the table. Even if were aren't using a reincarnation (in which case he has multiple lifetimes), he has decades of conflict in his life. Robo's been alive for awhile, but he's lived comfortably enough he could spend time going to school, running a company, developing entirely new disciplines of science. Gaunt had to spend almost his entire life struggling to survive. Grows up in the shittiest part of Cynosure, the Pit. Gets sent to the Arena to fight for his life for the amusement of the upper class while still a kid. Gets out as a teen, finds a little love and peace in a pocket dimension, then returns home and finds himself in a battle against the literal forces of Hell. Survives that, joins a bounty group called the Lawkillers. Survives that, joins the Transdimensional Police, then the Cadre as an assassin, then becomes a freelance mercenary. He lives and thrives in a city that is constantly changing in size, shape, and population, where the physical laws that govern one street corner may have no bearing around the next block, and that too, is constantly changing. He's pissed off innumerable people, from politicians to bounty hunters to gods. Even if he did catch a bullet eventually, he made past 50 in a profession where a lot of people would be lucky to reach half that. He knows how to survive, is what I'm saying.

It's that knowledge I think the team really needs. Robo can be deceptive, but for him, that means he plays bullet magnet while someone else sets things in motion. Cliff is a generally lousy fighter, and not much good at making plans, and abandons the ones he does make at the drop of a hat. Bandette is sneaky, but tends to let fights drag out because she's having fun. As for Jim, well, despite his great big muscles and his really big ray gun, Jim is still an earthworm, which means he is pretty dumb. Gaunt fights dirty, using any edge he can get. Any weapon, any bit of his surroundings, any distraction, any moment of weakness in his opponent, GrimJack takes advantage of it. He wouldn't have lived as long as he did if he hadn't. Plus, he's getting old, and with the aches and pains, it's just better to end fights quicker sometimes, you know?

Also, I'm curious how he'd respond to Robo. Gaunt had a rule about not allowing Tourbots in his bar (those are ways for people to cheaply travel the city while sitting safely in a chair in an office somewhere, by placing their consciousness in a rolling trashcan), and once of his worst foes was Kalibos, an artificial intelligence that merged science with magic, and kills people to wear their skins so he can roam the city doing as he pleases (sowing discord and chaos as the ultimate expression of his freedom). So GrimJack might have some problems with artificial intelligence. Until Robo helps him put Kalibos down once and for all. Gaunt is, again in JLI terms, Batman, which is not something I'm hugely happy about given my frequent antipathy towards the Bat, but I don't see a better comparison. I do think that, once he got to know them, he'd develop moderately warm feelings. Jim might remind him of his friend Judah the Hammer, Cliff's a young hothead GJ would probably try to keep from getting his head blown off (that said, GrimJack is the one I expect to put out Cliff's lights in the first 5 minutes). I think he'd have to respect Bandette's skill (there will NOT be any romantic relationship between those two. however. Bandette is not spinning the wheel of likely death all his girlfriends have).

As for how you get them all together, rough draft, assuming Robo and Cliff occupy the same universe. There's a mishap with the portal, only they're thrown somewhere other than the vampire dimension, probably Cynosure (or the vampire dimension went into phase with Cynosure and they survived it long enough to emerge into the city, probably joining whatever forces from the city are keeping the vampires from overrunning the susceptible dimensions). At the same time, Bandette's world came into phase, and through some circumstances, she's come into possession of the Manx Cat. Maybe someone from Cynosure came to Paris and found her, and offered her the job. When the Cat gets stolen, GrimJack is the one who always gets dragged in to retrieve it. Which sets off a chase through the city, and Cliff, observing the chase, tries to help Bandette. Which doesn't go well, so Robo jumps in (literally), and GrimJack brings out the heavy artillery. Bandette probably hangs around to watch, or recognizes she has no idea where home is at this stage, and at some point, Robo falls into a section of the city where technology doesn't function, which hopefully slows things down enough nobody gets killed. As for Jim, I expect him to abruptly arrive after an incident involving him trying to make root beer in his garage for a box social he invited his rogues gallery to. He shouldn't have accepted a golf club from Psycrow to stir the mixture doing a thunderstorm. They could potentially end up in a section where technology can develop low-level sentience, in which case his suit would go out of control, and the whole group has to try and contain it, destroy it, or get it to a different area where it'll revert to normal.

