Sunday Splash Page #382

"Wedding Party," in New Avengers Annual #1, by Brian Michael Bendis (writer), Olivier Coipel (penciler), Drew Geraci, Drew Hennessy, Livesay, Rick Magyar, Danny Miki, Mark Morales, Mike Perkins, and Tim Townsend (inkers), June Chung, Richard Isanove and Jose Villarrubia (colorists), RS and Albert Deschesne (letterers)

Well, well, well, look what it is. No issues of the ongoing have survived my collection purges over the years, so this book's gonna bear the sins of its brethren. Besides, I did a nearly page-by-page rundown of my reactions to it 19 years ago.

First, Brian Michael Bendis disassembled the Avengers, and I said nothing, because I didn't understand what would follow. Then he re-started the Avengers, except now they were "new." And sure, he added Spider-Woman, Luke Cage, and Wolverine to the roster, which was new, so long as you ignored the long history of characters getting to be Avengers for the first time. Bendis certainly went to that well again and again. Daredevil's an Avenger! Storm's an Avenger! Squirrel Girl! And so on. 

Beyond that? The New Avengers didn't do a hell of a lot of superheroing, I guess that was new. All those characters he added were lucky if they got one storyline to show what they brought to the table before the roster either got reconfigured or they just got lost in the shuffle. Some of that was Marvel's constant stream of Big Events, which produced "changes" that had to be addressed or reflected in the books.

A fair amount, however, was Bendis' glacial pacing. He might get one story done between events, if he was lucky. I guess, left to his own devices, a longform story about a team of superheroes trying to root out threats in the shadows and among themselves, where big, colorful super-villains were a deliberate distraction, might have been interesting. Emphasis on "might."

I also didn't find him very good at showing what characters brought to the table. I'm generally open to writers adding characters they like to the Avengers, as long as the writer shows them being useful. But Bendis stinks at scripting fight scenes, meaning you got stories like "The Collective" where it felt as though he created a threat, then had no clue how to make two-thirds of the roster he built relevant or useful in the conflict. Carol Danvers and the Vision, neither of them on the roster, get more to do than Luke Cage, Spider-Woman, or Captain America.

The book itself opens on a mass breakout from a super-villain prison, the majority of the team's roster being the folks who happened to show up or be present at the time. To be clear, not a bad hook! Captain America deciding he has to get a team together to round up all these escaped criminals, and trusting the people who were willing to jump in and get involved on their own. (Daredevil turns him down at this time, due to the shitshow his life was.) The book pays lip service to the mass breakout, for the first 10 issues. They chased down Electro, Sauron, the Wrecker.

But I think Bendis really wanted to do espionage stuff. The people in the shadows. Secrets. There was a mystery around who orchestrated the breakout, and who they were trying to free. There was a whole thing about how maybe Spider-Woman was a double agent for those people, or maybe she's pretending to be a double agent for those people on behalf of the Avengers. He added a character he created in his Daredevil run (Echo) to the team, under a different identity (Ronin), then had her trying to infiltrate the Hand. I think, or she was just monitoring them. "The Collective" is at least as much about Maria Hill (current SHIELD director) learning the Avengers knew why most of the mutants lost their powers, but kept it a secret, and her becoming more hostile to them as a result.

Even this Annual, which is probably the one Bendis-written Avengers comic I read that really felt like a good Avengers' comic, revolves around a mysterious guy, either working with or for AIM, approaching the Yelena Belova Black Widow, and convincing her to be turned into a Super-Adaptoid. The guy's identity is kept hidden, the Avengers unable to figure out anything about who sent her, and Iron Man ends up accusing Spider-Woman of being mixed up in the whole thing. 

For me, New Avengers is notable for being the first title this blog helped me drop. Reviewing it each month as it came out helped me realize how little might happen in any given issue, and how little I was enjoying it. When The Collective - which seemed like his attempt to do a classic, multi-issue, Avengers-level threat -  turned out to be a dud, it was easy to drop and not look back.

More or less. It was a tentpole book for Marvel, so it was hard to miss hearing about the stuff Bendis was doing. Nerfing Dr. Strange's powers in yet another storyarc about the Avengers fighting the Hand. (Wolverine and Daredevil routinely fight the Hand solo, but an entire team of Avengers is struggling?) Trying to establish over-matched wannabe The Hood as a big deal by trashing Tigra as a character. Nothing that made me regret dropping the book.

Which is too bad. I really did think the core group of his initial roster - Captain America, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Luke Cage - could have been a neat group. There was potential in the variety of skills and backgrounds, but the book was never what I hoped it would be. Characters spend a lot of time sitting around talking, but rarely in service of advancing subplots for those characters or building interpersonal relationships or the larger plot. Just talking for the sake of talking.

I didn't really get The Sentry's deal, and I'm not sure Bendis did, either. Why have The Sentry tell the Avengers it's a bad idea for him to join them, then have them just blow that concern off? I didn't love Wolverine being on the team (in-story) specifically because Tony Stark thought they needed someone ready to kill (obviously the meta-reason was Wolverine's a popular character.) Then Bendis ended up making Hawkeye the guy who wants to use lethal force (once he brought him back from being dead at Bendis' hands during Avengers Disassembled.) Which was just stupid given all the other characters he'd put on the roster already well-established to have little compunction about killing.

Ultimately, the book was a mess, drifting vaguely one direction, then veering into a different course for event tie-ins, maybe finding its way back to the original heading later on. 

Sunday Splash Page #381

"King of Space," in New Avengers (vol. 4) #3, by Al Ewing (writer), Gerardo Sandoval (artist), Dono Sanchez-Almara (colorist), Clayton Cowles (letterer)

New Avengers. At times, there's been precious little "new" about the books that carry that title. Ewing's version, starting post-Hickman's Secret Wars, at least had a different concept. Sunspot, through some mechanism I don't know, came into possession of at least part of AIM, which he turned into a radical science international peacekeeping force. Complete with its own island, pocket dimensions to house secondary bases, giant robots, and sleeper agents within SHIELD.

The team is a hodgepodge. Besides Sunspot and the 2 Young Avengers up there, you've got Squirrel Girl, the Power Man Fred van Lente created in the 2000s, a White Tiger, Clint Barton Hawkeye (although this is the era where Marvel was trying really hard via caption boxes to convince us Kate Bishop was cooler than Clint Barton), Songbird and a couple of other characters I think were new, including the daughter of Dr. Yinsen (the guy who saved Stark's life in that cave), herself a genius scientist.

Though the Master (the Reed Richards of the Ultimate Universe, now crazy and evil and somehow spread across the new multiverse) is the overarching bad guy, the team spends as much time dealing with attacks by SHIELD. Once, because Rick Jones exposed one of Maria Hill's stupid plans and Sunspot gave him asylum, and after that, because they acted on U.S. soil, and that was apparently something Sunspot promised not to do.

The book manages 5 different pencilers in 18 issues. Gerardo Sandoval draws the first arc, involving Hulking learning he's some pre-destined child meant to unite the Kree and Skrulls. Sandoval's stuff is sharp and angular as always, but the heavy blacks he favors work well once Wiccan starts showing outward signs of being possessed.

Marcus To draws the 3 issues tying in to Avengers: Standoff  (the story where it turns out Maria Hill was sending super-villains to some fake community and messing with their heads so they thought they were just regular people), except this books' issue involve a patriotic kaiju and Songbird turning on Hawkeye when he tries to defend Rick Jones from SHIELD agents. To's work is solid superhero stuff. He draws a decent giant robot/giant lizard fight.

Paco Medina handles the final arc, when the Master unleashes his group of weirdos (set up as sort of a twisted reflection of Sunspot's bunch) at the same time SHIELD attacks again. Medina's art is, also, pretty standard superhero-style art. Faces are rounded and softer than in To's work, physiques a bit more exaggerated. But, in general, all the artists do a solid job conveying emotion and action as needed.

Ewing comes up with a lot of neat ideas - threats from an earlier cosmos, a U.S. project to turn a hyper-patriotic soldier into a Godzilla - but I stumble at his portrayal of Sunspot as this brilliant mastermind, always 10 steps ahead of everybody. SHIELD asks Sunspot to let Hawkeye be on the team, acknowledging he's there to leak info to SHIELD. Hawkeye sells it by introducing himself as being there to spy on them.

In reality, Songbird's the real double-agent, except Da Costa anticipated that, so she's actually working for him by pretending to work for SHIELD. He fakes his death to draw out the heads of rival AIM factions, who he's certain will use a device to freeze time during his funeral to confirm his death, and lining the coffin with secondary adamantium will block the device they'll definitely use, so he's totally prepared.