Robo ponders the choices that have brought him to this place in "Why Atomic Robo Hates Dr. Dinosaur", by Brian Clevinger (writer), Scott Wegener (artist), Ronda Patterson (colorist), and Jeff Powell (letterer). Commandeering a giant hamster to stop a shotgun wedding is just another day in the life in Earthworm Jim #2, by Dan Slott (plot), John Lewandowski (script), Barry Crain (pencils), Sam DeLa Rosa (inker), UL Higgins (pencils), Ed Laz (colorist). Bandette is living the dream in Bandette #3, by Paul Tobin (writer), Colleen Coover (artist), Ryan Jurgensen (digital production), and Irina Beffa (design). Cliff is more confident than he ought to be in Rocketeer, Chapter 4 (I couldn't figure out which comic specifically it would be in), by Dave Stevens (writer and artist), Laura Martin (colorist), and Carrie Spiegle (letterer). GrimJack's stint as a dentist ended swiftly amid complaints about his primitive working conditions in GrimJack #1, by John Ostrander (writer), Tim Truman (artist), Janice Cohen (colorist), and John Workman (letterer).

Dipped My Toe In Spider-Verse And Nearly Got It Bitten Off

'When your mind is a blank, and you've got nothing to post on, you can always trust. . . Dan Slott!'

(sing it to "Downtown")

Not sure how he became the comic writer most likely to do something that causes me to roll my eyes, but here we are. Probably because while Millar is off doing his creator-owned stuff, and Bendis and Hickman are mucking about in sections of the Marvel Universe I can ignore, Slott's got his hand around Spider-Man's throat.

This week, the Spider-Verse event paid a visit to the Spider-Girl universe. One of Morlun's, cronies, cousins, whatever, killed Peter and Mary Jane (and possibly also Mayday's boyfriend Wes, I'm not sure about that), while Mayday took her baby brother Ben and ran. Two Spider-Guys from other universes showed up just in time to tell her it was too late to save her parents, and they escaped. But not before Mayday swore to the trenchcoated murderer that she'd forget everything her parents taught her about being a good person and hero to get revenge on him.

So yeah, Spider-Girl's about the DARK VENGEANCE now. Because a young hero vowing to avenge their dead parents hasn't been done a thousand times before.

The issue before this, Morlun personally paid a visit to the universe for the Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends cartoon, and slaughtered the lot of them. Even had a nice chuckle about how that Spider-Man literally had no words for what was happening (since nobody ever got killed on the show, I guess, so murder didn't exist until Morlun arrived). I'm not sure what it was supposed to accomplish. I mean, I didn't know which Spider-Man it was until Morlun was leaving and we see Firestar and Iceman's corpses. This isn't even setting up cardboard cutouts just to immediately knock them down and hope for dramatic effect. It's just thrown in casually, after the fact. "Oh yeah, by the way. . ." At least Peter and MJ got to go down fighting together, albeit off-screen.

I don't see the percentage here. If you're someone who doesn't know anything about the characters, the couple of pages they get before their death probably aren't going to sway you. It's possible they could I suppose, I know Mightygodking once argued Marv Wolfman did a good job giving a minor hero (Sunburst) in Crisis on the Infinite Earths a little arc before his off-screen death, but I don't think Slott's putting in the effort to manage that here. If you're a fan of these versions of the characters, are you supposed to be happy about it? To want to keep reading, excited to see if Slott kills off some other alternate version of Spider-Man you like?

I've seen some suggestions among fans online Slott's doing it intentionally to piss people off, that he's said as much at conventions. I have to wonder if that's legit, or if he's just playing a heel. Get some talk going about his book, get people interested to see what everyone is yelling about. Or maybe he got tired of everyone yelling at him about Brand New Day/One More Day and decided, "Heck, if they're going to scream no matter what, I'll give 'em something to scream about." I'm not sure fostering a hate-filled and adversarial relationship with your audience is the best strategy, but history suggests that in the short-term, you can do worse than to write something that will piss everyone off, then count on the fans to buy the comic so they can rail on about how much they hate it. I don't think it's viable long-term, but maybe that's not his concern.

{Brief aside: I will admit I don't understand buying a book you expect to hate. I have bought a lot of comics I hated. If you've read my reviews for any length of time, you know this. But I'm not going into it wanting to hate it, I'm hoping it will be good. Even when I was buying Uncanny X-Men during the Austen run, because I was still very much a completionist and the idea of dropping a book just didn't register, I kept hoping the book would turn around. It never did, but I never stopped hoping. It's the same thing with Hawkeye now. For all I'm disappointed in it, I'm still hoping Fraction and Aja pull it out at the end. It's why I didn't buy Civil War, and why I dropped Amazing Spider-Man before One More Day started: I didn't see any way I'd enjoy either of them, so it was better to not spend money on them. Aside over.}

The funny thing is, as far as I go, Slott's strategy backfired. I had a certain curiosity about Spider-Verse, in no small part because Mayday was going to be involved. Except I had been expecting a couple of the Spider-Guys to show up and ask if she would accompany them to help with this threat. She agrees, hugs her parents, and off we go. She gets to meet 616-Parker, her dad at a younger age. She did this once before, early in her title, but it was during his high school days, so presumably this Parker would be a little more mature. And Parker could meet the daughter he could have had if he didn't reveal his identity to the world like a schmuck, setting a whole series of stupid events in motion that culminate in deals with Mephisto (where he even showed them the daughter they were losing for making the deal).

I'm not sure why Marvel works so hard to make me not want to read Spider-Man comics.

Anyway, I was not expecting Mayday to go on the run as an orphan to keep her baby brother from being eaten by the Douchebag Goth Brigade, to have to leave her parents' (and possibly her boyfriend's) bodies to burn in the remains of her home. I was not expecting her to be out for revenge. Also, I am really concerned at the idea of Spider-Ock being anywhere near a baby with spider-powers. There's no part about that I like. I know he can't die there, because he has to go back and finish the last 10 issues of his title, but he needs to.

I'm not angry, more annoyed he couldn't think of anything better to do. But he's not the first to go for the cheap pop with a quick death he didn't build properly, he won't be the last. I've long ago decided to pretty much ignore anything I don't like. If the writers, editors, and artists can do it, so can I.

The end result is, my interest in Spider-Verse evaporated like water on the highway in Death Valley at noon in July. Not only that, I had been planning to add the various older She-Hulk series to my back issues searches, including Slott's run, but now I'm wondering if I want to bother. It's possible he wasn't always this kind of lazy writer; I picked up Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E. earlier this fall, so I know Geoff Johns wasn't always about dismemberment and gratuitous double-page splashes. Writers can change over time, or certain assignments just aren't suited for them. I'm not sure any longer I want to waste the money to find out if that's the case with Dan Slott.

On the plus side, that whole mess did make me want to reread all my Spider-Girl comics, and maybe track down some of the ones I missed or let go of previously. So, uh, thanks, Dan Slott?

Felicia's Getting A Little Off-Course

One thing I've tried to do with the Favorite Character posts is not talk about things done with the characters I don't like. Because it's a series of posts about why I like certain characters, not a series of "Marvel and DC have dumb editors who let bad writers write things I hate" posts. That's what the "Civil War" label was for.  It hasn't always worked - trash fire that it was, War Games was an important part of three characters' stories - but I've spent less time ranting than I feared I would.

This, however, isn't a Favorite Character post, so I can discuss poor decisions by creative talent as much as I want. Which brings us to the current state of the Black Cat in Amazing Spider-Man. If you aren't up to date, here's the situation: While Octavius was still in Parker's body, he caught Felicia leaving a high-rise she was robbing, punched her in the face and left her webbed up for the cops. Now Felicia is back on the loose and hellbent on revenge against Spider-Man, unconcerned with his explanation that it was Octavius, teaming up with Electro to try and kill the web-slinger.

First, we'll set aside the fact Felicia can't tell the difference between the Spider-Man she'd known all that time, and one that is Otto Octavius playing at being Spider-Man. Never mind Felicia's had some bad run-ins with the good Doctor. Never mind the fact that she once met Ben Reilly during his stint as Spider-Man and immediately knew he wasn't the webhead she'd flirted with and fought beside for years. Sure, Ben was an exact clone of the guy she knew, but Otto is clearly a master thespian, and Felicia, like all the other heroes in the Marvel Universe, was brain-damaged as hell.