Now, this is mostly an issue with me. I don't buy "I perfectly anticipated your every move," in stories. Not in movies where regular human serial killers stalk other regular people, and certainly not in a world with as much weird shit as the Marvel Universe. Not when Tony Stark says he's a futurist and so the heroes need to embrace fascism, with him as Chief Muck-a-Muck. Not when Reed Richards says he made psychohistory a reality, and MATH told him Negative Zone prisons were the best way to go. Hell, the Mad Thinker's whole shtick was thinking he'd perfectly mapped out all the variables, then getting tripped up by something he couldn't measure or account for.

If I can't buy it with them, I certainly can't buy it with Sunspot. Might as well tell me Speedball or Molly Hayes are masters of intrigue and counter-espionage. Especially when Ewing keeps going to the well of "things look bad, but actually is going perfectly according to Sunspot's plan." The first arc is probably the best precisely because Ewing doesn't try that. The team thinks they've dealt with the problem of a powerful sorcerer from a previous iteration of the multiverse, but he's actually hidden away inside Wiccan, who has to pull out victory at the last second on his own.

A Belated Happy New Year

I am back two days earlier than you might have expected, though. Having spent a week in both scenarios recently, I can say that I would rather stay in a house with 7 dogs than one with a single baby. It's easier to discern why a dog is barking, and to convince it to stop, than it is to make a baby stop bawling. Then again, I don't feel comfortable around babies like I do around dogs, which is part of it*.

My New Year's was fine, hopefully yours was as well. I was at Alex', less than an hour north of some of those tornadoes that decided to rearrange St. Louis. We went to a party at Papafred and Tomato's house, which was only a few blocks away from some serious tornado damage, but was itself unharmed. it was supposed to be a night of drinking and board games, but it wound up a night of drinking and talking. We never got ourselves organized enough to play anything. Everyone still had a good time, except perhaps the other designated drivers, since the assembled always bring many intriguing alcoholic beverages. It doesn't bother me, since I can't stand the taste of any liquor, but for those who enjoy it, probably more frustrating.

I didn't watch anything new while I was at Alex, except the last five episodes of Ninja Scroll The Series. I didn't dislike the ending as much as Alex, though I didn't love it. I need to think it over some more, but the issues I had were ones I had with the series throughout. We actually watched a lot of Burn Notice, since I brought Season 1 along, the bought Season 2 for Alex yesterday (we watched two-thirds of it last night). It's fun to watch a series with someone you haven't watched it with before.

The last night I was at my dad's we did watch the Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie. For some reason, Dad owns two copies, which came in handy when the first copy started futzing up right as the big fight in Nottingham kicked off. Honestly, by that point I was ready to call it a night, because the movie had not been engrossing whatsoever. There were scenes, mostly the humorously antagonistic parts between Marian and Robin Longstride. Dad really had it out for Godfrey for some reason, and sure, since he was a turncoat I didn't object to his end, but John was the one I wanted to see drop. Dad also wasn't particularly thrilled with the accuracy of Richard the Lionhearted's death, but I don't think this movie will be one of his favorite wildly inaccurate films about these figures, the way Villa Rides was about Pancho Villa. I don't believe Dad's much of a fan of Ridley Scott's style. His comment during the fight on the beach that these big action pieces are what Scott's good at, so long as he doesn't have to string together a plot was a pretty strong clue.

Like I said, I wasn't really engaged with the film, as I'd have just as readily gone to bed or finished the book I was reading, rather than watch. It was better than the Costner Robin Hood, but I don't think I'd rank it near the Errol Flynn version**, maybe not even Robin Hood: Men in Tights (which I rewatched yesterday). Actually, I think my favorite Robin Hood version is probably the Disney animated one. It hits the beats I like in a Robin Hood film, which I think this new version purposefully eschewed, and doesn't waste much time in doing so. Held up better than Men In Tights, that's for sure. Admittedly, that's not to be taken seriously, but it touches on many of the same beats, as well. I can understand that the folks behind this new version may have wanted to do things differently, to distinguish their version from all the others, but it makes it feel less like a Robin Hood movie. Again, I think their point was to show how he gets to where most of the stories start, but it didn't work well for me.

I wasn't expecting comics on Wednesday this week. I thought for sure they'd be pushed back until Thursday with New Year's and all, but apparently not. If I'd known that, I'd have waited until tomorrow to come back, pick them up on the way. No help for it now.

* I think that makes me evil. I once said Jessica Drew wanting nothing to do with Luke and Jessica Jones' baby in New Avengers Annual #1 was a sure sign she was evil. Seeing as that was Skrull Queen Jessica Drew, I was absolutely correct. Doesn't bode well for me. Hmm, which is my chin so bumpy? Oh wait, I haven't shaved recently. False alarm.

** I watched that with Dad years ago. We had a disagreement about Robin's fight with Sir Guy. I argued when Robin knocked Sir Guy's sword from his hands, that was the time to run him through, rather than letting him reclaim his sword, fight some more, then run him through. Dad countered that wouldn't have been considered honorable at the time, but my contention is they're swordfighting. The better swordsman ought to win, and if one can knock the other's sword from his hand, well point to that guy. He demonstrated superior skill, he wins, other guy dies.

We Will Be Accepting Astrally Projected Ballots

As you may be aware, we face an important choice here in the year 2009. Marvel Minister of Information, Mr. Bendis has informed us that Dr. Stephen Strange will be removed from his position as Sorcerer Supreme, Master of the Mystic Arts, Defender of our Reality from Breeding 4th-Dimensional Hyper-Fungi, and whatever other titles he possesses (excepting his doctorate of medicine, of course).

Now, there are going to be a lot of beings vying for your support to help them gain this position, and we here at Reporting on Marvels and Legends feel it's important you know more about these candidates.

Brother Voodoo: Sure, his supporters will tell you that he was the person Iron man turned to when he needed to know if Dr. Strange and his New Avengers were hiding in the apparently run down Sanctum Sanctorum. What they won't mention is that Voodoo wasn't able to determine whether Strange was there or not, because his magic is weak. Furthermore, did you know Voodoo owns a partial share in the Mm-mm Chicken Conglomerate? That may not seem relevant, but this is a man who frequently kills chickens, ostensibly for his voodoo rituals. But who do you think those chickens belong to? That's right, honest, hardworking folks like you and me! And when we don't have chickens of our own to eat, guess who we have to purchase chicken from, thus improving their bottom line, and that of their shareholders? That's right, Mm-mm Chicken Conglomerate.

The Scarlet Witch: Really now. We're expected to entrust the protection of our reality to someone who goes around killing friends and drastically altering reality simply because her children were imaginary? She says she's better now, but she's said that before, and then gone around the bend. Can we possibly trust her?

The Hood: Mr. Bendis would have you believe that Parker Robbins is a fine choice. That he's the All-American success story, coming from low beginnings, gaining power through hard work and seizing every advanatge that comes our way, and that he'll work to protect us. What he doesn't tell you is that Mr. Robbins has a close partnership with Dormammu, Chairman of Dark Dimension Incorporated, who has attempted hostile takeovers of the 616-Reality Company on several occasions. So whose interests is Parker Robbins really serving, hmm? Besides, Mr. Robbins is as prone to using cyborgs to do his dirty work as the mystic arts. If we wanted someone reliant on technology, we'd call Tony Stark, or perhaps Ted Kord, since he's not busy these days.

Dr. Doom: Dr. Doom certainly seems a qualified candidate. Brilliant, driven, already well-versed in sorcery. Still, Doom has maintained close relations with dangerous sorceress Morgana Le Fay, and on one occasion, killed a woman who deeply loved him and used her skin to make mystically powered armor. Now this dedication to his craft sounds promising, but it also reveals that Victor von Doom focuses too much on the big picture. Sure, it's great if he saves the universe, but if the spell used requires him to kill an entire country, as it's powered by their pain and anguish, well that's a bit drastic, isn't it? Especially since you couldn't be certain you wouldn't be the one sacrificed. One thing is certain: it wouldn't be Dr. Doom sacrificing himself.

Illyana Rasputin - Certainly knows her way around a Hell Dimension, and her old-fashioned policy of dealing with threats by stabbing them with her magic sword until said threats die will certainly appeal to those fond of the good old days. Still, contrary to what manga may have taught you, it's rarely wise to entrust the safety of your reality to a teenager. Too mercurial, unstable for the job. And how do we know she isn't working with the rulers of Limbo, as she's so recently left?

Ghost Rider - Well, it would be pretty cool to have a stunt biker with a flaming skull be Sorcerer Supreme, but let's be serious here: There's no way he can possibly wear the Cloak of Levitation without his tires lighting it on fire as he tears down the highway. And we can't have a Sorcerer Supreme who can't use a Cloak of Levitation, that would just be ridiculous.

The Druid - Dr. Druid's son. Now, if his father had taught him a few things, we might be on to something. As it is, he has less experience than any of the other choices. Plus, there's the question of whether we want Nick Fury to have access to all the places a Sorcerer Supreme has to go. It sounds like a good idea to have Nick Fury deal with extra-dimensional beings by smashing into their homes on a rocket cycle, firing two guns while smoking a cigar with no shirt, but then you find out they were having a peaceful dinner, and now the entire universe is being attacked by aggrevied sentient cucumbers.

Other Guy With Flaming Skull - Um, Zarathos? It's not that Ghost Rider knockoff Vengeance is it? Look, if we don't even know who he is, there's no way we can go handing the keys to the groovy pad in Greenwhich Village over to him.

Clea - On the positives, she's a longstanding opponent of Dark Dimension Incorporated. Learned from Dr. Strange, and has helped defend this realm, even though it is not her home, showing a level of empathy that we could believe in. On the other hand, she also did the nasty in the pasty with Ben Franklin, potentially endangering our timeline. That's a rather cavalier attitude to take. Also, come people may be put off by the fact Dormammu is her uncle, assuming guilt by association. Plus, if Strange was her teacher, then mightn't she repeat his mistakes?

So all these candidates have their strengths and weaknesses. But as leader of Reporting on Marvels and Legends, I'm going to throw my weight behind a true dark-horse candidate. No, not Hellboy (we already asked, he declined to jump realities) Someone who's been exposed to magic through people other than just Dr. Strange. Someone who can use magic, but doesn't like it. You may find that a curious qualification, but the most common downfall of Sorcerer Supremes is falling in love with the power, as witnessed by attempted coup d'etats by Baron Mordo. A Master of the Mystic Arts who distrust mystic arts is less likely to be seduced by them.

With this in mind, I throw the full support of my organization behind. . . Patsy Walker, Hellcat!

Patsy Walker has years of experience dealing with the odd and unusual from her time as an Avenger and Defender. She did have a disastrous relationship with Damion Hellstrom (as her more mean-spirited competitors will no doubt bring up), but Patsy admits to it. The experience taught her many valuable things about magic, and made her a more formidable opponent, to the extent she even outsmarted Hellstrom and Dormammu when they attempted to takeover all the other Underworld realms*, a clear demonstration of her understanding of the value in keeping threats to our realm divided. Plus, Patsy Walker will look out for the average citizen, and have a bright, cheerful disposition while doing so, a delightful change from the typical brooding, unfriendly mystic defender.

In 2009, vote Hellcat for Sorcerer Supreme**!

* As detailed in the Extra-Dimensional Committe report submitted by Engelhart and Breyfogle, Status Update On Dark Dimension Incorporated's Hostile Takeover Attempt of Various Other Smaller Scale Afterlife-Suffering Based Corporate Entities. ** This post was paid for by A Blogger Supporting Hellcat As New Sorceress Supreme. Hellcat is not affiliated with this organization in anyway, and comments here do not reflect her opinion, only those of CalvinPitt.

I Can't Decide Whether It's Intentional, Or A Happy Accident

I remember when Bendis started New Avengers, and he was discussing his choices for the roster, he mentioned that part of why he wanted Wolverine and Spider-Man on the team was he thought they were one of the great intentional (unintentional*?) comedy duos in comics.

Now, one could probably make the case, were they so inclined, that he was blowing smoke, and Wolverine and Spider-Man were on the team because they were big draws, and would lend something extra to the title in terms of sales**. However, I think Bendis really believes that statement, because that seems to be how he plays them in the Ultimate Spider-Man. Spider-Man swings (no pun intended) between thinking Wolverine's the coolest guy ever, and a lunatic who drags everyone around him into a mad world of explosions and pain***.

What I found interesting is that the comedy between the two never came together, not while I was reading the title anyway. Instead, the comedy seemed to come from Luke Cage and Spider-Man, with Luke seeming to swing between being amused with Spider-Man, and exasperated with him. My personal favorite moment was probably during the interminably "New Avengers vs. lots of ninjas" fight during the Ronin arc (issue #11, 12, something like that). Luke gets knocked off the building, rides the elevator back up, the fight's still going. Spider-Man says 'This fight's been going so long, I've run out of jokes', and Luke's response is 'Well, that's one good thing to come out of this.' That certainly wouldn't count as "unintentional", but it got a laugh out of me, so I guess it qualifies as comedy.

I can't decide why it played out that way. Maybe Bendis decided he was doing the Wolverine/Spider-Man thing enough in the Ultimateverse, and didn't need to do it here as well. Maybe it was his fondness for Luke Cage, and wanting to give him something to hang his hat on. Spider-Woman had all the espionage, "which side is she double-crossing again?" stuff, give Luke a bantering friendship with Spider-Man. Maybe he felt like they were a better case of opposites than Peter and Logan, though they do have the bond of being the only two consistent members of the team to be in stable relationships****, which is perhaps a bond?

I have no complaints with the switch in plans, I just wonder about the why. I'm a Nosey Parker that way.

* I can't remember which he said. I think it was unintentional, but when you're describing fictional characters that can only interact in a way you, the writer/artist team, prescribe, can it be described as "unintentional"? You are planning to play their relationship as funny, so it's intentional, even if you write it so that the humor comes when the characters, in world, are not actually trying to be funny. Isn't it? I think I've given myself a headache.

** Which it certainly seems to have done, since sales figures say New Avengers sells better than say, the Busiek/Perez Avengers, for what that's worth.

*** To be fair, though, Wolverine usually warns Spider-Man that it would be safer to stay away from him, and Peter doesn't listen. Because he's a teen with a guilt complex the size of Ohio, I'd imagine.

**** Luke with Jessica Jones, Pete and MJ. I read them before One More Day, so I'm ignoring whatever that might do. Also, I'm ignoring the Sentry, on the grounds he was hardly a presence in the time I read the book, outside of the arc devoted to trying explain what the hell he was doing in the universe in the first place.

A Week Late And Five Bucks Short: Barda, JLA, Tigra

On some level, I'm certain I'm going to regret entering into this discussion, but this is a few thoughts on some of the recent topics of discussion around the comic blog realm.

Barda's Death: This is setting aside whether or not she or the other New Gods are actually dying, and whether or not they'll be back eventually. On its own, Barda's passing in Death of the New Gods #1 doesn't bother me. I have no real affinity for the character. I'm a little sad it's interrupted her feud with Knockout, and that it's broken up one of comics' happy marriages, but I'm not angry about it like I was say, Spoiler's death, or even Ben Reilly's (What? I liked him as Scarlet Spider). She died in a similar pattern to several other New Gods whose deaths we've seen thus far, meaning she doesn't appear to have fought back. Between that option and the "running for your life" strategy opted for by Deep Six, Knockout, or Lightray (he made that huge impact crater because he was trying to get away really fast, right?), Barda's better off how it went down, in my opinion.

Also, I think the reason she was in the kitchen was well enough established in the story that I'm not too sore about that. I don't know whether the location was important to the death or not. It seems like Starlin was trying to give us a glimpse of Barda and Scott's relationship, and as a result of the story he chose to demonstrate that (them going out to get groceries to prepare dinner for the friends they would entertain that evening) Barda wound up where she did. If the location has a meaning, then I think Black Racer's dying in a hospital bed, and Sleez in that slum where he died, also have some sort of meaning, and are clues to tell us who the killer is. Right now, I can't say they're very good clues, because I don't have any idea who it is (but I don't know much about the New Gods). I think/hope her death, both where it took place, and when, in relation to the others, is going to mean something when we get closer to the end.

That being said, I don't like Barda's death, or those of the other New Gods, as a symptom of what seems to happen at Marvel and DC these days. "Oh, I can't think of any way to use these characters creatively. Me either, let's kill 'em off. Brilliant!" This mini-series strikes me as the same sort of thinking that lead someone to decide to use the New Warriors as the fall-team for Civil War, where it just seems pointless and gratuitous. Yes, nobody was doing much of anything with the New Gods before, but what purpose does killing them off serve (besides selling a few copies of a freaking mini-series)?

Justice League of America: There's a lot of talk about the panel of the JLA helpless in the clutches of Luthor's group, with Wonder Woman, Black Canary, and Vixen front and center, T&A prominently displayed. I'm not sure what to make of it. I can completely see Luthor doing that just to rile Superman up, especially with his follow-up line of 'It's unconscionable, isn't it?', which suggests Luthor knows how bad it looks, which is why he did it. I'm not sure whether I buy that line as commentary by Dwyane McDuffie of Ed Benes' artwork. I think the sequence means something beyond the story. McDuffie seems to know his way around the Internets, he probably knows there would be a response to that panel, and not a positive one, but I'm not certain it isn't a case where he actually has Benes playing it up, to get the reader as angry as Lex is getting Superman. I know Benes is known for this style of art, but I wouldn't be surprised if he and McDuffie collaborated to turn the T&A up to 11, get the reader in a similarly aggravated state as Superman. That does overlook the people not bothered by the scene at all (beyond "Oh no, the Justice League are in trouble!"), but it's unlikely those folks would pick up on either meaning, if there is one. So either Mr. McDuffie is giving us a nod, looking heavenward, and saying "I hear ya, folks. I didn't ask for him as artist", or he's poking us with a stick.