Setting that aside, though, here's the thing. If I accept that she couldn't tell the difference, and that she thinks that really the best excuse Spidey can make up for it now, I can see Felicia being outraged Spider-Man would turn her in to the cops. She thinks they have a sort of "gentleman's agreement", and he broke it. I can see her wanting revenge for that. It's not a mature response, it's not the best response, but Felicia doesn't always go for those, not right away. I just can't see her going about this way.

Like I said, she's attacking Spider-Man in broad daylight, teaming up with a schmuck like Electro to do it, while yelling about how Spidey ruined her rep and she's going to get it back. Last thing first, Felicia is a thief. She's not hired muscle, she's not an assassin. She's the person you hire when you want something stolen quietly that supposedly can't be stolen, and you have the good sense not to hire Gambit. How does killing Spider-Man in a series of dramatic, public battles, which endanger innocent people, reestablish that rep?

It's like that Cable/Deadpool issue where Wade - having been literally pantsed twice by Cable on worldwide TV in the last three issues - tries to drum up some work by kidnapping a bunch of generals and making them watch him fight Taskmaster (as a showcase for his skills). Wade wins, but afterward, the generals point out they already knew Wade was a remarkable instrument of violence. Just like they already knew he was an unreliable looney-toon you couldn't count on to handle things professionally, something he also reenforced when he kidnapped them.

If prospective employers had questions about whether the Black Cat was still the best thief around, her current course does nothing to assuage those concerns. If anything, it should heighten them because she's seemingly obsessed with revenge and can't even do that quietly. If she wants her rep as a thief back, here's an idea, go fucking steal something. The Wand of Watoomb. The key to Tony Stark's liquor cabinet. One of Elektra's sais. Galactus' underpants, I don't know, whatever would prove she was still a really awesome thief.

I have been entertaining the possibility that Felicia is testing him. Spider-Man says that was Octavius and he's back to his old self now? Let's see. She put him in a situation last week where he could leave Electro to die, or probably die trying to save Electro. Being Spider-Man, he jumped in, as Felicia even said she was testing to see who was inside his head. Except, it doesn't seem to have changed anything. Spidey was down there, doing his best to save Max, and he asked Felicia to try throwing her luck powers into the mix. Felicia turns him down cold, vowing to watch him burn. It was bad enough when she was hellbent on attacking him when he was trying to save people from a burning building, now, even after he should have seemingly answered her question, she's still content to watch people die.

It's a disappointing direction by Dan Slott. Felicia's just another villain now, focused on revenge against the hero for misfortunes stemming from her own choices (I like the Black Cat, but stealing is still a crime, and she chose to steal, so jail time is the risk she runs), completely unconcerned with who she hurts in pursuit of that goal. Because it isn't like Spider-Man doesn't already have 5,000 people like that in his rogue's gallery. Oh well, someone can fix it somewhere down the line. If Marvel can sit there with a straight face and try to portray Octavius as a hero while he parades around in a stolen body, they can rehab the Black Cat's image after this nonsense is over. It'll turn out to be some valuable lesson about not letting anger rule your life, they way Peter's apparently rolled with all the crap Octavius did without becoming an angry, dark hero over it.

Could Be Earth's Mightiest Hypocrites, Am I Right?

On my way out of the boonies back at the beginning of November, I stopped along the way at a store to look through the back issues. While I was there, I also skimmed through a recent issue of Superior Spider-Man. I've said previously I don't have any interest in Octavius as Spider-Man, but they had the Black Cat on the cover, and I was mildly curious to see how they were playing off each other.

As it turned out, Ock caught her robbing a place, kicked her butt, and left her webbed to a wall for the cops, her swearing revenge under her breath. That along with a few other things that started to go wrong for him in the issue, reminded me of a post on the Legion of Doom several months back. The idea was that Slott's whole plan with this is when Parker inevitably gets his life back, Octavius will have ruined it. Peter Parker's rep will be destroyed - because he looks like he's stealing Octavius' ideas, and siphoning money from Ock's hidden offshore accounts - and so will Spider-Man's, because Ock will screw up something catastrophically, or just do something villainous he thinks is heroic. Which means that Parker will be back to the old status quo: single, broke, no steady lady in his life, the other heroes unsure of him, the public against him.

Octavius destroying Parker's life I can see easily enough. His ego is burning bridges left and right.  In a vacuum, I can see the Avengers not wanting anything to do with him under certain circumstances. The problem is that I don't see how the Avengers don't cut him some slack if he just goes to them and says, "Hey, Doc Ock had control of my body for the last several months." Wolverine gets let off the hook every time someone mind controls him into killing a boatload of people, which is funny considering Wolverine kills boatloads of people even when he isn't mind controlled. I've harped on Tony Stark's actions during and after Civil War for years, but he seems to have been welcomed back into the fold, and all it took was him rebooting his own brain so he doesn't remember what he did. Hawkeye was a crook at one point, the Black Widow a foreign spy, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch were terrorists originally, who have both had mental breakdowns that pitted them against their friends from time-to-time. They all seem to get welcomed back eventually. Stark, Hercules, and Carol Danvers have all been guilty of trying to fight crime while intoxicated. Hank Pym seems to catch more flak than most anyone, but even he gets let back in eventually. None of those folks can claim their arch-foe was running around in their body committing those acts, which really ought to cut Spidey some slack.

Maybe that's not what Slott's going for. It might be sufficient for the public to distrust Spider-Man, but the Avengers know the score. Or perhaps he's going to have Ock piss off the other heroes so much they won't even listen to Spidey when he tries to explain. That would be hard to believe for certain characters, but it could always turn out Spidey doesn't get a chance to talk with any of those. I think Carol Danvers would be a receptive audience - certainly she understands having your life stolen from you - but she's going to be out in space more, so not much overlap there. If it does turn out like that, it may be one of those things where the reader just has to treat the book as existing in its own little world. Ock-Spidey was a jerk, so all the Avengers hate Real Spidey, and just don't look at the fact most of those Avengers don't have any moral high ground for their behavior.

Messages In The Past, To The Future, About The More Recent Past

I thought about including this in yesterday's review, but it isn't strictly about the game, so we'll handle it separately.

The third villain Miguel O'Hara faces (and the one responsible for the first two) is a new Doctor Octopus. A scientist from Alchemax' Shadow Division. When I first saw her silhouette, I thought she was going to be Carolyn Trainer (who was Doc Ock during Otto's time as a corpse, circa the Clone Saga), flung into the future somehow. Not quite. Dr. Serena Patel is, however, quite the fan of Otto Octavius, and designed her suit with his in mid.

Here's the bit that caught my attention. In her bio, when it mentions Otto's role as her inspiration, it also mentions that he may have destroyed the original Spider-Man in a climactic battle.

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions came out in 2010. It was written (at least partially), by Dan Slott. And this particular Doctor Octopus was created for the game. Which means Slott, presumably, added the backstory about Spidey's finally battle being with Octavius. Slott had already been writing Amazing Spider-Man sometimes for a couple of years at the time of the game's release, though I don't believe he started using Octavius heavily until he became sole writer (when they stopped rotating creative teams each arc), and that was late 2010.

Maybe this just means Slott's a believer in the idea that Octavius, not Norman Osborn, is Spider-Man's true arch-nemesis (in terms of being a true dark reflection/thematic opposite). Or it could be there are stories that a dozen different villains are the ones who destroyed Spider-Man. One thing about the 2099 timeline is that their records of the past were fairly sketchy. But it does, in light of recent events with Octavius and Spider-Man*, strike me as interesting. The Marvel Universe at large currently believes Ock died in his final battle with Spider-Man, but at some point, I have to think someone will piece it together. Surely not everyone in the Marvel Universe is that big of an idiot. And when that happens, it be considered to be the destruction of Spider-Man by Octopus, since he'll likely have flushed Parker's life down the tubes by then.

* I've chosen to ignore Superior Spider-Man as much as I can. I'm not really interested in being told the Spider-Man I enjoyed reading for decades actually sucked, and this villain who stole his life is much better at being the hero. And I've heard the argument Slott's doing a satire, but frankly, people use that as a defense for things so often now I'm not sure it has any meaning. Besides, Slott's also the guy who had Spidey torture the Sandman and treated that as a perfectly proper and heroic thing to do. I consider it to be as stupid and wrong-headed as Warren Ellis having Steve Rogers tell his teammates to torture people, so I'm doubtful this is actually satire. If you like it, great, but I'm giving it a pass.