Tigra: Let's start with me saying I don't know Bendis. I haven't read all his work, I don't know if there's a heavily sexist streak running through it or not. I don't know if he hates Tigra. I remember a Wizard interview (before he disassembled the Avengers) where he said he thought Hank Pym was 'a dog that should have been taken out back and put down years ago'. Yet Hawkeye was the one Bendis "gifted" with the most idiotic (and later, rightfully ridiculed by Deadpool) death I can remember. So who knows. I think Bendis is aware enough of the online fans to say things just to deliberately rile them up, but I don't think he writes his comics that way. Which doesn't really matter, if how he does write leaves it open to being interpreted as sexist. I personally don't think the scene is sexist, just not terribly well-written, because Bendis goes too far trying to establish the Hood - at the expense of the character playing taking the fall - which is what I think was his intent. Yes, he shows the Hood to be brutal, and willing to help his troops get payback, but after Tigra's portrayal, are we supposed to be impressed? Bendis and Yu portray her as no more of a competent, respected superhero than I am.

Now, if BMB set out to make me uncomfortable when I read the scene, mission accomplished. It didn't make me as uncomfortable as the scene in West Coast Avengers where Graviton has Tigra on a leash (I thought cats hated leashes?), and she sits there demurely as he captures her teammates, but that's a pretty tall order for Mr. Bendis to match, after all. But if the purpose was to make me buy the Hood as a top-notch threat, someone that can command respect from all these loser criminals, and lead them well, then Bendis failed. If I read this before I found comic blogs, and heard rumors that he hates Tigra, maybe it works, but looking at the scene now, I get the sinking feeling Tigra is fighting Bendis and Lenil Yu, not the Hood, which makes me wonder if it would have gone the same in McDuffie or Brian K. Vaughn's hands.

The mistake, I think, is that it's too one-sided. Yes, the Hood shot Wolverine in his groin, but that was in the middle of a brutal fight, and I think it served a purpose of demonstrating the Hood's quick thinking. His attempt to kill Logan by shooting him in the head failed miserably (because of the adamantium-laced skull), so he switched tactics, and shot Logan some place with no bones to protect it. That's clever, it demonstrates a capacity to change plans on the fly, which is something you'd want in a leader. And Wolverine walks away from it, albeit limping, wounded, angry, but pride still mostly intact.

In contrast, Tigra offers no defense of herself. Yes, she might have been stunned by the first hit, but she doesn't even try and cover her face to ward off his attacks. I mean, if someone was pistol-whipping you, and you're still conscious (as she was), wouldn't you try and protect your head from further damage? Tigra doesn't. No one holds her arms, but she chooses not to try and use them to ward off the hits. She doesn't show any sign of defiance, whether it be in the form of a refusal to scream, or the cliche "spit blood in the villain's face". Any of those could have made Tigra look a little less, how should I put this?, pathetic, while not devaluing the Hood as a threat one bit. He still comes off looking totally badass, Jigsaw gets the payback he wanted, and Tigra demonstrates that the Hood beating her up should actually mean something. As it stands, he might as well have beaten one of my grandmothers. Sure, he's an evil bastard for doing it, but it doesn't strike me as particularly dangerous that he pummeled someone who apparently couldn't defend themselves. Ooh, big man, I guess we all better be careful around you, huh? Gimme a break.

Or, if any of those suggestions had been too much trouble, how about a Tigra caption box, where she thinks about how she's going to let the Hood have his moment, because she'd be at a severe disadvantage if she tried to retaliate now, but she's got his scent, and she'll find him when she's ready. That strikes me as the sort of maneuver you might see the Punisher or Nightwing take. Rather than fight a losing battle now, let the baddie have his moment, rest up, and strike when you have the advantage. The hood still gets his moment in the sun, and the readers can have some sense that good will triumph in the end. Or would that notion be too silly?

Everything Going According To Plan

So Sallyp noted in the comments of yesterday's post that Dr. Doom must be getting kind of depressed, what with Tony Stark's gradually conquering of the world and all. But I figure Doom's doing fine. In fact, I bet he's got his fingers in this whole thing. Sure, with Iron Man involved, you'd figure it'd be the Mandarin mucking things up, but given Stark's current Machine God status, that tech angle is a little more up Doom's alley. And heck, Doom's stolen the power of cosmic beings (Silver Surfer, Beyonder, Watchers) I'm sure he used that power to perceive the future at least once. Even if he didn't, the man has time travel capabilities, so either way, he's seen this opportunity coming a long way off. And being Dr. Doom, he'll naturally take advantage (And why not? Doom is after all, the most qualified to lead the world. Not his fault the world can't recognize it.)

So I figure Victor's manipulating Tony. He's hacked into Stark's head (or however it works with Tony's current state), and is the reason why Stark has recently turned into Female Ultron Thing. This gets the Mighty Avengers all worried about Ultron, who's reappearance sends Hank Pym into another tailspin of guilt-driven depression (Which just causes him to go back into his lab, no violent outbursts). Meanwhile, Doom's been utilizing Stark's gifts to gather any information he feels might be useful, while using Tony's position to weaken SHIELD (the removal of the officer's mess and the dry dock daycare center are only the beginning), and get several nations annoyed at the U.S.

The growing acrimony between the U.S. and other nations leaves the citizens feeling unsafe, which is when Doom pops up, telling everyone that you can't trust a government with a superhuman army, because the supers are still human, and prone to making errors in judgment. Now if you really want to feel safe, Doom will point out that his country has no crime, and it maintains this with nice, trustworthy robots, and so wouldn't the U.S. be better off with Dr. Doom looking after him? The people of Marvel Universe, being less than terribly bright, enthusiastically agree, only to realize later that might not have been such a good idea.

Sadly, by that point, all the registered heroes are either dead or incarcerated, leaving it up to the New Avengers, who've been spending this entire time in Japan fighting ninjas to free the same citizens who wanted them locked away. Why? Because they're heroes, that's why! Of course, the team is lacking a little something, but that's why you've got Dr. Strange, as he resurrects Captain America (hey, if a novice like Willow can bring back Buffy, Strange ought to be able to pull it off in his sleep), who leads his team to victory, drives Doom back to Latveria, and reestablishes the U.S. as it was, including letting the people decide whether they want to still have the Superhuman Registration Act. The people naturally, realize that maybe it wasn't such a good idea, and repeal the Act, and it's happy sunny days in the Marvel Universe!

Until the Hulk shows up...

Man, that reads like poorly thought out fan fiction, which I suppose it is. I only spent like 15 minutes planning this post, what do you want? Besides, in reality, the story will be written by good writers like... crud, who would Marvel trust with this that could actually do it well (and on time)?

Fixing The X-Mess

Yesterday was very nice, thanks for asking. On the way to my friends' house I crested a hill, and there's just this beautiful view, with the trees beginning to change color, and a few open fields here and there to break things up. A rare moment when I wished I owned a camera. Ah well.

So, a couple of weeks back, I'm in Marvels and Legends, talking comics with Len and Jack. Somehow we wound up on Ultimate Spider-Man #100, and Len commented that this is a prime example of what Bendis likes to do: Take a story that was a complete mess before, and "fix" it, which he can obviously do, because he is Brian Michael Bendis, after all. Len brought up "The Collective" story in New Avengers as another example, in this case Bendis trying to fix the Xorn/Magneto mess.

Of course, he only seems to have confused the issue further, which doesn't bode well for his chances of "fixing" the Clone Saga. Either way, it left the three of us trying to come up with a plausible way to explain the whole damn thing (clearly, things were kind of slow).

So here's what we came up with, you can tell me if it makes sense.

There are two Xorn brothers, both mutants, both from China (jibes with what Quesada has said). Magneto assumed the identity of the Xorn with the star in his head - as opposed to the one with a black hole in his head (what the hell?) - and infiltrated the X-teams, culminating in a huge smackdown with them, and his death (jibes with Morrison's stuff). Here's where we veered off.

See, Len felt that this Magneto had two problems. One, he was using drugs (to amp up his powers, right?). Two, well honestly, he was too evil. Solution? It wasn't Magneto. It was, in fact, a clone. I know, you're groaning and rolling your eyes, but there is precedence.