Now Try Saying It Without The Bruises

Near the end of Amazing Spider-Man #621, Mr. Negative arrives in an alley he believes Spider-Man is in. He finds only a piece of Spidey's costume. Negative, knowing Spider-Man is somewhere nearby, launches into this bit about how by his code of honor, he has to really bring the hammer down on the web-slinger, now that Spider-Man had the temerity to invade his home.

From some unseen position, Spider-Man fires back that according to his code, he has to take Mr. negative's plans, and feed them back to him even worse. His reason being, Mr. negative invaded his home first. Mr. Negative is confused, until Spider-Man explains that by "home", he meant New York. That's just like an only child, to claim everything in sight belongs to them.

Well, that's a nice proclamation from our hero, vowing to defend his city from the crime lord. Describing what he'll do as taking 'whatever you're planning and give it back to you in IMAX 3-D' was a little clunky, but I guess something like "give it back to you tenfold" would have sounded more villainous. The only problem is, Spider-Man doesn't seem to be speaking from a position of strength at the moment.

Yes, as he and Negative are having their little chat, Black Cat is stealing back the vial of Spider-Man's blood Mr. Negative had, meaning he won't be able to make anymore of his special poison gas that's only toxic to people who share DNA with Spider-Man. That does help Spider-Man a bit. Still, the reason Mr. Negative was looking for Spider-Man in that alley is because he put him there. Spidey took a swing at, Negative blocked it with one hand, then hit Spider-Man with that same palm and sent him through, by Spider-Man's account 'two windows and three walls'.

While Mr. Negative might be slightly surprised that Spider-Man not only survived the hit, but is already up, moving, and still determined to stop him, I don't see that he would be terribly concerned. "You're going to stop me, Spider-Man? The way you stopped my hand with your face?" Well, Mr. Negative would say something better than that, but the same principle applies.

Maybe it works better if I think of it as Spider-Man speaking to the audience, letting them know he was caught off guard, but he's not out of the fight. I think Roger Stern and Tom DeFalco did the same thing at points in their Spider-Man versus the Juggernaut and Firelord (respectively) stories. Spider-Man would be swinging into battle, having struggled to survive to that point, but vowing to stop the other guy, no matter what. The antagonist was nowhere nearby in those cases, so he was speaking to himself, and to us. In this case, he's making this promise to the villain, who had previously dealt with him with ease. It doesn't work as well.

You Wascally Awachnid!

I'd like to start by showing you this page from Amazing Spider-Man #620. I guess I have to thanks scans daily for it, since my attempt to take a photo of my copy didn't turn out well. I wish I remembered not to read comments on any of the posts, but what's done is done. Anyway, the page:

Nice, isn't it? Marcos Martin, you are a wonder. I especially like the middle panel, with Mysterio (minus his costume, obviously) and his exasperated look, saying 'I hate you.' That's actually where this post comes from. Reading that panel, my mind flashed to Daffy Duck, because it's the sort of reaction he'd have right before he was hit by a rock or a blast from Elmer's shotgun. Not the Huge Eyes of Terror look, but the one of resignation that follows it, when he quietly accepts the Pain Train's coming. Combine it with the fact his big strike against our hero (the surface-to-air* missile) is deftly turned around on him by our hero, and it starts to feel a bit like Looney Tunes. How often did one of Wile E. Coyote's (or Sylvester's, Daffy's, Sam's, etc.) masterstrokes come back on them, with little effort from our hero? That's right, every time**.

Then you have all the Maggia guys that appear to be dying from gunshots or getting punched, but they're really OK. It's not precisely the same, since the toons really do get shot, it just doesn't hurt them, while these lackeys are faking, but it's sort of similar. You think they died, but nope, they're OK. Mr. Negative's inner demons fit even moreso, since they really can't die. No matter what you do, they'll be OK***. As Spidey noted the next issue, he can hit them as hard as they like, and it doesn't matter, they'll bounce back.

There was the part just before the missile bit, where Mysterio believes he's escaped, but nope, there's Spider-Man climbing onto the boat, to Mysterio's consternation. It's not precisely the same, but I could see a little similarity to those Droopy cartoons (not Looney Tunes, I know, but roll with it, please). The evil wolf believes he's escaped, then turns, and there's Droopy, waiting patiently for him****. No matter how far that wolf runs, Droopy's always there. It falls apart at that point, since Mysterio actually did wind up escaping, but I imagine Spider-Man will catch him at some point. Hopefully.

Add Mysterio's overacting to the mix. I don't have a scan for it, but if you get a chance, check out Mysterio's gyrations when he controls his Silvermane robot and starts acting as though its power source is overloading. It reminds me of those old Westerns where the guy on the balcony is shot, clutches his stomach, groans, staggers, groans some more, then pitches himself screaming over the railing. Only moreso. If "Silvermane" was acting out of these movements, I'm surprised Mr. Negative didn't rush over and cradle him, sobbing 'Pwease, Pwease don't die Mr. Wabbit, I mean, Cyborg!'

I feel like I'm being mean. That's not my intention. I don't think this is the reaction Slott and Martin were going for. I have the impression we're supposed to feel the same sense of unease and unreality Spidey was feeling, as he couldn't determine what was real and what wasn't. It's just that 'I hate you' triggered all this, and I found it amusing, and here we are. Until tomorrow.

* Mysterio calls it a surface-to-air missile, but he's aiming it at the police stationed on the dock. Which makes it a surface-to-surface missile, doesn't it? Sure, he can probably fire it at flying targets if necessary, but that's not how he's planning to use it.

** Excluding that episode where Elmer took over animator duties for a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

*** I wonder how true that is. If the Silver Surfer atomized them with a blast of the Power Cosmic, would they somehow reform? Negative told them to cut off whatever was broken or trapped under rubble, from which I infer they regenerate, but what's the upper limit on that trick?

**** Droopy was sadistic, wasn't it? His preferred method was to hound the bad guy until he finally loses his mind and runs screaming to any authority figure that would protect him. I know they were always bad guys, but jeez. Was Droopy supposed to be the manifestation of their guilt over their actions, and that's why they couldn't escape?

Ah, Lighthearted Funtimes!

Wind's really blowing out there. Hope it doesn't knock out the power. . . again. Last weekend I picked up Spider-Man/Human Torch in a bookstore, on the strength of two reviews of it. Lucky me, I got it for four bucks. It was in the bargain shelves, can ya believe that? Ah, good times.

Anyway, it a five-issue mini-series that details some interactions between Webhead and Matchstick at different times in their lives. In most cases there's some conflict between Spidey and the Torch, but on a couple of occasions, the difficulty is between the Torch and Peter Parker, such as when Pete gets an internship with Reed and hits it off with the hot Soviet intern, who has shot the Torch down effortlessly. The envy each guy has for the others' life is a recurring theme throughout the stories, although there are times it rings a little false coming from the Torch. That may be because I'm not as up on my Johnny Storm history as I am Peter Parker, but it was a little odd to see Johnny gawking at Peter Parker having Gwen and MJ glad to see him. . . when the Torch has Crystal sitting right next to him. Of course, that's Johnny for ya, I guess.

Ty Templeton's on the art chores, and I think he does a good job of it. This is meant to be a largely lighthearted story, and his work and the coloring go well with that. It;s not meant to be a dark or gritty tale (even when Pete is talking to Gwen while standing on the bridge where she died), and it doesn't look like one. Plus I loved the facial expressions he gave Johnny in #5 when he learns Pete's big secret. No, not that the Pete is the "Parker" in Mary Jane Watson-Parker. The panel was set too far back for a good view of Johnny's face at that point, silly. Of course, sadly, I suppose that story could never have happened, since Pete was married, and had organic webshooters, and was teaching (did the teaching get taken out of his history? If not, why the hell isn't he still teaching? "Freelance photographer" is really better?! Really?!)

I'm sorry. I didn't plan to bring that stuff up. It is a fun mini-series, with Johnny's hair misadventures, Spidey's introduction to Kirby dots, and appearances by She-Hulk, the Black Cat, Kraven, Paste Pot Pete (sorry, the Trapster), and of course, DOOM! For what mini-series would be complete without Dr. Doom? None, says I!

So yeah, go find Spider-Man/Human Torch. Buy it. And hopefully you'll enjoy it.