In the '90s, post-"Xavier wipes Mags' mind for ripping out Logan's Adamantium", pre-Onslaught, a fellow called "Joseph" arrives on the scene. Looks like Magneto, has the same powers, but nicer, doesn't really remember who he is, ends up being part of the X-Men for awhile. Eventually, Magneto reappears, and we learn Joseph was a clone, but obviously not a perfect duplicate, as he lacked the Holocaust-induced emotional trauma that Magneto has. As the people behind the cloning weren't planning on stopping with one, it's reasonable to assume they tried again. This time, they may have induced some emotional trauma, to try and get a Magneto that's a bit more dangerous, more vicious, and possibly willing to turn to drugs.

In this way, it's no big surprise Xavier finds Magneto not dead after everyone thought he died, because he was still in Genosha (maybe trying to put the pieces back together covertly) the whole time. He can still dramatically show up to take his crazy daughter off the Avengers' hands, get depowered right along with his son, and as for his being repowered? Hmm, let's say his will is so strong, he subconsciously beckoned Michael to him, and their proximity somehow restarted his powers, removed whatever sort of block Wanda had put on them. It makes as much sense as the explanation for Iceman.

If you want a more simple explanation for the whole thing, then let's say that after Doctor Polaris' death in Infinite Crisis, he crossed dimensional realms, found himself in the Marvel Universe a few years earlier, and once he realized where he was, decided to mess with Magneto's rep.

Then he died again. Whoops.

I Come To Praise New Avengers, Not To Bury It

Although, when I do get around to burying it, I'm going to pick a nice spot, geologically stable, low water table, then I'll encase the issues in concrete and put them in the deepest hole I can dig. But today, I wanted to focus on the few things that happened in the first 20 issues of New Avengers that I actually liked. So let's get started, if you see an asterisk, that means there's a caveat to that particular good thing, which will be detailed at the end of the post.

- I said it long ago, that I felt part of the difference between the Avengers and the Justice League is the Avengers seemed more about giving heroes (and villains) who hadn't really moved beyond second-string a chance to prove they belonged with the big dogs. Obviously, that applies to both teams (Booster Gold, 'nuff said), but I've always thought it was more of an Avengers thing. So I was glad to see Spider-Woman* and Luke Cage** get an opportunity.

- The intial premise of a mass escape of super-villains from a high security prison, causing Captain America to see the need to re-form the Avengers. Could get a lot of good stories out of chasing down 45 escaped super-criminals, especially when one is Count Nefaria***.

- That Carnage was ripped in half****.

- That they actually went to capture one criminal (Sauron), after capturing the one who caused the escape (Electro)*****.

- That during that fight, Captain America richocheted his shield off Wolverine's head.

- That SHIELD Commander Hill is initially skeptical of this team******. Some of the characters have questionable histories, she doesn't have the past with some of them Fury did, the Disassembled debacle would make most people nervous, and Cap and Iron Man kind of ignored her concerns and did whatever they wanted.

- That the team went out and caught another escaped villain - The Wrecker*******.

- That burn Cage got in on Spider-Man during the ninja fight: 'The fight's gone so long, I ran out of jokes. Well, that's good thing to come out of this.'********

- That we haven't seen Ronin since the end of that arc*********.

- That Warbird has been a frequent guest since #15**********.

- That Michael was a threat actually worthy of the Avengers***********.

- That Michael slapped the Sentry around like a silly twit.

- That Captain America had to tell The Sentry to stop crying in bed and come fight. Sure, it was pathetic, but it was still funny.

- The New Avengers Annual. Humor, powerful villain, everyone on the team got to do something, The Sentry got, once again, smacked around like a silly twit, Warbird was involved. A wedding. Stan Lee cameo. Good times all around************.

I think that's all I got. If you have one, feel free to add it in.

* Except for the fact Bendis focused entirely too much on her espionage roots. Avengers needs to have big explosions more, sneaky spy stuff less.

** Except Luke seems to have been amped up in strength for no reason I can figure. I'm looking at his Marvel Universe Series 4 card, he's a Level 4, which means he's as strong as Spidey at best, but he seemed amped up near She-Hulk levels. When he actually got to do anything, which was rare.

*** Except for that bullcrap about Jigsaw breaking Spidey's arm "because he had leverage".

**** Except The Sentry did that, and Carnage shouldn't have been there, since Venom absorbed the symbiote off of Cletus Kasady years ago.

***** Except that probably shouldn't require a team, and it tied into the espionage stuff too much.

****** Except they could have begun moving past that, before her abrupt defense of them in #20. Seriously, talk about out of left field.

******* Except Spidey could have done that himself in two issues. For four super-heroes, that should take half an issues, tops.

******** Except, as noted by the Guys Who Buy Comics the Avengers shouldn't fight ninjas, because they're the bloody AVENGERS!

********* Except we shouldn't have seen him at all. Did I say 'him'? How clumsy of me. I must have been thrown off by the massive muscles, or maybe the fact that should have been Daredevil or Iron Fist's spot.

********** Except she still isn't officially on the team. Why, we may never know.

*********** Except the final issue made no sense whatsoever. Xorn? Magneto repowered? Zombies?

************ Except it took Bendis forty pages to tell the story, although to be honest, if he told that story over two months worth of New Avengers, I doubt I would complain much. It'd far and away be the most interesting two months of the book so far.

Hmm, I think I've done a better job burying New Avengers than praising it. Oh well, that's on the guy who wrote the book, not me. I can only work with the material I'm given, after all.

Reflections #23 - New Avengers #19

So Jake has advised those of us who buy New Avengers to either stop buying it or stop complaining about it, and he used a father-related story from his childhood as an analogy, so I certainly can't argue with that. In that vein, I nominante Jake to be the one who reads the Civil War tie-in issues of New Avengers for the rest of us. Drink the hemlock for the greater good, Jake!

I was going to suggest Randy, seeing as he said he might stick with the book until #25, but it doesn't seem right to do that to someone still recovering from an illness, you know?

I think Carla hit on the problem in the comments of the above post, when she said Bendis knows he can't write team books, and is trying to learn. And that's great, self-improvement is always a good idea. Except, the Avengers are supposed to be Marvel's big-gun team (I suppose you could argue Fantastic Four, but that seems to be more family, sort of Lost in Space, without the "lost" part), and thus need to be written well. If Bendis wants to work on writing teams, switch him to Marvel Team-Up, and give New Avengers to Kirkman. Or Joe Casey. Or Len. Sure he wants to write X-Men, but if he could fix New Avengers, then I'm sure he could write his own ticket.

It's kind of sad, because Bendis has had these flashes, where I feel like he "gets" it, but he can't do it consistently. The huge breakout at the Raft, putting 42 (sorry, 45) super-villains back in play, including Count Nefaria, a guy who can beat down Thor, back in play? Captain America realizing the importance of getting some heroes together to catch them? Periodic appearences by Warbird? And the Collective was finally a threat worthy of the Avengers, big-time menace.

The problem is that's stuff is widely separated by all the missteps. Wasting 10 issues to get three members of the team. Putting The Sentry on the team. The lack of actually catching the escaped super-villains. Too much espionage/spy stuff. I get that Bendis wants to make Jessica Drew this character you aren't sure you can trust, but if he's going to use HYDRA in the Avengers, it should be because they want to blow something up, or kill many, many people, ala the New Avengers story in Amazing Spider-Man last year. The Sentry is on the team. Warbird is not. SHIELD has gotten more face time than Cage has. Did I mention The Sentry is on the team?

Hmm, I haven't said much about the actual issue. Well, I think it falters because he fails to get many characters involved. Other than Iron Man and Not-Thor Guy, nobody does anything. I can't decide whether the thing with SHIELD is like that South Park episode where the town of Beaverton gets flooded, what with Commander Hill being more concerned with finding out what "House of M" is, rather than actually dealing with the threat that has been caused by it. Time for questions is later, time for stopping immensely powerful mutant is now. Maybe Bendis is just setting up for a big, exciting conclusion. I can almost see a way this ends that wipes out House of M, as they draw the energy from poor Michael, and it returns to the original mutants. Hooray, Stacy X gets her powers back! Chamber, too! Except SHIELD would probably try to block that, end up hoarding all that power for itself.

Wasn't there supposed to some former SHIELD agent that Captain America told Commander Hill to bring? Is she planning on showing up?

I have however figured out what's up with Commander Hill, why she's such a royal pain in the ass to everyone. Simply put, she's trying to out-Nick Fury, Nick Fury. She's trapped in his shadow, and the only way she can see to step out of it is to be a bigger ball-buster than he was. Except Nick seemed to know when that wasn't neccessary, and when he could ease off. You don't have to play it like that with Captain America because, if the situation is serious, then Cap will already be taking it seriously. Of course, she could be picking up on the fact that some of the capes (Cap included) are resentful of the fact she seemed to get this job by helping kick Fury to the curb, and so she meets their hostility with hostility.

Or maybe she's just combative for the plot's sake. Whichever really. One issue to go in "The Collective", come on Bendis, wow me.

Or don't, then I've got an extra three dollars to spend on Heroclix each month.

Reflections #15 - New Avengers Annual

Nothing too complex, just some reactions to the comic as I went through it. For the purposes of this review remember, "James" is Wolverine, "Jessica" means Jessica Jones, the blushing bride, as opposed to Jessica Drew or "Spider-Woman", and of course we say "Warbird" here, not Ms. Marvel. Assemble!

Page 2: So is that an original image from the first Super-Adaptoid appearance, or is Copiel just mimicking the original?

Page 3: Why are the A.I.M. guys' helmets cylindrical? Wouldn't helmets that are rounded to match the shape of your head be easier? Also, Bendis can't let "Evil Hydra Guy" speak without babbling.

Page 4 and 5: WARBIRD! This comic is automatically 23.74% better than it would be otherwise. Luke's right. Jessica has powers, she can fly, couldn't she fly the baby and it's stuff up there, instead of climbing stairs? Or use an elevator? Gross, Aunt May has a bunch of liver spots. Peter can't even have breakfast without being in the Iron Spidey get-up. Does having a baby make women more susceptible to the charms of aging English butlers? Careful, Jessica, might end up in a throwdown with Aunt May over "Eddie". Again with the footie-pajamas comments. But can the Iron Spidey uniform count as pajamas?

Page 6: Love the look on Luke's face. Hilarious.

Page 7: "Mazel tov"? No one told me James was Jewish. Mary Jane loves being married? Too bad Quesada doesn't love you being married. The look on Jessica's face, hilarious. I love that Tony wants the Sentry to start making friends, but to leave as soon as he starts to feel unstable. That's the kind of comment that says "We trust you!"

Page 8: Not sure about the look on Cap's face. He might feeling a little bloated this morning. He certainly looks it. Man is large.

Page 10: Babies. Ugh. Did the Sentry get smacked into the window on the 36th floor, or just knocked past it? Either way, New Avengers needs more Sentry getting pummeled.

Page 11: Warbird took command. A natural born leader. Why isn't she a full-time team member again?

Page 13: And Warbird quickly assess what they're up against. I say again: Why isn't she on this team full-time? And when has dogpiling the enemy ever worked?

Page 14: Captain America reminds you kids to always buckle up, especially if being chased by a former spy, now Super-Adaptoid. Very clever idea by Cap though. Props to the Super Soldier.

Page 15: Just because you have unbreakable skin, doesn't mean you couldn't be internally injured, right? I know I read something about that in that Marvel Knights book. Woohoo, more Sentry pummeling! Greatest New Avengers issue EVER! Yes that's a weak field.

Page 16: Agh, she kissed him! Gross! Wow. James is planning ahead. What a world.

Page 17: It's a fun new game! "Pass the Worthless Sack of Crap!" Hey the New Avengers are pretty good at it! I guess between Ronin, Sentry, and "Just Stands Around" James, they get a lot of practice.

Page 18: Does Warbird's power work like that? I thought she absorbed energy, can she really draw power out of people? It sounds more like Rogue's. . . Warbird is NOT fat! Just because she isn't anorexic like that "S"-wearing tart at DC, doesn't mean she's fat!

Page 19: Here's Tony Stark! His superpower is talking down to his teammates. I forgot to genuflect when I said that.

Page 20: Peter used his brain to help. Hooray! He's collaborating with his intellectual buddy Stark, and now Tony'll devise a plan. Maybe I'm a victim of low expectations, but this is pretty good. Isn't this how these super-battles are supposed to go?

Page 21: Spider-Man solo against Really Powerful Enemy. I always like this, because it's fun to watch him win. Yes! Use the agility, and your opponent's natural stupidity! Faceplant!

Page 22: What's with the Bruce Lee background? Ygh. She grew James' sideburns! WHAM? I thought Cap's shield went BLANG!

Page 23: Seriously, how can Captain America move? He's freaking huge. And yet, he's still faster than someone who absorbed the powers of his entire team. Ha, ha, she has underwear on her head.

Page 24: Fastball Special? Isn't that a registered trademark of the X-Men, or is it OK because James was involved? Spider-Whore? That's not nice. Man, why do women always have to be so mean to each other? Don't they know words can hurt? Not as much as a hairy Canadian knocking you off a building, but still.

Page 25: 'Bigger web pits'? That's creepy, and sadly, Spider-Man does have bigger 'web pits' than Spider-Woman. Sigh. Relax Peter. Everyone one on Earth is a "kid" next to Wolverine. Except Apocalypse. And Chuck Norris.

Pages 27 and 28: Wow. All 49 different Iron Man suits. Cool. Heh. All the others are just watching. I guess that's part of the plan. Shouldn't they all be posing though? Sitting seems so Defenders-ish.

Page 29: Huh. Remote control. Now is this that whole "Machine God" thing, or did he program his suits to work like this? It sounds like it's a combination of Bingo and Battleship.

Page 30: Man street cleaners are going to be picking up pieces of Iron Mans for weeks.

Page 31: And here it loses me. So, is it her version of the Void, or his version of the Void? Or is the Sentry just using his apparently vast mental powers to fool her into thinking it's happening, and she's to inexperienced with his powers to fend him off?

Page 32: Besides, if the Void is the counter of everything the Sentry does (according to Paul Jenkins' just finished series), and all she's done is hurt people with the power, wouldn't "her" Void try to help people? You see how including the Sentry in anything hurts books? Why does the Sentry hate comics? Is he a Nazi? And if so, shouldn't Captain America punch him in the face? He did it to Thanos when the Purple Darkseid had the Infinity Gauntlet, what's the holdup?

Pages 33 and 34: And, villain's gone. I'm really surprised you can do that to an adaptoid. You'd figure it would, you know, adapt a counter-measure.

Page 35: Surrrrrre, the Sentry didn't do it. bullcrap.

Page 36: Real brave of Tony, talking shit to Spider-Woman through a remote-controlled suit of armor, when he's probably ten blocks away. But seriously, she is evil. She smokes, she hates babies, she took breast implants from HYDRA (not that I'm against breast implants), and half of her face is in shadow when she says she's not Iron Man's enemy. And the half that isn't in shadow, looks real pissed.

Oh yeah, Captain America looks real, real fat. Stop eating so many of Aunt May's wheatcakes, oh pudgy Sentinel of Liberty. Man, why don't we ever hear about Aunt May's wheatcakes anymore? Those were a staple of Peter's diet when I was reading Spidey comics growing up? Don't tell me "dying" multiple times made her forget the recipe. She gave it to MJ, she must have it somewhere! I want wheatcakes, damnit!

Page 37 and 38: Hmm, that preacher looks suspiciously like Stan Lee. Isn't he Jewish? Is this how Jewish weddings go? Has Wanda changed even this? In the last panel, who is that guy, that doesn't seem to have eyeballs? His face partially obscures Thing's. It's way too prominent of a placement to just be Random Person. It's not Purple Man in disguise is it? He's still locked up right? I mean, Cage beat the crap out of him back in New Avengers #5 or so. Please, we don't need future stories involving the guy who swore to rape and kill Jessica, and kill their kid, OK Bendis? No stories with that, or I'll let Deadpool really go off on you.

Page 39: Of course, Bendis had to have one really huge blab page. OK, fine. Man, Luke looks pretty bummed out in that one panel. She said, "yes", dude, she just wants to put it in her words. Smile! There we go. Why can't we see the preacher's eyes? He can't be trusted! He's a Skrull! No, he's Killgrave! No, he's Dan DiDio! Kill him!

Page 40: Luke and Jessica, sitting in a . . . OK I'll stop. They can both hurt me.

Page 41: Spider Woman wore a pretty revealing dress for a wedding. Hmm, this must be that wedding phenomenon I've heard about, where the bridesmaids are all ready to have "jealousy sex". Can the legends really be true?

Hope you enjoyed this ludicrous recap of a New Avengers where. . . STUFF. . . ACTUALLY . . . HAPPENED. Now if only someone would let Bendis know he can do this in the monthly issues, just with fewer pages for dialogue, we'd be great.

Random Comic Thoughts from this Week's titles

Blech. I need a better name for this than that mess. Maybe it should fall under "Things I think About". Oh well. Just some questions and random impressions from the week, now that I got that whole "mutant" thing out of my system:

1) I'm worried Starfire won't survive Infinite Crisis. I glanced through what I think was the most recent Outsiders. Her sister, who I take it doesn't like her any better in the comic than she does in the cartoon, is there, extra powerful and looking unfriendly. I hope I'm wrong, because I would really like to see Starfire in Teen Titans when One Year Later kicks off. Nightwing doesn't seem to be in a bad place (at least if IC is to be believed) and that was the whole reason she left the Titans, to keep an eye on him. I guess I'm just paranoid. I start thinking Batgirl might be OK, so now I'm thinking "Which other character I like is DC gonna take instead?"

2) If Cassandra Cain is a living member of the Birds of Prey at the start of OYL, I will buy the title regardless of quality. Come on Didio, I'm not asking for her to still be Batgirl (though I ask why she couldn't be), just that she still be alive. Work with me here!

As for books I actually bought:

Robin #146: What was with those sores on Conner's body? I can't figure his body would start devouring itself in select circular patterns here and there, though it is better for him than his body eating his own heart.

Robin mentioned a program he made that determines how difficult a place is to break into, on a scale of 10. There were 3 tens: The JLA Watchtower (oops, never mind), something in Washington D.C., and something that moves, and was in Coast City at that moment. What is the thing that keeps moving?

Ultimate Spider-Man #89: Is there a reason to have S.H.I.E.L.D. except as cannon fodder? I mean, they are constantly getting shown up. If it isn't six of Spidey's enemies escaping from a prison designed to hold them, it's Norman Osborn managing to hide Harry's "abilities" from the lab guys. Or it's Magneto escaping, or anything that's happening in The Ultimates. I know I said it when I reviewed this book, but I do not feel confident in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s ability to stop Gah'Lak'Tus.

Exiles #76: Should I be expecting the Dr. Doom of 2099 to catch up to and absorb Proteus' abilities at some point? Doom stole the Beyonder's power, and compared to that Proteus is like a firecracker.

New Avengers #15: Would Jameson really have broken his word like that? Saying he will ease off Spidey for exclusive access, then turning around and broadcasting that arrangement to the world.

I mean he lied to CAPTAIN AMERICA! Isn't that considered treason?

Also, doesn't this mean Joe Robertson quit? He told JJJ, 'Say yes or I quit.' Jonah ended up going back on the deal, so I guess Robbie has some people offering him jobs now. Good, now let's see the Bugle fall apart, and Jonah have to crawl to get Robbie back.

And really, why can't Warbird be on the Avengers? I mean, besides Cap, Iron Man, and I would say Spidey, none of the others have proven themselves as much as her. That includes Luke and Jessica, and I'm really glad they're on the team.

Spider-Man and the Black Cat #6: One more time, why did Kevin Smith add rape into Felicia's origin? I would say that when a book is as late as this one has been that your goal should be to take what Chris has described as the Geoff Johns approach: comfort food. Don't go for the home run, just give the fans what they want. Some fighting, the hero wins, his friend is safe, maybe she gets to do some ass-kicking too. Just a simple superhero story. Do NOT add elements of rape to a story that didn't need it!

Wolverine #38: I'm sorry, was there anything to this issue?

Amazing Spider-Man #528: What was the point of Peter being sick? The first four issues of The Other, they made a big deal about how Peter was sick, and there was nothing anyone could do, in the realm of science of magic, to fix it. He was weaker than normal, and then Morlun attacked, and skin was shed, and Spider-creatures showed up, and it just got dropped.

From a biological standpoint it made sense for Morlun to attack when Peter wasn't at 100%. That's how it works in nature, predators attack the weaker individuals. The young that aren't full-grown, or the old, or the sick, or the injured. But there wasn't any need for that in this story. Morlun showed the first time around he was fully capable of kicking Spidey's ass even if Peter is at full strength. Peter won that fight on a gamble that paid off. The sickness was unnecessary. This one has been bugging me for awhile.

If you have answers to any of these, please help the world (meaning me) to understand.

Fixing New Avengers, Part 3: Who Will Answer the Call, As Long As It Doesn't Come At Dinner?

Seven candidates to fill the roster gaps. There's only one I really feel needs to be on the team, and I'll list him first. After that, I'll just run through the rest, you can tell me what you think.

Thor - Hopefully, that isn't too surprising. He is one of the true Avengers, and he fits the "powerhouse" requirement quite nicely. The problem is Thor brought about Ragnarok during "Disassembled", wiping out all of Asgard, including himself. Screw That! According to Norse mytholgy, a new world is supposed to arise from the remnants of the old, some gods survive, others are reborn, so I figure two ways this can go {Edit 5/6/06: Turns out Thor broke the cycle of destruction and rebirth, and just destroyed everything. Except his hammer.}:

1 - Thor is the same guy he's always been (no Odin powers, no Don Blake alter ego), though perhaps somewhat hardened from surviving Ragnarok. He comes back to Earth to check on his friends, who he hasn't seen for awhile. But the mansion is destroyed, and Thor's not happy about that. And when Thor isn't happy, people will become aware of it. The Avengers respond to a call about Thor, and Cap and Iron Man explain what happened. Thor's a bit shaken, but agrees to work with his friends, to be an Avenger again.

2 - Thor is one of the gods that gets reborn. He may not look like he did (maybe he's a redhead like Norse mythology says he is), and he doesn't remember the Avengers or his times on Earth. He simply travels there, perhaps on a mission from Odin, or just for kicks. Predictably, he's a bit arrogant, loud, pushy, like Namor, only more of a party guy, eating, drinking and hitting on ladies. Inevitably he causes property damage, the cops show up, Thor gets mad, the Avengers show up, Thor trashes them, but their bravery in the face of his power impresses him, and he decides to spend time with them, meaning he hangs with the team and helps in battle. Sometimes. Other times, he's probably busy fighting with Hercules.

Natasha Romanov, Black Widow - She's got some martial arts skills, she's a spy, so she can do the stealth thing. As a secret agent, she's probably had to kill on more than one occasion. She's had contacts internationally with criminal organizations and crime-fighting organizations, having worked for both. She's been an Avenger, even been chairperson for a time. But she might be preferring her time as a freelancer, rather than working with the "costumes" again.

The Black Panther - Stealthy, an excellent fighter, good enough to beat Captain America (technically his father beat Cap, but T'Challa beat his father, and if B > A, and C > B, then T'Challa can whoop Cap's butt). Has an array of interesting stuff in his uniform. Smart, like Tony Stark-level smart, would give the Avengers another techno-brain to pick when necessary. Oh yeah, he's the king of the most advanced technological civilization on Earth, meaning the Avengers could have some serious tech support if needed. The downside is he's the king of a nation that apparently has enemies, and so he might be needed in Wakanda too much to do the Avenger thing.

Danny Rand, aka Iron Fist - I'm sure some people are saying "Wow Luke Cage and Iron Fist. How original." But given they just found out Jessica Drew has been playing double agent, wouldn't it be good to add an Avenger you know you can trust (Widow's loyalties can be ambiguous, and T'Challa went the Batman route of collecting information on his teammates, just in case)? He's got the requisite martial arts skills, and though I've got no evidence to back it up, I'm betting that 'iron fist' is strong enough to tear through Iron Man's armor, or at least damage it, so he's no prancing lightweight. That's right I said prancing. He might want to work on the outfit though.

Dr. Strange - Now add him and Thor to the team, and you're talking some serious firepower. Stephen Strange is the Master of the Mystic Arts, one of the most powerful beings on Earth. He would give the Avengers someone with mystical knowledge, which they lack, he was a surgeon, so he could probably operate as sort of a field medic as necessary, he's done the team bit before, and this time wouldn't have teammates who can't stand each other (The Defenders), and he has something to prove. See, Strange blames himself for everything that Wanda did during House of M, since it's precisely the sort of thing he's supposed to defend the Earth against. Now he could just mope in his house on Bleeker Street, or he could spend all his time poring over arcane texts, gradually cutting himself off from humanity, or he can do the smart thing: Get out there in the world and defend it. By working with the Avengers, he's travels all over the world, and maybe he picks up on a threat that was too distant or too well hidden for him to sense from New York. And now he has backup. Besides, he looks cool.

Marc Spector, Moon Knight - Has been an Avenger, knows how to fight, would be willing to do the killing thing if necessary. The problem is that based on what Quesada said about the Moon Knight book, Spector might be a little too willing to kill, even when it isn't called for (like say the Puppet Master). Also, having dealt with Hank Pym for years, Cap and Tony just may not want to deal with that level of psychological problems, and Spector would fit that bill.

Carol Danvers, aka Warbird - You know, I think I may be the only person out there that likes "Warbird" more than "Ms. Marvel". between Marvel and DC there are just too damn many people with "marvel" in their name. A "warbird" on the other hand, just sounds cool to me. Anyway, former Avenger, friends with Tony Stark (her A.A. sponsor) and Logan, so she'd have both their support, at least. According to Bendis in House of M, Carol wants to be the greatest hero of all. Well, the Avengers is a good place to pursue that goal, since you'll (in theory) be fighting the worst of the worst. She's highly versatile, with flight, super strength, some invulnerability, and energy absorption/controlling powers. She's got contacts within the military, which could come in handy in jurisdictional disputes, and she showed during that huge war with Kang that she'll kill if necessary (I know I keep harping on that point, but that was why Tony thought they needed Logan, because he can kill, so apparently it's very important to the team dynamic). One problem is that New Thunderbolts has been showing Carol and Hank Pym working with Gyrich and Zemo in ordering the T-Bolts to beat down the Avengers, so I'm not sure what's up with her (must be back on the sauce. Ha! You thought I'd make some joke about her period didn't you? Well, I'm not that juvenile.) Still, it's like Dave Campbell at Dave's Long Box said, there's something about a woman in a sash.

Looking it over, it might be that the last two/three roster spots are rotating between who's available and who works for the mission (in other words, if it's stealth call Natasha and T'Challa, not Thor). That's all I got, so comments, questions?

And a big shoutout to Scipio for helping me figure this out. If anyone put an answer in the last post from yesterday thanks for that. I'm just a little slow you know.

Fixing New Avengers: Those Who Still Serve

Before I submitted my picks for roster replacements, I wanted to try and explain why I kept who I did, because I believe the other five members are solid.

Captain America and Iron Man - It's a point that's been made by many people, bloggers and those working in comics alike: you got to have two out of three of Captain America, Iron Man and Thor, or it's not a true Avengers team. So Cap and Ol' Shellhead ain't going anywhere.

Spider-Man - Permit me a rant first. Getting rid of Bendis helps the book in one other way. See he writes this Spider-Man, you know, the Peter Parker who's married, been doing the superhero thing for a decade by my estimate, has seen, fought, experienced everything a hero can over that time, the same way he writes Ultimate Spider-Man, the teen who's had the powers maybe a year and is still equal parts awed and terrified by the crap he gets mixed up in. Ultimate Peter is amazed he fought a guy in a rhino suit; that's old hat for Marvel Peter, and the man has been on the Avengers before, he shouldn't be making with constant nervous chatter! Rant over.

Here's why Spidey works. He's a great weapon. He's got strength, speed, a spider-sense that warns of enemies or traps. He's smart, and in a different way from Stark, who is an engineering, electronics, physics type, whereas Peter is more biology and chemistry. And it's always good to have brains who can bring different approaches to a problem. He has a weapon - web shooters - that have an array of uses (and would have even more if he adopted Ben Reilly's design). He would be perfect for infiltration, in costume or not. He's an average guy so send him in to a situation clothed normally, nobody gives him a second glance. Need him to break into a place? He'll dodge all the security without breaking a sweat. And he can mix it up in a fight. Just ask any of the 500 guys he's beaten over the years.

Spider-Woman and Luke Cage - This ties in to what I feel is a difference between the JLA and the Avengers. The JLA, historically, seems to be the big guns, the truly iconic names getting together for the really huge stuff, and that's it. The Avengers is more of a team for one (they had a mansion, with bedrooms and kitchens, living space. The JLA has a watchtower, sounds like a place you work, period.), but they're also where lesser-known heroes shine. The Ant-Mans (Scott Lang), Jack-of-Hearts, Falcon, Firestar. Those aren't A-listers, but they've all had moments for the Earth's Mightiest. I think it's Luke and Jessica's turns, and they'll step up.

Ok, next post, who I'm adding. I'm sure you can't wait. There will be pictures though. So it'll be prettier.

Fixing New Avengers, Part 2: Pointless Indulgence

Honestly, the main thing New Avengers needs is a better writer. And based on certain factors, for the sake of argument, we're going with Tony Bedard. He writes for Marvel, so clearly no 'exclusive contract with DC' problem occurs. Now we get to a part that's probably less about fixing the book, and more about me having fun, altering the roster. Supposedly this is actually going to happen at issue 15, with most people figuring Spidey and Wolverine are out, having served their purpose in boosting sales. That may be, as long as they don't get replaced by Hank Pym and the Wasp. I can't handle anymore "Hank beats Jan, why is she still with him, what identity will Hank use this week, just how bipolar is he?" I've reached my saturation point with that.

So what, you ask, would I do? Well, I'm dropping three members of the team, and probably pissing off the fans because it's the three characters Bendis has wasted the whole book getting on the team. But here's why I'm dumping each one:

Ronin - To be fair, this isn't my call. Ronin said in issue 13 that she was going back to Japan to keep an eye on the Silver Samurai, so obviously she won't be available the next time Absorbing Man starts tearing up Times Square. So, consider her a reservist, or inactive, or something.

Sentry - Confession time. Silver Age Superman is a major reason why I've hated DC for most of my comic reading life. He was TOO powerful, it was just silly. And as Eric has pointed out, that's really all The Sentry is, he's Silver Age Superman. So if I didn't like the guy in DC, you can imagine how happy I am he's running around in the Marvel Universe. Send him into space, let him fight Celestials or his inner demons. Whatever.

Wolverine - I like Logan, I do. But I think he really works better as a solo character, like he was in his title, wandering around, getting involved in random stuff, occasionally teaming up with a friend like Nightcrawler (or Shadowcat, or Jubilee even). As it is, with the current state of mutants in Marvel, I think Wolvie's going to be too busy on the "X-reservation" to have time for the Avengers. Vaya con dios, Logan.

So, who takes their spots? Well, I have this belief carried over from the sports world, that you have to replace what you've lost when you make a roster change, whether by directly replacing (like replacing a good pass-rushing linebacker with another good pass-rushing linebacker), or some sort of mix and match (replacing that linebacker with an average defensive end and a strong safety you can blitz with. Combined they equal what you lost). So looking at the roster, the Avengers lost a powerhouse, a martial arts/stealth expert, and someone "who was willing to kill if the situation called for it".

Later today, I've six (that's right six!) potential replacements. Be here, or be Avenged! Right now, I got to go Christmas shopping.

Fix New Avengers, Part 1

Ok, as you probably know, there is a very good blog out there called "Comics Should be Good". And they're right, comics should be good. Unfortunately, New Avengers isn't good. And that's a problem because I believe the Avengers are supposed to be the premiere team of the Marvel Universe. They're supposed to be who you call when the big stuff comes down. And Bendis started off well enough, Electro is hired by someone to help a criminal escape from the Raft, a supervillain prison. Wisely he busts everyone out, since that makes it harder to track the true purpose. A bunch of heroes arrive and try to stop the escape, but 45 succeed in breaking out. Captain America realizes they need the Avengers to track them down. And away we go. Unfortunately, Bendis has killed it with his typical slow style, which feels worse in a team book than a solo book, where you could believe one hero might be having a slow day, so let's see their everyday life. The point of a team is they're working together to deal with thtreats, but so far the focus of the book has seemed to be gathering members. The book has had its moments, but it's not as good as it needs to be. What it needs, first and foremost, is someone who can write a good team book.

So assume for a moment I can somehow get Bendis to relinquish the job, while staying on Ultimate Spider-Man (because I like his work on that book, just not New Avengers), who do I replace him with? The guys at the store, Eric and Len, provided two possibilities:

1. Mark Waid. he was the first person I thought of, I loved his work on JLA. I haven't read his Legion of Superheroes, so I don't know if he's still got it, or if he suffered a Liefield-like talent drop. Unfortunately, he has an exclusive DC contract, so unless I can cause some disharmony between the entities (Devin Grayson? I'd be alright bringing her to Marvel, she did a Ghost Rider mini-series a few years ago I thought was ok. And she wouldn't be doing her fangirl stuff on Nightwing, which might be best for both parties). But as that's unlikely, he's probably out of the running. Moving on.

2. Tony Bedard (Exiles and Negation). Len suggested him, and one of the things I liked was Bedard seems to write from a tactical standpoint in battles. Rather than match your hand-to hand fighter with theirs, use your long-range specialist. I've got kind of thing about that, pitting two groups of characters (or just two characters against each other) against each other, and figuring out what would be the best way for each side to win. And Captain America runs the Avengers, so tacitcally they should be good. He's been in wars, he knows how it works. So Bedard sounds intriguing.

So that's what I got. What about you, suggestions?

Correction: Mallet has informed me that Joe Kelly wrote "Obsidian Age", not Mark Waid, so I guess that's a point in favor of Joe Kelly then. And I'll remove that as a reason for Waid from the post above. I still liked Waid's work on JLA, so he's still on my considerations list.